A1969: I know I said I'd update sooner, but it's just an impossibility at the moment—Trig and advanced algebra are demanding my constant attention.
Miroku: she calls them 'Modern Means of Human Torture', or just 'Torture' for short.
Sango: we should try those on Naraku—just to see…
A1969: I think it'd kill him.
Both: perfect!
A1969: anyway, I'd like to thank my readers and reviewers who put up with my tardiness—thanks guys!
Chapter Thirty-three: Closed Eyes
XoXoXo
When Helen had finally opened her eyes, she became aware that she was still leaning her head on Toshimaru's shoulder. She blinked.
"You're awake," the youkai lord murmured, upon seeing her eyes flutter.
Helen straightened up and blushed slightly. "Um…was I asleep for long?" she asked.
Toshimaru smiled at her. "Quite a while."
Helen glanced at the sky; it was nearly twilight. She must have been out for more than a while, then. "You look a bit pale," Toshimaru commented, brushing his fingers lightly across her cheek. Helen looked at him and realized that his touch made her blush. He frowned slightly. "I do not think it is good for you to continue remaining outdoors."
Helen suddenly realized that she didn't want to go inside…yet. "I think I'd rather stay out here, if you don't mind," she said quietly, still aware that Toshimaru's fingers still fluttered against her cheek.
"Tsk, tsk," Toshimaru said playfully. "We should go back inside…Your mother has visitors."
"She does?" Helen asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Yes," Toshimaru said quietly, letting go of her cheek. "She does. I smelled them."
Helen tried sniffing the air. The scents that swirled around her were too numerous to contemplate. She shook her head. "My nose has improved," Helen said. "But not my memory. There're too many scents for me to recognize."
"You'll get used to them soon enough," Toshimaru said, as he stood. "Come, it's not nice to keep guests waiting, is it?"
Helen sighed. "I don't want to see any guests," she mumbled.
Toshimaru smiled. "Ah-ah," he said. "You're not so ill anymore, besides, it'll be good for others to see you now. You've improved. You'll dazzle everyone, I'm sure."
Helen frowned. "Yeah, right," she said.
Toshimaru chuckled. "You're not vain in the slightest, are you, Helen?"
She shook her head and smiled. "Nope, sorry to disappoint you."
The demon lord took her hand. "Well, come on, then, the sooner you meet your mother's guests, the sooner you can go and rest."
"Right." Helen twined her fingers gently against Toshimaru's feeling the warmth of them. They walked slowly back to the palace, deliberately slow, it could have been said. Toshimaru told Helen a little about what it was like to rule, what it was like to have demons bow down, what it took to maintain the peace, not that most demons preferred peace.
When they reached the palace, they were ushered to where Lady Shinsuke and her guests were. Helen's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Sesshoumaru and Lady Takeida were sitting in front of Lady Shinsuke, empty cups of tea in front of them. They seemed to have been discussing taxes when they walked in. At the sound of the door sliding open, the three demons looked up at the newcomers.
Sesshoumaru's gaze automatically snapped to Helen's face, then to the demon next to her. There was a certain look in his eye that made Helen wonder whether or not Toshimaru and Sesshoumaru were planning on waging a war against each other. The demon lord's amber eyes zeroed in on Helen's hand in Toshimaru's and his gaze became colder than ever. Helen pulled her hand away gently, noticing the coldness in his look.
"Helen, Lord Toshimaru!" Lady Takeida said, smiling at Helen. Her smile faded slightly when she saw the man next to her.
Helen automatically knelt on the floor and bowed. "Lady Takeida," she murmured, aware of Sesshoumaru's icy gaze on her. "Lord Sesshoumaru." There was a tiny catch in her voice as she said his name.
"Sit up, Helen," her mother said.
Helen did so and the moment she sat up, her eyes met Sesshoumaru's and she hurriedly looked away. "I'm glad to see that you're recovering," Lady Takeida said, smiling again. Her smile faded again as Toshimaru knelt next to Helen, but no one seemed to notice.
"Thank you," Helen muttered, trying to smile and ending up grimacing. Sesshoumaru's cold eyes held a glare just beneath their surface.
