UPDATES
02/06/09 Changed the chapter layout so that each document is not a chapter during the in-progress but when completed will blend them to match the regular format resulting in longer chapters as a finish.
First thoughts that occurred once vision decided it was probably time to kick in? I'd not been here before even last night in my drunken state I hadn't recognised this place. There had been lights, colour and general merriment where I had last been, the laughter was both joyful and painful. I certainly hadn't been laughing for very long. My vision faded in an out but I had known I was on the roadside kerb before I had opened my eyes, arm cold against it and head having been smacked on it, I could tell from the way it throbbed. The cold came from the fact I was missing one jacket, and something else I hadn't picked up on at that moment as I would have needed to sit up, something I wasn't quite up to.
Too tired to sit up and too lazy to find out why I let my eyes do the exploring. There wasn't much to see, that's what made it so frightening. Would have been a regular looking street, I appeared to be on a main road which turned out into smaller ones surrounding tall and old-looking buildings. Not too unusual, reminded me of some places back in England to be honest, that is were it not for the silence, the decay and the unfelt snow. It lay on the ground like dust and was an unhealthy grey in colour to match the rest of the place, there wasn't really any particular colour though there was a musky scent in the air. It crept up my nostrils and into my lungs prickling them and making me cough leaving an unpleasant taste in my mouth.
My first move after that was to glance up, no light was shed and no one else was around. I shivered without blame on the temperature, something inside me pushed and I couldn't lay there any longer. Hand against the cold ground I gently gathered myself up and persevered despite the pain, I didn't wince until I was sat up without having to keep my palms to the earth. Lying down left me too vulnerable. Instantly my hand travelled to my worst area which unfortunately was the back of my head, damn how hard did I hit that thing? Under the matted hair I felt a lump forming against my scalp, a hot pain seared through to the touch which repeated as I gingerly stroked down the arm that had hit the side of the road first. The back of my shoulder down to the outside of my elbow was red with a purple blotch nearer the top. I held it despite the hurt it caused and gritted my teeth, who did this to me? Why? All I had done was have a good time. That's all… I wanted to forget. Forget that I was alone in this new world, forget I hadn't a penny to my name and no home, forget why I'd come here and this was what had become of me because of it?
I looked to the sky from the more upright position, squinting so not to get whatever was falling from the sky into my eyes. I was no longer sure it was snow, but I couldn't place what it was, I remember hearing ages ago in Physics class once that events that dramatically altered the atmosphere could affect the weather or create some sort of phenomenon to taint it for the worst. That had been the lesson we had learnt about the Chernobyl nuclear incident which happened in 1986, something I'd remembered as it was taught before I lost my interest in school life, in some respects. Whatever it was it didn't look sanitary and I was not prepared to get it in my mouth or eyes but were they fully open I figured I would not have been able to make out the sky's forecast. It could only be described as a clear dullness.
Rising lopsidedly from only using one arm to support myself I came to my feel, hunched over a little at first but slowly straightening my sore back, I wanted some authority over my body I'd missed it so. The hand of my better arm returned to the battered one, it was numb when I wasn't touching it but stung with contact but I was nervous and wanted to be reminded that I was in control and that I was alright, I was standing again and able to move where I liked with a sober mind. No, there was nowhere to go right about now, I was missing a jacket and a rucksack so any possessions other than the clothes on my back that I may have had were long gone. Hate for the prime suspects of the last night didn't cross my mind, I was too mentally lost to put that together, the situation I was in topped with the scattered travelling of yesterday had shaken me out of myself and left a shell of a person to wonder the streets. It was fitting. Was it even yesterday that I had let myself be led astray to that bar? How much time had passed?
I moved slowly but it wasn't that I was too weak, heck if I let my body fail me more I might as well have been killed by the kerb impact, but that I was too unsure of where I was or anything really. I didn't know this town; I didn't even know if I was in the same state anymore, at least the mental state hadn't changed much. In some way it was relieving to not have anyone around to see me, I'd wanted to be alone and by some turn of irony I'd ended up like this. Be careful what you wish for, as they say, I probably hadn't wished specifically enough.
Naturally I was attracted to the smaller streets, they were closed and to me seemed more secure. I couldn't say the same when I started hitting alleyways but I felt a little better to be behind the buildings rather than the front. I was surprised by just how light it was as I couldn't see the sun but nothing was too dark, just very dirty yet somehow it fitted and the unpleasantness was forgotten. I wasn't taking in detail to this point but if there was common feature I found in this place it was the level of decay, if the absence of voice was not enough to tell me nobody was going to find me anytime soon it would have been that. The place was a mess and it was not going to get cleaned up in the near future.
The distance between the fence and the building I was walking alongside wasn't comfortable considering how long it seemed to run, two metres at most. Though almost disintegrated I could make out a few food wrappers sheeting the muck spilling from bin liners from the other side of the fence. I'm probably behind a fast food place, I thought only then realising just how twisted my stomach felt, I was hungry, penniless me already decided though that the place wouldn't ever open. The gap between the buildings in front of the garbage showed that I was routing parallel to the road and it seemed rather pointless to carry on doing so and I considered turning back when I spotted something out there, something that moved.
I was torn between fright of what I thought I saw and sudden dependency. It was a person, the black of clothing and almost recognisable denim should have told me this automatically and that this person was female but I was too surprised to take that in straight off and I considered rushing back to the front of the fence barring off the food waste. The way they moved caused immediate alarm, they were caught in a half-run, slowing down a little before disappearing behind the next building that separated us, only when out of sight did I remember that I had been very much alone and I started forward again in a jog. In that sense, I was reminded that I wasn't in limbo, not just yet.