A1969: -sigh- this sucks.
Miroku: er…what 'sucks'?
A1969: well…the fact that there're around three sixty four days to go before Christmas…
Miroku and Sango: -sweat drop-
Sango: er…Christmas just ended…
A1969: I know! And I still didn't get one plushie! –pouts-
Miroku: look on the bright—at least you got reviews!
A1969: true! Ah, well, thanks for the reviews everyone!
Chapter Thirty-eight: Immutable
XoXoXo
Where was she?
Sesshoumaru stopped in his tracks. He was certain that Helen's scent had been strong a moment ago, but it seemed to have vanished now. He scowled to himself. Where had she gone? Had something happened to her?
He glanced around him, at the trees. He narrowed his eyes. There was something wrong, something out of place in this forest…
Had she gotten herself into trouble again?
Though Helen was a demoness, she had still lived most of her life as a human—she basically had no idea how to fight. Well, she could fight, considering that Ryou had taught her, but still, he couldn't help but worry…
Wait…He was…worrying? Strange, he never worried before.
Why was he worrying now?
His emotions, his feelings for her, were making him worry.
His eyes narrowed involuntarily. Sooner or later, he knew, he would end up like his father.
But, no, now was not the time to contemplate on his father's fate, he had far more important matters to attend to. Without thinking much anymore, he turned on his heel and ran deeper into the forest, hoping that Helen had not gotten herself into trouble.
XoXoXo
A figure emerged quietly through the thick fog that veiled the clearing. Kagura stopped in her tracks, careful to avoid the thick roots that snaked around the ground. Her gaze rested on the instruments of Naraku's Illusory Death. She had her doubts on whether or not Naraku's little trick would work on a full demon but as she carefully made her way through the fog, those doubts began to disperse.
Helen should be around here somewhere.
At the thought of what that girl was going through, a slight smile tilted the corners of her mouth. Revenge was sweet.
She flicked her fan open and gently waved it through the air, dispersing the heavy fog. She carefully sidestepped the roots that were twining around the ground and stopped when she saw the young woman she had been looking for.
Helen was sitting on the ground, leaning against an oak tree. No, not leaning. Dark brown roots wound themselves tightly around her waist and neck, binding her to the tree. Several roots twined themselves tightly around her arms as Kagura watched. Helen's eyes were closed and there was a look of pain on her face.
Kagura silently stood in front of the girl, her eyes narrowed. Had it been that easy for her to entrap Helen? Was Helen really that weak? Kagura squatted in front of her quarry. "What are you seeing?" the wind witch asked, truly curious. She really didn't know much about Naraku's Illusory Death—she only knew that once you were under its influence, you saw what your heart secretly feared the most…and that fear would kill you.
So, what was Helen seeing?
XoXoXo
No…
No way, no way, no way, no way, no way! This isn't real…this is just a really bad dream—no, not a bad dream…A horrible dream, the worst dream…no, not a dream, a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. But this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real!
Helen could think of nothing else as she slowly backed away from the scene, her eyes wide. She could feel her heart racing fast in her chest, but, unlike other times, when her heart raced because of entirely different reasons, her heart raced in pain.
No…
This can't be real…
It just can't be…
Can it…?
Helen stared at the scene, as though wishing that it would go away. Sesshoumaru, Kagura, their child…
It just couldn't be real.
Could it?
Helen felt darkness closing in around her. It was as though darkness slowly veiled her eyes. She felt her knees start to tremble. The darkness enveloped everything, except for Sesshoumaru and Kagura. Helen felt herself running. Not running from the scene that she wished would change, but running towards him…
"Sesshoumaru!" she shouted, trying to reach out to him with her hand. But it was though she was in a nightmare. She could feel herself running towards him and yet it seemed that the faster she ran towards him with her demonic speed, the farther away he was…
"Sesshoumaru!" she shouted again. No! This can't be happening!
"Sesshoumaru!" she shouted again. She could feel tears stinging in her eyes as she tried to shout out to him in vain. But the darkness seemed to close in on her vision, nearly obscuring the one thing she tried to reach out to.
I am not going to loose him! I am not going to loose him! I AM NOT GOING TO LOOSE HIM!
But it was fruitless. The darkness completely closed in on her vision, blinding her. No!
The darkness was all she could see, all she could hear, all she could feel. She stopped running and fell to the dark ground, on her knees, tears welling up in her eyes, her heart beating madly—no, not beating. She could not feel her heart beating anymore. She might as well be dead.
But she was not dead—there was too much pain in her. Pain in her chest as though her heart had been ripped to shreds…
She had never felt this much pain before…
She would rather not feel this pain…
You've lost him…
The voice was alien, feminine, brushed against her mind.
"You're wrong," Helen choked, still to numb with pain. She could feel nothing but the pain, hear nothing but the strange voice in her head.
Admit it, little girl, you've lost him. He's gone. He's beyond your reach.
"You're wrong! Whoever you are, you're wrong!" Helen covered her ears with both of her hands, as though determined to block out the voice in her head. This was just a bad nightmare, a bad nightmare…
He's gone. He's abandoned you. Left you for someone else.