"Lady Takeida," Toshimaru said, "cousin." He inclined his head in Sesshoumaru's direction, a mocking smile on his face.
Sesshoumaru only raised his eyebrows.
"Sesshoumaru," Lady Shinsuke said, noticing the said demon's mood shift. "And Lady Takeida visited to know how your health is."
Helen tried to smile. "I'm fine, thanks."
"I can see that." Helen inwardly cringed at the icy tone in Sesshoumaru's voice. His words felt like icy needles in her heart. It was quite clear—to her, anyway—from his tone of voice that he was angry at the moment. "I can see that you are well enough to take a stroll with my dear cousin."
Helen bit her lip. "Um…how…how's Rin?" she asked, trying to change the subject without even being subtle about it.
He raised his eyebrows at her. "I do not think she is your concern anymore."
Helen tried to swallow the lump in her throat. He wasn't mad—he was infuriated. What had she done to him now?
"The little girl is fine," Lady Takeida, seeing Helen's distress, said. She glared at her son.
"I…I'm glad to hear that," Helen said. "And…Lady Takeida is fine as well, I presume?"
"You presume too much," Sesshoumaru said coldly.
Helen narrowed her eyes, her temper slowly building. "Oh, I'm sorry," Helen said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I forgot that presuming was your specialty, Sesshoumaru."
He glared at her. Lady Shinsuke cleared her throat loudly, making the two of them pull their gazes away from each other. At that moment, the door to the hall slid open and a maid knelt in the door way. "Dinner is ready, milady."
XoXoXo
"You haven't touched anything," Toshimaru observed, eyeing Helen's still full bowl.
Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at Toshimaru over his concern. Helen saw the gesture and went a nice shade of red. "I…I am not at all hungry," Helen murmured, keeping her eyes on her soup and wishing that she'd vanish on the spot.
"Be reasonable," Toshimaru insisted. "You've been ill."
Helen shook her head. "No, really, I'm fine."
Toshimaru gave one of the maids a meaningful look and the maid came over and filled Helen's cup with saki. "I…I don't drink…alcohol," Helen muttered, now feeling the full force of Sesshoumaru's gaze on her. Really, what she wouldn't give to just melt into the floor…
"Lady Shinsuke," Toshimaru said, turning his attention to the demoness. "The upcoming autumn can be cold here in the East."
"Yes, I am quite aware of that," Lady Shinsuke replied blandly as she put down her bowl of soup.
"Seeing as how your daughter is still somewhat ill," Toshimaru went on, while Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrows. "I wish to ask your permission to take her North with me."
Helen immediately looked up and at the same time, Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes dangerously at his cousin—a pure sign of death. Lady Takeida raised her eyebrows in indignation—she knew that Toshimaru wanted Helen (a surefire alliance with the East). She loved her nephew, but she didn't love him enough to give him the one thing she knew her son longed for.
Helen looked up and her eyes met Sesshoumaru's. There was a certain look in them—an almost desperate look hidden just beneath the surface of his golden orbs. So many things could happen while she was in the North…
Lady Shinsuke seemed oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. "I do not know," she said slowly, not wishing to offend either Sesshoumaru or Toshimaru. "It is still cold in the North, Lord Toshimaru. In fact…it is colder in the north than in the west…" She smiled meaningfully at Lady Takeida.
Uh-oh, Helen thought. I know where this is going…
"It is warmer in the West," Lady Takeida agreed.
Helen looked at Sesshoumaru and he, in turn, looked at her. His eyes were emotionless once again. From the peripheral of her vision, Helen could see Toshimaru throw Lady Shinsuke a furtive look. "Do you not agree, Helen?" her mother asked.
Helen raised her eyebrows. "Wh…at?"
"Do you think it is a good idea for you to stay in the west for the winter and autumn?" she asked. "Lord Toshimaru is right. You've barely recovered from Naraku's miasma. And you still look a bit peaky."
"I…" Helen glanced at Toshimaru. She did not want to hurt his feelings, yet she just could not say "no."
"I…well…if…it is alright with Lord Sesshoumaru that is…" She blushed.
