Sighing heavily, Tim glances at his computer for the time. He's literally relieved of all things to do here since he's been given his new assignment. By rights, he should be packing up his desk – again – in preparation for leaving; this time for good, in all likelihood. The trouble is, all he can think about is the conversation with Vance about Gibbs – the others on the MCRT– and most especially, Ziva. Flipping open his phone, he hits the speed dial for the woman he loves; needing to set a date with her as soon as possible. He hates the part of this job that requires them to relocate upon command, even though he's looking forward to the training it will give him with this one glaring exception. She'll be happy for him, he knows. But at the same time, he can't help but feel like his love life just can't win for losing. Worse, he feels as though Ziva's the one who'll be losing the most – not because he thinks so highly of himself – but because she's been left high and dry before and he never wanted to be one of the people in her life that did that do her.
******NCIS*****
Ziva glances at her vibrating cell phone as it rests on her hip in its carrying case. Pulling it out, she smiles as she sees Tim's number on her screen. Tim looked very upset when he came from the Director's Office a while ago. Perhaps the fact that he's calling her now means he's not nearly as upset as he appeared from the distance. Obviously he has something to tell her and there's no time like the present since he's reaching out to her right now. Realizing she doesn't want to be overheard, she makes the excuse of going for coffee before slipping from the squad room – down the back stairs as she hugs her phone tightly in her hand, antsy to check on him and his reason for calling her in the middle of the day while they're both at work, since he doesn't do that without a real good reason.
It's been a tough six months for them but it's been worth it and it has helped her in so many ways, she's relaxed and comfortable accepting all Tim has to give now. It's taken her a long time and a lot of thinking and even some continued therapy, but it's been worth the journey. If it weren't for the look on his face earlier, she'd thing he was calling her to set up another date with her. But she knows that's not the case and worry overshadows the good possibilities. That Gibbs also followed Tim's departure from the Director's Office earlier and has not come down from there himself, as of yet adds to her concern.
Reaching the outside, Ziva calls Tim back, feeling relieved when he's quick to answer her call.
"Hey."
"Are you alright?" She asks right off the bat.
"**Sigh** I'm not sure."
"I am outside enroute to the coffee shop. Will you join me so we can talk?"
"I'll be right there."
******NCIS*****
Leaving Vance's office, Gibbs heads directly out for fresh coffee, unwilling and unable to think beyond the idea of a fresh cup of caffeine at the moment. As he moves, his mind can't help but mull over what's just been thrown at him. He knows Vance is right and secretly appreciates this kick in the pants and the time to fix what's still not mended with Tim.
A bigger part of him is extremely unhappy to hear that the young man is leaving their folds. It's a harsh punch in the gut to realize all he can do for him now is try to fix what still lays unresolved between them regarding the crappy way Tim was treated during his tenure on the team. The last thing they need is for Tim to be unfocused in his new post because things are unresolved here. Not he's unable to put things away and stay focused - they've all seen just how well the kid can do that – but more to the point, he shouldn't have to because the seasoned field agent and all around decent guy deserves some closure even if he's the one that refused to get it for himself when it was offered. Gibbs just hopes he'll come back when he's ready.
More to the point at this moment, however, is how to get Tim to willingly talk with him before it's too late. As he thinks on this, he reaches the coffee shop and is immediately served up his regular order as he's the only customer at the moment and they all know him there. With an absent smile of thanks, he moves to one of the tables and sits down. It's a rare move for him, but he's got way too much on his mind right now to even be trying to think about work.
****NCIS*****
Meeting up with Ziva half way to the coffee shop, Tim is quick to offer her his shy 'only for her' smile as he resettles his stride to match hers. "Hi." He wishes he could wrap her up and hold her close but neither of them will give in to that while on the Navy Yard, for various reasons, most of them dealing with Ziva's need to work among those most willing to gossip, despite the risk to their own well-being for doing so.
"How are you? You were very upset when you left the Director's office earlier." Ziva pulls the conversation where she wants it to go.
"You saw that?" Tim is not happy to hear that he was not more circumspect, as he'd hoped to be.
"Tim. We all saw that. Tony and Gibbs did as well."
"Oh joy." Tim mutters.
"Something is wrong, yes?"
Breathing out another sigh, Tim stops walking and gestures for them to veer off course to the edge of the water. Holding onto whatever's on his mind as they walk, he's quick to grab onto the railing, for lack of anything better to do with his hands and his frustration, judging by the white-knuckled grip he maintains on the railing.
