"This sucks!" Tony muttered as he got up from his desk for the umpthteenth time that morning and once again began pacing the squad room.
"Tony! We have already discussed this! McGee has only been gone for one day and you are already acting as if he has never been away from us before!" Ziva bit out angrily, fed up with Tony's restlessness, even if she did completely understand it, or at least, thought she did.
Tony stalked over to her desk, anger radiating off of him. "So you're perfectly okay with this?"
"No, of course I am not! I, too, wish things had not come to this." Ziva replied quietly as she stood up from her own chair and walked around her desk to stand beside him.
"Then what's your point, Ziva?" The anger was still present even if the volume had been turned down, as had been her intention when she'd joined him at the front of her own desk.
"Work's still gotta get done, DiNozzo." Gibbs calmly interjected as he entered the squad room at that point, his usual cup of coffee in hand. "Can't lay down on the job just because we're a man down. You heard Vance, new agent will be assigned to us by the end of the week if we don't choose one ourselves. Better get on that."
"Gibbs!" Abby's distressed cry preceded her into the squad room as she flashed through their workspace, a blur of color in motion.
"Abbs?" Gibbs asked calmly even as he held onto her in the midst of her normal bone-crushing hug.
"Get him back here." She ordered petulantly as she pulled back from him to look him in the eye.
"Abby!" he quietly warned her she was demanding the impossible.
"Seriously, Gibbs! We can't let him go like this!"
Gibbs looked at each of his team members in turn. There was no doubt they were already feeling the pain of having their teammate leave the team, especially considering the reasons he had given Vance for needing to 'move on'.
The question in Gibbs' mind was whether or not his team members had mentally manned up and accepted their own responsibility in this mess. It had taken Gibbs the better half of the past weekend to do it himself and there was plenty more he was still trying to process, sort through and accept.
He'd always been a stubborn bastard and he hadn't changed over the years. Knowing that that truth was half the reason for this mess had been the first chunk of responsibility he'd had to swallow and it had hurt like hell going down. Now he knew he had to take this bull by the horns and deal with it, even if it meant dragging it down to the mud to get it taken care of.
Taking a deep breath, he slowly let it out and picked up his desk phone, hitting the extension button he needed and speaking:
Busy?
"Hello, Jethro. As a matter of fact, at the moment, I am not busy. What is it you need?"
"Palmer down there with you?"
"Yes, he's just arrived."
"Good. We'll be down in a minute."
"Might I ask…?" Ducky started to inquire, that is, until his ears heard the tell tale click of the call being ended.
Setting the reciever back down on the cradle, Gibbs picked up his cup of coffee and started walking toward the back elevator. "Let's go." His tone was unusually quiet as his brain was continuing to figure out how to fix this mess, needing to get this conversation over with; hoping it could be fixed.
The ride down to Autopsy was eerily silent, considering the elevator was full with the four of them. Not one of them had anything to say. As they trouped into Ducky's domain, the silence was only broken by the 'swoosh' of the automatic doors.
"Take a seat." The boss requested at large of the room's population. His tone was noticeably still quiet yet stern and all of them realized he was unhappy and still meant business. "You too, Jimmy."
Taking a minute to look at each silent face now before him and thinking of the one face so clearly missing, Gibbs took a deep breath and slowly let it out before he spoke. Deliberately looking at Ducky last, he finally began.
"I don't know if we can fix this the way you're expecting it to be fixed."
"What do…?" Abby attempted to jump in, but was stopped cold by the impatient look Gibbs gave her.
Looking away from her, he kept going. "Any of you figure it out yet?"
"Figure what out, Boss?" Tony asked quietly.
"How to take responsibility for your own part in this disaster." Ducky quietly answered. "Jethro, may I…"
Gibbs nodded silently and hefted himself up onto the one Autopsy table that let him face the rest of his team as they sat scattered on the others.
"I spoke with Director Vance at length yesterday and suffice to say that, although Timothy has technically requested he be removed from your team, it is not an irreversible situation."
"Hey, that's great!" Tony let his relief show.
"Anthony, please! You must hear me out first before you begin your celebrating." Ducky quietly admonished him.
"Sorry, Ducky."
"Now, although it is as I stated, not irreversible; it is highly unlikely, for the simple fact that Timothy vacated his position on your team under great emotional stress, a decision he felt forced to make, I might add. He not only earned this position, he has always taken great pride in it and in himself for having earned his place here. That is why he allowed himself to lay aside his sense of self-preservation, time and time again, to do as he was ordered to do and tolerate whatever treatment was delivered to him; or in Abigail's case; emotionally dared or blackmailed at you will, to do. In short, Timothy left your team because he no longer felt safe being on it. He no longer trusts that we have his safety, best interests or even his well-being at heart. "
The tangible sorrow filled the silence that followed the M.E's chastisement and it seemed to go on forever before it was broken. Amidst Abby's sniffles, Gibbs' pained silence and the bossman's earlier request that the Autopsy gremlin be present for this, Tony threw out something that needed clarifying as he noticed not only Ducky's tone but his expression of shared guilt as well. "You mean us, as in, the boss, Ziva, Abby and me, right?"