Sesshoumaru stared at her and she could see—just beneath the cold recesses of his eyes—a sort of look that usually accompanies a smirk. "It is," the youkai lord said. He glanced at Toshimaru with apparent satisfaction written all over is handsome face.
"It is settled then," Lady Shinsuke said. "You will stay in the West until spring. And while you are there, I hope you learn the ways of the clans." She gave Lady Takeida a meaningful look.
Nice, Helen thought with pure sarcasm. Staying in the West with Sesshoumaru until spring…what joy…
Though she thought sarcastically, deep down, she was more than happy.
XoXoXo
Helen sighed as she tossed away, nearly throwing the blankets off her. She scowled as she stared up at the ceiling. Now that she was a demoness, her senses were a million times more acute than that of a human's. Every dust mote in the ceiling was quite clear, every grain in the wood was more magnified, every noise more pronounced…
She sighed…again. What bothered her was the improved vision and the improved hearing. The vision was most startling because seeing through demon eyes was different from seeing with human eyes. What bothered her the most was saw Sesshoumaru … the way she It was as if she had seen him for the first time.
She inwardly growled, shook her head and tossed over again. The hearing was most bothersome because every sound rung in her ears—the chatter of the maids, the cleaning up, and, once, the cry of a man in the heat of passion. Her mother had said that she would learn to tune out the unnecessary sounds in time. Consequently, Helen now understood why demons preferred the quiet.
She listened to the crickets making their music in the night. It had been quite a while since she had managed to get any real sleep, and that was when she had been human. I will never, ever get used to this, she thought scathingly as she shrugged into her outer night robe. She slid open the door to the garden, stepped out into the veranda and into the gardens.
The night air blew crisp and cool, refreshing her from her state of tossing and turning. The wind blew gently against her, making her hair blow softly around her face. She smiled to herself. Walking, she had newly discovered, relieved her of the stress.
She walked towards the lake and stood at its edge, watching the moon being reflected in the water. She smiled to herself as she remembered that this was the exact spot where Toshimaru had nearly kissed her.
Helen sighed and looked around. She found a stone bench and sat on it, smiling to herself. A stone bench wouldn't crack, would it?
As if the thought amused her, she smiled to herself. She could remember very well. She and Toshimaru sitting on a log, nearly kissing, only to have that kiss spoiled by that very same log splitting…
"You seem happy." As if her fond thoughts of him conjured him, Toshimaru came out of the shadows and smiled at her.
She spun around. Most presumably, he had hidden his scent and aura. His hair blew in the breeze and his eyes were warm—the exact of opposite of Sesshoumaru's.
"Aren't you supposed to be ill?" he asked playfully as he sat down next to her. "Or was being ill just a clever ruse to get out of your studies? If so, I praise you, then. I would've done the same."
Helen laughed. "Really? Are learning the ways of the clans, as my mother put it, really that mundane?"
He mock-frowned. "Oh yes," he replied. "In fact, I remember being punished for the misdemeanors I committed just to remain awake."
Helen raised both her eyebrows. Here was the difference between Sesshoumaru and Toshimaru. "I remember being scolded by mother in front of the elders," Toshimaru went on.
"I hope I get to meet her, then," Helen said cheerfully. "I'd love to meet the woman who bested Lord Toshimaru." As usual, when she used the honorific, it was in a mocking tone. She looked up at him and noticed that he had suddenly gone very quiet.
"Have I said anything wrong?" she asked, worried.
Toshimaru looked away, looked up at the moon, and let a sigh escape him. "My…mother is dead…along with my elder brother…and father."
Helen's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You…I'm sorry," she muttered, edging closer to him to comfort him. She had never known anything about his family before. She could not remember him ever mentioning them.
She took his hand in hers and looked up at him. "I truly am…sorry."
He shook his head and held her hand. "You didn't know," he whispered. She looked into his eyes and saw the pain in them. "How could you possibly?"
A deep silence followed his words. Helen debated with herself. "What…what happened to…to them?"
Toshimaru held her hand even tighter. "They…they were betrayed."
