A1969: Yay! I got more reviews!
Miroku: she always loves those reviews…wouldn't trade them for anything, not even a plushie.
A1969: would you trade everyone's opinion for a piece of stuffed cloth, Miroku? Nope, I wouldn't, not even if it's a Sesshie plushie.
Sango: whoa, those reviews must mean a lot to you, then.
A1969: yep! Thanks to those who reviewed! And I'm really sorry for the late update…had other stories that I had to update.
Miroku: the author does not own Inuyasha…nor does she own a plushie…
A1969: grr…stop reminding me!
I think I've found a song for this fic—Just So You Know by J. McCartney! --Sings— I shouldn't love you, but I want to…
Miroku: argh! Earthquake!
Chapter Thirty-One: Slip-Up
XoXoXo
Helen could have died.
She would have rather died than find herself in this predicament. She looked at Sesshoumaru, who was still looking at her determinedly in the eye. Her eyebrows twitched and the color in her cheeks might as well have been a brand new shade of red.
Sesshoumaru regarded her for a second. For the first time in living memory, he actually felt embarrassed. Ah, emotions, how exhilarating they were. Helen, he was aware, was about to die of embarrassment. He tilted his head slightly at her and, in a voice that was barely audible, he said, "My…apologies…" with that, he turned on his heel and walked off.
There was silence for a few moments. And then, Helen let out a long sigh of relief and embarrassment, combined. She slumped into the water, eyebrows still twitching and a feeling of modesty defiled clearly written on her flushed face.
"Helen?" Sango asked.
"Don't…say…anything…" Helen said dangerously as she stood up and accepted the towel that Kagome gave her. "Don't…not…one…word…"
Sango and Kagome looked at each other, eyebrows raised. "Erm…" Kagome said hesitantly. "At least he apologized…" Kagome could still picture the look that Sesshoumaru had in his eyes. "I mean…Inuyasha and Miroku didn't even bother." She blushed when she remembered that Inuyasha, too, had seen her in such a situation.
Helen suddenly turned to them, a fake smile plastered on her face. "Kagome…didn't I tell you not to say anything?" she asked in a honey-sweet voice, her face still an excellent shade of scarlet.
"Eh…right," Kagome said. Then, mimicking the way Sesshoumaru said it, "My…apologies."
XoXoXo
Was it his fault?
Was it actually his fault that he had heard her screaming and, reacting to instinct, immediately ran off to see what kind of trouble she had gotten herself into? How could that be his fault? Sure, he didn't anticipate that he would find her…as he found her. He had done the right thing. Sure, he might have had a fleeting glimpse but was it intentional? No, it wasn't. Because, unlike Miroku and, perhaps, Inuyasha, he had manners; he was chivalrous and certainly would not, under any circumstances, stoop down to their level.
So was it his fault?
No, it wasn't.
Still, it was hard to forget the look of pure shock on her flushed face. It was even harder to forget the figure that he thought she didn't possess. Wait, what was he thinking? He shook his head vigorously, cursing himself for the faulty emotions that all males possessed. Power, he constantly reminded himself, it was all about the power. How, he had asked himself a thousand times, was he going to get that if he let his emotions get in the way?
A moment later, he found himself back in the camp where Inuyasha and Miroku where waiting. They, too, had heard Helen scream and was about to rush to the girls' aid when Sesshoumaru, remembering that Miroku was a pervert, had told them he would go and see what all the screaming was about.
Inuyasha, who had heard Helen scream out his brother's name in indignation, knew perfectly well what might have befallen Sesshoumaru and he couldn't help but smirking. So it seemed that even Sesshoumaru had a dark side, or so the hanyou thought.
"So," the hanyou said as soon as he saw his brother. "What kind of trouble did they get themselves into?"
Miroku, who had been told by Inuyasha of his suspicions, only smirked. Sesshoumaru glared at Inuyasha and didn't bother to answer. "When you said that you'll go and see what the matter was," Inuyasha went on. "You went and saw alright."