"No, Anthony. Unfortunately, I mean us as in every single one of us in this room," Ducky replied without missing a beat.
Tony looked from the M.E. to his boss and back again. Gibbs believes this too? "Boss?"
"Go, on, Duck." Gibbs instructed quietly while deliberately not answering Tony's quest for confirmation.
"Until the case last week with the red tagged hot tub, Timothy, it seems, has always counted on my ingrained sense of fairness and unilateral concern for each of you, all aspects of your health and well-being. He also counted on my ability to be Jethro's voice of reason on such matters, whenever it seemed that your Team Leader was not thinking clearly on such things. His buffer, if you will, between what he was forced to deal with and my intervening when I felt it necessary for either safety or sanity's sake."
"Oh, no! Oh, man! And I just stood…." Jimmy lamented with abject guilt and regret as his brain already put the pieces together of why he was included in this conversation.
"Yes, Mr. Palmer, as did I." Ducky replied as he gave his assistant a look of compassion. "I failed not only to put a stop to your insensitive and useless prattle and joking while Timothy was being ordered to do something that put his health at risk, in spite of his objections and requests for better safety measures; but I also failed to insist on waiting for those very safeguards which he asked be put in place so that he could do his job without putting his health at risk.
In short, I stood by and did nothing and said nothing, thereby sending Timothy the message that I too, have come to think very little, if not nothing of his health, safety and well-being. In all the time Timothy has been with NCIS, he has always held onto the trust and faith he had for myself and Mr. Palmer to speak up and keep him just as safe as the rest of you, especially when he felt the rest of you weren't or in some cases, couldn't speak up."
Silence took over for a long minute before it was broken with an angry question from Abby.
"So, you're saying McGee quit the team because of that stupid hot tub? THAT'S why he's not coming back?"
"Abby. Think you need to go back over in your head, what Vance said to you specifically." Gibbs spoke up with more than a hint of annoyance in his tone. "Matter of fact, all of us do."
"Abigail, if Timothy were giving up his position simply because of the hot tub incident, he would have done so before this latest case. The case in which you deliberately allowed yourself to become unavailable after ditching him when he was charged with keeping you safe; or when you treated him so reprehensibly, deliberately disregarding his orders, putting your life and those of your innocent students in danger, while in Mexico. Now, while I agree with Jethro in principle, the practice of doing something about this decision of Timothy's; of getting him to even consider returning to this team, will have to be approached with caution. Timothy left his cell phone with Director Vance and does not wish to be contacted while he is on his long overdue vacation."
"How long will he be gone?" Ziva asked quietly.
"I have not been made privy to that information. I believe that is to keep me from being able to relay it back to you. Timothy was quite serious when he told Director Vance that he needed some time for himself. He truly wishes to speak to none of us. And that, my dear friends, should speak louder to you than anything else you've heard."
"Back to work, all of ya's. Just remember, none of this leaves this room." Gibbs ordered even as he remained sitting on the table. "Palmer, go get some coffee, from the coffee shop down the street."
When the room had emptied out except for himself and Ducky, Gibbs turned to his long-time friend. "Be straight with me, Duck. Am I gonna get him back?"
"Jethro, only Timothy can answer that. However, I do believe he will have some rather choice questions for you first, should you choose to try to talk to him about this. It is well known that your choice for working things out, is not to do so, as if taking that route will somehow make the problem go away. Be warned, this time that will not only not work, but will drive Timothy away for good."
"You talk to him yet?"
"No, I have not. I am honoring Timothy's request to be left alone. I'm afraid the only thing I can do is hope he will find it within himself to give me the opportunity to at least apologize to him. At this point, I'm not even certain he will be able to forgive me."
"This being the first time he's ever felt you didn't have his back, he'll probably be more willing to forgive you more than the rest of us, Duck." Gibbs offered encouragingly."He's never before held a grudge against anyone."
"Don't be so sure, Jethro. My letting him down this way is bound to have hurt him deeply. I was the last person on the team he could trust, the last and only defense against a team he no longer trusts, that he had come to believe had no regard for him or his safety. As I said, he's always trusted me. Although he's said nothing to the contrary since that day, I am most positive that he no longer wishes to even speak to me, at least until he can come to some sort of understanding with himself about what to do with everything he's feeling. You must understand that there is a tremendous difference between keeping a grudge and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable to the same hurts and misplaced trust again."
"Does he still stay in touch with his sister?"
"I do not know. He rarely speaks of her and only when he is asked about his plans for the holidays."
"Yeah. Come to think of it, you're right. Thanks, Duck."
"You're quite welcome, Jethro. You will advise me of whatever plan you've cooked up when it's ready, won't you?" Ducky quipped.
With a sad version of his usual smirk, Gibbs left autopsy and headed back to his desk.