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A1969: thanks to those who reviewed again…thanks too, to the reader who sent a pm saying I should update.

Chapter Thirty-two: Broken

XoXoXo

Helen could not believe the sudden stroke of bad luck that seemed to have come her way. First what happened last night and now this! Helen thought angrily as she stomped away into the forest, hoping to go anywhere, anywhere but where Sesshoumaru was. Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka! Why'd I have to go and say it? What could have made me say it?!

She was still angry with herself for the slip-up. And all he could say is 'Oh?' urgh! How mortifying! It would've been alright if he said 'Disgusting', but 'Oh?' Urgh! I could kill myself!

She suddenly stopped in her tracks. She knew perfectly well that she had to go back to him sooner or later, knew that she had to get to the Eastern lands soon. But how soon was soon? She couldn't face him yet. The fact that she had just managed to blurt out—without meaning to—her feelings for him made her want to scream. Why did she have to go and say it?

She sighed and seated herself gloomily on a log nearby. No, she would not face him yet. She would rather die than face him now. She sighed again and leaned her elbows on her knees and hoped that everything that had happened since last night was only a bad dream.

But, then again, she thought as she leaned her chin on the palm of her hands. I can't deny the fact that I wanted to tell him…

XoXoXo

Sesshoumaru, truth be told, was more than pleased at what Helen had said to him.

In truth, the moment she had told him, he felt a foolish urge to grin, which was strange and equally disturbing. He let out a sigh as he walked on. He knew perfectly well that Helen would not want to see him yet and he, much to his own surprise, did not want to see her. The moment those three simple words had come pouring from her mouth, his emotions had begun to rage against him, screaming at him and tormenting him. In fact, it took a great deal of his self-control not to simply kiss her when the words had come pouring from her mouth.

Hence, he did not want to see her yet. He had to give his emotions time to calm down. Strange, he had never felt this way, not even in his childhood. He frowned to himself. He was now certain, more than ever, that Helen would be the very thing that would get between him and his goal of conquest. He must not let that happen. He had to regain full control of his emotions, if not…

"Lord Sesshoumaru!" Rin's cheery voice snapped him out of his torpor when he entered their camp. Rin ran up to him, a toothy smile on her face upon sight of her father figure. The smile on her face suddenly faltered slightly. "Eh? Lord Sesshoumaru…where's Helen-san?"

"She went for a walk, Rin," Sesshoumaru said idly, as he seated himself underneath a tree, hoping to clear his head of all the foolish notions that suddenly seemed to possess his mind.

Rin, surprisingly, knelt beside him and tilted her head innocently at him. "Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin said carefully, knowing that she shouldn't be asking. "Are…are you and Helen-san fighting again?"

Sesshoumaru, who had been looking up at the sky, turned his attention to Rin. His eyebrows slightly rose. "No, Rin."

"But…why isn't Helen-san here, Sesshoumaru-sama?" the little girl insisted.

Sesshoumaru inwardly wondered how Rin had suddenly come to asking questions. "Rin, haven't I said that she has gone for a walk?"

"Yes, but why?" the little girl persisted.

"She wishes to clear her head." And I wish to clear mine as well…

Sesshoumaru was saved from Rin's interrogation when Jaken, whose timing could not have been more perfect, screeched, "Rin! Stop bothering Lord Sesshoumaru! Can't you see that he wishes to rest?"

"But, Master Jaken," Rin began.

Jaken tugged Rin's hand and began grumbling as was his preferred hobby. "Lord Sesshoumaru wants to rest, can't you see that?"

"But—"

"No buts!"

Sesshoumaru listened, amused, as Rin and Jaken began arguing like two siblings. After a moment of listening, Sesshoumaru turned his attention to the sky and sighed deeply. He frowned to himself. Why was it that when he thought that he loved Kagura, he had made no attempt to get rid of his 'emotions' for her? He sighed. He knew why. Deep down, he had already known that he merely wanted Kagura as a trophy since having her with him seemed like some sort of small victory against Naraku.

Helen was a different matter. He admitted, silently and unwillingly, that she actually made him feel emotions that he had thought he was perfectly immune to. He had to get rid of those emotions somehow, but how? Another sigh escaped him as a sparrow darted across the sky.

Getting rid of his feelings for her, he knew, would be a challenge.

XoXoXo

"Did you notice how reluctant Helen was to leave with Sesshoumaru this morning?" Sango asked Kagome. Both of them were kneeling beside the stream, refilling empty plastic bottles with water.

