"Where are you going?" Cat yawns, seeing Jade rummaging through some bags. "Stop for a minute, will you?"
"Yes, sorry. What did you want?" Jade looks up and Cat sees the purple-y black dark circles under her eyes. Cat checks her watch bleary eyed. Jade said she had a thing about clocks. She blinks off the sleep.
"It's quarter to five in the morning! What are you doing? Go back to bed, for heaven's sake! Do you want to wake the baby?" Cat whisper shouts at her. She rolls her chocolaty eyes at the sound of Olivia's cries. "Thank you so much." Cat glares. She walks off.
"Wait!" Jade scrabbles up. "I'll get her." Cat rolls her eyes once again. She puts a finger to her lips.
"No," Cat says firmly. She puts the bag in the cupboard and shuts it. "Get some sleep." Jade smiles. Cat sighs and smiles back. She goes to the baby. "Yes, I know darling. It's okay. Auntie Cat is here, shh shh, now. Don't want to wake mommy and daddy." Olivia looks up innocently, her big eyes questioning and her mouth slightly ajar.
"No wakey?" Cat smiles. She picks Olivia up and sits her on her lap.
"No wakey," Cat confirms. "Mommy is trying to sleep. Daddy is snoring." Cat snores, making Olivia laugh. "Okay, Livvy, we'll go and get some breakfast, what do you think?" Olivia grins. Cat smile too. They walk downstairs and Cat fixes Olivia some milk in a sippy cup and gets her some scrambled eggs. Cat waits a few moments for the eggs to cool and lets Olivia stab at them with her fork. Most of it lands on the floor, but Livvy's having fun stabbing at it, so Cat doesn't mind much. Cat hums as she clears up the egg, letting Olivia babble with her.
"Uptown girl, she's been living in her uptown world!" Cat belts out. Olivia grins.
"Up up up!" Cat smiles and kisses her button nose. Olivia tries to get down from her high chair.
"No," Cat says, firmly, "You mustn't do that. Wait for mama or daddy or me," Olivia cries. "Shh, Olivia. It's okay. I'll get you down now, but remember: wait."
Cat goes to wake Jade and Beck up, as now it's 9am and Cat wants to get everything sorted. She doesn't understand. They stir and Cat goes downstairs to leave them to get dressed. She combs back through her memory. She was seven when her dad first left. She winces, the memory fresh in her mind.
**She hears shouting, a slammed door, a smashed glass. Cat covers her ears and feels her stomach tighten. Her knees draw up to her chest and she breathes slowly. "Cat?" Her daddy's voice. She hears crying but it's her tears streaming down her face. Her hands shake, and she finds herself seeing red, clawing at the man she thought she knew. She slams her door in his face. She cries some more. Her mom and brother try to find her and comfort her. The same door slams in their face.
"Go away!" She yells. "All of you!" She dives under her duvet, covering her head with her pillow. She breathes deeply even though blankets over her head makes her feel suffocated and she just wants to get away. She hears a car drive away.
"You'll see him on Tuesdays and Sundays." She looked forward to those days, even though her brother shunned him and her mother left whenever he was there. It's all a blur after that. Then she's suddenly 12, and her dad is around far too much. He's home too much. Too close for comfort. **
Cat tries to think of the book her mother always read her when she was in a good mood. She remembers a part suddenly and whispers it.
"The smell of the Madeleine, unleashing the flood of memory. "For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say to myself, 'I'm falling asleep'."
She rubs her eyes and then sighs. Jade is walking towards the kitchen and Cat counts to three. "One, two, three…there it is." The coffee maker's switch was pressed. "One, two, three…"
"Do you want a cup?"
"Yes, please. Tw-"
"I know how you take your coffee." Cat raises her eyebrows.
"Yes, sorry, I know." Jade brings the cups in on a tray with an assortment of biscuits. "You eat some, too, Jade. You're awfully thin."
"Okay," Jade replies. She takes the plain shortbread and breaks off a piece.
"Jade, I get more calories than that while brushing my teeth! Please eat." Jade flashes Cat a look.
"I'll eat lunch, I promise." Jade stuck to her word. She ate every bite of her sandwich and Cat watched. She knew that Jade would be annoyed. She wasn't anorexic or bulimic; she was just to on edge to eat.
"Would you like anything to drink?" Cat asked, clearing up. Jade nodded.
"Water, please." Cat nods. She brings Jade the glass out with a lemon wedge perched on the edge of the glass, with some grapes on the side. Jade raises an eyebrow. "I don't need a mother, Cat. I can eat when I want to."
"Why are you doing this to yourself? I don't understand it. Your clothes HANG off of you. You're skeletal. I'm thinking of slipping stuff in your meals, calorie shakes in your coffee." Jade presses her lips tighter. "Say something Jade. Tell me, please, tell me. I worry about you so much."
Cat winces.
"What's wrong?" Jade asks quickly. Cat waves her off and sits down.
"Turn the light off," Cat instructs Jade. "It's just a headache. The light hurts my eyes." She squeezes her eyes shut tightly and rubs them so hard that she sees purple spots and it takes her a minute to see properly. She blinks rapidly. "I'm fine."
"Okay," Jade says. "Um, I have to talk to you about something."
"Not now, Jade, my head isn't up to it."
"About Livvy," Cat straightens, takes a deep breath and nods.
"What?"
"We're leaving," Jade says slowly.
"What? Like, for the week or?"
"Ever. You know, living it out on our own. Sorting everything out." Cat smiles.
"You two need a new town, to leave this all behind." Jade smiles.
"Yes, so that's why. We're leaving next week."
"Oh?" Cat says, surprised. "Will you visit?"
"Yes, of course. You looked after her for all this time, and we'll make sure to bring her here."
"Sorry?" Cat chokes. "She's not leaving, I'm telling you that now." Jade frowns.
"But she's mine," Jade says, taken aback. "She's my baby!"
"You two need to get your own lives back on track before you take her."
"We are sorted," Jade replies. Cat nods.
"Okay. Where are you staying?"
"We're renting that little flat. So cosy."
"Is it child friendly?"
"What do you mean?"
"Some places don't take kids. Is it child proofed? Can you afford it?"
"Yes," Jade says uncertainly. "It's lovely, and I'm taking my baby back, whether you like it or not."
"This isn't a game. She isn't a toy."
"I know."
"Then why aren't you thinking?"
"I'm trying," Jade says quietly.
"I know," Cat sighs. "But you're not ready."
"If I want to take her, which I do, and I do take her, which I will, what will you do?"
"I'll get a care order, and I'll be her legal guardian, which I am already."
"You'll take me to court?" Jade chokes.
"Yes, if necessary. It's about the baby now, Jade." Jade takes a defensive stance and recomposes herself.
"Well, I'll see you there then!"
A/N:
Hi. The flashbacks are almost over so that's that, but you know…gotta get everything in.. :) Anyhow I just wanted to say that not all of this is just thrown together, I like to at least try and relate to some people. So I do include personal things like Cat's headaches (I get it a lot worse than this) and a few other things. I just want you to be interested, and relate to some scenarios.
Thanks.