The doorbell rang and Ren rose from his seat on his couch, staggering in his drunkard state towards his front door. Was it Kyoko? Had she finally decided to come over, so that they could talk? He tried to clear his alcohol infused mind, while he open the door wide.
A broad smile was plastered on his face, as he anticipated seeing his beautiful petite wife on the other side of the door; however, his smile faded when he recognise another person was there instead.
Tina was holding several bags of groceries in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She did not miss the look of disappointment on Kuon's face when he recognised her.
"So I can tell you are not thrilled to see me, but since I am to blame for your current worries, I had to come over to make sure you were doing well," she stated with a dry look on her face.
"What made you think I wouldn't be doing well?" the tall actor asked as he turned on his heel and strode unsteadily back to his seat on the couch.
Watching Kuon nearly trip on the wooden floor, then collecting himself before making his way back into the living room, Tina was distracted. Entering into his apartment hurriedly, she barely had time to properly close his door, while she traced after his whereabouts.
The soft thud of the door bouncing into its frame was missed and neither of them realised that the door was not completely closed shut. Instead both occupants were in the living room and a slightly uncomfortable mood had taken over.
"I am sorry that I had caused all this trouble for you, I came to Tokyo specifically to fix things," Tina began with an apologetic smile on her face.
Ren's eyebrows lifted sardonically but his voice was copacetic when he said, "You've come a long way to apologize."
Shrugging her shoulders, Tina replied, "Well, I thought we could both use this time to put an end to our differences."
"And how do you think we can manage that?" he asked in a weary tone.
Lifting up her bag of grocery and her bottle of wine, Tina replied, "How about some Maui Omu Rice and some wine to wash the taste down?"
"Did you bring the ketchup?" Ren asked bemusedly. The thick fog of his drunkard state was beginning to clear and the idea of rectifying his predicament by employing Rick's secrete trick, brought on a nostalgic comfort to him.
"I wouldn't dare forget," Tina answered emphatically. Her own longing to relive Rick's memory was evident in her glowing eyes.
The mood instantly changed to one of eager anticipation, as Tina followed Ren into the kitchen and started gathering the necessary pots and utensil needed to make their fare.
"I'll open the wine," Ren offered before he grimaced in repulsion, as he watched Tina begin to haphazardly tear apart the chicken meat.
His thoughts of the unwelcome meal were a welcome distraction, from his constant obsession with Kyoko, and his current failing marriage. He wondered briefly at what advice Rick would offer about Kyoko, if he were still alive.
Sighing inwardly, he tried not to think about it. She needed time to sort things out before she would come to him and he knew that there was nothing he could do until she was ready. A dark gloom fell over him as he wondered how long it would take before she would appear. He glowered in frustration when he realised how he wanted to rush her feelings. This went against what Tsuruga Ren would do, this was more Kuon.
He remembered his pledge to her, that he had once swore, he would not behave in a way, which would disappoint her but instead, he would remain as the man she could respect- as "your me" was how he had phrased it. Had he broken that oath?
Perhaps, he had come close to it but, as yet, Ren was certain that he could keep his promise. Just as long as he continued to give her the space that she need to recover from the malicious gossip that was surrounding his relationship with Tina. He just had to sustain Kuon's impulsiveness and stay in control of the situation.
And as Tsuruga Ren, there really wasn't much else he could do in the meantime but wait. Since he had given her his explanation, the last time he had seen her, he didn't think it would be wise to force her into compliance. He needed to confine Kuon's wild hotheadedness, despite how she reacts.
His lips turned down in a sad line, when he recalled her reaction. She all but shunned him when he tried to explain. He couldn't get rid of the guilty feeling that was overcoming him. He knew he had to pay the price for his actions but surely she could have at least allowed him to complete his explanation. Yet her reactions were so strong. Almost, as if she couldn't stand being in the same room as him.
His shoulders slumped in misery, as he pondered her unusual behavior. Opening up the bottle of wine, he poured a generous amount into each glass before returning to the kitchen table. Tina was completing the meal and was holding the ketchup bottle in her hand when she noticed his entry.
"Would you like the honors?" she asked, with a melancholy glint in her eyes.
Ren left the wine glasses on the table and reached out towards the ketchup. He recognized the dishearten longing Tina felt for Rick. His large hand encapsulated hers warmly, when he said, "Why don't we both do this, since we both need a little magic in our lives?"
Nodding forlornly, Tina began to move her hands in coordination with Ren's. They were making the universal sign of infinity and together they chanted the words that Rick had once taught them, "Fortune descends again, fortune appears once more. Return to us, from this day on, our happiness."