The voice was not in hear ears…
It was in her head.
"Liar!"
Helen could hear no distinct reply—she only heard malicious laughter ringing in her ears, in her mind…
He was never yours to begin with.
XoXoXo
He could smell it.
Another scent that he had not been seeking. It was not Helen's scent. This scent was too vile, too putrid to be Helen's.
It was Naraku's.
No. It was too…mild to be Naraku's. It belonged to one of that bastard's incarnations…
It belonged to Kagura.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and reached out with his senses. Kagura's scent…and underlying that scent was Helen's. He immediately opened his eyes and darted off to where the second scent led him. His mind was filled with questions.
What was Helen doing with Kagura? That seemed to be the most important question in his thoughts. Of all people, why Kagura? He knew that Kagura had a…grudge towards Helen…
And that grudge was enough to kill…
He quickened his speed.
XoXoXo
Kagura watched as the roots of the Illusory Death wound themselves tighter around Helen's throat, almost enough to kill her. Kagura stood up and looked down on the inu demoness, her eyes narrowed slightly. Why didn't she feel…exuberant as she should be? She should be feeling exultant that she was about to kill off her rival, shouldn't she? She should be feeling the sweet satisfaction of revenge.
And yet, why wasn't that the case?
Why didn't she feel the sweet satisfaction of revenge? Why did she suddenly feel…doubtful, about what she was doing?
Why?
She continued to watch the young woman on the ground. Helen's face was no longer in pain—it was in agony. She gasped as the roots tightened around her arms and her waist.
Maybe, Kagura told herself, her lack of satisfaction was due to the fact that it was all so…easy. She had expected that Helen would put more of a fight—no, she had actually expected that Sesshoumaru would be there to protect her.
Had Sesshoumaru abandoned the girl?
The thought almost gave Kagura savage pleasure.
But…if the thought of Sesshoumaru leaving Helen gave her savage pleasure, then why was it that the fact that she was about to kill Helen with her own hands did not give her the same pleasure?
"No matter," she said to herself as she flicked her dark fan open. "You'll be gone soon enough!"
She raised her fan in front of Helen. "Die!"
A flash of blue energy suddenly hurtled out of nowhere, colliding with her with deadly speed. Kagura felt herself knocked off her feet and thrown against a tree. "Ungh!" She felt herself make contact with the tree, felt the hard wood hit her back. Pain suddenly shot through her as she slid to the ground, her teeth clamped together in order to hold back a scream. She would not shout. She would not show her attacker weakness because how she remembered that he hated the weak. She knew who had attacked her.
She groaned as she wrapped an arm tightly around her waist as she looked up at her attacker and at Helen's savior. "Sesshoumaru," she said through gritted teeth as the demon lord stowed his sword into its sheath.
Sesshoumaru did not look at her directly; instead, his golden gaze was fixed on the young woman on the ground, leaning against the tree, the roots binding her tightly. He did not spare Kagura a second glance. He approached Helen and knelt in front of her. His fingers brushed gently against her throat, settling on the dark root that wound tightly around her neck. With a simple flick of his finger, he severed the root which fell to the ground. He cut the others roots that bound her with his claws, carefully trying to control the rage that had built up within him when he saw her tightly bound, dying.
He became aware of Kagura's eyes on his back, but he wouldn't bother with her yet—he had to make sure that Helen was all right.
When he had managed to sever the last of the roots, Helen's eyes suddenly blinked. She slowly opened her eyes and looked confused, as though she didn't know what she was doing there. She blinked, still looking confounded.
"Helen?" Sesshoumaru asked.
At the sound of his voice, Helen automatically looked up to see his cold golden eyes staring analytically at her. Her eyes widened and she could feel tears of relief welling in the corner of her eyes.
"Sesshoumaru!" Helen cried out. She suddenly lunged towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her head to his chest in an embrace of relief. It had all been nothing—everything had been a nightmare. A nightmare that still burned her, nonetheless.
Sesshoumaru was taken aback. He had expected her to be thankful, but he didn't expect her to be this…grateful.
Helen buried her face in his armored chest, relief still coursing through her. "I thought I lost you!" she said, not caring about what she was saying (though, under normal circumstances, she would have been blushing).
What was she talking about?
Sesshoumaru glanced at the destroyed roots and his eyes narrowed into slits. Illusory Death…
What had Helen seen?
He decided to push the last question from his mind as his arms wound themselves automatically around her waist, drawing her closer to him. He gently heaved her to her feet and held her tightly against him, burying his face in her hair, feeling relieved that she was unharmed.
Helen tightened her grip on him, still afraid that he would vanish. The illusion of loosing him was still burned in her mind; the fear was still too strong. She felt one of Sesshoumaru's arms snake around her waist while the other wound itself securely around her shoulders.
"I thought I lost you," she murmured again, against his chest.
She felt him sigh. "What are you talking about?" he asked, trying to conceal the curiosity in his voice with indifference. Helen shook her head, not really wanting to tell him. She looked up and as she did so, she glimpsed the woman from over his shoulder, the woman who was watching them with an unfathomable expression in her eyes.
"K-kagura," she said, her eyes widening. The feeling of loosing Sesshoumaru to her was still too strong; the pain still too acute. She tried to back away, but found Sesshoumaru's arms still tight around her.
At the sound of the panic in Helen's voice, Sesshoumaru automatically let go of her and shifted so that he stood in front of her. He drew out his Ryuko and pointed it at Kagura, his eyes narrowed dangerously.
Kagura narrowed her eyes and Helen inwardly gulped. The image of Kagura with a child in her arms was still too painful for her to contemplate. It was too difficult to forget the way the illusion-Sesshoumaru brushed his lips gently against Kagura's…
Kagura glared at Helen. She became aware that she was defenseless, that Naraku's fan had been destroyed when Sesshoumaru blasted her off her feet. She had no illusions about what Sesshoumaru was capable of when he was angered.
And, in her opinion, Sesshoumaru was very, very angered.
"Kill me, then," Kagura taunted, her tone acidic. "And make it quick."
Helen looked at Sesshoumaru. His face was impossible to read—a mask of ice as he considered the wind sorceress's words. Why wasn't he doing anything yet? Not that Helen wanted him to kill Kagura (which was strange, considering what Kagura did to her). But, still, she couldn't help but wonder why he was…hesitating. She could tell that he was hesitating—if he had wanted to kill Kagura, he would have done so already. He wouldn't still be standing there, staring at Kagura, his eyes narrowed.
Why was he hesitating? Helen lowered her eyes to the ground. Was he…could he still possibly…be enamored with Kagura? The thought suddenly sent a spasm of pain through her chest and it didn't help that she was still remembering the way the illusion-Sesshoumaru had looked at Kagura with endearment in his eyes.
"Leave." Sesshoumaru's cold voice cut through the fog like a knife.
Helen looked up at him. He was asking Kagura to leave? He was sparing her life? Not that she wanted the wind witch dead, but seeing as Sesshoumaru was not the type of person to show mercy to any antagonist, she wondered what could have made him…merciful.
Kagura's eyes were narrowed suspiciously at Sesshoumaru. Why was he making her leave?
"Now," Sesshoumaru ordered, "before I change my mind."
Kagura didn't need to be told twice. She quickly drew out her feather and flew off, leaving a gust of wind behind her. The gust of wind from Kagura's departure dispelled the fog that hovered around the clearing, improving Helen's vision.
A slight breeze rustled through the grass as Kagura vanished from sight. Helen sighed and looked up at the sun, her thoughts wandering…
"Helen?" Sesshoumaru's voice snapped her out of her stupor.
She looked at him. "Y-yes?" she asked, somewhat hesitant.
"What did she do to you?"
Helen shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she mumbled, not wanting to remember the painful things she had seen. She looked down at the ground, avoiding Sesshoumaru's eyes.
He tilted her face upward, so he could stare into her silver eyes. "What did she—?"
"I told you it doesn't matter!" she suddenly snapped, her tone sharper than she intended.
He raised his eyebrows at her as he slowly withdrew his hand. Helen looked down at the ground, not wanting to face the fact that maybe Sesshoumaru had let Kagura go because he still…loved her.
Sesshoumaru sighed. What did he do now? A moment ago, she was all hugging and crying and now she was snappy.
Women were very confusing creatures.
He sighed as he sheathed his sword. He stared at Helen who continued looking at the ground. "Helen."
She ignored him. Helen inwardly sighed. She knew she was being childish, but she suddenly felt so insecure. Sesshoumaru had let Kagura go, which was very unlike him. It was this little thing (coupled with the pain of the Illusory Death) that kept her on edge.
"Helen."
Helen sighed as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, blushing, as she lowered her eyes to the ground again. "I should be thanking you…"
So what if Sesshoumaru still had feelings for Kagura? She loved him. And she'd stay with him…if he wanted her the way she wanted him, that is. She suddenly looked up at him, a smile on her face. "So, thank you."
Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrows incredulously at her. First she was embracing him and crying, then she was snappy at him and now she was…thankful?
Women were very confusing creatures indeed.
Maybe she was still…stressed? Whatever the reason for her little outburst, he would ask her later. "Come," he said as he turned on his heel and began waking away.
"Um…"
He stopped in his tracks and glanced at her from over his shoulder. "I was going to Kaede's village earlier," Helen admitted, rubbing her neck sheepishly. "And…er…well…I'm still going…if you don't mind…" She wanted to ask him if he would come with her, but after her series of emotional outbursts, she felt the embarrassment kick in.
"For what reason?"
"Rin is…a little hot," she admitted. "I thought of…asking Kaede for a few…herbs. I was on my way to Kaede's village but…Kagura…" It was still painful to think of Kagura. She sighed then looked up at him. "I can go on my own."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to ask Kaede for a few herbs for—"
"Why do you wish to go on your own?" he interrupted.
Helen blushed when she realized what he wanted to say. "Well…I thought…after the way I've been acting…"
"Someone has to keep you out of trouble." Sesshoumaru turned on his heel and stalked off, towards the forest. "Come along."
