Paige opened her eyes and he was gone, she had felt Rimmer slowly vanish as she kissed him yet was still shocked to see he was gone, she stood blinking with her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. She swallowed a lump in her throat and managed a smile, staring down at the disc in her hand she slid to the floor, he had made the ultimate sacrifice for his own happiness, Paige twirled the disc round her fingers and wondered what version of Rimmer would be stored on the disc, and would he remember her? Where had this thing been anyway?
Almost as if he read her thoughts Holly appeared smiling, "He came to me with it earlier, and apparently he had stored himself with a video note. The Rimmer on the disc is your one; he made a copy of himself the night after you first kissed." Holly rolled his eyes, "Something about accepting feelings he had never wanted or understood and how if he died tomorrow he wouldn't want to come back unless he remembered this moment. It was very touching I almost threw up computer chips"
Paige wiped away a tear and smiled, "How do I get this thing working?"
Holly directed her to the hologramatic suite and explained the technology behind Rimmer while they waited for the disc to be scanned and loaded. Paige was almost pulling her hair out with tension as she watched the different screens load various data. "So where was it again?" she asked trying to occupy her mind.
"Tagged inside his death video" Holly laughed, "Should have known really, he is so proud of that tape, we have to watch it every year on his death day. I think Lister voluntarily knocked himself unconscious to avoid it last year."
"Death video? Death day? What the hell?" Paige half laughed at how ridiculous it sounded, "Who celebrates death?"
"Ah its more of a mourning ceremony, the only reason we go along with it is there is usually a big piss up at the end." Holly watched Paige shaking her head, "Paige…" he waited until he had her full attention, "It's really important to him" Holly nodded and then carried on booting up the disc. "Just a few more seconds now"
Paige thought on what had been said and decided to remain quiet about it until she could talk to Rimmer in person, she began pacing the room trying desperately to control the butterflies in her stomach. Even if she had all day she couldn't ever explain her feelings to anyone, to go from accepting that she would never hold him again to then being given him on a plate was too much to comprehend. She met Holly's eyes and saw him wink at her then vanish, she jumped as the lights dimmer and closed her eyes praying that something hadn't gone wrong again. Opening one eye carefully she turned round slowly to see Rimmer standing there, he was staring into the air as if he was reading something above her head then he cocked his head to the side and looked around. Paige held her breathe and said nothing, she daren't move in case it all went horribly wrong. Rimmer shook his head slightly and looked about the room, finally he blinked and yawned then looked right at her, Paige melted as his face broke into the happiest smile she had ever seen.
"Paige" he whispered, "You have been through a lot in my absence haven't you?" he laughed stepping towards her and lifting her in his arms. Paige still couldn't say anything, she wrapped herself tightly around him and swore she would never let go again. Rimmer leant against the counter and swayed her gently, "It's okay. I know everything. Holly played the last week or so of the black box to me just now, that's why I took so long to boot up. I am so sorry you had to go through all that because of me, it was my fault."
Paige leant on his shoulder and felt an anger rise up in her, jumping back she glared at him and slapped him soundly round the face, entirely forgetting her superior strength she didn't realise quite how hard she would hit or, nor quite how far he would travel across the room.
Rimmer climbed up from the floor with a scarlet face, "what the smeg was that for?" he cried, "Jesus Christ"
Paige couldn't stop herself, she rounded on him furiously pointing at him, "If you ever have even so much as a cough in the future I want to know about it, why didn't you tell me you had a stress related illness? Why did you get into bed that night without telling Holly how ill you felt?"
Rimmer's eyes softened, "I should have told you, I should have told the others but it just didn't come up, I mean we had barely been dating long it isn't really a cheerful conversation is it? I'm sorry. It's going to be okay now"
"No its not" Paige cried hurling a chair across the room, "You were dead, you left me. I was all alone again, you just left me" Rimmer grabbed her and pulled her to him, she struggled and fought and cried but he stayed firm, "You just left, you were dead, I had to watch you die and it was the worst thing ever, it was horrible" Rimmer waited until her anger vanished and she was left in his arms weak and tired. He lifted her gently and took her to a chair, relaxing himself into it he sat stroking her hair until she was ready to talk to him; again he began swaying slowly to calm her. He took the few minutes silence to think over all Holly had shown him, brief images of her crying herself to sleep had raised anger in him, mainly at his own stupidity, from now he would save himself on a regular basis and always let Paige know where the disc was.