A soft gasp broke their concentration. Ren's eyes immediately spotted the source. By the time Tina realised what had happened, Kyoko was running out of the apartment and Ren was chasing after her. Did Kyoko misunderstand what had just happened? Tina groaned in frustration, how were things going to work out now?
Covering her face with her hands, she let out a sob for what she had done to Kuon.
Ren caught up with Kyoko at the elevator. Grabbing her by the strap of her purse, he pulled her to an immediate stop. Instantly, she spun around to face him, surprising him with her rapid movement. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears and his face paled when he noticed them.
"I'm sorry," he instantly began in a pleading voice.
"Why-" Kyoko whispered, her throat was constricting painfully, as she tried to hold back her tears to finish her sentence, "Why is she here?"
"She's here to help me straighten out this mess," Ren answered hoarsely. His face mirrored his concern that Kyoko would misunderstand the situation. And he was desperate to explain everything.
But Kyoko went rigid with fury. Having witness Ren and Tina holding hands, and chanting, what could only be considered as a happiness spell together, she could no longer excuse Ren's actions. Did he really think he could fool her into believing that this was only a misunderstanding?
After enduring weeks of not hearing from him and having Tina answer his call, Kyoko had to admit that she could no longer ignore the obvious. Even Sho had explained to her that Ren was not just any actor but that he was a very desirable man with a lot of fame and female fans.
Yet Kyoko had even insisted that Ren would be different. That he would not be the type of man that would cheat on her. She never even once questioned that fact, thinking that Ren was completely different from Sho in that aspect. Yet she had been wrong all along.
And the evidence was standing in Ren's apartment – Tina had left America to be with him in Japan. Were they planning on continuing this romance? Did they expect Kyoko to pretend to be ignorant? There was a time when she would have done so for Sho. It was a time when she was never allowed to show her jealousy. A time when she would bottle up such feelings and let her crippling love override her senses.
But this was something that Kyoko could not ignore. This was a different kind of love and the reality of it was even more cruel. She had always known that loving Ren could have turned her into a fool. She even knew that there would be times when she would feel pain from loving him so much. But she did not think that it would hurt this much.
This pain went beyond the kind of suffering she had to endure when Sho had his many trysts. This pain left her feeling gutted. This was the type of pain that consumed her entire being. She wouldn't be able to continue life, if she accepted this deadly feeling. She needed to stop this poisonous love from spreading. She needed to end this love immediately.
Kyoko understood that her jealousy was impeding her reasoning but she could not find any logical explanation for what she had seen with her own eyes. Taking a large gulp of air, she struggled to compose herself. After several seconds, she was finally able to utter the few words that would put an end to all her suffering.
"It's over," she whispered unemotionally. Her eyes had turned dull as she stared straight ahead.
Ren stiffened instantly at her harsh words. For a second, his mind refused to acknowledge what she had said. Could he have misheard her? His heart silently implored, hoping for any slight possibility of reconciliation.
With caution in his voice, he slowly asked, "What did you just say?"
A strange look of surprise, mingled with indignation passed over Kyoko's face. Something in her snapped when she heard Ren's question. It was as if, she was being insulted by his obvious denial. Was he trying to play a game with her?
Had she been such a willing fool in his eyes? Disgust filled her when she recognized that she must have become just like Manaka-san, willing to act and behave ridiculously for the sake of love. This was horribly repulsive! She chided herself.
Her face scrunched up with extreme horror, when she thought of how she had even come close to accepting his advances earlier that day. While she had been in her dressing room with him, even while Sho was hiding away in her closet, she had almost forgotten herself. The jealousy which she never could show, that had sprung from that repugnant feeling of love, was a small sin, compared to what she had nearly committed.
This is almost unforgivable! I need to stop this behavior immediately. I can't let myself become so lost and extreme like that again. I can't let myself be changed back into that kind of scary senseless person again. I need to be exorcized of this impurity. I need to purge this spiritual pollution of mine. She cautioned herself frantically.
Kyoko began to feel a cold, bitter resolve engulf her and she welcomed its presence. Like ice on a burnt wound, it limited her self-condemnation and added solace from her repulsive jealousy. There was no turning back, she was now completely ready to lock up her box once and for all.
Gritting her teeth painfully, Kyoko turned her face to stare boldly into Ren's wounded eyes. Her own took on a crystal clear shine, as she managed to speak the words, "We are over. I don't want to have anything to do with you, outside of work."
Fear gripped Ren and he clenched and unclenched at the leather strap of Kyoko's bag. The tense movements of his hands resembled the internal struggle he was having, while he fought to control his rampant emotion. He didn't want to let her go. He couldn't let her go.