Helen smiled to herself. No matter what she saw in the Illusory Death, her feelings for him were still strong.
XoXoXo
"Do we really have to go now?" Kagome asked, eyeing Inuyasha critically.
"Three days are up!" Inuyasha reminded her. He, Kagome and the others were standing just outside of Kaede's hut. Sango's arm was draped protectively around Kohaku, keeping him from the cold and Shippou clung to Miroku, trying to bury himself in the monk's thick sleeves.
Kagome eyed Kohaku and Shippou. "It's still quite cold," the miko mused, her eyes on the ground.
"Three days," Inuyasha reminded her flatly.
"Aw, Inuyasha," Kagome pled, her eyes beseeching the stubborn hanyou. "C'mon…two more days won't hurt, will it?"
"Are you out of your mind?!" the hanyou roared.
"Aw, c'mon!" Kagome said. "One more day…?"
"No."
Kagome sighed. "Fine," she said, sighing. "Lemme go get my stuff."
Sango and Miroku sighed. "Really, Inuyasha, I don't see how one more day would hurt," Miroku said.
Inuyasha growled. "Shuddup, Miroku, I can't believe that you all put with her three days condition."
"She had a point, you see," the monk answered. "It was still quite cold…"
"Are you a man or a mouse?" Inuyasha snapped.
"Neither," Miroku said, shrugging. "I am nothing more than a simple monk who aids people—"
"He aids the feminine half of the people," Sango said, rolling her eyes.
"Now Sango," Miroku reprimanded. "I'm hurt that you could think so lowly of me."
Sango rolled her eyes as she tightened her arms around Kohaku. Inuyasha sighed and rolled his eyes as well. The hanyou suddenly tensed, his nose raised in the air, sniffing.
"What is it, Inuyasha?" Miroku asked, noticing the hanyou's actions.
Inuyasha sniffed the air and let out a growl. "Sesshoumaru's coming…and he's not alone," he added darkly, his hand resting on the hilt of Tessaiga. He sniffed the air again, growling. "There's another demon with him, the bastard."
Miroku and Sango raised their eyebrows at him. "You think Sesshoumaru's come here to…fight?"
"Why'd he bring someone else with him?"
The monk and the demon slayer eyed each other ruefully. Sesshoumaru dragging along another demon was not something they relished. "Where're they headed?" Miroku asked.
"Here. The village."
Sango frowned thoughtfully. "Inuyasha…Are you sure Sesshoumaru's here to…fight?"
Inuyasha shrugged. "C'mon, let's not meet him in the village," he said as he made his way towards the forest.
"Kohaku, stay here and tell Kagome where we went, okay?" Sango unwound her arms from around Kohaku.
The younger slayer nodded. "Sure, sis."
Sango smiled at what he called her. "Hurry it up, Sango!" Inuyasha hollered as he and Miroku and darted off.
"Right," Sango called out. She turned to Kohaku again. "I'll be back very soon, Kohaku."
XoXoXo
"Can you identify the other demon with Sesshoumaru?" Miroku asked as he, Inuyasha and Sango ran towards the forest. Shippou still clung to Miroku's sleeve.
Inuyasha shook his head. "Never smelled this one before," he muttered.
Miroku was thoughtful for a moment. They continued running until they reached the shade of Inuyasha's forest. They stopped in their tracks, Inuyasha's nose in the air. "Damn."
"What is it, Inuyasha?" Sango asked.
"That bastard's playing dirty," he growled. "He sealed off his scent and aura…as well as his companion's."
Miroku, Sango and Inuyasha stopped in their tracks. They looked warily around them, at the trees, at the shadows, expecting Sesshoumaru to make his timely appearance, as usual. Inuyasha suddenly heard the subtlest of movements—the soft swish of a sleeve which Inuyasha interpreted to belong to his brother's companion—his brother wouldn't be so careless.
"Come out, Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha growled, drawing out his Tessaiga. "Come out and save me the trouble of hacking down a few trees!"
"Blunt as always, Inuyasha." Inuyasha and the others spun around just as Sesshoumaru calmly stepped out of the shadows, his golden eyes locked on the Tessaiga.
"Whaddya want now, mutt?" the hanyou snapped. He was too absorbed with his brother to notice the young woman peeking tentatively from over Sesshoumaru's shoulder at him, her silver eyes hesitant. Sango and Miroku, however, were more observant than Inuyasha.
"Eh?" Sango said, her eyes automatically zeroing in on the young woman behind Sesshoumaru. She lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned in towards Miroku. "Do you think she's the one Inuyasha was talking about? Sesshoumaru's other companion?"
"Obviously," Miroku said. "But I've never seen her before…"
The girl behind Sesshoumaru looked at Miroku, a tentative smile on her face. "Miroku?" she asked hesitantly.
Miroku started. "How do you know my name?"
The girl only smiled in an amused yet sad way at him. "Who's your latest girlfriend, Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha taunted, automatically feeling annoyed with his brother. He watched, with growing resentment, as the girl behind Sesshoumaru blushed scarlet.
