"I'll only be gone for a few hours, I promise," I said to Cat. She nodded, smiling at me and rocking Jasper. She baby talked to him, humming and singing softly. I wondered if she had any kids.
"it's fine," Cat said softly. "Robbie will be back soon anyway." I cocked my head to the side and grinned, hitting her arm gently.
"So, you and Robbie huh," Cat smiled back at me, rolling her brown eyes. She flicked her hair out of her eyes and extended her hand out towards me, shifting Jasper to her other arm. On her ring finger sat a huge diamond, pink and glittering.
"Yes," Cat said, sighing happily. "Four years now, married." I smiled, mustering all my effort just to make it believable. "You know, Jade, you don't have to fake it with me." My head snapped up. I stood up straight and sharply drew in my breath, drawing myself up.
"I'm not depressed or anything," I said quickly, covering myself with my hands. In my mind, I knew it was crazy. Deluded. Cat seeing me, my body, wouldn't make a difference to anything. Besides, I've changed in front of Cat before.
"I know," she said softly. "It's no big deal if you were anyway." Cat hesitated. "Besides, I was. Do you think there's something wrong with that?" I shook my head.
"No, of course not," I said slowly. "I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's just not me,"
"It becomes you. You don't choose it," she said harshly. She looked up sheepishly. "Sorry." I stepped toward her, reaching my arm out carefully.
"Why did you get it?" I asked carefully. I stroked Jasper's baby soft cheek. I looked up at Cat. She was looking down at me, perplexed.
"I don't know," she paused, thinking for a second. "So much was going on. I was a stupid kid. No one wanted to be my friend. I got dumped. Some dumb boy, I don't know, George or something. My mom stopped picking up, and to top it all off, the greatest icing on the cake, my dad called me and said he was going to be made redundant, 'so sorry, Cat, no more credit card for you' – which really, in my state, meant no food, heat, or water."
"You had no one?" My voice was raspy, clutching at my throat on every word. Cat looked down.
"No," she whispered. "I wish I could've relied on you – but you let me down," Cat said. She shook her head. "That's not fair, I guess."
"No, it is. It was probably partly my fault," I admitted. I touched my chest. "I always manage to bring out the worst in people."
"That's not true." Cat looked at me, a hard expression present on her face. Her eyes softened when they met mine. "You always brought out the best in me." I laughed coldly.
"Depression is hardly the best of you."
"It wasn't that bad," Cat said. I scoffed, shaking my head.
"Everyone says how it's the worst thing you could ever endure." Cat shakes her head.
"It was…it was a dark time." Cat sighs. "I wouldn't wish it on anyone-" I laughed, rolling my blue eyes. The strong wind stung my eyes, making them water slightly.
"Not even me?" I interrupted her sarcastically. Cat's head snapped up.
"Don't you dare say that!" She cried, holding down her skirt with one hand. Her mouth was down in one corner and she looked very much like my Cat.
"Joke," I said, putting my hands up. Cat looked down again. I swallowed, and then bit my lip. "What happened with you and Robbie?" Cat nodded her head, thinking.
"I don't know." Cat answered honestly. "It just happened." I puffed out my cheeks, an old habit. I took Jasper from her to give her arms a break. He smiled up at me and I smiled back. I still wasn't sure if I wanted him, as mean as that sounds. I played with his fingers.
"Did you want it to "just happen"?" I asked. Cat lowered her eyes. "Ahh," I said.
"No, no," Cat said. "I did. Sorta," She played with her magenta hair. I touched her arm and she flinched. She tried to compose herself. I didn't know what to say. I shuffled awkwardly, picking at the non-existent stray thread on my jumper.
"Sorta?" I asked. I flicked my hair out of my face, pulling it into a pony tail then letting it fall loose. Cat watched me. Then, without a word, she took Jasper. My eyebrows knitted together.
"Sort out you and Beck before you question my relationship, please." She stepped inside and closed the door, leaving me to myself. I got in my car and looked at my reflection. I had dark purple rims round the bottom of my eyes and I looked tired, even though I wasn't. So this was me now.
I started the car and drove to the place where I dropped Beck off. The jingling of the little bell on my keys got on my nerves and it ended up out of the window half way through our journey. The only noise now was the sound of my heavy breathing. I saw Beck waiting outside, sitting on the pavement.
I looked at him and sighed. "Get in," I said. He got up and sat beside me. "We need to talk,"
"Why?" Beck asked. It dawned on me that he wouldn't know. He didn't even know about it yet.
"I found something out about us." I took a deep breath. "And about myself." I choked, forcing the words out. Beck looked at me, his eyes caring.
"Well?" Beck prompted. He drummed his fingers on my thigh, smiling sweetly. "What is it?"
"Let's drive first," I said. I put my foot on the pedal, and tried to work up the courage to speak up. It's very safe to say that I ran out of gas before I'd even started.
A/N:
I hope you like it. Do you ever get purple under your eyes, like Jade? Well. Dark violet. I do. All of the time! I'm not tired either. Anywho, have a great day! Even though my day is almost over (: