A/N: Many thanks to Carneu – and her inspiration for this chapter's unexpected direction - with her story - "The Unbreakable Barrier"
Warning: Fasten your seatbelts - it's about to become a very bumpy ride!
Finally!
Tim sits back and stretches his arms over his head, trying to work the kinks out of his aching muscles. It's been a very long six weeks. Who would have thought when he'd walked through the Director's door at the end of that successful classroom of Advanced Computer Instruction six weeks ago, ready to face whatever the man threw at him next– that he'd be singlehandedly updating the Agency's Archives into the current computer system, file by file as his next assignment?
When Director Vance had given him a three month time frame in which to get it all done, he'd felt panicked, for a moment. The monumental task had at first discouraged him. But then, he'd realized with pride - and a little pep talk from Ziva - that the man had given him the task because he had faith in him. That had pushed Tim to begin getting as much done in a single day as possible, driven to excel well within the time-frame given to him to do it in.
Oh, he'd sacrificed a lot along the way, this time. But, he was done now! Finished! And, yeah, it feels great!
Sacrifices. Yeah, there have been a lot of those lately. Countless dinners with Ziva postponed, furtive phone calls between the two during a stolen moment of break here and there and barely a wave of greeting between himself and Tony or Gibbs with very little time to work on building those friendships back up. Hell, he's even worked any weekend day they've been working, both to pass the time and to get ahead of the curve ball on this massive project.
Director Vance hadn't been pleased when he'd found out about the weekend hours Tim was putting in; at least, not at first. But when it occurred to him that Tim was working off the clock- well, he couldn't help but admire the younger man's dedication and determination. And getting the old files into the new system all that much faster was certainly nothing to frown on. He even went to bat for Tim – unbeknown to the diligent young man – and got him pay for those weekend hours before it was all said and done.
Thankfully, Ziva and Tim have managed a few dates and a few more quiet afternoons at home and Tim's finally been seeing her open up more and letting him in. He's especially reverent of the fact that she's finally letting him hold her – for the sheer joy of doing so. No longer is she restlessly withdrawing from him in those moments and it's gone a long way in giving him hope for their future. She's finally realizing it's okay to let herself be loved – without expecting the worst in return.
It's given him the lift in his spirits to be extra happy and relieved that this project is done. Being able to hang out with Tony and Ziva a time or two after work has helped as well, reminding him that Ziva was right when she said Tony was Tim's friend – even though there had been countless times the older man had failed to act like one.
Ziva understood then and he realizes it now, that Tim, himself, considered Tony to be a friend – even if he often acted otherwise and that had been enough to want to fix things between them. He's grateful now that he listened to her then and heard Tony out that Saturday evening he came to the apartment - even if it had thrown a wrench into his plans with Ziva.
Tim can't help but feel proud of himself now – proud and excited about his future. Once again, he finds himself looking forward to whatever the next task is that the Director has in store for him. He hopes it's as challenging and fulfilling as this one was. Then again, he hopes it's something a little more permanent, too.
He has no idea just how much he'll be rethinking that thought before the day is out.
**********NCIS*********
"I must say, Agent McGee, you've surpassed even my expectations on this project. The Agency is indebted to your due diligence and tireless dedication." Vance offers with utmost sincerity as their meeting gets underway.
"Thank you, Sir. But, I enjoyed the challenge." Tim admits with an almost visible puff of pride in himself.
"That's a plus in any position. However, I have to admit that I wasn't expecting you to be finished quite so quickly. I know this is a bit unorthodox, but I'm going to suggest you take a day – unwind, relax."
"Are you asking me to take a day off, Sir?" Tim asks in abject amusement although he does his level best to keep a straight face.
"Yes, I guess I am, Agent McGee. I need a little time to figure out where exactly to place you. I'll admit, I let this slip - thinking I had at least another two weeks to work out some details. Unless you'd rather go fill in for some absentees down in Cybercrimes. I'm sure they could use your help."
"I'd be happy to help, Sir." Tim offers. "Taking the day off just isn't something I'd be comfortable with."
"I suppose not. And as I said, I'm sure Cybercrimes would be happy to have your help. It'll just be for the remainder of the week."
"I'll head on down there now." Tim turns to go and heads to the door.
"Agent McGee?" Vance throws out as the younger man reaches the door of his office.
"Sir" Tim stops in his tracks and turns to face the Director. He's not only obedient, he's genuinely curious. Over the past couple of months, the two of them have developed a deeper appreciation for each other – and the honesty they both know they can count on.
"I have to admit I'm extremely surprised that with all this bouncing around from temporary assignment to temporary assignment, even though you were warned it would happen, that you haven't asked me even once."
"Asked you what, Sir?"
"Why I'm not giving you your own Field Team. Why we haven't even discussed the issue."
Tim walks back to the chairs in front of the older man's desk. With his hands calmly at his sides, he answers the unexpected question with genuine honesty, no holds barred, just as he knows the man is expecting.
"I know you'd assign me to that position if and when you're ready for me to do it. If that's what you needed me to do."
"So, no simmering resentment that it hasn't happened or been offered yet?"
"Maybe a little surprise, Director; but resentment, no." Tim's quick to reassure the man he's not operating under any such emotion.
Vance beckons to the chair in front of Tim as he takes a seat in his own chair once again. "Have a seat, Agent McGee. Let's talk."
Tim nods as he takes a seat in the proffered chair.
Propping his hands on his desk at wrist level, he looks Tim straight on and tells him what he's been waiting to talk to him about for months now. "Maybe I should have asked you in the beginning what your goals were; where you wanted to go with your career. I didn't. For that, I apologise."
"Thank you, Director." Tim quietly accepts the apology even if he is flabbergasted by this vein of conversation.
"I'm asking you now. Don't hold anything back."
"Well, I wouldn't mind my own field team. I mean, that is why I pushed myself. Honestly, I never would have become a case officer in Norfolk or accepted the spot on the MCRT when Gibbs literally handed it to me. Don't get me wrong, I know that because of my computer background, I'd proven to him that I was someone he wanted; maybe even needed, on his team; but if computers was all I wanted to do, then I wouldn't have transported my life to D.C. I wouldn't have had to."
"And you would have accepted one of the job offers as a programmer, a hacker or any of the other civilian type job offers you've fielded by now since the field agent experience has become, for lack of a better word, lacking."
Tim is surprised that Vance is more than clued in to the way things have been going. Rather than dwell on it, he keeps the discussion moving forward. "Right. I know that I don't want to be in cybercrimes permanently. And if I wouldn't be happy there, I wouldn't have been challenged for very long or learning very much at one of those positions either. And it would have taken me away from the chance to be a better field agent, forever."
"What are your long –term goals, son? What steps do you envision yourself taking along the way?"
"Wow. Well, I guess, I figured I'd be going as far as I could be as a Field Agent. That would mean whatever steps along the way that go along with that." Tim reasons out.
"Do you see yourself sitting in this chair one day?"
Memories of having to tell people in high places to 'stick it' as well as some of the less than 'right' decisions from higher up the chain of command, that he and the team had been dealt come back to Tim now and he smiles ruefully. "Honestly, Sir. I'm not sure I could stomach the bureaucracy that comes with it."
Vance laughs. "You've got that part right. There are some days I can't even think of eating lunch! So, then it's safe to say that when all is said and done, your ideal position within the agency, for the bulk of your remaining years of service, is at a Team Leader position with your own field team."
"Yes, Sir. That would be ideal."
"Let me tell you why that's not going to happen."
*****NCIS*****
Tim sits back in his desk chair some thirty minutes later, the words of the Director coming back to him now, with crystal clarity.
"You're not ready. And it has nothing to with needing more years on the job either. It has everything to do with the quality of training you've been allowed to experience; or should I say, 'not' been allowed to experience.
In all the years, you've been on the MCRT; your actual field experience is only half of what it should be by now. Not to mention your lack of undercover experience is hugely detrimental to your career goals. You should be able to stand alone at a more senior level in all of these areas by now. However, because of the countless hours you were designated as the 'stay behind' agent and the one chained to the technical aspects of the case, you don't even have the wide ranging experience the position of a Senior Field Agent calls for.
That position would be your next step and while there's no doubt you could do the job; to get there, you're going to need lots of additional field time with the right training; lots of undercover work you were never given the opportunity to do, time to gain more street wise strategies and understanding and certainly some more leadership skills. Oh, and we can't forget the Agent Afloat requirement. We have, thanks to the precedent set with Agent DiNozzo, downsized that requirement to four months. But it is still one of the steps you will have to take. And if you're truly aiming high in your career goals, then you'll want the experience that the former standard of six months at the position will give you.