Sesshoumaru only gave his brother an amused look. "How dense you are," he commented.
Inuyasha only glared at him. "Har, har, har!" Inuyasha snapped. "Like I haven't heard that one before! Besides, you're calling me dense, you hypocrite? Ha! Look who's dense—you're so dense you didn't even realize that Helen loved you!"
He noticed the girl behind Sesshoumaru flush a magnificent shade of crimson. "Inuyasha," she growled, stepping from behind Sesshoumaru to glare at the hanyou.
Inuyasha ignored the fact that this demoness knew his name. "What?" the hanyou taunted, turning his attention to the demoness. "He didn't tell you about a girl named Helen? Ha! Guess not, after all, she was just a hu—" Inuyasha suddenly stopped mid-sentence. Wait a minute…Didn't Kagome say that Helen had broken her seal? In fact…didn't they just discuss Helen before winter—that Kagome wanted to see her now-dog-demon cousin? Inuyasha stared at the golden haired, silver eyed young woman who was glaring at him.
His eyebrow twitched.
"Helen?" It was not Inuyasha who said the words. Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango spun around just in time to see Kagome, whose eyes were wide with disbelief.
"Kagome?" Helen asked hesitantly. Her earlier fears now came back to haunt her—what if Kagome thought of her differently now? What if Kagome, upon seeing her a demoness, would disregard their human bond as cousins?
"Is…is that you?" the miko asked as she slowly made her way past Inuyasha and the others. She could not believe what she was seeing. Was this girl really Helen? She looked so different. Gone was the jet-black haired, blue-eyed cousin she had known. Instead, she saw this…golden haired, silver-eyed stranger.
Helen took a step from Sesshoumaru, towards Kagome. There was a certain slowness in her movements that made Inuyasha and the others wonder whether or not Helen was trying not to scare Kagome off.
"Is that really you?" Kagome asked again, doubt lacing her voice. She could not believe—indeed, it was hard to accept—that this…demoness was her Helen.
Helen nodded hesitantly, aware of Kagome's wary and cautious expression. The caution in her cousin's expression pained her; she knew that Kagome was having trouble accepting what she was seeing and it was this trouble that Helen had feared the most.
"It's me…Kaggy," Helen said, giving her human cousin a reassuring smile.
But Kagome didn't need anymore reassurance. If there was one thing she needed to hear in order to believe that this demoness was still somehow her cousin, Helen, she had just heard it. Only her cousin would've been cruel enough to call her that ridiculous nickname in front of her friends from the Feudal Era.
"Helen!" Before Helen could even blink, Kagome ran to her and trapped her in a python-like hug. "I can't believe it's really you! You look so different! I can't believe that—"
Helen interrupted Kagome's rant. "Ka…go…me…can't…breathe!" she gasped.
"Oh. Sorry." Kagome let go of Helen and held her at arms length to get a better look at her. "Wow. You sure look different!"
As though Kagome's acceptance motivated them, Sango and Miroku approached the demoness. Sesshoumaru seemed to have melted in the background. Inuyasha's eyebrows, however, still continued to twitch.
"Kagome's right, you do look different," Sango commented, offering Helen a smile. "We hardly recognized you anymore! Inuyasha didn't even recognize your scent! Speaking of Inuyasha…" She glanced at Inuyasha who was still blinking like an idiot. "Inuyasha, aren't you going to say something?"
Sango's voice seemed to have snapped Inuyasha out of his reverie. He blinked then looked at Helen. "Like what?" the hanyou said, pouting. "She's a demoness. So what? She's still Helen."
Helen looked at Inuyasha and smiled. Inuyasha's words were what she had been looking for. She wanted someone to say that despite the difference on her outer façade, she was still the same person. She just never expected Inuyasha to say it though.
Sango rolled her eyes. "I meant an apology for the rude things you said earlier," Sango pointed out.
Inuyasha was about to open his mouth to reply, but Helen beat him to it. "Oh, he doesn't have to," she said, embarrassed. "It wasn't his fault that he didn't know who he was talking to…"
Inuyasha mumbled something incomprehensible.
Miroku suddenly shoved passed Inuyasha. "Helen!" the monk greeted. "Long time no see! Kagome's right…You do look different. But, Helen"—Miroku suddenly grabbed both her hands. Sango sweat-dropped, knowing what was coming—"that doesn't mean you're a stranger to me! Will you willingly consent to bear my—!"
Sesshoumaru was suddenly beside Miroku, his clawed hands wound tightly around the monk's throat.
"Don't. You. Dare."
Miroku automatically let go of Helen's hand, a sheepish grin on his face despite the fact that Sesshoumaru could so easily have ended his life then and there. Sesshoumaru let go of Miroku's throat, his eyes still narrowed menacingly at the monk.
Sango rolled her eyes. "Maybe we should threaten your life the next time you try that, you debauchee," she said, folding her arms tightly across her chest. Really, he'd even go for a demoness?! But, then again, that wasn't the first time.
"So, Helen," Kagome said. "What brings you two here?"