Sesshoumaru, who was about to retort, was silenced when Miroku interrupted. "Now, now, Inuyasha," the monk said as he gave the hanyou a reprimanding look. "It's perfectly natural for young men such as ourselves to give in to temptation every now and then. I mean, you couldn't blame Sesshoumaru for what he did. After all, Helen is quite lovely and the way Sesshoumaru acted was perfectly natural."
"I do not stoop down to your level, monk," Sesshoumaru said dangerously, a warning note in his voice.
"Ah, but you just did," the monk went on. "Inuyasha, it seems that I'm not the only danger in this area."
Sesshoumaru ignored him.
XoXoXo
"Well, I guess we should get going, then," Kagome said after she, Sango and Helen had changed.
Helen bit her lower lip. She didn't feel like going back there—especially if Sesshoumaru was there. "Er…the moon's quite full, are you sure you don't want to stay and admire it all night long?" she asked, turning to Kagome with a hopeful look in her eyes.
Kagome shook his head. "I feel quite sleepy," she said. "That test just…exhausted me and I feel like I need a long night of sleep."
"Sango, star-gazing?" Helen offered.
"No thanks," Sango said with a polite shake of the head. "I've got to watch Kohaku." She raised her eyebrow at Helen. "You know, you can ignore Sesshoumaru if you want."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Helen muttered, cheeks flushing again into that famous and undiscovered shade of red.
"Well, at least it was Sesshoumaru and not Miroku," Kagome said cheerfully.
"Shut it."
"I mean, Miroku would be a lot worse," Sango chimed in. "Well, at least Sesshoumaru apologized."
"I told you not to remind me!" Helen said, rounding on Sango and Kagome who grinned innocently at her.
"Remind you of what?" Kagome asked.
Helen ignored her.
XoXoXo
"Sooo," Miroku and Inuyasha, taking the rare opportunity to annoy Sesshoumaru, went on. "What kind of predicament did she get herself into?"
Sesshoumaru resisted the mad urge to kill them in cold blood.
"You must be some sort of peepin' tom dog or something," Inuyasha said.
"Inuyasha!" Miroku said in a mock discipline voice. "How many times must I tell you? It's perfectly natural for young such as ourselves to let temptation take over every now and then. I mean—"
He was cut off from his sentence when a perfectly aimed stone hit him in the temple. Miroku fell to the ground, his eyes in a swirl. "Shut it, Miroku," Sango said as she and the others returned. Sango had another pebble in her hand and she was tossing it up and down, daring the monk to say another word of his practiced lecheries.
Sesshoumaru's gaze immediately strayed to Helen. Their eyes met for a few moments. She blushed and hurriedly looked away, the unfamiliar shade of red spreading rapidly over her face. Kagome, who was seemingly oblivious to her cousin's discomfort, brought out the sleeping bags from her backpack. That her yellow and bulky backpack could carry two sleeping bags was a complete mystery to those who knew Kagome.
"Ah!" Kagome said, turning to Helen. "By the way, I brought this, thought you might want it." She fished out Helen's violin from her backpack and handed it to her.
Helen smiled at her, glad for the distraction. "Thanks," she said taking it from her and beginning to play, her eyes filled with a faraway look, her lips curved into a small smile as she was lost in the music.
"What's she doing?" Miroku asked.
"Shh!" Kagome and Sango reprimanded.
"She looks as if she's somewhere else," Inuyasha remarked, noticing the faraway look in Helen's eyes.
"Somewhere where Sesshoumaru can't see her," Miroku muttered under his breath. Sesshoumaru, however, heard him. Without hesitating, the youkai lord approached him silently from behind and aimed a well-placed kick at the monk's head.
"Argh!" the monk shouted as he pelted forward, his face hitting the ground.
Helen stopped playing and she, Kagome and Sango gave Miroku an annoyed look while Sesshoumaru said, "Fool."
XoXoXo
It wasn't long before everyone decided to turn in. Kagome and Helen shared a sleeping bag while Kohaku and Sango shared the other one. Miroku, upon whose head a bump was slowly forming, was leaning forlornly against a tree while Inuyasha was perched high above the monk in the tree's branches. Sesshoumaru was sitting in the branches of another tree, close to Inuyasha's. He, of course, didn't sleep. Though his brother's eyes were closed, Sesshoumaru knew perfectly well that the hanyou was only pretending to sleep.