Helen's eyes widened. She wondered what on earth could have killed three demons. Toshimaru was silent for a moment, and then he went on. "I haven't…I haven't relived that night," he murmured. "It was…one of the darkest nights of my life. The betrayal was the worst." He looked into her eyes with a certain kind of intense expression. She blushed and looked away. She suddenly became conscious of his thumb stroking the skin of her hand. Her cheeks reddened even further.
"I have never told anyone," he said quietly. She looked at him. "But I wish to tell you."
Helen smiled comfortingly at him. He sighed. "My father was named Lord Shigeru, my mother, Lady Shizuko, my elder brother was named Kenji. Me, my family, vassal families and elders made up the entire Fumifuro clan that reigns over the North. My elder brother, Kenji, was supposed to be the heir…" His voice trailed off and a hard look came into his eyes. He shook his head. "My father was a very trusting man but just. He and Lord Inutaisho, Sesshoumaru's father, were very close, almost like brothers. Our two clans were close as can be. Allies, you could call it. But that term wouldn't be enough to describe the bond between our clans because it was as if we one family instead of two."
"Kenji was older than Sesshoumaru by a hundred years. Even though that was so, Kenji was very protective of us, even though Sesshoumaru usually distanced himself from us." He looked at me, the hint of a smile on his face. "Yes, he was already quite antisocial even when he was young."
Helen smiled weakly at this. "My mother, Shizuko, was almost like Lady Takeida, except that she was more compassionate. Lady Takeida and my mother were sisters, but they were so different. As I said, my mother was far more compassionate. Every time my brother and I would visit our aunt and uncle, we would always see Sesshoumaru standing by his mother's side. Not clinging, mind you, but really standing, erect and proud like a young lord. He was more mature than my brother, actually."
"Well, my father, as you know, was a very trusting man. During those times, the North was very prosperous, more prosperous than the West even, and that, Helen, is an achievement worth noting." Helen noticed that he sounded proud of that little fact.
Toshimaru suddenly grew quiet. "My father placed the running of the vast majority of the lands in the hands of vassal families. My father was too trusting." His voice suddenly grew bitter. "These vassal families became too greedy for their own good. They misused the power that that was entrusted to them. For a long time, my father knew nothing about this. One day, Kenji came upon a demoness who told him of the abuse in one of the provinces. When he came to investigate, he demanded that the vassal family, the Iriya, hand over the lands. Naturally, the Iriya refused."
He grew quiet for a moment. "My brother returned to my father. However, Lord Iriya beat him to my father. Lord Iriya fed my father cock and bull stories about how my brother was angered at his family for no apparent reason and that Kenji's accusation was unfounded. My brother protested. My father, wishing to be fair, decided to pay Lord Iriya's domain a visit. He was already in doubt about Iriya and, in order to make sure that he gave Iriya no reason to fear, his inspection of the Iriya domain was disguised as an impromptu visit by my family to them."
"My brother distrusted Lord Iriya and when he learned that the lords of the other vassal families would also be in the Iriya domain at the time of our visit, he grew even more suspicious. He told my father of this and my father didn't listen to him. He was never fond of Kenji, my father," Toshimaru added softly.
"When the time came for us to make the visit to the Iriya domain, my father refused to take even a quarter of his army as a guard, which was foolish, not that I wish to disrespect my father's judgment." His eyes were hard, as though he relented his father's judgment.
"We were welcomed not only by the Iriya Clan, but also by the Noguchi and Izuro Clan," he went on, his hand still holding on to Helen's. "They entertained my family as well as the retainers we brought along with us. After a week of merriment, Kenji approached me. I was still quite young then, younger than Inuyasha, probably fifteen in human years."
"Anyway, everyone was asleep. Kenji and I were given one of the best rooms in the Iriya palace. I still remember that night. It was cold, there were no stars in the night, and the sky threatened rain. The cicadas were droning on and on, when my brother shook me awake. 'Toshimaru, awake,' he said, shaking me. I opened my eyes and remember being annoyed with him. 'What is it, big brother?' I asked, feeling annoyed with him for waking me."
"He was silent for a moment. 'Brother?' His silence unnerved me, you see. I can still remember the look in his face in the sliver of moonlight through the door that led to the veranda. It was a haunted look I saw on his face. He looked at me. 'Toshimaru, you must leave with mother…now.' His voice held a note of command in it. 'Why?' I asked.
