Morning comes late for Tim since sleep had been a long time in coming last night. As the bright new day dawns with brutal shining light forcing its way through the window blinds, he turns away before rousing himself into sitting up at the edge of the bed. Taking the time to let his eyes wake up at the same speed as his brain, he feels no need to rush beyond this point. In fact, he's tempted to lie back down and let sleep take him away once again.
With a self-depreciating scoff, he gets to his feet. Going back to bed won't be anymore productive than refusing to think on all that's transpired to get him to this point has been. He can't put it off any longer if he expects to be able to have his life back on track when he goes back to D.C. Besides, as much as he hates to admit it, his little sister was right.
"…. The last thing you need to do is make things worse between yourself and this team of people you care so much about."
He doesn't want to make things worse, that much is true. Then again, right now, things can't get much worse between himself and Team Gibbs. But, he's not ready to be concerned about fixing things with the people he used to consider his friends and surrogate family. Too much crap and too little concern for his own safety and well-being has flowed under that bridge.
Faced with the need to get on with the day, Tim heads to the bathroom for his morning routine. His anticipated quiet cup of coffee in the cool comfort of the otherwise silent house will have to wait because the stiffness and achy feeling that has come over him is screaming for the soothing ability of a hot shower. Rooted in place under the massaging spray of the shower just a few short minutes later, it's not long before his mind starts traveling back over the recent conversation with Ducky; still as vivid in his memory as the first time around.
"…Thank you, by the way; for coming all the way out here to check on me. And for staying to make sure I was okay."
"You are most welcome, lad… It was the very least that I could do, considering the dreadful way in which I failed you when you needed my support the most."
"I'm still trying to understand it, I just….I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I mean… the whole… why, Ducky?"
"There is no excuse, Timothy. I failed you….Timothy. I truly am sorry that I did not do a better job of ensuring your safety and well-being on the job; off it as well, I might add. For the less than respectful manner in which you have been treated by your fellow NCIS family members, myself included. I'm afraid I find myself without the words that can even come close to explaining away that which should not have been allowed to happen…
"As the voice of medical health for Gibbs' Team, it most certainly is my responsibility; even more so when I am present at the scene. My failure to follow your instinct for precaution at that hot tub was inexcusable, Timothy. I find no fault with your reaction, whatsoever. Rest assured of that, young man."
As his recollections come to a grinding halt, Tim' has to admit to himself that he's relieved the M.E. obviously gave the situation a lot of thought and came to his own realization that Tim feels let down and why that is. He truly appreciates not being forced into discussing it any further with the intrinsically intuitive man he has come to love like an uncle. That was one conversation he hadn't been looking forward to having.
In fact, he's really not interested in talking to any of them. Arguments and attitudes are sure to be in abundance wherever and whenever such exchange of words happens. He's pretty sure nothing will be resolved with any attempt at discussion and he's certainly not going to set himself up for more of the same garbage he's been dealing with. It's time to move on. Yeah, like that will actually happen! None of them are going to just drop this and you know it!
With another sigh, he finishes his breakfast and cleans up the kitchen after himself. Maybe coming here wasn't such a great idea. It is beginning to feel like he is hiding out instead of dealing with things head on, despite his former objections to that idea or Ducky's obvious take on the subject:
"You think I'm just running away?"
"No, Timothy. I do not."
A light bulb seems to go off in his head as he happens upon an idea. Maybe he just needs to get it all out on paper – like he used to do when he needed an outlet. It's been a long time since he's put pen to paper – or typed it all out at will. It will probably do him a world of good to do it now. Once he does that, he'll undoubtedly be able to enjoy the rest of his vacation – or at least think of constructive ways to spend his free time before heading back to work in 12 days.
Taking himself to what used to be his room when his grandmother was still alive, Tim heads to the closet and takes out his faithful old typewriter that happens to be the relative to the one in his apartment. Locating the supply of paper, Tim sets himself up with what he needs and gets comfortable in the dining room, getting acquainted with the keys once more. Letting go of all conscious thought, he lets his usual style of free-writing out to play. Before long, Tim is happily lost in letting it all out on paper – his thoughts pouring themselves out without filter or regard for time.
*****NCIS*****
12 Days Later
Tony and Ziva arrive at work at the same time, as has become their routine by now. Each morning, after parking near each other in the employee garage, they accompany each other to the coffee shop closest to work. It's unclear whether it's the silence in which this is done that helps them prepare for the newest day without their team member or if it's the fresh air and daily dose of caffeine on top of whatever it is they happen to be thinking about. Whatever the cause, these last two weeks, at least in this area of their lives, they have finally settled into something acceptable, even if things are still unsettled in the squad room.
Watching Abby try almost desperately to act as though nothing is wrong hasn't been easy either. On the one hand, Tim is her friend and one who, they all know, has tried to be there for her through thick and thin. On the other hand, her faithful sidekick is no longer at her beck and call and it seems to be almost too big of a change for her to deal with - at least not without a longer period of adjustment and more leeway.