Now, having said all of that, my question to you, Agent McGee, is this. Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to get to that position?"
Tim's eyes flicker as the recollection stalls out and he returns to the here and now. There's no question in his mind that that's what he wants. Now that it's practically been handed to him and now that he's no longer standing in the shadow of Tony or being shunned from the true experience needed thanks to Gibbs' favoritism towards the others on his team, there's no way in hell, he's not willing to go as far as he can go with this, whatever that process entails.
His answer to Vance had been quick, firm and absolutely without a sliver of reservation. "Yes, Sir!"
Apparently, the man hadn't expected any other reply because the paperwork had immediately been handed to him with a broad smile. "Agent McGee, forget going down to Cybercrimes. Pack up, you're moving to LA. "
Shocked, all Tim could manage at the time was a befuddled. "Sir?
"Hetty will train you. Don't get sidetracked by their toys over there. I understand you were quite taken by their set up while you and Agent Gibbs were out there a couple of years ago. Learn all you can while you're there, of course; but stick to the goal plan. Hetty and her team will help get you there. "
"What about the "Afloat" assignment?" Tim hadn't been able to stop the concerned question from spilling forth.
"When you're ready – and when there's a spot open, then, we'll set you up. Until then, OSP is your new post. I expect you to learn as much as you can take in. They are the best at what they do. But, don't be afraid to offer your own experiences either." Vance had replied with little delay.
Tim had nodded mutely. He'd been in shock still, not only at the opportunity being given to him but at the underlying feeling of, for the last six months, having just been used to cushion this Agency's void of his leaving. Now that he's helped update their computer training and reinforced their firewalls, protecting them better from any attempt at hacking and because he wasn't willing to be sent down to Cybercrimes, their use for him had dwindled down to nothing.
"I realize that this must seem like you're being shuffled off to someone else's ship because you've done all you can for us here – and to be honest, in a certain sense, that's accurate. But, think of it in terms of your career. Your record looks great – there's no concern there. But, you're stymied here. The experiences and knowledge you need to further yourself - are out there. Go get it- all of it that you can."
Tim had frowned. "Does this mean that you won't have a place for me back here in the future?"
"Is this where you want to come back to?" Vance had replied with his poker face intact. "There's no need to cement yourself into any such decision. Do yourself a favor and just take it one step at a time. When the next step comes – if it comes with a change of location, think on it then."
Tim had been quick to nod. Yeah, he can do that. That actually makes sense. "Okay."
"Act fast, Agent McGee. You've got two weeks to pack up and be at your new post."
Now Tim swallows hard at the reminder of that time table. Two weeks. Fourteen days to pack up his life here in D.C. and move it across the country. And say goodbye to Ziva.
"If you need help with packing or loading up, just say the word. I've got two strong, able bodied kids who would just love to be put to work." Vance had offered with a father's sly grin.
"Thank you, Director. I actually might take you up on that." Tim's reply had been almost timid as he struggled to take it all in.
As if feeling the underlying concern that was surfacing in Tim's mind, Vance had asked him. "Something wrong?"
"Gibbs." Tim had been surprisingly fast with his quiet answer.
"I understand things remain fairly cool, almost cold between you and he. Rumor has it that you haven't even spoken to him since you've been back. Why would you be concerned about Gibbs?"
"He and Agent Callen are close." Tim had remembered without hesitation. "I guess I was hoping to not have to be the topic of any conversation between them. Is there any way you could not tell him about this?"
"You think it will ease the transition, not to have him trying to check up on you."
"Not that I think he would, but in the extremely off chance that he does, yes, that would help."
Vance had nodded. "Alright. That can be arranged. Another arrangement that's already been made is the expenses you'll incur for moving. Keep the receipts and get them to me once you've finished getting settled in over there. The Agency will reimburse you half. Any lease issues, send the Manager in my direction. I'll handle it."
Tim had been surprised and thankful. Breaking apartment leases can be such a harsh situation to be in and very costly. Now, he'll have to figure out where to stay while in L.A. Having never visited there more than that brief stay for work, he's clueless.
