My Dearest Son,

I'm sorry I had to leave you alone. But always know I'm proud of you and always have been. I'm also sorry you felt unable to speak to me about my parents. Yes it did make me sad, but I realised long ago it was as more my fault as theirs that we weren't in touch. Please don't feel badly of me when you finish reading this letter. I love you and I loved your dad, you were the important ones in my life and I wouldn't have changed it.

It all started three months before my seventieth birthday, up until then I had had a wonderful childhood. I guess looking back it was rebellion that set me of my life's course. I had met a wonderful man, I thought I loved him and he loved me. Mum and Dad didn't like him; he was ten years older than me. I didn't care. I started to go out with him and we enjoyed life. He lived in London in the week and went back to his parents at the weekend. Or at least that's what he told me and I believed him. Dad wanted me to stop seeing him but I wouldn't. Anyway just after my seventeenth birthday dad and mum told me they had had him checked out. They said he was married with two children. We had an awful row. I said all sorts of horrible things to them and they made me go to my room. That night I packed my things and went to Billy's flat and told him what my parents had said. To my horror he told me it was true. By then I had written a letter to Mum and Dad and taken money from my dad's desk. I couldn't go back I was too proud.

So I went to the train station and bought a ticket on the first train out of London. I thought I would show them I was old enough to look after myself. I ended up in a small Welsh village, yes you've guessed Ealdor. I booked in to the small hotel and next morning they offered me a job. So I started my new life.

I only intended to stay for a year then I would go home, but I met your Dad and fell in love. By then I was eighteen. You Dad as you know was a builder, I thought my parents would think him below me, so I never went home. A year later we married and you were born ten months later. I loved you both so much. I just never went back or even wrote to Mum and Dad. It was years later when I realised how they must have worried, having your own child opens your eyes, I thought it was too late. So I never contacted them. I nearly did when your dad died but again pride stopped me. I could cope.

I was wrong my boy; I stopped you knowing your family and they you. So I'm sorry for that. But believe me when I say I loved you and your dad so very, very much I didn't need anyone else. When I was sad it was because I realised by then how I must have hurt them.

I have put my parents name and address in this envelope, I doubt they will have moved. Even if they have, you should be able to trace them. Please do and show them this letter, and say I'm sorry. It's not enough I know, but it's all I can offer know. I always intended to let them know, but never did now it's too late. I won't contact them just to say I'm dying.

I have already told you how much you mean to me, you are my wonderful son. Live happy but never be so proud you make the same mistakes I have. I hope you can forgive me. Please kiss your grandparents for me and tell them I loved them. I hope they are still alive so you can get to know them.

Whatever you do in your life follow your heart. When you meet your 'one', even if you meet others on the way, love them as much as me and your dad loved each other. But most of all be happy.

I love you, hugs and kisses

Mum xxxx

Merlin sat there tears running down his face, he was full of regrets for the past, why hadn't he made his mother talk. She could have seen her parents again before she died. It was so sad. He realised that he had no choice he had to do what his mother asked him. Merlin slumped back into his lover's arms, exhausted by all the emotion reading the letter had caused. Arthur had also cried as he read the letter over Merlin's shoulder. He held on the Merlin hoping the other man could draw comfort from him.

They stayed there for a good hour before Arthur made Merlin move back into the bedroom. They cuddled up together and eventually slept. In the morning Arthur woke first and made them both a cup of tea, he gently woke Merlin, who sat up in bed to drink.

"I'm going to go and get our shopping Merlin, that will give you time to wake up and do all your necessary things. When I get back we'll have a cooked breakfast and then decide what you want to do." Arthur gave Merlin a gentle smile. "Just take your time. Will you be ok if I go?"

Merlin nodded not trusting himself to speak. He knew Arthur was right to get him to concentrate on the normal for awhile. Every other morning it took him well over an hour to sort out all his needs and he like privacy for some of it, even from Arthur.

Arthur had a shower and giving Merlin a kiss went off to the shops. It was his normal Saturday morning job and one he didn't really like. As soon as the other man had left Merlin got on with what he had to do. By the time he had finished sorting out his self out and had a shower he heard Arthur return. As he got himself dressed he heard Arthur start the breakfast. A fry up was their Saturday morning treat. Not that either of them felt like it today. They sat there eating in silence. Arthur then washed and wiped up while Merlin put away the groceries. Everything was low down so Merlin could reach it if needed. When everything was tidied away they sat next to each other on the sofa.

Arthur spoke first "Do you want to talk Merlin?"

"No not really, I know what I have to do…..what Mum asked…I just wish….." Merlin took a deep breath he didn't want to start crying again.

Arthur took his hand. "I'm here for you love, just cry if it helps."

"I know, but crying won't help…can we go and see your Uncle this morning?" Merlin looked at Arthur "I suppose I ought to phone him but I can't…..sorry will you check if I can go over, and will you come with me?" Merlin looked at Arthur hopefully.

"Try to keep me away…anyway Merlin they're your Grandparents, you know they will see you….but I will phone them. When do you want to go?"

"Now? Otherwise I might change my mind." Merlin looked like he wanted to run away from everything.

Arthur rand Gaius and not surprisingly he and Alice were very keen to see Merlin again. So after Merlin had collected together a few things they set off. As they pulled up outside the house Arthur could see Merlin wringing his hands together and biting his lower lip. He had never seen the other man so nervous.

"Do you want me to go in first and talk to them?" Arthur asked.

"No let's get this over with." So Arthur got the wheelchair out of the boot and as Merlin headed for the door Arthur got the ramps and placed then at the steps then pressed the doorbell. After a couple of seconds Gaius answered the door and held it open for them. He didn't say anything but waved Merlin towards the sitting room where Alice was waiting. He waited until Merlin and Arthur were in the room before he spoke.

"Good morning both of you, I expect you slept as well as we did. I realise it's hard for you Merlin but we aren't here to condemn your mother, we loved her dearly. It was such a surprise for us all yesterday." Both Gaius and Alice waited for Merlin to speak.

"I'm sorry about last night; it was a shock I never expected to very meet you both." Merlin looked at them for the first time. They could see he had been crying overnight his eyes were red and puffy. They weren't much better.

Alice spoke for the first time "We understand Merlin, we would love to get to know you but understand you might not wish to. We're just content to know that your mother found a life and to have met you."

Merlin didn't speak but instead handed Alice the letter he read in the early hours. Alice took it and her and Gaius sat and read it together. By the time they had finished they were both crying. Merlin wheeled himself closer and took one of their hands in each of his and they just sat there. Arthur kept silent. He wanted to leave the room but had promised Merlin he would be there for him so stayed.