A/N: I apologize for the extended delay in updated. Been struggling with serious internet issues.
I will warn you – this is a long chapter – with lots of McGiva.
Two short hours later, Tim's knee deep in boxes, packing tape, records and books as he works his way through packing up collections and treasures that make up the contents of his massive bookshelf in his living room. Setting the newest filled box off to his right, he turns to pick up another empty box, tossing it instead, down the hall toward his bedroom since it's smaller than the size he's using and will work better for other things. The moment of near stillness and the break in his almost automatic movements of filling boxes, gives him pause to look around his apartment. He wonders how he got to be so comfortable in this tiny place for all these years. With this first break from packing in almost two hours, comes the realization that he's hungry and in need of more caffeine. Sighing, he sets the roll of tape down and heads to the kitchen.
He needs a longer break – from packing and from thinking. Between the two; not to mention the in-depth conversations he's had today about uprooting his life, he's worn out any way he slices it. Closing his eyes tiredly, he hopes that these few moments will help cleanse his thoughts. Surprisingly enough, Tim soon finds himself gripping the edge of his sink tightly enough that his knuckles are white. Hope, it seems is missing as he realizes that the truth is, his frustration and anger have yet to be let out enough to calm his inner turmoil.
That's it! The hell with packing – he needs to go pound some pavement!
***NCIS****
Returning to the squad room after his unusually prolonged absence, Gibbs gets back to work without so much as a glance to any of his team members. He knows if he catches any of their eyes, there'll be more questions than there will be work getting done and he's not in the mood for that. Right now, he's not even in the mood to talk things over with Ducky. Tim's rare show of anger rightly directed his way, has hit him hard and the cold hard facts from Vance that so adequately set the stage for it all and completely back Tim's view on the matter, are only twisting the knife even more.
The file in front of him blurs and his mind loses track of the facts he's already read within it, picking up the remnants of his conversation with Tim instead. This time, it's not the anger that garners his attention, but the sense of loss and sadness that had filled the young man's tone and his expression; not to mention his gut-wrenching truth that any apology from Gibbs right now just isn't acceptable. His former agent truly believes this is the end for his relationship with Ziva. He also believes that Gibbs is responsible and who is the man responsible to argue with the truth?
Gibbs can't fathom a way out of this pit of culpability. He can't remember the last time he was this angry at himself for past behaviors that have shown to be far from what they should have been, not to mention so hurtful. Neither Tim nor Ziva deserve this turn of events in that regard. The trouble is he's yet to figure out how to fix this to any degree that will make a difference. Now his mind focuses on solving this problem. How can he help them without them knowing about it or feeling the need to thank him when he's the one who created this mess in the first place?
In that regard, he does need to talk to the one more suited to such things. Standing back up, he silently heads out of the squad room, still not speaking to his team. Maybe – just maybe, Ducky can actually help him figure out something helpful before it's too late.
With a sidelong glance tossed in the direction of the seemingly busy new probie, the always working Dwayne Wilson, Tony now looks to Ziva, exchanging concerned looks with her before heading over to her desk, Before he's even finished moving to perch himself on the corner of her desk that's closest to her, she quietly answers the question he hasn't even asked yet.
"Tony, I do not know what is bothering Gibbs."
"Looked pretty pissed." The Senior Field Agent replies almost conversationally, while taking in stride, the realization that Ziva has just anticipated his thoughts with an unsettling accuracy.
"He looked … upset to me." Ziva contradicts in that still quiet tone. She understands completely that Tony's concerned this time, not merely curious.
"What's the difference?" Tony's query is filled with genuine uncertainty.
"The difference, Tony, is that whatever is on his mind has not made him angry. It has made him sad."
"Oh. Right. I knew that." The Senior Field Agent remains where perched, reluctant to end the discussion.
"And you also know there is little we can do about it. What we can do is continue to work, giving Gibbs less reason to be angry."
"Yup, I knew that too." Tony remarks cheekily as he gets back to his feet and heads back to his desk.
"Guys?" Dwayne finally speaks as he looks cautiously from one to the other and then back again, his eyes finally resting on Tony. "Everything okay? I know I'm still relatively new to this team, but I'm also a dad and I know when something's not right."
Tony smiles at the newbie's attempt to help. "Thanks, man. But, I think this is something outside of your area – and mine."
Dwayne's expression changes to one of confusion as Tony snickers while he clarifies what he's referring to. "Gibbs?"
"Oh. No, I was asking about you and Ziva." Dwayne replies with his own small smile at the unintentional misunderstanding.
"Yes, Dwayne. Everything is fine." Ziva finally speaks into the conversation. "Thank you for asking."
"Yeah. Sure. You guys are ….well, the way you accepted me when I first came back to TAD and didn't razz me nearly as bad as …never mind. Just let me know if I can help." Dwayne deliberately changes his verbal train of thought at the last minute. He doesn't want to travel any further down the road of the agent he's replaced.
He's sure it's still a sore subject since this is the first time in weeks he's heard Tim's name mentioned in the squad room He knows they've gone out with the former team member a few times but any plans they made before now, has been done while Dwayne wasn't present. He's not sure if that was deliberate, but he doesn't really care. What he does care about, is the sadness he sees on Ziva's face that coincides too well with the unhappiest look he's seen on Gibbs' face in all the time he's been here. He doesn't believe in coincidences any more than the rest of them do, hence the concerned question.
"As bad as what, Dwayne?" Tony's quick to ask as he approaches the newbie's desk.
Shaking his head, Dwayne tries to smooth over his flub. "It's nothing, Tony."
"No. it's not. Spit it out." Tony pushes without raising his voice. This is a conversation he may need to hear, but that doesn't mean the rest of the floor full of agents needs to privy to it.
"I heard Agent McGee had a real hard time with you for the first few years, that's all." Dwayne sighs as he tries to turn back to his work.
"What else have you heard?" Tony's voice has risen just a bit but is somehow still quiet, despite the steel laced within the posed question.
Standing back up to his feet, Dwayne looks Tony in the eye as he quietly asks Tony to think this through. "Do you really want to do this right now?"
"Yes. I have to know."
"Tony, Look. It's not going to make his leaving the team any easier and it's not going to change anything. He's not coming back." Dwayne's tone is sympathetic but his words are a harsh truth that unknowingly twists the knife.
"Wilson." Gibbs' unexpected voice travels quietly as the man re-enters the squad room with a scowl planted on his face. "What's goin' on?"
Seriously frustrated now, Dwayne shakes his head as he sits back down. "Nothing, Gibbs."
Feeling the tension in the air doesn't lessen the irritation the Team Leader is feeling over not having been able to converse with the unexpectedly absent Medical Examiner just now. His newest team member's attempt to downplay whatever it is he's walked into, doesn't help, either. With his typical no-nonsense manner, Gibbs remains silent, glaring Tony to end this, since he seems to be in the midst of it.
Tony remains in place, his expression set in stone as he continues to glare at the newest team member. The guy has more to share and the Senior Field Agent knows it. What's more, he'll stake his next paycheck it has something to do with Tim. Unphased by the boss' return to the squad room, Tony pushes for the answers he just has to have. "Yeah, let's hear it, Dwayne."
Now Gibbs' is more than curious and before he can think about it, his feet have taken him over to the desk that was formerly Tim's. Closing his eyes briefly, the Team Leader is barely able to stop the clench in his gut that feels remarkably like guilt – that hits him every time he looks at this desk. When he opens his eyes again, he finds both young men watching him with open concern. Rather than address the private battle he's waging even months later, he finds himself pushing them back to the current conversation, with a growl at that. "Somebody better start talkin'."
"I'm tryin' to get Dwayne, here to finish telling us what he's heard about us since he's already admitted to hearing through the all-too-popular grapevine that Probie had it rough with us." Tony explained without even bothering to hide how irritated he was with the situation.
"That right, Wilson?" Gibbs asks quietly with a surprising lack of anger.
"Gibbs, it's gossip. The stuff we don't take seriously." Dwayne reminds his boss as he looks him directly in the eye. "I'm sorry I mentioned it. I asked if everything was okay and the conversation just spiraled from there. It won't happen again, I promise."
Keeping his eyes locked on those of the Team Leader, Dwayne waits for the older man to accept things at face value as Dwayne always means them. In the six months he's been here, the newbie has never had a problem communicating with the Team Leader. His advanced maturity for a newbie as well as the fact that they've both been fathers - and in a strong sense, still are - has gone a long way in keeping that path smooth. He's not expecting any problems even now.
With his trademark silent and almost imperceptible nod, Gibbs lets the discussion drop like a rock and heads back to his own desk. He's fairly certain his newest team member is referring to the same gossip that Vance alluded to earlier in the day. To their credit, neither Tim nor Dwayne are willing to spread it further than the confines of this team or even give it a voice, although it's obvious that Dwayne has indirectly addressed it in at least some small degree for some reason. He'll leave it to his team to settle it themselves since he respects Tim's choice to leave it as something best not worried about or given any further attention to.
The rest of the day flows effortlessly and quietly with no further skirmish or even any trace of residual tension. It's a relief when six o'clock rolls around and Gibbs gives the 'go home' call. Looking at each of his now hustling agents, it's hard to say who is in a bigger hurry to get on with their evening away from work. He'll stake his next paycheck that it's Ziva. That thought brings back to mind, the mess he's created and questions as to what he can possibly do to help with the current twists they're facing because of him.
*******NCIS*******
Freshly showered and changed after his run, Tim finally feels calm enough to face the rest of his evening – his date with Ziva. Attempting to put everyone else firmly out of his mind first thing this morning, it's been only somewhat easier to think calmly and assess the situation he and Ziva are in in now. The trouble is, the others on his former team are still important to him and the effect of leaving them so completely like this new assignment is forcing him to do – isn't easy to stop thinking about. But, Ziva's his main concern and she's the one his thoughts keep circling back around to. He knows they have lots to talk about in regard to his moving and hopes the evening won't go over into a mood of somber sorrow. He's having a hard enough time trying desperately to tramp all that down on in his own heart.
Glancing at his watch, he's startled to find that he's lost time standing here lost in his thoughts and now he's only got thirty minutes to get to Ziva's. Snatching up his keys and wallet, he locks his door and bolts for the parking lot, whipping his phone out as he moves since he's got a very important stop to make along the way and needs his order to be ready when he gets there. Somehow, he even finds a half-second to mentally head-slap himself for not having done this ordering sooner in the day. With a sigh of relief, he makes it to the flower shop and back out to the car with enough time to get to Ziva's – just barely.
Just barely seems to be the order of the day as he makes it to her apartment complex with just a few minutes to spare. Grabbing up her flowers, he quickly locks up his car and runs for the main entrance to her building. He's never late like this and it makes him as nervous as a high school kid on his first date all over again. Slowing down his gait, he takes a deep breath and works to calm his nerves. This is Ziva and their relationship is solid enough that a few moments of being late is not going to hurt either of them.
Even with that realization playing on his mind, he can't help but glance at his watch yet again while he knocks on her door. With a relief he sees that he's still got two minutes to spare. Working to calm his breathing, he quickly slips the hand holding her flowers back behind his back so she won't see them at first. Almost in a wayward fashion, the question crosses his mind of why it is he's so nervous. This isn't their first date - by a long shot.
Before he can even think on that question, the door opens, revealing a very dressed to impress Ziva. With her gorgeous mane of freshly washed hair flowing freely down her back and her deep burgundy knee-length cocktail dress that accentuates her beautiful eyes, she's the picture of exotic beauty, as Jackson Gibbs had once described her. Tim recalls her telling him about that eons ago and it comes to his mind now – with her embodying that image so perfectly. It warms his heart and does incredible things to the rest of him, as well. Still, he can't help but think that the only thing brighter in the room is her welcoming smile.
"Hello, Tim."
"Hello, Beautiful." He quietly greets her as he brings the hidden flowers out and presents them to her. "A beautiful bouquet for a beautiful woman."
"They are very beautiful." She marvels at the two dozen red roses in various stages of bloom, wrapped in the standard florist shop cellophane paper, but tied with a beautiful red ribbon.
"Not nearly as beautiful as you." He murmurs as he slowly swoops in for a kiss.
Wrapping both of her arms up around his neck, Ziva meets him for the kiss– their lips crushing together in a heated moment that seems unstoppable even as she draws him into her apartment and bumps the door closed with her nearest hip. Opening her hand that's holding the flowers, she drops the flowers onto the table next to her, wraps that hand around Tim's neck and presses her body to his, melting into him in all the right places.
Unable to do more than cherish this bold welcome of hers, Tim wraps his arms around her back and gently pulls her even closer, allowing their bodies to completely mold together, his hands caressing her everywhere on her back that they can reach while their mouths dance to their own drum. Only the need to draw in air forces him to eventually withdraw from the kiss, his breath ragged and sensual as it touches her ear.
They've never let this much passion out to play until now, too cautious of moving too fast to risk it. His heart beats wildly with the possibility of where this is going as he reaches up and traces his hand down the side of Ziva's face in the most loving physical gesture anyone's ever shown her behind closed doors. His eyes are locked on her expression as her happiness literally lights up the room while her beautiful eyes remain fixed on his.