"Tim? What is it?" Ziva is getting seriously worried now. He has not been this frustrated and unable to speak his mind with her in a long time.
Glancing at her, his eyes are filled with sadness mixed with regret. "Remember when I said I hope my next assignment would be just as challenging and even more permanent that the archive project?"
"Of course, I remember. That was only yesterday." She replies with a touch of something that says she's not happy he even has to ask.
He offers a soft look of apology in attempt to cushion what's coming next before he looks away. With a tone of that matches the look in his eyes just now, he expresses his frustration as his eyes remain looking out over the water. "I really should be careful what I wish for."
"What is your new assignment?" Ziva's question is a mix of softness and dread as if she knows whatever his answer will be – it will not be what she wants to hear. Standing close to him, she attempts to offer her quiet strength without words and hopes that it helps him get through telling her whatever's bothering him.
Turning to look at her, he can't hide the sheen on his eyes. Just the thought of having to tell her he has to leave her breaks his heart. She doesn't deserve to be deserted like this and he never wanted to do this to her. "Los Angeles."
******NCIS******
Gibbs knows he's been sitting here in the coffee shop for too long but he struggles to find the desire to even move. His eyes catch a familiar sight as his agent comes into view walking into the coffee shop with the subject of his concerned thoughts. From afar, he scrutinizes Tim and Ziva's interaction, both with each other and in public. He finds little not to be comfortable with, except the looks on their faces.
It's obvious Tim's still upset and has shared whatever's going on with Ziva. Coming on the heels of the conversation he's just had with Vance, the Team Leader's gut clenches even tighter. Obviously, Tim's new assignment is far enough away from Ziva that neither of them is happy about it. So why would Vance pin the responsibility of Tim's unhappiness in his new post on Gibbs?
The man's reasoning had been sound so there has to be some truth in it. Aw, hell. There's no doubt in his mind that everything Vance said was true. So that makes Gibbs partially responsible for Tim and Ziva's relationship being tossed like this. Great. Just what he needed – to be responsible for even more damage done to his team. When will the fallout stop? Where will it end?
Getting to his feet, he approaches the two younger people and quietly greets them. "Tim. Ziva."
"Hello, Gibbs." Ziva's greeting is quiet and laced with a sadness he's long hoped not to have to hear from her again. She's suffered through enough and deserves to be happy. He knows Tim agrees with that assessment and that it adds greatly to Tim's unhappiness with the situation.
"Gibbs." Tim's greeting is even quieter and accompanied by a quick glance before his eyes retreat to his coffee cup as he picks it up from the counter along with Ziva's. Handing Ziva her cup, he smiles softly at her as if reaffirming that he's not going anywhere even with Gibbs here.
"Got a table over there." Gibbs offers as he points to the table he's just abandoned.
Tim glances at Ziva and waits for her decision. He's not comfortable with the idea but he won't force her to choose. Watching her deliberate over her choice, he's not surprised that she's not jumping at the chance to take a longer break that includes the boss. Still, he's equally calm as she finally nods slightly.
Lowering his voice even more, Tim politely declines the offer. "I'll just wait outside."
Ziva glances at him and offers him an understanding nod before heading to the table. Following his agent to the table, Gibbs sighs. Sure the door's wide open even if it's only that way with Ziva, but will he put his foot in it or actually say something that helps?
Taking a minute, he glances out the window to see just how far Tim's gone. It's a relief to see that the young man hasn't gone very far, but not surprisingly, has taken himself to one of the tables outside, his chair placing him sideways to their table- not turning his back, but not fully facing them either. The ramrod straightness of his back tells of the tension running through him, although what exactly it is that has Tim so uncomfortable has yet to be determined.
Looking back at Ziva, he sips his coffee as he scrutinizes her carefully. What should he say? Where the hell do they go from here? Letting out a deeply taken breath, he finally breaks the ever increasingly uncomfortable silence. "Ziva, talk to me."
"About what, Gibbs?" She asks immediately, her eyes glued to his in that unabashed way of hers.
Now Gibbs lets his silent and long patented arched eyebrows look speak for him.
Again, Ziva's reply is immediate as she shakes her head slightly. "It is not for me to say."