"I did," Kagome said quietly. "Helen looked as if she would rather die than go with him." She lifted the bottle she was refilling out of the stream and promptly twisted the cap on it.

"I really don't get those two," Sango muttered as she too twisted the cap of her bottle closed. "I mean, when she was gone, Sesshoumaru acted like a dog deprived of game. He tried to get her back and now that she's back, he acts as if he didn't want her."

"He's stubborn," Kagome muttered as both she and Sango stood up. "I mean, it kinda runs in the family, don't you think? The only difference between him and Inuyasha is that Sesshoumaru denies his emotions because he doesn't want anything to get between him and power and Inuyasha…"

"Is just stubborn," Sango finished as she and Kagome began making their way back to their camp.

"I just wish Sesshoumaru would get off his Trojan horse and tell her how he feels, at least," Kagome muttered. "Why are men such jerks?"

"It's one of nature's Great Mysteries, I'm afraid," Sango offered as they entered their campsite.

"What took you so long?!" Inuyasha bellowed as soon as he saw Kagome and Sango.

"Inuyasha, we were only getting more water," Kagome said with a slightly apologetic tone in her voice. She knew why Inuyasha was angry with her—she had not asked his permission to go and get more water. "Besides, we weren't gone for long, were we?"

"Bah!" the hanyou said.

Kagome rolled her eyes as she placed the two bottles of water into her backpack. Sango left her side to check on Kohaku who was chatting animatedly to Miroku about the monk's past escapades with women—a topic that should not, in Sango's opinion, reach her brother's ears.

"You should ask permission before you leave, at least," Inuyasha said gruffly.

Kagome, who had been fumbling with the strap of her backpack, suddenly looked up. "Why?" she asked, feeling slightly rebellious, which had been the scourge of the Higurashi family for generations. "I don't have to ask your permission for everything, do I?"

"You have to," Inuyasha said, unaware that Kagome was feeling irked.

"Why?"

"So I'll know that you're not in trouble," the hanyou replied.

"Ah," Kagome said in a mock understanding voice. "So you're saying that I don't know how to take care of myself—you're saying that I'm weak?"

Inuyasha, who, by now, had noticed the tone in Kagome's voice, grew annoyed. "I'm not saying you're weak…I'm saying that you should tell me where you go!"

"No! You're saying that I can't handle myself!"

Sango and Miroku looked at each other and rolled their eyes in a bored way. Kohaku leaned towards his sister and asked, "Why do they always fight, aneue?"

"It's a mystery, Kohaku," Shippou answered for Sango.

"Fine! You're weak!" Inuyasha said, his patience finally obliterated. "You're weak! I admit it!"

Kagome was fuming, Inuyasha was glowering and, soon enough, a loud voice screeched throughout the campsite, "SIT!!"

Inuyasha crashed to the ground with such force that a few leaves fell from the nearby trees. "You're so…so…overbearing!" Kagome said begrudgingly as she turned on her heel and left the camp.

"Leave it to Inuyasha to make Kagome leave," Shippou said dully.

XoXoXo

Helen sighed again as she stared up at the sky. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, on that log, berating herself again and again for the slip-up. She wondered how many more episodes like that she would be able to withstand. She closed her eyes and leaned against a tree that was growing serenely behind the log she had been sitting on.

In a way, her going back to the Eastern Lands, though she really didn't want to, was a blessing in disguise. In the East, she would be far from Sesshoumaru, which would be quite a relief. Another sigh escaped her. How many times had sighs escaped her since she first came to the Feudal Era? She really didn't know, but she seemed to sigh whenever she thought of that aloof, aristocratic, idiot.

She knew perfectly well that he didn't care about emotions, knew perfectly well that he didn't give a single thought about how she felt. He was a cold block of ice. Living, breathing, block of ice, Helen thought grudgingly. He's so arrogant, not a single word of criticism pierces that icy surface of his…Why'd I have to like him anyway? I mean…I used to like Toshimaru…Sometimes I wish I never met Sesshoumaru…but…I know if that wish does come true…I'd be even more wretched than I am now…

She let out a low whistle, keeping her eyes closed as if trying to close herself off from the world. He's arrogant, aloof, indifferent, cold and ruthless. If that's the case…why do I love him?

The question formed itself in her mind but she immediately discarded the thought. I love him…but he doesn't feel the same, walking block of ice.

Are you sure he doesn't feel the same? a tiny voice whispered in her head. You never know what he's feeling, what he's thinking, so how could you deduce that he doesn't feel the same?