She's breathless in her own rite and his tender touch nearly brings tears to her eyes as they remain fixed on his beautiful bottomless green oceans of hope, hunger and love. Never before has anyone been so patient and gentle with her; given her their all without asking for anything but her friendship in return. This moment means just as much to her as it does to him and before this night is over, he will see that in all she wants to do for him; not because he's leaving; but because they both deserve to take this as far as they are willing to go; to find absolute happiness and completion with one another, as they're already destined to do.
Lost in the moment of sensual high, Tim's heart is singing loudly and hope fills it to overflowing in equal measure with love for this woman. He knew there would come the day when she would be ready to take their relationship to a higher level but he never dreamed it would be now; tonight. Before Tim can think of a better way to express what this moment means to him, the ones foremost on his mind are softly spoken in the electric air between them. "God, Ziva, you mean so much to me. I'll never forget this moment."
With a soft smile of her own and her own hands joining his alongside her ear, Ziva answers him without hesitation, as if she's been prepared for this moment. "The night is young, Tim. And I - am no longer hungry for food." Silently, she leans in for yet another kiss, this time, a gentle yet encouraging one that she keeps brief before pulling back to look into his eyes once more.
With a smile that reaches his eyes completely, he takes her hands in his and kisses each one before pulling her close once more. "But you are hungry, right?" He teases as he leans in to nibble on first one ear and then the other as he waits for her answer.
"Very." She purrs as she wraps herself around him once more.
His manners are banging around in his head, demanding that he slow down, back up and make damned sure he's not pushing her too far too fast. With a ragged sigh, Tim reins himself in and forces himself to risk ruining the moment. They've never been here before – on this brink of no return - and he wants to be absolutely, positively sure that this is what she wants for herself and not just for him because he's leaving. Pulling back, he looks her straight in the eye. "Ziva... "
Reaching up to cradle his face in one of her cupped hands, she softly tells him what she knows he needs to hear, as if she's perfected the ability to read his mind. "I want you in my bed tonight. And do not think for a moment that it is only because we are going to be apart soon. I have been wanting you for a long time now."
Breathing out a sigh of relief, he lets one of his hands support hers on his face. "You never said anything." He reminds her quietly, no trace of chastisement in his gentle tone.
Taking his hand completely in hers, she lowers it to her breasts, holding it tightly as she reaches up on her toes to kiss him on the corner of his mouth. Straightening back up, she softly replies to his concern. "The time has not been right. Until now."
With nothing more needing to be said, Tim scoops her up in his arms, hugging her securely against his tall frame. Kissing her in the hollow of her neck, he looks back up at her with a hunger in his eyes that matches her own. "Show me the way, Milady."
*****NCIS*****
Saturday morning finds Tim waking up a bit disoriented. It takes him a minute to realize he's in Ziva's bed and alone. Taking the moment to think back, he can't help but feel warm all over and more alive and cherished than he's ever felt before - especially on the heels of the absolute best night of his life. Torn between relishing the experience over again in his mind or thinking about the impending pain of having to leave, he firmly shoves the negative thoughts away, choosing to concentrate on the good ones, the here and now and Ziva's love for him.
He catches a glimpse of the clock on her side of the bed as he looks around her room. Jeez, it's nearly nine in the morning and he's slept the time away! He's got so much to do – but with nearly two weeks to get it done in, he's not too worried about it just yet. Today is for Ziva. The rest of the world can wait.
Catching the aroma of coffee as it filters down the hall, Tim sits up in the bed and raises one arm up behind his head. He's in no hurry to move and he doesn't want to startle Ziva if she's busy doing something by suddenly just appearing, anyway. He's rewarded mere moments later when she appears in the doorway, carrying a breakfast tray loaded down with plates of food and two mugs of steaming coffee.
"Oh, Good. You are awake!" She exclaims with happiness. "You are just in time for breakfast."
"I see that." He replies with a touch of awe. "To what do I owe the privilege?"
Setting the tray down on the far side of the bed, far enough away from his feet that he won't accidentally knock anything hot over on himself, Ziva takes a minute to sit by Tim's waist. Leaning over, she kisses him invitingly on the mouth, their lips intimately dancing with no sign of stopping for a long minute.
Finally Ziva pulls away, picking one of his hands up in hers. "For being you. I wanted to do this for you."
Reaching out with his other hand, he tucks a stray wave of her hair back behind her ear. "Thank you, Ziva."
"I sensed your heart in every moment last night." She tells him quietly as her eyes remain locked onto his. "I cannot tell you how much that means to me."