Realizing she won't tell him what Tim doesn't want him to know, Gibbs sighs as he offers her a sliver of comfort. "Wherever his new assignment is, the two of you will work it out."
"Thank you." Ziva accepts his wisdom for what she believes he means it to be. But it brings forth a question to her mind. "What do you know?"
"Vance told me he's being reassigned for further training. Wouldn't tell me where." Gibbs is honest with her, without holding back but not pushing for more, either.
Ziva nods. "That is as Tim wants it to be."
"From the looks on your faces, it's not anywhere close." Her boss leads the conversation back to safer territory, not wanting to push the issue past where it's obvious either of them are willing to take it themselves.
"We will be fine." Ziva's determination can't be missed any more than the flash of something in her eyes that leaves little room for doubt that she's completely serious.
"Doesn't look like Tim believes that just yet."
"He is still trying to accept all the changes that come with being reassigned."
"While you've been through it enough to already know."
"That we will be fine, yes." She firmly reiterates without batting an eye.
"Let me know if there's anything I can do." Gibbs offers unexpectedly.
'If you truly want to help, Gibbs, you will talk with Tim. It has been too long and he was much too quick to sweep it all away – when it was not yet resolved between you." Ziva replies immediately. Standing to her feet, she glances outside in Tim's direction as she speaks again. "This is your chance, yes?"
Carefully scrutinizing her expression for a silent minute, the Team Leader finally gives that all too familiar nearly imperceptible nod.
Now she looks over at her boss. She won't thank him for agreeing to talk to Tim because she doesn't want him to think that she believes he's doing it for her. In fact, she doesn't want him doing it for her, but for Tim and for himself. "I will return to work now. Thank you for your offer to help if we need it. It is most appreciated."
Without another word, Ziva turns and walks out of the coffee shop and stops at Tim's table. Gibbs watches from inside as Tim stands to his feet, silently listens as Ziva speaks to him and nods in agreement to whatever it is she has said to him. The older man isn't surprised when Tim squeezes Ziva's hand before letting go and sitting back down – while she walks back towards work alone.
****NCIS*****
When he'd come outside for some fresh air while he waited for Ziva to talk to Gibbs, Tim's heart had been in his throat. He knew Ziva was upset at the upcoming separation, despite her stoic declaration that she could handle it and that they'd be fine. Hell, he was upset about it. There was no way he'd expect her not to be. Running into Gibbs like this had almost felt like a punch in the gut – with the information he didn't want the older man to find out sitting in the air between them like a forbidden secret just waiting to be told.
Still, he couldn't very well tell Ziva that she couldn't stop and talk to the man once the invitation had been issued. So he'd steeled himself to wait this uncomfortable situation out – in solitude so he could think. The trouble was that the more he attempted to think about all he had to do in preparation for his move – the more he found himself worrying about what Gibbs might be saying to Ziva – and why.
Thankfully, it hadn't been but a few short minutes of conversation before Ziva was once again standing beside him, her warm expression an invitation for him to relax on the subject as he gets to his feet.
"I'm going back to work now."
"I'm ready, too."
"No." She contradicts him with enough strength in her tone that he knows she's serious.
"No?"
"Tim, this is the opportunity you have needed for a long time now." She quietly reminds him.
"For what?" He's got so much on his mind that he's not quite following her train of thought.
"To talk to Gibbs."
"Oh." His quiet tone along with the pained expression in his eyes says it all.
"Do not let this chance go by, Tim." Ziva softly requests as she takes one of his hands in hers. "Do this because it is what you need – what you have been needing for a long time now. Director Vance is correct. You do not want to leave without having this talk with Gibbs."
He knows she's right even the idea makes him decidedly uncomfortable. With a quiet sigh, Tim nods. "Okay."
Ziva's smile brightens. "Good. Let me cook for you tonight. Dinner at 7:00 – my place?
Tim smiles at her invitation. "I'd like that, Ziva. Thank you."
"You do not have to thank me for wanting more time with you." She teases as she turns away to go back to work. Taking just one step, she turns back to look at him once more. "However! You do have to remember not to be late!"
Left alone, Tim sits back down in his chair as he watches her walk away, taking his heart with her in every step. These public outings where he can't be free with his emotions for her – even to wrap his arm around her shoulders and walk intimately with her – are beginning to eat away at his sense of giving her all that she deserves. But he won't subject to her to anything that will set her up for endless gossip. She deserves better. She deserves all the love and support he has to offer and more. And now he has to leave her - indefinitely. That realization hurts more for the loneliness he's afraid she'll be going through than for his own impending loneliness.