Helen's smile immediately faded. "I was just wondering if well, I was going to ask Kaede for a few herbs, but since you're here, could I just ask you for some medicine? Rin is a little hot."
Kagome's eyebrows shot up in surprise then she glanced at the environment. "Cold weather?"
Helen nodded. Kagome then turned a reproaching eye on Inuyasha. "So, do you still wanna go on?" she asked sarcastically. "Rin got a little fever—do you want that to happen to us, too?"
Inuyasha growled and looked away.
"Anway," Kagome went on as she removed her backpack from her shoulders. She rummaged through her bag and produced a tiny bottle of medicinal syrup. "Here. I hope Rin feels better soon."
Helen smiled as she took the bottle from Kagome. "Thanks," she said. She looked at them, at her friends. Miroku still looked sheepish; Inuyasha still had traces of disbelief written all over his face while Sango beamed at her; Shippou had the same expression as Inuyasha. "I'm glad you guys don't think differently of me."
Sango and Kagome both shook their heads. "We're glad you don't think differently of us," Kagome interjected. She held her arms out to Helen.
Helen smiled and hugged her cousin. Sango smiled and enveloped the two of them in her arms. "Is this a group hug, now?" Miroku asked, approaching the trio, arms spread wide, and a grin on his face.
"Stay back, Miroku," Sango warned, her eyes narrowed into little slits.
Helen giggled as she disentangled herself from the hug. "Well, I guess Sesshoumaru and I should be going now—we've left Rin long enough."
Kagome nodded. "Wait, Helen," she said, grabbing her cousin's sweater sleeve just as she and Sesshoumaru were leaving. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I hope you can come back soon—and I mean soon," she said, her tone now serious.
Helen noticed the tone in her cousin's voice and gave her a curious look. "What…do you mean?"
Kagome only shook her head. "Just come back, okay?"
"Sure," Helen said. She turned to Sesshoumaru and smiled at him as they left.
"Well, those two look like they're getting along fine," Sango observed.
"Wouldn't count on it," Inuyasha muttered. "I know my brother." He turned to Kagome. "Anyway, what was that about?"
Kagome sighed. "It's just that…She's a demoness now…I was just thinking…no, I was wondering how she'll say goodbye to being human."
XoXoXo
"Here, drink this," Helen said, handing Rin the medicine. Helen opened the bottle and used the cap to give Rin the syrup. "It should make you feel better."
Rin's eyes widened slightly as she swallowed the syrup. "It's sweet!" she said, surprised.
Helen chuckled. "It's not herbs, for one thing," she said.
Rin snuggled into the blanket and leaned comfortably against Ah-Un whose scaly tail was curled around the little girl, giving her a little more warmth. "Helen-san, where's Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked.
Helen's smile faded slightly and she sighed. "I don't know, Rin," she admitted. The moment they had arrived at the camp, Sesshoumaru immediately left, claiming that he had to be somewhere alone so that he could think.
Helen inwardly sighed. What could he be thinking about? She suddenly started to feel insecure again. She had this nagging feeling that Sesshoumaru just might be thinking about Kagura…
She suddenly needed time alone to think too…
"Helen-san?" Rin asked, seeing Helen's thoughtful expression. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Helen lied. She placed a hand on Rin's forehead. "You'll be well soon enough, Rin-chan. Hey, do you still feel cold?"
Rin shook her head and Helen raised her eyebrows at her. "A bit," Rin finally admitted.
Helen took her backpack from where it rested beside Ah-Un and started rummaging through it. "Here you go," Helen said, pulling out another thick sweater. Rin loosened herself from the blankets and held her arms over her head so Helen could pull the sweater down over her head.
"There," Helen said. She sat back at her haunches and smiled at Rin. Rin looked adorable bundled up in several sweaters. "We shouldn't have left the castle," she murmured, more to herself than to Rin.
"It's okay, Helen-san," Rin said. "Lord Sesshoumaru wanted to leave, so it's good that we did."
Helen smiled at the little girl but at the mention of Sesshoumaru's name, she frowned again. Where is he? she thought. She let out a sigh. What if…could it be possible…could it be possible that Sesshoumaru would 'do an Inuyasha' and run off to find Kagura, like Inuyasha ran off to find Kikyou sometimes? The thought made her narrow her eyes sadly.
Sighing, she stood up. "Do you mind if I leave for a bit, Rin?" she asked. She did not want to leave Rin, but the thoughts that she had been trying to suppress since the Illusory Death came back to plague her and she was certain that those thoughts were sure to lead to…unwanted emotions. And she did not want Rin to see those 'unwanted emotions'.
"No, Helen-san," Rin said. Her face brightened. "Are you going to go and look for Lord Sesshoumaru?"
Helen gave her a weak smile. "Perhaps," she lied.
Rin's eyes glowed at the prospect. "Take your time!" she said, grinning.
XoXoXo
Helen leaned against the trunk of the oak tree and closed her eyes, as though she didn't want to see the light of the full moon shining down on her. She stood her back against the oak that overlooked a cliff. She sighed to herself and heard the wind rustle in the tree tops.