The other painful part of this new challenge of course, will be what this will do to his relationship with Ziva. He'll have to break the news to her as soon as possible. He'll hold onto what they've built with everything he's got, but he'll have to concentrate on the job first. She'll understand that, of that, he's sure.
****NCIS*****
Thirty very different and enlightened minutes later, Tim had headed out of the Director's office with a grin plastered on his face that hasn't been there in a very long time. Who'd have guessed that ole Vance was slick enough and concerned enough to patch OSP into his office on video and request that they re-acquaint themselves with Tim and advise them that not only will he be joining their team, but that he'll be needing help relocating – on the sly?
What really threw Tim for a loop was the Director making it plain to OSP that he's expecting them to teach Tim everything they know and then leaving him in the office to talk with his new team - alone!
It had been an enjoyable multi-layered conversation with plenty of plans made and most of Tim's concerns about relocating put to rest. Finally, when everything had been sorted out, Tim had ended the call, locked the computer station and headed to the outer office, only to come face to face with the Director once again as the man ushered Tim back into his inner office and closed the door behind them..
"Might want to reconsider not mending fences before you go, Tim. You never know when you'll need to be knocking at the gate for help in the future. Think like the Team Leader you want to be. Let that be your guide."
"Thank you, Director. I'll give it some thought."
"Give some thought to rethinking your career goals, too, Son. Don't rule out the chair. You've got too much potential to make that mistake. I know I'm not the first person who's told you that and I won't be the last."
Surprise had lit Tim's face as he calmly agreed to that soft command but remained silent beyond that. His brain had already returned to the point Vance had made about his former Team Leader.
Vance had looked the young man over and noticed that he was too calm about this vein of conversation. "You've already talked to Gibbs."
"Weeks ago, Sir." Tim had admitted quietly.
"Just not here." Vance had realized verbally.
"No. I didn't think it was anyone else's business and I didn't want it to be food for the gossip chain."
"But you were willing to be that by letting everyone think you still won't speak to him."
"We've said our peace. There's nothing left for us to say to each other." Tim's tone had remained as quiet as possible without his actually whispering, turning the volume up on what he wasn't saying – much more than he realized with this experienced father of two teenagers with a language all their own.
"I'm a father, Agent McGee. I know pain when I see it, even when the truth isn't what you're telling yourself. He may not have treated you fairly and he may have shortchanged you in a lot of ways but he's been important to you for a long time. That's not something we can just leave behind without scarring. No matter how much we want to." Vance had expressed with obvious concern.
Tim had blinked away the sudden moisture at the unexpected yet very thoughtful advice. This side of the director was a rare sight to see and an even more rare experience to have directed at you but he'd been grateful for it. How Vance had pinpointed the one unresolved issue Tim was unhappy to be walking away without resolving was beyond Tim's understanding. But, the man was right. Never had Tim regretted so much, his quick fix attitude of not looking back when he and Gibbs talked way back when.
Sitting here at his desk now, with the need to try to process it all, he realizes the cold hard truth that he's long denied. It hurts. It's been hurting – all this time – to see – to hear, that Gibbs is so capable and ready to move on and leave Tim behind…after everything…all Tim's dedication and loyalty and…damn it, it's his own fault! He refused to talk to the man when the rarely approachable man made the effort to reach out. He's got no one to blame but himself now!
"Trust me, son. It'll stay with you unless you fix it. Life's too short to carry that kind of baggage everywhere you go." Vance had told him kindly.
Tim had nodded as he'd offered a remorseful small smile and quiet thanks before stepping around him and heading back to his office to pack up. His vision had been blurred and he'd completely missed the sight of three pairs of eyes from below watching him walk to the elevator. He'd also missed the Director following him out of the outer office and watching his former team down below as they watched him.
****NCIS*****
As the door to the elevator closes behind Tim, Vance looks across the distance to Gibbs and their long-honed silent communication skills are back in play. The MCRT Team Leader is already not happy with the extreme strain that's been between himself and his former Agent and now the look on the younger man's face just now somehow brought up images of his child in emotional pain.
Now the Director wants a word with him? On one hand, he's more than happy to be getting clued into whatever it is that just happened up here. But, on the other, he's not real happy with Vance, knowing in his gut that the man has something to do with that look on Tim's face just now. Just because they never cross paths anymore, doesn't mean the Team Leader doesn't still consider him part of that inner group he cares a great deal about. Hell, he'll always think of the kid as one of his own. And right now one of his own is obviously hurting and that doesn't sit well with Papa Gibbs.