Unnoticed as he approached the younger man, Gibbs stops next to the chair across from Tim and watches carefully as he quietly tries to break whatever his former team member is thinking about. "Tim?"
Tim blinks as his mind returns to the here and now and registers that the older man is waiting to be invited to sit so they can talk. The younger man nods in agreement, sitting up a little straighter in his seat as he lifts his cup of coffee to his mouth. He needs a moment to pull himself together and he'd like to see where Gibbs takes this – what exactly is on his former Team Leader's mind.
Gibbs seems to realize that he needs to be the one to start the conversation off. Without wasting any time, he states what he needs Tim to hear first. "Vance tells me you've been reassigned – for training you should already have."
Looking down at his cup, Tim nods. "Yeah."
"Never thought about it in the long run before now. For that I owe you an apology. Never should have shortchanged you like that."
Still looking at his cup, Tim answers him with brutal honesty as his anger at what this has the potential to do to his and Ziva's lives rises to the surface. "You know, right now, I'm not too sure I can accept your apology, Gibbs..."
Gibbs sits back in his seat and blinks – clearly floored by Tim's response.
Now that the harsh part of what he has to say is out there, Tim has no trouble continuing on with the explanation of his quick response. "I know you don't give them often and when you do – you've really come to a point where you realize you messed up – but this…..
At this point, Tim raises his eyes to meet those of the man he's still angry with after hearing what Vance had to say. "Gibbs, this has the potential to screw up my relationship with Ziva – permanently." Again he goes quiet but only for a half-minute before he verbalizes his deepest fear. "If I lose her…." He shakes his head, not even able to finish the sentence. Picking up his coffee cup, he drinks the still hot liquid down, as if needing to fortify himself.
"I can understand that." Gibbs offers with unmistakable empathy. "And if there's anything I can do to help …"
The younger man's head snaps up and his eyes flash with pure unadulterated fury. "You want to help me now? The damage is done, Gibbs! I have to abandon the woman I want to share the rest of my life with – for God knows how long - after everything she's been through! That's… " Tim's voice drops for a half-second. When he speaks again, his tone is much quieter and his hands are clenched around the edge of the table. "That loneliness….it's not anything I ever wanted to put her through."
Suddenly, he lurches to his feet, no longer willing to agonize over this in front of Gibbs. His hands grip the back of his chair with the tension he's struggle to carry on his shoulders right now.
"Tim." Gibbs attempts to calm the storm enough to get him to stay and talk because they have so much to talk about, despite both of them being non-talkers. He hopes the young man will accept the invitation to stay and talk – recognize that they both need this. But all he has is hope because he doesn't have the right to expect anything from Tim anymore and he knows this.
The younger man recognizes that tone from years of learning 'Gibbs speak'. As pissed as he is right now, he has to admit the man is right. They do need to talk – about all the old stuff like Vance and Ziva have both advised. With a resigned sigh, Tim gives in and sits back down, albeit silently. He'll never have this chance again and it would be stupid for him to turn his back on it.
The one thing he won't do, however, is apologise. He's spoken the truth and the older man can do what he wants with it. Wrapping his hands around his now almost empty coffee cup, Tim silently waits the man out – forcing him to be the one to open his mouth and talk. As he waits, a fitting quote his mother used to tell him in difficult times comes to mind.
"Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation." - Lemony Snicket.
Funny, he doesn't feel even one iota better.
*****NCIS*****
Ziva returns to the squad room, her heart torn by the upcoming long and possibly permanent separation from Tim. She can't be angry at Gibbs for it though because she's not the one who's career is taking this huge change – although she also can't help but feel helpless against the tide of change and that scares her. Okay, maybe some deeper part of herself is angry with Gibbs and even Tony for setting Tim up long ago for this course his career must now take. Regardless, the here and now doesn't permit for any prolonged residual resentment. Life is too short for it.
She frowns as she realizes that Tim may have interpreted her strong support for his actually talking things out with Gibbs as her approval for such buried emotion. Shaking her head mentally, she realizes it doesn't matter because Tim, himself doesn't hold grudges, even if he does need to work through the stuff that has led him to where he is now.
"Hey." Tony's greeting is laced with genuine concern. "Everything alright?"