He doesn't, Helen thought, answering herself. That much is obvious. Besides, he doesn't have emotions at all. He thinks emotions are beneath him, pompous jerk.

You can call him whatever you like, the nasty voice said again. But you can never change the way you feel about him, can you?

Shut up, Helen thought. She suddenly opened her eyes and blinked. Great, Sesshoumaru's got me arguing with myself…

"I must be going crazy," Helen thought, voicing her final thoughts aloud.

"Who's got you going crazy?" a feminine voice asked.

Helen stood up and spun around. "Kagome!" she said as soon as she caught sight of her cousin. Kagome stumbled from a few clumps of bushes and straightened up, giving Helen a sheepish grin as she did so. "Kagome!" Helen said again as she approached Kagome. "What're you doing here?"

Kagome smiled and looked around as though determined to find something. "Erm, I was about to ask you the same thing," the miko said simply. She looked around again.

"What're you looking for?" Helen inquired.

"Well, what're you doing here on your own?" Kagome asked. "I thought you left together with Sesshoumaru." Just hearing the name said out loud by someone else was enough to make Helen blush.

Helen sighed then sat back down on her log. Kagome followed suit and sat next to her. "Well, if you must know," Helen said bashfully. "I had to get away from him."

Kagome's eyebrows shot up. "Why?"

To her surprise, Helen went a brilliant shade of red. "Well…I…I didn't mean to…it was a little slip," Helen muttered.

"What was a little slip?" Kagome pursued.

Helen looked shiftily at Kagome. "Well, we were fighting," Helen said, "about…about Toshimaru. I asked him how Toshimaru was and well, he got, I don't know, he suddenly got angry with me or something and he asked me if I loved Toshimaru and I told him I wouldn't answer him then he said that I obviously did. I lost my temper with him and blurted out—Kagome, I didn't mean to—I blurted out that I didn't love Toshimaru because I loved him." She had said all of it very fast.

Kagome's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You said that you loved him?!" the miko asked in an awed voice. Helen went even redder. "Then what'd he say?" Kagome added.

"Oh?" Helen said.

"What'd he say?" Kagome asked with the air of a patient teacher asking a question again from a five year-old.

"Oh?" Helen groaned, burying her face in her hands in humiliation. "That's what he said! He merely said 'Oh?'"

"Hopeless," Kagome said.

XoXoXo

Sesshoumaru could not understand why he could not stop thinking about what she had said. Why, he asked himself for the umpteenth time. Could he not stop dwelling on her words?

I don't love him because I love you!

Her words reverberated through his mind and, once more, he found that he suddenly wanted to grin. He growled to himself. He should not even be thinking about what she had said! The proper thing to do would be to discard the whole incident and, better yet, discard her feelings for him. He should not, he reasoned, allow himself to love her.

As soon as the thought seared his mind, his emotions raged against him. If there was just a way to get rid of these thoughts and feelings, he would gladly take it. As he said often enough, love made one hopelessly weak; it blinded you to what you were supposed to do and he was quite certain that if he gave in to his emotions, ultimate power and conquest would be as unobtainable as the moon.

He growled again. He had discovered—to his horror—that he had been close to giving into his feelings the moment he held her underneath the Sacred Tree. Why did he even hold her? Why didn't he just simply push her away?

Face it, a nasty voice—presumably coming from the part of him that wanted to give in—said. You want her, don't you?

No. To do so would make me weak, which I have no intention of being.

-Liar, you want her, admit it.

As if the answer required physical effort, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes in a weary way. Fine, he thought grudgingly. I more than want her…but I must not feel this way. My goal lies in conquest, not the chivalrous escapades of lovers.

Hence, he would do everything in his power to gain complete control of his emotions which were now raging a battle against him.

XoXoXo

"Hurry it up, you snails!" Kouga shouted out as he ran, fast as the wind, ahead of Hakaku and Ginta.

"Kouga! Wait up!" Ginta shouted, panting with the effort of running. Even demons have their limits, he thought as he felt that the stitch at his side was about to burst.

"The wolves are tired!" Hakaku shouted. He turned to Ginta who was running alongside him. "It's a miracle that he can still run as fast as if he's still got Shikon shards!"

"The…fact…that…that…weird girl," panted Ginta, running with effort, "…stole…his…shards…only…makes…him…want…to…find…Naraku…faster!"

"I…wish…he'd…SLOW DOWN!" Hakaku shouted the last words, hoping that Kouga would listen.