"I always said you have great instincts." He tells her with the utmost seriousness as he continues to caress her hair along her ear. He knows he doesn't have to say anything else. She understands completely that he's admitting freely that she's right. His heart and soul were poured into every single moment of the hours they spent last night in endless sensual dance, physical caresses and rapturous flights to the moon and back as together they pushed each other through the stratosphere, wrapped in each other's arms.
"As do you." She reminds him quietly, though her eyes are penetratingly piercing with more seriousness than playfulness at the moment. "Promise me that you will not forget that."
"Something tells me, we're not talking about just our relationship anymore." Tim surmises in kind, not mocking her in any way.
"I apologize. I did not mean to stray from what we were talking about." She frowns as she moves to get up from the bed.
Reaching out, he takes her by the hand and holds her in place, caressing her hand where it's encompassed within his own. "It's okay." Tim reassures her. He means it, too. But that doesn't mean he's ready to turn this precious time with her into a discussion that will only bring them both sadness. No. Today is for Ziva; for their relationship. If he has his way; they won't even have to leave this bed.
With a sigh, he looks back over at the breakfast tray she's gone through so much trouble to prepare for him. Looking back at her, he asks: "Are you hungry? Because it looks like you cooked enough for an army."
With a glimmer in her eye once again, Ziva is quick to reply, an audible note of teasing in her tone. "Yes. Making love with you has made me VERY hungry."
""You ARE talking about food, right?" Tim teases her back, as he pulls the breakfast tray closer to them.
"Perhaps." Ziva replies coyly. "Perhaps we will have to wait and see, yes?"
With raised eyebrows, Tim smiles back at her. "Definitely."
*******NCIS******
It's lunchtime before Tim makes it back home and only after Ziva has convinced him that he can equally spend his weekend with her while getting most of his much needed packing done. In that same conversation, in hushed tones in the afterglow of another glorious journey of reaching sexual heights neither have previously thought possible; Tim was reminded they're in this together; including the packing.
Sharing small smiles and quiet laughter over this memory or that tidbit of information about this record or that one; talking about whatever comes to mind – with the glaring exception of Tim's leaving, the too short yet relaxing afternoon with little thought to any other part of their daily lives is almost gone before they know it. They've managed to get his entire living room sorted and packed and have even started on the non-essential stuff in his kitchen. It's nearly four by the time Ziva recalls Tony's invitation for dinner at seven tonight. As she tells Tim about it, she finds him shaking his head, an expression of unease mixed with regret on his face. "I can't."
"I know we have not discussed what you and Gibbs talked about yesterday. What was said then has something to do with, yes?" She questions while she draws him with her as she walks over to the couch and sits down on it next to him.
Tim nods as he picks her hand back up and holds onto it and lets his eyes stay on their interlocked fingers as he speaks. "I promised Gibbs I'd meet with him – get this over with."
"Is that really how you feel, Tim? That it is just something unpleasant that you need to get done with?" Turning her body, she's now sitting facing him, leaving no space between them as they converse as concerned lovers do.
Finally looking up at her, he bears his innermost conflict on the subject. "I just don't see the purpose in dragging up all the old stuff, Ziva. But I know you and Gibbs both think it has to be done. Hell, even Vance thinks that way. Never thought I'd see the day when the Director would even talk about that kind of stuff, much less agree with Gibbs about it."
With a soft smile playing across her face, Ziva pushes for some information that her curiosity wants answered. "What did Gibbs say?"
"He said he needed to hear about everything for his sake and mine. His sake to make sure he doesn't make the same mistakes with someone else and mine for some promise of closure or something." Tim relays the gist of what the Team Leader had to say on the matter.
Trailing her finger down the side of his face, she leans in and kisses him in her now favorite spot, on the corner of his mouth before pulling back to look at him. "I believe you should give Gibbs this chance to hear you out completely."
Looking at her as she stays at his side, Tim can only begin to mentally agree with her thinking, even though a part of him is still screaming that it is much, too little too late.
As if reading his mind again, Ziva continues on with her thoughts about this. "Yes, he should have done so a very long time ago. But, this is your chance and it is not wise to let it pass. You owe it to yourself, just as much if not more than he owes it to you."
Nodding slightly, he finally comes to the place within himself that allows him to admit it; to verbally agree with her. "I know. But it's not an easy thing to figure out how to handle. I've always gotten tongue tied around him. All those years of him glaring at me instead of really listening, you know?"
"Do not be so hard on yourself, Tim. There is not a right way or a wrong way for this. Just be yourself." Ziva advises him. "Now, shall we get back to packing?"
With a hungry gleam in his eye, Tim looks at her. "Do we have to?"