Her quiet lab and toned down wardrobe, while an adjustment in themselves, haven't been the issue that concern the others nearly as much as her lack of energy, missing gift of explaining things into the next year when providing case information or just asking for newest information about their lives, that does.
Gibbs has been more than patient with her down in the dumps demeanor, but then again, being stuck on cold cases with little progress has made that relatively easy to do. Besides, she is his favorite and he can't ever seem to bring himself to be angry with her or fault her for anything. At least having to raise his voice to her while working to close this last case seems to have raised his ability to think twice where she's concerned.
Even wrapped up in their own thoughts on these new developments with Tim, Tony and Ziva have both noticed the way boss seems to take an extra couple of heartbeats to think before he answers Abby now. The frown that settled on his face since returning from Tim's place doesn't bode well for his state of mind, though. But at least he's kept his brewing thoughts to himself and not taken it out on what's left of his team. There's been no talk of their trip to Tim's vacation spot – or what took place there and it seems as though they've just cut off a part of themselves and are hoping it will grow back on its own or something.
Realizing that albeit silently, the boss has also given them some leeway these last two weeks; most notably by not letting anyone take Tim's place on the team until they hear the young man's decision themselves, Tony and Ziva have kept things working as smoothly and without squabbles as possible in Tim's absence. Settling in behind their desk now, they dive into their respective emails, allowing the newest member of the team – silence – to settle in comfortably. When Gibbs returns to his desk a short time later, he maintains the silence and gets busy on his own work, the now ever-present frown firmly in place.
****NCIS*****
It's been a fairly great yet busy 11 days for Tim; what with coming back to D.C. after only spending one additional day at the beach before diving into one thing after another to improve himself and his skills. Taking time to practice everything from his firearms proficiency and weapon cleaning to his running and overall fitness have kept him too busy to dwell on anything from the past he's left behind.
As he gets ready for the first day back at work, He hopes that whatever Vance has for him will be as challenging as being on the MCRT has been all these years. Parking in the employee parking lot again for the first time since leaving the team, he nervously locks up his car and heads inside. Suddenly, his mind is awhirl with possibilities both good and bad. So many things to consider; so much so that Tim is distracted and gets off the elevator – out of habit – on the Squad Room Floor.
With a frown, he realizes that he's left himself no choice but to walk through the edge of his former work space as he heads to the stairs up to the Director's Office. He hopes against hope that he'll be left in peace as he makes his way to his destination. But, he also knows that with this team, most days prove that hope is often futile.
The sight of his former co-worker finally back from vacation has Tony literally jumping to his feet as he heads him off, physically crowding him until he's cornered him into the small out of the way space to talk by the stairs. ."What gives, McGee, you're gone two weeks and don't call any of us even once? This how you plannin' on leavin' it? You can't even talk to us now?"
Now that he's dropped his guard and let Tony manhandle him into this area the team has always used for private talks and alone, Tim lets out an audible sigh of frustration. "No, Tony. If you want to talk, I have no problem with that – later."
"Wow, that's really big of you, Pro-obie. " Tony mocks him. "I just wanna know one thing."
Tim glances at his watch before looking Tony straight on. "Fine. But make it fast so I'm not late for my meeting with the Director."
"Just wanna know why the hell you couldn't just speak up for yourself even once instead of turnin' your back and walkin' away, McGee. You never said anything!"
Tim quirks his eyebrows. "Never?" After a moment of silence as his answer, Tim lets his irritation fly just a little. "Jeez, DiNozzo, I know you've got selective memory but that's taking it waay too far – even for you!"
"Wha?" Tony's irritation is instantly replace with bewilderment and shock at Tim's tone.
Tim is quick to interrupt his show of ignorance since it's just fueling the fire. "Look. I know that you don't get why things needed to change – everything needed to be stopped cold. I get that pulling all that crap was so much fun for you because no one..."
Tim stops to glance deliberately at his former boss who appeared at the edge of Tim's peripheral vision a minute ago, not even trying to appear innocent of eaves-dropping. With the same deliberateness, he looks back at Tony before he finishes speaking the point he's trying to make, as if he hadn't paused. "Ever said anything to you about crossing the line or - except me and I was your target and just your probie so,…."
He deliberately drops his explanation here, knowing it's all he needs to say to make his point. Again, silence fills the space between them until Tim realizes that he may have given Tony too much credit because it's obvious now that the older man needs more of an explanation. With a sigh, Tim does what he hadn't wanted to do; he launches into a deeper explanation.
"Look, there's a lot more to this than just you, Tony. You weren't the only one I was repeatedly the scapegoat for or the only one who treated me as Abby's scapegoat. You weren't the only one who failed to have my back when things turned dangerous – even at the hands of one of our own– or even the only one who at least once – acted recklessly – at my expense. I just stopped being a glutton for the punishment when it crossed the line on this team being an unsafe situation for me to work with. I'm not sure if that answers your question, but let's just leave it at that, alright? I have a meeting to get to."
Having said that, Tim walks away without once looking back; unaware three pairs of eyes are watching him leave.
*****NCIS*****