Nearly bolting up the stairs, he's in Vance's office with the door loudly banging shut behind him in no time flat. "Something going on with McGee?"
"You could say that. Have a seat Gibbs." The Director requests almost conversationally as he takes his own seat behind his desk.
"Just spit it out, Leon! What's going on?" Gibbs growls as he remains standing.
"He's being reassigned."
"That wouldn't have put that look on his face, Director." Gibbs tone is bordering on belligerent because he knows the man knows that much.
"Oh, you're right about that, Gibbs."
"Damn it, Leon!"
"The reason for that look on his face, Gibbs – is you!"
"What?"
"You think he's happy with the way things are between you?"
"It's been what – four months? Hasn't exactly tried to fix it."
"Have you?"
Gibbs silent glare is all the answer the Director needs. "You're his mentor, Gibbs – have been for a long time now. And you couldn't try harder than that?"
"What do you know about it?" Gibbs demands almost belligerently as it touches the nerve of what's been left unresolved between himself and his youngest team member - because Tim will always have that spot in this man's heart – even if he won't admit it to anyone.
"Only that he respected you enough to make sure whatever conversation the two of you had happened away from the yard and the gossip chain. Doesn't mean he hasn't been the victim of that gossip, since it's been all over the yard how he thinks he's too good to talk to you now."
Gibbs swallows hard. This is news to him. Then again, Vance knows that. That's why he's telling him like this. Why hasn't he heard about this before?
"I know that you've both said your piece in that conversation and since then, neither of you thinks you have anything else to say to each other." Vance continues on, unaware of the older man's rising inner turmoil.
"That why you brought me up here, Leon? To tell me all this?" Deflection is an old tool for Gibbs, but this time, it can't hide the stiffened reaction that says this is too close for his liking.
"No, Gibbs! I brought you up here to let you know that you're running out of time to make things right. You screwed up with him; shortchanged him on years of experience out on the street and in the field teaching him every thing you could- like you did for DiNozzo – like you should have been done for McGee. Experiences like undercover work he should have had – but was denied because his computer skills were too important for you to unchain him from the computer. So now, he's having to play catch-up on everything he's missed. And he has to relocate to get that because I won't subject him to ridicule and gossip by putting him on anyone else's team here as anything other than a SFA or Team Leader!"
Gibbs' face remains unreadable, even as guilt rapidly fills his gut. He knows Vance is right and it's already been bothering him for some time now. Still, at this moment, his focus is the shoe he knows in his gut that Vance is about to drop; the reason he's been called up here.
"And that- is your fault! Hell, Gibbs, if you had done your job, your team could be put back together – IF they wanted to be – with your retirement in play in the near future – they all could have moved up – and continued working together – keeping the best solve rate on the Eastern Seaboard going!"
"Where are you sending him?" Gibbs demands, deliberately dropping any pretense of continuing the rest of the conversation.
Vance shakes his head. "Need to know. And you don't. In fact, he doesn't want you to know. He wants a clean slate – with no contact – so he can focus on the job he has in front of him of making up for lost time and training."
"Then why the hell am I up here, Leon?" The Team Leader asks angrily. He wants more of an answer than what he's been given and he'll find a way to get to the truth but for now, he's angry enough to lash out at the man responsible for yet more changes that are unwelcome with his people. Tim will always be one of his kids - even if they haven't done all they could to work on the issues that remain unfixed.
"Because, Gibbs. If he leaves without hearing from you whatever it is that needs to be said, that bridge will be burned and both of you deserve better."
"Not like you to care about stuff like that, Director." Gibbs replies almost dryly.
"Don't kid yourself, Gibbs. We're both know that feeling - what dads feel when our kids are hurting." Vance's tone is softer – bringing the conversation back to the level of compassion he's after to begin with. He knows the Team Leader has long considered his team members to be his surrogate kids, even if he's never admitted it – even to himself.
"That what this is?" The Team Leader is skeptical at best, although his tone has also changed, as if he's accepted that this is one father speaking to another.
With his trademark toothpick snug in his teeth, Leon Vance offers his best poker face as he answers the question with his trademark brutal honesty. "You said so yourself, Gibbs. Being reassigned didn't put that look on his face."