But the look of black fury on Kyoko's face countered his actions, and cautiously, he began to release her handbag. He had come to recognize that look. It was the same look that she had only ever used on Fuwa Sho. The notion that she was now staring at him with that same amount of disdained loathing was shattering to his soul.
Taking a slow step away, his voice was strained when he softly said, "I understand that you must be mad but this was really just a misunderstanding."
Ren saw the murderous gaze of abhorrence in Kyoko's eyes , when she lifted her chin and proceeded to walk away. His face drained of blood and his eyes widened immediately. Was there anything he could do to change her mind? His eyes followed her stiff form, as she began to advance towards the elevators.
He stood frozen and grounded to the spot, while he watched her push the button on the lift. Within seconds, the doors opened and Ren's heart was beating loudly, drumming in his ears, as he prepared to watch her step in.
Willing himself to move from his catatonic state, he lifted a hand towards her. His words of apology were on the tip of his tongue when she unexpectedly lowered her head ominously, and a dark cloud began to form behind her. With words that felt as cold as ice, she empathically retorted over her shoulder, "The only misunderstanding there is was this filthy feeling between us."
The magnitude of her words slammed against Ren heavily. The tight case he had used to hold Kuon's dark nature in, was splintered into a thousand fragments. He began to tremble with fierce emotion, while he watched her enter the elevator. His actions were swift, he barely considered the consequences. Stepping in after her, he pressed the lobby floor button, before he leaned heavy against the wall, blocking her way.
Kyoko's head snapped up to glare at Ren, Kyoko's eyes were daggers of flame when she asked, "What do you think you are doing?"
For the first time in weeks, Ren smiled. However, there was no humor in his eyes, as he took a step towards her. Kyoko grimaced in startled reaction when he leaned in close to her. His face was inches away from hers, when he finally spoke, "I think it's time you understand a little more about this 'filthy feeling' between us."
His lips were harsh and brutal when the descended upon hers. Without mercy, his hands sought her waist, only to push her against the wall. With his massive form, he pressed up against her rigid form, just enough to pin her firmly against the wall. This wasn't going to be a demonstration of his love; he intended to punish her for her cruel analysis of their relationship.
Ren was filled with anger as he kissed Kyoko. He was allowing Kuon's nature to override his prudent self. He no longer had the capacity to restrain himself from the spitefulness of her feelings. He couldn't believe that she could treat their relationship with such contempt.
He had wanted to believe that she was capable of moving from her past relationship with Fuwa, that she would not allow it to stain or corrupt their current relationship. But the truth was, she had not only been unable to do so, she was even degrading this love, giving it the same status as her past love. Calling it filthy had deranged their bond, and smeared it with contempt.
Kyoko couldn't contain her immediate reaction. Her hands swiftly speared through Ren's hair, holding on tightly to either side of his head. A battle of wills began to form between them, to see who would succumb first. With vicious eagerness, Kyoko was able to receive and return the demanding tongue that invaded her mouth. Her own tongue targeted his with circular persistence.
The angry and fierce emotion between them grew stronger, as the elevator climbed higher. With each floor it ascended, the soft ringing was ignored by both occupants. Instead, they were madly in tuned with one another's movements, each one trying to exert dominance over the other.
Ren's strong body encapsulated Kyoko's and his hands slid down her flanks, until they reached her thighs. A muffled growl came from deep within Kyoko when she felt him part her legs. But she did nothing when his fingers probed at her wet center. Like an expert, he unfastened the buttons on her jeans and sank his hands into the bed of curls beneath her cotton panties.
Kyoko's body welcomed his skillful long fingers that penetrated her so deeply. In a thrusting motion, he drew two fingers in and out of her. Unerringly, he was able to target her most sensitive area with his thumb, rubbing the tiny bud above her open folds, while his fingers continued to explore her internally.
Trying to suppress her yearning, she bit painfully at Ren's lower lip. But he did not stop his assault on her burning desire. Instead, his movements quickened, and Kyoko was soon unable to hold back any longer. Her body was ready and hungry for his when he unzipped his own pants and inserted himself into the mouth of her warmth. He grunted in satisfaction when she wrapped her arms possessively around his back.
Breaking from their kiss, he lifted her legs up and began to thrust into her. His upwards movements as he drove into her, momentarily surprised her. Her eyes opened wide at the spender of feeling him enter her slowly. Rotating his hips, he completely filled her wet center with his solid rod, and then stopped. Panting with want, Kyoko clung tightly to the muscular wall of his back, urging him to continue.