Kouga, who found life without his Shikon shards frustrating, slowed down and stopped, glaring at the two wolf demons who panted up to him, followed docilely by their pack of wolves. "I swear," Kouga muttered angrily as he pouted and crossed his arms. "You're not wolf demons, you're snail demons!"

"Kouga," Hakaku said, flopping down on the grass. "We're tired!"

"Just because some girl stole your shards doesn't mean you have to take it out on us!" Ginta said as he leaned against a tree.

"Shut it!" Kouga snapped. He growled in frustration. Ever since that damn girl stole my shards, I've been slower. Darn! When I find that girl, I'll kill her! I swear!

"Fine," Kouga muttered. "We're resting…not too long, though."

"Thank you!" both his companions said as they closed their eyes and leaned their heads on their arms.

Kouga sighed. One of the wolves approached him and he scratched it lazily behind the ears. The wind blew and a familiar scent caught his attention. "This scent," he muttered as he stood up.

"What scent?" Ginta asked, opening one bleary eye.

Kouga sniffed the wind. "It's…it's…that girl!" he said with sudden realization. "It's that girl who stole my Shikon shards!" The wind blew softly and another scent reached his nose. "Kagome's with her!"

XoXoXo

Kagura could not do it.

She could not risk the freedom that she had long dreamed of for mere revenge. Helen was not worth her freedom, she had decided. Still, the feeling of revenge lingered and could not be placated. So, she had done what others before had long done. She sought out someone who had a grudge against Helen. It was hard to find someone who was angry with that wench. Sesshoumaru was out of the question as were Inuyasha and Miroku.

Racking her mind, she remembered that Helen had stolen Kouga's shards and Kouga was still enraged because of it. She had long since known that Helen had come back. She had been keeping an eye on her, always manipulating the wind so that she remained downwind and undetectable to Sesshoumaru's nose.

She had thought that she would never find an opportunity to put her plan into action. But suddenly, this stroke of luck had come her way. Helen had left Sesshoumaru's side in a righteous temper. All Kagura had to do was to find Kouga and blow the wind with Helen's scent towards him.

Watching from behind a tree as Kouga ran off, a nasty smile crept across Kagura's lips.

XoXoXo

"It just goes to show you, doesn't it?" Helen said as soon as Kagome told her the reason why she left Inuyasha. "Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru are truly brothers…the way they behave…"

Kagome nodded her head in agreement. She sighed and stood up. "I think I'll go back to Inuyasha now," she declared.

Helen stood up. "You go on then," she said. "I'd rather die than face Sesshoumaru now."

Kagome smiled at her. "You know you'll have to face him sooner or later."

Helen was silent. The wind suddenly blew hard. "What gives?" Kagome muttered, turning around just as a miniature tornado blew towards them. A moment later, the tornado blew itself out to reveal a young man whose hair was in a ponytail. "Kouga!'

The wolf demon did not return Kagome's greeting. Instead, he grabbed her roughly by the arm and drew her away from Helen. "Hey!" Kagome said. "Kouga, what're you doing?"

"Get away from her, Kagome!" Kouga said, glaring at Helen.

"Wh-what?" Helen said unnerved. Then it hit her. "Wait…you're Kouga?"

"Don't act as if you don't know!" Kouga angrily charged at her, his fist aimed towards her head.

"Gah!" Helen rolled over to one side to avoid Kouga. She skidded on the ground, grazing her knee.

"Kouga, stop!" Kagome called out. Kouga, however, was not listening. He quickly spun around and made a beeline for Helen. He tried to kick her but she managed to dodge it, falling to the ground as she did so.

"Kouga!" Kagome called out again.

Helen stood up. "Wait, you don't understand," she said.

"What don't I understand?!" Kouga raged. "You stole my Shikon shards! You gave them to Naraku!" He lashed out at her with his fists with such speed that Helen was taken by surprise. Her eyes widened in shock as soon as she realized that Kouga's fist was aimed towards her head. Before Kouga's fist could make contact, however, Kagome quickly pushed Helen aside, receiving the full blow to her elbow. The impact swept Kagome off her feet, sending her crashing against a tree.

Kouga's eyes widened in shock as the rage inside him slowly calmed down. "Kagome!" he said with worry. He was not the only one who was worried. Helen looked frightened out of her wits, feeling fearful for her cousin. "Kagome!" Kouga said as he gently held Kagome in his arms. The miko was sitting up gingerly. "I'm so sorry," he murmured.