Sesshoumaru let out a small sigh. His gaze slid to Helen who was asleep next to Kagome. His emotions were now raging a battle against him. He could say that he was split in two. There was a part of him that didn't want anything to do with her and there was another part—the part that he found disturbing—that wanted her above anything else, even power. He frowned to himself. He had never been in this kind of predicament before, not even with Kagura, whom, he suddenly realized, he merely had wanted as a trophy…
"Hey Sesshoumaru," it was Inuyasha. The hanyou was awake and he was quietly observing his elder brother from the corner of his eye. "You've been staring at her for quite a while now." There was no taunting tone in his brother's voice, unlike earlier.
Sesshoumaru looked sideways at him, wondering if he would be a fool to tell his brother his troubles. He decided that he would be so he kept quiet, turning his gaze from Helen to the moon above. "You love her, don't you?" Inuyasha persisted. "No matter how much you try to hide it, no matter how much you try to deny it, it's always there, isn't it?"
"Love is for the weak," the youkai lord said coldly, his gaze still fixed on the stars. "It makes one weak. It clouds one's judgment and it only preoccupies you with useless trifles. But then again"—he turned his cold gaze to his brother—"it is alright for you to love, Inuyasha, after all, are you not a half-breed? Surely, with your human blood, you would think that to love is natural."
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at him. "If it weren't for love, you wouldn't be here," the hanyou countered. Sesshoumaru—unbelievably—snorted. "You can try to suppress it, Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha continued. "You can try to block it. But no matter what you do, you can't get rid of it." With that, he closed his eyes and resumed mock-sleeping, not giving Sesshoumaru the chance to retort.
Sesshoumaru stared at his brother and couldn't help feeling that the hanyou was right.
XoXoXo
Revenge.
That was the only thing on Kagura's mind as she flew against the dark sky to an unknown destination. She didn't know where she was going, she merely wanted to clear her head and nothing could do a better job than flying high with the wind rushing through her.
She gritted her perfectly white teeth and thought of revenge. Sesshoumaru had spurned her, rejected her, and humiliated her. She gripped the soft edges of her feather tightly. She wasn't angry at Sesshoumaru, no she could never be angry with him, she was angry with her. The stupid and pathetic girl who got in the way of everything!
The first time Kagura had seen Sesshoumaru, there was no doubt in her mind that she thought him quite good looking. She didn't like him at first; she planned on using him and, as a result, snuck away from Naraku so that she could see him and offer him bits of information about Naraku. Their meeting in secret had resulted in something and Kagura was the first to admit her feelings for him. How she remembered the day well. She and Sesshoumaru had met in secret because she said she had some information that she thought he could use against Naraku (in truth, she merely wanted to see him). The moment they had met, she blurted out her feelings and much to her surprise, he didn't kill her. Instead, he had drawn her to him and held her tight.
Their relationship had been hard to hide and it was hard to meet him. But they had managed. And now, everything was shattered because of a stupid girl whom she wanted dead. She stopped her feather in midair. Helen had left; she had left without a word and she didn't know where she went. Still, she had a sneaking suspicion that Helen would come back soon enough. If she did return, she could finish her off—if Sesshoumaru wouldn't protect the girl, that is. If he did—and she had a feeling that he would—there was no way she could get her revenge. She was powerful, but she was nothing compared to Sesshoumaru.
Another thought came to her. She wondered, for a brief moment if she should. She placed a hand on her chest, over her heart and felt the steady beating of the organ that had set her free. Now that she thought about, it was because of Helen that she was free in the first place. Still, she wasn't about to back down on her plan to kill her.
She felt her heart beat faster as she thought of her plan. She knew someone who could kill the girl; she knew that someone wouldn't back down. Still, it was dangerous. What if he took her heart back? She scowled. The only thing she feared now was loosing her freedom. Still, she wanted revenge. She debated with herself until the sun slowly rose in the east and the stars vanished.
Kagura made up her mind and turned her feather around.