She glances at him and nods. "Yes."
He frowns and comes out from around his desk over to hers. Sitting himself on the edge he studies her as he speaks. "You know, you might have learned over the years how to get good at lying, but you really don't need to do that with me. I'm just concerned about you."
With a sigh, she looks at him more seriously. "Thank you, Tony. But, I am fine."
"No you're not. And neither is Tim. You know I saw that look on his face earlier and I gotta tell ya, it's not one we've seen on him very often. Which is good, but, being the investigator that I am, I know that whatever's going on – happened upstairs. And I can only think that all this sadness with you two means that Tim's being shuffled around again – only this time, it's probably somewhere far from here?"
"Tony." Ziva quietly answers him. "I appreciate that you willingly and quietly accepted that Tim and I began dating. But, please, do not speak any more of this – just as you have kept our relationship to yourself."
Tony nods. "Ah. I get it. Okay. Mum's the word. But, Ziva?"
"Yes, Tony?"
"I expect the two of you to go out to dinner with me. Tonight. 7 Sharp. Our old hangout spot."
"I will try to get Tim to agree."
"You think he won't?"
"I believe he is already looking forward to dinner with me." She explains with a soft smile.
"Ah, A date. Can't get in the way of that. Okay. Tomorrow night then."
Now she nods with relief and agreement. "That will be fine, Tony. Thank you."
"Don't mention it. That's what friends do. God knows we haven't been able to do it often enough these last six months. Whatever's going on with you two gives me the excuse to make it happen now. "
"Tony, you will not push him to talk." Her tone is pleading.
"No, Ziva. I won't. But, I won't let any more time go by without reminding him that I'm here for him. It's important to me that Tim knows I meant what I said and that I' really am here for him – and you."
"I know that Tim will appreciate that, Tony. Thank you."
"You're welcome." He replies with a genuine smile as he returns to his desk and his work.
*****NCIS*****
"Plenty left unsaid the last time we talked." Gibbs leads off the conversation as he lifts his coffee cup up to his mouth.
"Guess I just wasn't willing to drag out all the pieces. Not sure I want to even now." Tim admits quietly.
"Whatever they are, Tim. I need to hear about them."
"What good will it do, Gibbs?"
"Closure for you. A wake-up call for me – even if it's too late for us – it will help me not do the next person the same way."
"I guess that counts for something, at least." Tim offers. "Why would you think rehashing all the old stuff will give me closure?"
"When you think back to any of it – what does it feel like?"
Tim sighs. The man is right. On the rare occasions that he happens upon a reminder of things past, he's filled with a wave of bitterness that it's never been resolved and that he's had to do all the life rearranging to get away from it all. Finally, he nods. "Okay. I get it. But I can't talk about it here. Or anywhere on the yard."
Gibbs nods in agreement and silence returns to sit between them for a minute. Finally, the quietness is broken by a question that's been burning in the former boss' gut since he's heard about it. "There a reason I'm just hearing about the scuttlebutt - from Vance?"
Tim looks down at his cup once more long enough to lift it to his mouth and take one last drink before setting it down and looking back up at his former boss. "Because I don't listen to it any more than you do."
"Doesn't mean it shouldn't be dealt with, Tim." Gibbs reminds him.
Shaking his head, Tim disagrees. "I wasn't going to validate anything they said by giving it any attention, Gibbs." His tone makes it clear that he still has no desire to stir that kettle by bringing it up with whoever's responsible for running their mouth. It's not a fight he's deemed worth wasting his energy on because the resulting chaos would be worse than the current unresolved irritation that it is.
The MCRT Leader sighs. "Okay. We'll leave it alone."
Tim visibly relaxes as he sighs in relief. "Thank you."
"Same place – seven tonight?"
With a gentle shake of his head, the younger man refuses the idea. "I already have plans for tonight."
Gibbs nods with understanding. "Tomorrow night."
Now it's Tim's turn to agree. "If you don't catch a case."
With an uplifted swing of his cup, Gibbs offers a silent cheer to that plan as he drinks down the last of his coffee and stands to his feet. Before he's moved beyond normal conversational range, Gibbs turns and stops. "Tim. "
Tim has also risen to his feet and now turns to look the older man's way.
"I am sorry." Having said that, Gibbs goes back inside, leaving Tim to stand there, brewing over what's been said.