"It's…it's alright," Kagome said, shuddering at the pain in her elbow. She had a nasty feeling that a giant bruise was forming in the spot where Kouga had hit. She rolled up the sleeve of her blouse and found, without surprise, that a black bruise had formed on her elbow and a good part of her forearm. "Nothing's broken, I think."

Relieved, Kouga stood up and turned his attention to Helen. "You!" he roared. "You made me do this to her!"

Helen, who had been unnerved at Kagome taking the blow of Kouga's fist for her and feeling thoroughly guilty about it, snapped out of her shock. "Me?!" she snapped. "Me? I was trying to explain to you! I'm not an incarnation of Naraku nor do I work for him either!"

"Yeah right!"

"Kouga!" Kagome said forcefully. "Helen's my cousin!"

Kouga looked as if someone had clubbed him on the head. "Wh-what?"

"She's my cousin," Kagome said as she stood up, gingerly holding her bruised left arm with her right arm. "Naraku was controlling her—that was why she stole your shards."

Kouga was silent. "Bastard," he hissed, after several minutes of silence. "He's despicable."

"He is," Helen said quietly as she carefully approached Kagome to see to the extent of her injuries.

"I'm fine," Kagome assured Helen. "It's just a bruise."

Kouga, who looked and felt guilty about his rashness, looked at Helen. "I'm sorry," he muttered, feeling ashamed. "I should've listened instead of charging head on like that."

"It's alright," Helen assured. "The important thing is that Kagome's alright and we've smoothed things over."

Kouga nodded. "Pathetic," a voice said, coming from the trees.

"I know this voice," Helen said with annoyance. They spun around just as Kagura emerged from the trees. "Kagura!"

"Very pathetic," Kagura said again, looking at Kouga. "And here I thought you would be able to get rid of her—how very wrong I was."

"What're you saying?" Kouga snarled.

"I set you up," Kagura said simply, fanning herself with her fan. "It's as simple as that."

"Why?" it wasn't Kouga who asked, it was Helen. Her eyes were narrowed and her fists were clenched. "Why did you set this up?"

"Why?" Kagura suddenly asked, sounding bitter. "Why?! As if you don't know! Yes, you! I want you dead, you idiot girl, isn't that obvious? You ruined everything! You took away the one good thing in my life—you took away Sesshoumaru!"—Kouga looked strangely at Helen, wondering what Kagura was talking about—"You took him away from me!"

"I did not," Helen said. "He doesn't want me, he wants no one."

"Silence!" She waved her fan at Helen and sent a barrage of her wind blades at her. Kouga quickly lifted Helen in his arms and carried her to one side. In his haste to make amends, he failed to notice that Kagome was still standing weakly behind Helen…

"Kagome!" Helen shouted in shock as the wind blades hit Kagome.

Kouga's eyes widened as the miko screamed in pain. The wind blades tore through Kagome, hitting her flesh and spilling blood. Kagura's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Kagome had not been her target. Ah, well…

"You!" Kouga snarled as he charged towards Kagura.

While Kagura and Kouga engaged each other in combat, Helen approached Kagome, who was lying on the ground, bleeding heavily. "Kagome?" Helen said, kneeling beside her. "Kagome?"

Kagome's eyes were closed, her breathing labored. Helen instinctively placed her fingers on Kagome's neck, searching frantically for a pulse. There was a pulse, but it was pathetically weak…

Kagome was dying.

Helen suddenly felt rage build up within her. A sudden desire for revenge burned within her veins, setting her blood on fire. A demon seemed to awaken within her, craving for the blood of the one who had done this…

"Fujin no mai!" Kagura shouted, sending the accursed wind blades at Kouga. Kouga easily dodged Kagura's attack. Both of them suddenly stopped—they felt it. A strong build-up of demonic energy permeated the air. They spun around to see where the monstrous rise of youki was coming from.

Kagura's eyes widened in shock the moment she saw Helen. The young woman's hair blew back as if caught in a breeze. Her hands were clenched menacingly; the nails were replaced by the sharp claws of a daiyoukai. The color of her hair lightened to a golden shade and her eyes were slowly turning sliver…

No! Kagura thought with dread and dismay. She's…she's broken the seal!

XoXoXo

A1969: this is it for now.

Miroku: you all know what to do.

Sango: we've been telling you since the beginning.

Miroku: review please!

A1969: once again, I'd like to thank all those who reviewed! Your reviews mean much more to me than gold and I'm not just saying!