XoXoXo
Dawn was slowly breaking in. As the sun's rays slowly crept over the horizon, Inuyasha opened his eyes from his state of mock-sleep to find his brother gone. Of course, Inuyasha didn't expect him to stay with them the entire night. It was most likely that his brother had gone off somewhere to clear his head. Miroku was the next person to wake up. The bump that Sesshoumaru had so kindly bestowed on his head had slightly swollen but it didn't hurt.
Another hour later, Kagome, Sango and Helen were rubbing their eyes, trying to shake off the sleep demon that threatened to claim them yet again. "It's still too early," Helen muttered, giving in to the sleep demon and ducking underneath the blankets of the sleeping bag.
Kagome smothered a small smile. Helen never was an early-bird. Kagome, herself, wasn't either—that was, until she stared traveling with Inuyasha. Sango and Kagome looked at each other and smirked. Without hesitating, both girls pulled the blankets from Helen. "Hey!" she said as she sat up.
"You're far too lazy," Sesshoumaru said as he came back.
Helen looked up at him and glared. "Good morning to you too," she muttered as she finally decided to get up.
XoXoXo
They were both silent.
Helen and Sesshoumaru, due to the latter's insistence, had left Inuyasha and the others to return to where Jaken and Rin were. Silence seemed to reign between them for what seemed like an eternity. Helen sighed and tried to ignore the fact that her stomach was reminding her that she had skipped the roasted fish that was supposed to be breakfast. She tried not to think of the fish that Kagome had so generously offered…
"I heard you screaming," Sesshoumaru suddenly, said very quietly, his gaze fixed straight ahead.
"What?" Helen asked, not knowing what he was talking about.
He glanced at her, his eyes meeting hers. "Screaming? But…I wasn't screaming this morning…unless you count Kagome and Sango waking me up," Helen said thoughtfully.
His gaze sharpened. Helen suddenly remembered what had happened last night and went a marvelous shade of red. Why did he have to bring that up?! Helen thought as she felt her cheeks darken. I swear, he wants me to die of humiliation! See if I don't!
"You…you don't have to mention that…" her voice trailed off and she looked up at the sky. She would look anywhere, anywhere but at him.
He was silent. He stared at her for a moment. Her eyes were fixed on the sky and he had a feeling that she was doing everything in her power to ignore him. Maybe that could get these foolish notions out of his head. Perhaps, if he just ignored her, these accursed emotions remain quiet. But, he couldn't just ignore her. For some reason, he found that quite difficult, more than difficult, even.
"I mean," she went on as she looked at him. "You didn't mean to…" She was silent again. And, endeavoring to get him to talk, she said, "So, any luck with Naraku?"
He looked at her, glad of another topic. "No."
"I thought you would be looking for him," she said simply, her eyes fixed on the sky again.
How could I? Sesshoumaru thought. How could I focus on Naraku when I was trying to get you back? True, when Helen had left him, everything just seemed to slip. During that time, he could think of nothing but how to get her back. That was the main reason why he so detested those emotions of his—they blinded him from doing what he was supposed to do.
"But anyway," Helen went on, not noticing that Sesshoumaru seemed to be thinking deep thoughts. "I have a question." She paused for a moment. "How's…how's Toshimaru?"
Sesshoumaru stopped so abruptly in his tracks that one would surmise that he had bumped into a wall. Helen, too, stopped, wondering why he was giving her that look. "Why do you ask?" he asked, feeling an unfamiliar emotion—the same emotion that Inuyasha felt whenever Kouga tried to make a move on Kagome. He felt shocked that he actually felt this way.
Helen raised an eyebrow at him, sensing the annoyance that laced his cold voice. "Well…he was the one who…" she sighed. Toshimaru was the one who had comforted her when she had decided that she would be leaving, he was the one who was there for her when she had been hurt; he was the one she had liked at first so it was only natural that she would ask about him.
"The one who…?" Sesshoumaru, uncharacteristically, insisted.
"He was…he was the one who was there for me when I left, okay?" Helen said, sensing, with amusement, Sesshoumaru's growing annoyance that was only a step away from anger…at his cousin.
