"Rimmer, would you say I am A) hunky, B) sexy or C) pretty?"
"I would say with open honesty that you are regurgitated garbage with extra slime"
"I was only asking" Lister snapped, "It says in this mag that men are one of the three to woman, though in your case I think they missed D) a complete smegger."
"Oh dry up Lister"
Rimmer had been feeling particularly sensitive since he had heard everyone planning his assassination earlier that day; he wasn't in the mood to suffer Lister and his annoying and pointless questions. He had spent a lot of today re-watching the black box and not just of him and Paige but of his other self going about his business about the ship, while he wasn't the favourite among the gang the man had said what he felt and seemed more relaxed and respected than he felt now. The other Rimmer was a completely different person, they shared a lot of the same interests and were both equally wound up by Lister but otherwise they were opposite people, the new Rimmer for example couldn't imagine joking around with people as easily as the old one did, he couldn't imagine himself in the arms of a beautiful woman, he couldn't imagine himself as anything other than a disliked stain of a person.
"God I am bored" Lister sighed throwing the magazine to one side, "Dya fancy going for a drink?"
"A drink?" Rimmer scoffed, "Lister I have equations to memorise, I have theories to read up on. Why would I waste time with you drinking when I could be bettering myself?"
"The other Rimmer used to come for a drink with me" Lister sulked, "He didn't waste his time reading up on all of that stuff"
"Well that is because he was a fool" Rimmer snarled, "If he had spent more time reading instead of wasting time with you then maybe he would have been an officer by now. I have been given a second chance Listy and I don't intend to waste it" Rimmer turned back to the book in his hand and pulled a face at the confusing tangle of sums in front of him, "Why did the other Rimmer stop making sense of all this anyway?" he asked waving the book in Lister's face, "I mean he could have done everything we ever wanted to"
"Do you really want to know?" Lister asked jumping to the floor and staring into Rimme'rs eyes, "Because after years and years in deep space he finally realised that he was never ever going to get his fathers approval and that deep deep down he didn't actually give a smeg about any of that rubbish" Lister motioned to the piles of books on the table, "He didn't care about those sums or equations because deep deep down he didn't actually have a serious interest in them, he just did them because that was what he was told to do, what his family wanted him to do, you will realise this soon enough Arnie, but if you just sit back and really think about it, you don't understand it, its boring as shit and no one gives a smeg" Lister slung his hands in his pockets and smiled, "Seriously, think about it. I will be in the bar if you fancy a quick one."
Rimmer sat stunned for awhile, he stared at the book for a few more minutes then hurled it with frustration at the wall. He thought upon the other Rimmer and his easy life, his contented life and lifted a tiny disc from his pocket and knew what to do.
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Rimmer wandered the halls contemplating everything Lister had said, he found his feet leading him to the bar and peered inside to see Lister, Paige, Cat and Kryten all sat around with various drinks and snacks. Paige looked thin and tired but the others seemed to be having a good time, Rimmer swallowed his pride and stepped into the room, smiling meekly at Lister he walked behind the bar and poured himself a large glass of white wine. Silence overcame them all as he pulled up a chair and sat beside Paige. Lister continued talking to draw attention away from the new arrival and continued making lively jokes with the Cat.
Rimmer stared into his glass and took a large swig, tonight he was going to get completely and utterly rat arsed because everything he had ever wanted meant completely nothing to him anymore. After a long thought he had finally decided that the other Rimmer seemed to have it all sorted, sure he might still have wanted more from life but from where he was standing having friends and a girlfriend seemed a lot more interesting that what he had now. Rimmer turned to look at Paige, he could see tension etched all over her as she tried her hardest to keep her eyes away from him, she looked tired and drawn and thought about what Lister had said about her addiction to the AR unit. Swilling his glass he drank more of his wine and wished he could do something to make everything easier between them all.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked Paige quietly, he felt a shiver run through him as her dark eyes met his. "Privately?" he half pleaded motioning to the door.
Paige sighed and stood up; Lister's eyes followed her as she walked out of the room following quickly by Rimmer. Once in the corridor Paige turned and waited for him to speak.
Rimmer gulped and stared at the floor, "I have been thinking, I know its not easy for you to see me all the time and believe me if I had a choice in any of this I would love to pick up where he left off, I would love to treat you kindly and hold you and want you but something just isn't there. I can't relax; I can't get my head around the other Rimmer or around my being dead. In fact now I just feel like I don't want to be here at all, I mean I can't become an officer can I? I was never going to become one" he laughed quietly, "I cant do anything, and I know that now but I cant be content not achieving what I wanted, even though it wasn't what I really wanted. I have something for you" Rimmer hesitated for a moment and reached for her hand. Paige gasped as he placed a small disc in her hand. "It's him, well it is me" Rimmer sighed, "I found him. Look I am really not good at stuff like this but .. please make him happy? Make me happy?"
Paige stared at the disc in her hand and then back at the man in front of her, "Rimmer, I don't know what to say?! Where did you find this? How did you know" she whispered.
"Just say that you will make him happy? At least one version of me deserves that. Tell him .. tell him to forget wanting to be an officer and make it his new mission to look after you." he half smiled and reached forward, hugging her gently he carefully laid her lips upon hers and kissed her. "I am so fucking lucky" he sighed, kissing her again he finally relaxed. Paige welcomed his kiss and clung to him. Holly watched them and waited, and then he did what Rimmer had asked him to do earlier. He switched him off.