'It is not safe here,' he replied.
'Why?' I asked again.
'The Iriya, Noguchi and Izuro are plotting against us,' he said simply.
I sat up then, nearly flinging the sheets off me. 'Are you sure?'
'Yes…I have been informed. You must tell mother to go…now.'
'What about you?'
'I have requested assistance from Uncle Inutaisho for the West is closer to this domain. He is sending soldiers…But you and mother must go now, before the Iriya grow suspicious.'"
Helen suddenly realized that his grip had hardened. She cringed, but managed not to yell out. "Sorry," Toshimaru muttered, loosening his grip slightly.
"S'okay," Helen said, smiling at him. But she grew quiet again when she saw the expression on his face.
"Forgive me," he said. "I…I am weak. Reliving that night does not…bode well for me."
"It's okay; you don't have to tell me."
He shook his head. "Anyway," he went on. "I wouldn't believe him at first, but he started to grow desperate and so, I agreed to go and wake our mother and tell her to leave. I did not want to leave my brother and father to run away with my mother, you see."
"We were just too late. One of the guards found us and aroused the guards of the castle. My brother and I fought them off to defend our mother and we nearly failed, had it not been for my father. He came just in time. The captain of the guards had managed to disarm my brother. I couldn't help him, I was defending my mother. Suddenly, my father came. He was terrible to behold then. He destroyed the entire guards and just as we were about to make our escape, a contingent of soldiers came on us like vultures."
"We were pitifully outnumbered. My mother was never a warrior and our retainers were already dead. It was just me…my brother…and father. We tried to fight, but it was useless. My…my father was killed. And then…my brother followed. I tried to defend my mother, but she ended up defending me. An arrow was aimed at my heart and she threw herself between it and me. I…held her in my arms as she died. The arrow had pierced her heart instead of mine…"
Toshimaru's clawed hands were trembling, Helen realized. She continued to hold his hands in hers to comfort him. "They would have killed me," Toshimaru said softly. "But then…my Uncle and his army arrived. When he realized that his sister-in-law was dead along with her husband and son, his rage was murderous to behold. He didn't need half the army to destroy the rest of the contingent. He killed Lords Iriya, Noguchi and Izuro without mercy."
"For a while, there was turmoil in the North. It's Lord, Lady and heir had been killed in one night! The panic was unimaginable. My uncle took me and the North under his care until I learned how to run the lands on my own, then he ceded them to me when I was of age. I will never forget that night, however…It is…"
He didn't finish. Instead, he looked into Helen's eyes and she looked timidly back up at him. Her hands were still clutched tightly in his. His gaze was filled with something between sorrow and longing—for her, she realized. She blushed and bent her head.
He sighed and tilted her face to his. "Helen," he murmured. He smiled crookedly at her and she felt her cheeks redden even further. "You look as red as a rose," he said, smiling. "You make me smile…"
"Is that so?" a cold, sharp voice asked. Helen's heart missed several beats. How she knew that voice well!
Both of them spun on the stone bench just as Sesshoumaru emerged from the shadows, looking beautiful and foreboding at the same time. Helen inwardly gulped. How long had he been standing there, listening?
Sesshoumaru's cold eyes zeroed in on Helen's hand still in Toshimaru's and Helen, noticing his gaze, automatically pulled away. Their gaze met. There was a look in his eyes that she could not understand—was it anger, coldness, betrayal, or perhaps the three rolled into one?
"Cousin," Toshimaru said warily. "I see you enjoy strolling out as well."
Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at him. The main reason he had come out of his rooms was because he had heard Helen get up and leave her room. Foolishly, he had decided to follow her. It was best if he should have not. His emotions—so unstable these days—were warring within him at the moment. A part of him actually considered killing off Toshimaru to rid himself of the nuisance that was his cousin.
"So do you, Toshimaru," he replied.
Helen bit her lower lip. Even though her senses were somewhat dulled due to her illness, she could still feel the tension between the two lords as Sesshoumaru approached. One wrong word from either Toshimaru or Sesshoumaru, and they would both be fighting.