But when he did nothing, she forcibly tried to sway her hips to encourage his compliance. Yet Ren continued to remain motionless. His eyes were fixed on her flushed face, as if in expectation of her apology in degrading their relationship.
"W-why are you stopping?" she asked in a harsh whisper, her body was rigid with unfulfilled relief. The pupils of her eyes were dilated, as the focused intently on his lips, hoping that he would satisfy her cravings for his touch.
Taking his time to trace the outline of her small jaw with his tongue, he taunted her, "Why? Could it be, that you really want us to continue this filthy feeling?"
Kyoko's eyes flashed with golden sparks, as they narrowed at his words. Like a wave of cold water splashing over her, she was instantly woken up. Humiliation engulfed her.
"Let me go", she almost screamed. Pushing off of Ren, she struggled to fix her clothing. Her eyes refused to look at Ren, while she swallowed down the bile of resentment she was feeling.
The door of the elevator conveniently opened, and with contempt written all over her face, she finally faced the tall handsome man that was her husband. A composed mask greeted her and held her stare. There was no hint of what he was feeling behind his stoic demeanor. Even the casual manner in which he was rearranging his clothing was filled with indifference.
"What are you mad about? Wasn't it you that referred to our love as a filthy feeling?" Ren asked with a dark tint in his eyes.
"I am not mad," Kyoko answered resolutely. "This was exactly what I should have expected," she bit out before she exited the elevator.
Intrinsically, she knew she was scorching with rage. How could she not be? When she had finally woken up to Sho's affairs, she had been bitterly hurt and boiling with anger. But at that time, she had been naive to love and gullible to its lethal sting. At that time, her feelings were excusable.
However, this was completely different. This was not excusable. This was something that was completely preventable, something that she had willingly allowed, despite knowing of its dangers. She should have known better than to have fallen in love again. She should have locked up her box and resisted its feelings no matter how many times the lock had come undone.
Tears of frustrations began to fall, the instant the doors were shut and Ren was no longer within eyesight. Kyoko left the lobby of Ren's apartment with legs that wobbled. She had to stop several times to regain her balance, while she fought to control her turbulent emotions.
As she stood outside the tall building, looking up at Ren's apartment for the last time, she finally collapsed on the cold cement, sobbing uncontrollably. Was her countenance nothing more than an act? Yet breaking up with Ren was the only valid way she could continue on. She knew that her survival depended on keeping her box tightly locked.
The venomous love that it contained would only destroy her in the end. Yet if this was the only way, then why did she feel so much pain from his loss? How could she still love him when he could even so brutally highlight the status of their filthy relationship? After being taught such a stinging lesson in love, why was she still aching for him?
And why was he so able to turn her away so easily? Was Tina Herman the reason? Had she truly become an abomination in his sight? Was their love just as filthy and disgusting in his sight? An icy blast of wind hit her cheeks and Kyoko shuddered. Lifting herself up from the cold hard ground, she forced herself to walk away.
The chill of the dark night was nothing in comparison to the frozen state of her heart. She could never love again. This was the promise she made to herself, as the sole of her heels clicked loudly on the paved cement road.
Tomorrow and every day afterwards, she will spend the rest of her life in repentance for her sin. But tonight, all she really wanted was to find a place where she could wallow in her misery and cry out all her pain in private solitude.
As she headed towards the subway station, a flash of blue caught her attention. Blinking at the brightness of its luminescence, Kyoko started walking towards it. As if it were beckoning her, she found herself crawling into a ditch to locate it. Her hand swept up the small object that was emitting its blue hue and she instantly recognized its familiar structure, Corn.
Uncertain of what to do with the small stone, she pocketed it within her jacket. Climbing out of the drain, she forced herself not to think about the significance of finding it. After all, it was only a rock, nothing more than a cold and inanimate object. It held no magic or mystical powers. Knowing this, Kyoko stopped and drew the stone up into a nearby street lamp post.
Its bright fluorescents lit up under the plain white street light. Different shades of blue, purple, green and pinks were scattered into the darkness. Like a message to her spirit, the stone was able to reflect its vivid colors with an inspiring intensity, no matter how painful the white light it absorbed.
Was she able to do the same? Could she use this painful love, and scatter it into something powerful and positive? Kyoko pocketed the small stone safely within the confines of her purse. She would not allow this hidden message from Corn go ignored. She would learn from Corn and do the same with her tragic love. There truly was magic in this world and she would believe in it, no matter what.
A/N: Hi everybody, thank you again for all your reviews. I always enjoy hearing from you and am encouraged by what you have to say.
Thanks again for reading my stories and enduring my sense of drama. I am currently sticking with Kyoko's perception of love based on SB's chapters 199-202.