She felt doubtful. In the past, she had this feeling (call it intuition) that Sesshoumaru…liked her. After what had happened with Ryou three days ago, she had no doubts that he did want her that way, but now, after that little trifle with Kagura…
It's not that I wanted him to kill her, Helen thought, her eyes still closed. It was just that…it was just that…he isn't as…merciful as he is with all his other adversaries…why be merciful with Kagura?
She sighed again and opened her eyes.
Kagura…
She thought about what she had seen in the Illusory Death—Kagura, Sesshoumaru, and their child. To her surprise, the pain that shot through her was…intense. She could not forget the feeling of…loosing him. She could not forget the feeling of knowing that he was gone…
The pain became too much.
She opened her eyes and wrapped her arms around her waist, as though to protect herself from the pain. She looked up at the moon and remembered what had been her strongest thought when she thought that she was about to loose him…
I AM NOT GOING TO LOOSE HIM!
I'm in too deep, Helen thought. Before, she might have had a chance to forget him, to move on, but the pain of the Illusory Death only told her one thing—she was already too deeply in love with him. Her feelings for him weren't merely strong—they were immutable.
Why? Why did her feelings have to develop until they reached the point of immutability? Why now? Why now, when there was a possibility that Sesshoumaru might still be enamored with Kagura…
"I'm in too deep," Helen whispered to herself as she opened her eyes again. It was too late for her—she could not change it. She knew that she had been in love with Sesshoumaru, but she had also known that her love for him could have been changed—that there was still a chance for her to fall out of love. But now…
It was just too late for her.
"In too deep," she said again.
"What are you talking about?"
She automatically spun around. She knew that voice—she would recognize it anywhere. "Sesshoumaru," she mumbled as he stepped out of the shadows.
Helen inwardly gulped. Why now? Sweet Kami, why now? Why now, when she was still too troubled to think coherently?
"What are you doing here?" Helen asked. She sounded defeated.
"Looking for you," he said dismissively as he approached. "Rin said you were…looking for me?" Amusement lingered just beneath the surface of his cold eyes.
Helen blushed. "No," she said.
The amusement vanished. "Then why did you leave?" he asked.
She sighed. Might as well get it over with. "I was thinking…about…what I saw in the Illusory Death," she admitted, looking at the ground.
"You never told me," he pointed out.
"Because there's nothing to tell," she countered. What she saw in the Illusory Death was not something she wanted to share because it betrayed how too deep she was in.
"If there is nothing to tell, then why were you thinking about it?"
"Talking and thinking aren't the same," she snapped.
"No—but the two usually keep company," he pointed out.
"What's it to you?" Helen asked, wishing that he would go away so she could think.
He raised an eyebrow at her and took a step closer. "What did you see?" he asked, absurdly curious.
"Nothing."
"Helen."
"I said nothing."
"Your tone implies otherwise."
"Go away."
"I shall…if you tell me what you saw."
"Why do you care?"
"I don't care—I'm just curious."
Helen narrowed her eyes at him. "Why should I tell you? You don't care."
"I do not need to care to know."
"Oh, shut up."
"Why should—"
"I saw that I lost you, okay?!" Helen finally snapped under his persistence. "I saw that you were happily married to Kagura and that I lost you, got it?! I was thinking about loosing you—about how I don't want to loose you! And I was thinking that it's just too late for me because…I'm in too deep…"
Helen suddenly realized what she said. She clasped her hands to her mouth and glared up at him in a 'now-look-what-you-made-me-do!' way.
But Sesshoumaru had other matters on his mind. "What do you mean by 'in too deep'?"
Helen blushed and looked away. "Forget I said anything," she said, annoyed. She stomped passed him, intent on returning to Rin, but Sesshoumaru grabbed her wrist and stopped her in her tracks.
"What did you mean by it?"
Helen closed her eyes and debated with herself. "No, lemme go!" she snapped, trying to loosen her wrists from his iron hold. Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes dangerously as he grabbed her other wrist in his other hand.
"Helen," he said, his tone commanding. "What did you mean by it?"
"I MEANT THAT I'M TOO DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU TO CHANGE THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU, GOT IT?!" Helen shouted, her eyes narrowed angrily.
He raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise. He knew that she was in love with him—but that deeply?
As though she read his thoughts, she went on. "Yes, you baka, that deeply! Are you happy now, you big, stupid, jerk?"
"Yes."
"Well, I—what?" Helen asked, thinking she heard him wrong.
"Fool." Still holding both of her wrists, he pulled her to him. Helen felt herself fall headfirst against his armored chest. He still held her wrists in both of his hands. She hesitated before she looked up at him. He was looking down at her as though he was…confused. But she could see that his eyes were smoldering as he looked back at her. She blushed and looked away.
She heard him sigh. "Helen."
She ignored him, looking away. She had already said too much and figured that if she kept her mouth shut, he would ignore her.
But Sesshoumaru couldn't ignore her anymore.
"Helen." He sounded impatient. Helen sighed then gave in and looked up at him and felt her eyes widen and her heart start to race. For once, his eyes were devoid of its usual iciness—she could only see them smoldering intensely.