As Sesshoumaru approached them, Helen automatically stood up, feeling her heart race rapidly. Sesshoumaru considered her for a moment and then, quite unexpectedly, he grabbed her wrist. "Come with me. Now," he said, as he walked off, leading her along.
"Wh…at?" Helen asked. "Hey! Sesshoumaru, let me go!"
He glanced back at her with a glare in his eyes and Helen shut her mouth. Toshimaru was suddenly in front of Sesshoumaru, his eyes were narrowed. "You heard her, cousin, let her go," he said calmly.
"Step aside."
"Let her go." Toshimaru's clawed hands inched towards the hilt of his sword.
Sesshoumaru actually looked amused. "Oh?" he said. "You intend to fight me?"
"No, he doesn't," Helen said, giving Toshimaru an assuring look. "I'll go with you, then."
Toshimaru hesitated and then reluctantly stepped aside, but not before Sesshoumaru gave him a smug look. "Where are we going?" Helen asked as Sesshoumaru led her through the manicured garden and to the miniature forest just behind the castle.
"Somewhere."
Helen raised an eyebrow. "That was helpful," she said sarcastically. A tiny shiver ran through her as he led her into the forest. The moonlight filtered through the trees and the dried leaves made crunching noises as they tread on the forest floor. After a minute or so of walking, Sesshoumaru stopped and spun around to face Helen with such speed and grace that she couldn't help but staring.
"What?" Helen asked, trying to sound annoyed and failing. She liked Toshimaru, alright, but she loved Sesshoumaru. Heck, she didn't even like Toshimaru that way.
"You," he said coldly, his eyes boring into her own.
"Me?"
He raised an eyebrow at her. "It seems that you…are in love with Toshimaru." It wasn't a question.
Helen blushed and looked down at her feet. "What…makes think that?" she asked wondering why he was saying this.
He growled in an annoyed way, but he didn't reply. Helen went on. "So what?" she asked, looking up at him. "So what if I do love him?"
"Hn. So you do, then?"
"Did I say I did?" Helen asked, giving him cheek. "Besides…why would you care?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, and then he opened them. Helen's eyebrows shot up in surprise. There was no look of antagonism in his eyes. He seemed to gaze at her with an expression akin to tenderness, but this lasted for a second before the coldness took hold of his eyes again.
"Why…" His tone was cold. "You wonder why." Unknown to Helen, Sesshoumaru's warring emotions were slowly taking over him, making him close his eyes again. He had to control these dratted emotions of his! These emotions were the reason why he was here in the first place; if he had not given in to his emotions, he would have stayed safely away from her…
But then again, he couldn't deny that he didn't want to be here…
He slowly opened his eyes and looked into her silver orbs. They were a lovely shade of silver, not like his hair, something more…iridescent.
The intensity of his gaze made her blush. She hastily looked away, trying, with all her might, to be mad at him and failing dramatically. "Why did you bring me here?" she suddenly asked, looking at him again. She blushed again. His golden eyes were smoldering and there seemed to be a hidden look beneath their cold, outer exterior, a look she could not quite discern…
Silently, she took a step closer to him, her eyes not leaving his even though some inner part of her was screaming for her to look away from his utter perfection, his godlike beauty that would make even Apollo appear like a withered weed…
She stopped in front of him and looked intently into his eyes. There, she could see that hidden emotion just beneath the cold surface of his eyes. She tilted her head slightly, as though she could make out what it was. Sesshoumaru tensed slightly when she approached him. It was difficult enough for him to be in the same room with her without his having to give away his feelings for her, but this…
He stood very still, hoping to ignore the side of him that wanted to pull her to him. Now.
Helen sighed and looked away.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Nothing," she hastily said in answer to his unasked question. "It's just that I thought…"
She didn't finish. She took a step back from him and sighed again. "Thought what?" In truth, Sesshoumaru never really did care about what anyone—except Naraku—thought about before. But this girl, this human-turned-demoness, he wanted to know everything about her. What she thought about right now…but it wasn't just that. He wanted to know everything. What she feared, what she liked, whom she feared, whom she trusted, whom she loved…
He closed his eyes and internally groaned. What was happening to him? He was never like this before; he had never felt this way before.