The youkai lord inwardly growled. So, Toshimaru had been there for Helen when she had left, was he? He had been there for her, comforted her. How had he comforted her? Had he held her in his arms until her tears stopped? The thought made his blood boil and, despite the fact that he strengthened the dam on his emotions, a burning sense of jealousy seemed to take hold of him. It was with effort that he managed to keep his cold mask on and not turn on Helen with a look on his face akin to a raging bull's.
"He is fine," he said, his voice colder than it usually was. Though I doubt that he will be for long…
Helen raised an eyebrow at the colder-than-usual tone in his voice. Then, Sesshoumaru asked a question that made Helen raise both her eyebrows. "Do you love him?" he asked carelessly, almost lazily.
"Wh-what?" Helen asked, her eyebrows rising.
"Do you love him?"
"Why…why on earth are you asking me that?" Helen asked as her eyebrows rose.
"A question cannot be answered with a question."
"Yeah, but it helps sometimes," Helen said pointedly. "Why are you asking me that question?"
Why was he asking her that question? In truth, he himself didn't know why he was asking her that question. It was merely a slip of the tongue. But he couldn't deny that the question had formed itself in his mind when he was feeling, quite unbelievably, jealous.
"Because he feels that way towards you," Sesshoumaru said as he resumed walking.
"What?" Helen asked she increased her stride to keep up with his pace.
"You haven't answered my question."
Why is he asking me that? In fact, why does he sound as if he's angry with me or something? Maybe he's just upset that I've been delaying his search for Naraku. "Should I answer your question?" she asked. "I mean, I'm not going to tell you, since the answer is private."
A flicker of annoyance crossed his eyes for a second. "Then it only means that you do," he said, the dam on his emotions dangerously close to cracking.
"What makes you think that?"
"I am not obligated to answer you."
"How would you even know how I feel?" Helen asked, her voice slightly rising. "I mean, you wouldn't know how others feel seeing as you can't feel yourself!"
"You presume too much."
"Well, isn't that what you just did?" Helen snapped. The growling in her stomach only added to her temper.
"No, I was merely revealing a fact."
"What makes you think that I love him?" she suddenly asked, stopping in her tracks.
Sesshoumaru stopped and turned to her. "If you refuse to follow, I shall leave you."
"Answer my question!"
"Do not raise that voice of yours at me, onna," he warned, his eyes narrowing.
"What makes you think that I love him?" she asked again.
"Because it is obvious."
"You…you…you think you know me?" Helen asked, as she took a step towards him, her temper finally at boiling point. "You don't! You don't know me. So what makes you think that you can say that? For your information, I don't love Toshimaru! Not the way you think I do, at least."
"Oh?"
"No! I don't!" Helen snapped angrily, her temper flaring. "I don't love him because I love you!"
Her eyes widened in shock. She quickly covered her mouth with both of her hands as if she had just uttered a disgusting swearword. A violent shade of red spread quickly across her cheeks as if she were steadily being filled with boiling water.
Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrows in unfeigned surprise. Sure, he had heard her say that she loved him before, but she had never told him that herself. Suddenly, a mad urge to hold her close seemed to take hold of him. He looked at her. She was looking at him and her eyes were still wide, hands still clasped to her mouth. Another feeling seemed to take hold of him—there was no denying the fact that what she said had actually pleased him…actually made him…happy.
Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, Helen thought, angry at herself for the slip-up. Great! First what happened last night and now this! What's next? Argh! I should've stayed in America! I should've stayed there like a good girl!
"Oh?" Sesshoumaru said silkily, his eyebrows slightly raised. The dam on his emotions was one tiny crack away from completely bursting…
Helen looked up at him, her eyes narrowed in comical fury at him. "Urgh!" she said angrily. "You are so…so…so…urgh!"
Cheeks burning, Helen turned on her heel and stomped off.
XoXoXo
Miroku: you all know she expects reviews.
A1969: yup, reviews, nice, fat reviews.
Sango: the author wants to thank those who read and reviewed, by the way.
A1969: yup! Thanks! I was feeling a mild case of Writer's Block and the reviews just inspire you, you know.
Sango: review, please!