Paige lay feeling ashamed of her actions but she felt a complete weight off her mind, as if some uncomfortable energy bubble inside her had burst open and now she didn't feel so emotionally bloated. "I'm sorry Arnold" she finally whispered, "I don't know where that came from"
Rimmer smiled and kissed her forehead, "It came from in there" he tapped the side of her head, "Everyone needs to vent sometime Paige. Come here!" he turned her round to face him properly and looked at her face, "You have lost weight" he frowned.
"I wasn't very hungry anymore" she smiled studying his face, "You haven't changed at all" she reached forward and touching his hair, "You look completely the same"
"Yeah get used to that" he laughed, "Because when you are eighty and old and grey, I will still be this young and smeggy looking"
"You are the most handsome man I know, Mr Rimmer" Paige laughed seeing him blush and stare the buttons on his top. "I love you Rimmer. I know that's crazy because we hadn't been dating that long before you exploded in my face…."
"Please be careful who you say that too" Rimmer frowned.
"Will you just shut up and listen to me?" Paige growled, "I am trying to tell you something here you smegpot. I am trying to say that I love you, Arnold J Rimmer I bloody love you."
Rimmer stared at her, any other time he would have assumed this was a sick joke but for the first time in his life he looked at another human being and knew she wouldn't do that to him, for the first time in his life he felt complete trust for another human being and wasn't sure which he was more elated by, knowing he trusted her or knowing she loved him.
"Paige .. I …"
They were interrupted by Lister booting the door open, "Rimmer!" he cried, followed shortly by the Cat and Kryten, "Rimmer you are back! Holly just told us, is it really you?"
"Rimmer stared back to Paige and felt crushed at their ruined moment, he hadn't been able to tell her he loved her back, he had been able to kiss her, he hadn't put his plan of throwing her on the table into action, he saw a fleeting look of disappointment on her face but knew from her smile that he had to address the others immediately.
Rimmer stood up and placed Paige back on the floor, he stared at Lister – that black box had shown another side to Lister he had taken care of Paige and had openly mourned him. Whether they annoyed each other for the rest of their lives Rimmer now knew the depths of their friendship. Without even thinking Lister and Rimmer threw their arms round each other and hugged, it was an odd moment for the both of them broken swiftly as they shrugged each other off and stared awkwardly at each other. "Good to have you back man" Lister nodded.
"It is good to be back" Rimmer smiled.
Cat stood aloof but winked at Rimmer slyly, "Welcome back bud" and after shaking his hand several times and apologising profusely for not being able to stop the virus Kryten fussed about fetching drinks and snacks for everyone.
An two hours and four bottles of wine later everyone sat around the table comfortably on their way to being tipsy, Rimmer was enjoying being centre of attention for once but had his eye on Paige, he couldn't wait to be alone with her again. Slipping his hand under the table he squeezed her knee gently and stroked her leg. Paige smiled at him, slipping her hand under the table to meet his own; they laced fingers and stroked each others palms with their thumbs. They had talked about the virus, the anti Rimmer and general chit chat for a while
"So what was it like being dead?" Cat screeched everyone around groaned waiting for another one of Rimmer's epic speeches about life and death. Lister winced then stared in shock when it didn't come, instead Rimmer just shrugged and smiled at Paige again.
"Didn't feel like anything really, it was just a week long blink. I only knew something had happened when Holly booted me up and showed me the black box before I was able to speak or move. I know you all really tried to save me from that bug and I am really thankful, from now on I am going to get Holly to save me each week to make sure this doesn't happen again"
"Unless we feel like another break" Lister joked trying to regain some normality, he had enjoyed the last hour or so having a chat with Rimmer and he even dared to admit that he enjoyed the hug but now it was back to business.
"Oh shut up gerbil features" Rimmer growled. Paige stared at the two of them and saw a shared smile, a shared enjoyment of the abuse and rolled her eyes. She yawned loudly to gain some attention and when that failed she stood up and draped her arms around Rimmer's neck.
"Well gentlemen, I know you have all missed Rimmer and technically you all knew him longer and deserve him more than I do, but as the only woman on board this ship I am officially going to be high maintenance and demand the attention of my man, come on."
Everyone laughed as Rimmer was half dragged out of his chair towards the door. "Looks like I will see you guys in the morning then" Rimmer choked, "I am going to die more often" with one last wink he vanished round the door.