"You were frightened of a mere illusion?" he asked.
She blushed, aware that her wrists were still in his grasp. "It was…a…scary illusion." Really, how can one form coherent sentences when he looked more like a god than a demon lord?
"What frightened you the most about it?"
She blushed and looked away again. "Helen," he said, impatient. "I do not have all night."
She looked up at him, wondering if his hypnotic golden eyes were what were making her answer. "L…loosing you," she said at last. Somebody please kill me, now.
He let go of her wrists and wound one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist. He sighed. "You are making things difficult for me," he suddenly said.
Helen tried to keep her mouth shut, afraid of anymore slip ups, but failed. "What are you talking about?"
He didn't answer. Instead, he leaned his face towards her, his golden eyes smoldering. Helen's eyes widened. "Wh…what are you—?"
But she could finish her question. His lips silenced her, brushing lightly against her own. He drew her tighter against her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Helen felt her heart spluttering rapidly in her chest as he deepened his kiss, his lips moving insistently against her own. Helen returned his kiss, moving her lips in synchronization with his. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pressed herself closer to him.
Sesshoumaru could not believe how…natural it all felt. He couldn't believe how easy it was to surrender to his emotions. He pressed her against the tree, placing both hands on the tree, on either side of her head without breaking the kiss.
Helen became aware of his lips leaving hers, moving down her jaw line and down her throat. She twined her fingers in his silky hair, gasping as he kissed her throat, inhaling her scent as he did so; she felt a shiver go up her spine and it didn't have anything to do with the cold. She felt his quickened breath against her throat.
It felt sweet to surrender to his emotions.
-Hmph. Surrender. How very unlike you, Lord Sesshoumaru.
The side that wanted him to reject his feelings for her was back.
Go away, Sesshoumaru thought as his mouth moved slowly up Helen's throat and back to her lips.
-So, are you eager to become like your dear father?
The voice was playing the father card again.
I don't care. Leave.
-Ha! You don't care? Fine, surrender to your emotions. I shall thoroughly enjoy watching you weaken every single day. I'll enjoy watching you loose your power, step by step.
…
-Didn't you know that's how your father and half-brother started out? They fell in love. And look at the consequences—your father is nothing but a pile of bones and your half-brother ended up pinned to a tree.
…
-I shall enjoy seeing you weaken—I shall enjoy seeing you loose your power.
He vividly became aware of Helen's arms around his neck. Damn.
He sighed and gently pulled away from her kiss. "Helen."
"What?" she gasped, still breathless.
He sighed and that sigh was what alerted her. Something was wrong. She looked hesitantly into his eyes which were veiled with ice once again.
Sesshoumaru gently but firmly loosened her arms from around his neck. He took a step back from her and sighed.
Helen automatically felt dread building inside her. "Wh…what's wrong?" she asked, though she had a feeling that she did not want to know.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a moment. He would have to…hurt her…again. The voice in his head had been right. It had played the perfect card that he could not trump: the powerless-and-weak card. He did not want to hurt her—he honestly did not. He wished that he did not act so rashly. He should have analyzed his feelings well before he considered surrendering to his emotions.
Do it, the voice in his head said.
"Sesshoumaru?" Helen's voice made him open his eyes.
"Leave."
Silence reigned in the clearing. Helen felt the blood freeze in her veins, felt her mind go numb…
"Wh…what?" she choked.
"Leave," he said again, closing his eyes.
If her heart had been beating madly before, it had stopped now. "You…you want…"
"Yes, I want you to leave."
If it were not for the fact that she was too numb with the pain and disbelief, she would have shed a tear…
"Wh…why?"
"You are testing me," he said, his voice cold as ice.
"Testing you?"
"You are a test that I am failing," he corrected. "And failure is not something I am accustomed to."
His eyes were cold. Helen could not think. She couldn't feel. Why? Why did he have to play her like this? Why did he love making her suffer?
"But…"
"Leave. Now."
Helen felt too numb. And then, through the numbness, she saw reason. She knew, of course, that power would always be what he wanted. She knew that he would hurt her this way—knew it all along…
And yet, why was it still so painful? More than painful…it was excruciating. Did he, perhaps, enjoy the fact that he was twisting her heart, destroying it? But…
He wanted her to leave. She loved him (too much) and he wanted her to leave. How could she not give him what he wanted?
She fought her pain and looked sadly up at him, her expression unreadable. "I understand," she whispered, not trusting herself to speak clearly.
"Good."
She looked up him, her eyes tight. "I love you."
He did not trust himself to speak.
He closed his eyes and did not open them until she had left.
XoXoXo
A1969:
ha! Ha, ha, ha!
Miroku: what's so damn funny? You decided to
end it at a cliffhanger…again!
A1969: ha!
Sango: she's laughing because of that, Inuyasha, she's having hysterics.
Miroku: huh?
Sango: Christmas vacation's just ended—school's up.
A1969: ahahaha! Please…haha! Review! (panics) School!!!!!!
Sango: oh no…a full-scale panic attack.
Miroku: er…review. Maybe it'll snap her out of it.