"Why?" Helen suddenly asked, her voice was soft and low.
He opened his eyes and the sight of her in the moonlight nearly robbed him of speech. Honestly, what on earth was happening to him? He closed his eyes again. "Why what?"
"Why are you…closing your eyes every time you talk to me?" she asked.
Sesshoumaru opened his amber pools and stared into her eyes. He had forgotten why he had even bought her here in the first place. "Why?" she asked again when he didn't answer her.
"I cannot stand to see you."
His words were unexpected, sharp, and painful. Helen's eyes widened, hurt written clearly in them. She had never thought…she had always thought that somehow, he liked her too…
She had been foolish, then.
She hung her head, her golden curls falling past her shoulders. "Oh," she said simply, in the tone of one who is admitting defeat. "Um…I…okay."
She looked up at him through her lashes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I never knew that you hated me that much…" She sighed in defeat. She straightened up and turned to leave, when he suddenly caught her wrist. The wind silently rustled between them and the moonlight filtered through the trees, making everything seem to shimmer in silver.
"What?" he—unexpectedly—asked.
She tugged her wrist from his grasp and slowly turned around to face him. He had already said that he couldn't stand to see her. Didn't he know how much that had hurt? Why was he going to add more salt to her wounds?
"I didn't say anything," Helen lied, forgetting that she was quite a horrible liar when she was in front of him.
He raised an eyebrow at her.
She bit her lip.
"Why do you want to add more salt to the wound, huh?" she suddenly asked, not standing it anymore. She had had enough of his stuck-up, I-could-care-less-about-you attitude. "Why? Do you just love to see others suffer? Are you some sort of a masochist, Sesshoumaru? Or are you just misogynistic?"
"What are you talking about?" His eyes were narrowing dangerously.
She took several steps back and felt her back come into contact with a tree. "What am I talking about?" Helen asked quietly. She narrowed her eyes. "Definitely masochistic."
He took several steps towards her until they were merely a foot apart from each other. He glared at her. "Onna," he said, his voice hard. "What. Are. You. Saying?"
Standing in front of her, she realized how much she did love him. Realized how she would never have him, never have a chance, she never did.
She looked up at him, her eyes threatening tears. "You hate me, don't you?" she snapped. "Why are you still here, anyways? If you hate me so much, then why don't you just leave? That way, you won't have to close your eyes all the time!"
He took another swift step towards her, sealing off the distance between them, and at the same time, he placed both of his clawed hands on the tree, on either side of her head. He glared at her, his golden eyes burning with that suppressed emotion that she could not discern.
"Hate you?" Sesshoumaru murmured, unaware that his defenses were getting shaky. He leaned in towards her, their lips only inches apart. "Why do you think it?"
Helen stiffened, her face going red from the contact with him. She could feel the very heat radiating from him. Her heart started hammering painfully against her ribs. Damn him.
He looked at her, waiting for an answer. Her scent permeated his senses and he battled his emotions even as he pretended to look calmly into her eyes even though chaos reigned inside of him…
"You…well…I just…know," Helen muttered, wishing he would distance himself from her. Why did she have to suffer like this, anyway?
"Know?" He sounded mocking; his breath was warm on her lips. "You think you know me?"
"I…know enough to know that you…that you hate me," she said, biting her lower lip. If he confirmed that, she just might loose her self-control and cry…
To her surprise, he chuckled. It was mocking and the way he did was in the way of the superior. He suddenly leaned closer. His emotions had taken full control of him.
"Hate you? I don't hate you, you fool, I want you."
Sesshoumaru, realizing what he had just said, cursed himself.
XoXoXo
A1969: that's it for now, I'm afraid.
Miroku: you should've given them twenty pages.
A1969: I know! It's just that, I'm so busy these days, dance practice, trig, advanced algebra…murder, you hear me! It's murder!
Sango: okay, okay, calm down!
A1969: I truly am sorry for updating so late. I hope you guys don't loose your patience with me! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Miroku: don't forget to review, people.