Chapter 4
After half an hour, she was ready to give her recommendation to Director Vance. She'd actually never worked with him before, but he had seemed inordinately worried about Tim's behavior. She could see why now, but at the time, she'd wondered. With a sigh, she stood and walked to Director Vance's office.
"Go right in."
"Thank you."
"Dr. Andrews, I want to thank you for rearranging your schedule to come here."
"It was fine, Director Vance. It's my job."
"Please, have a seat."
"Thank you." He was worried. Well, if he were oblivious, he wouldn't be the head of a federal agency.
"I'd like to call in his supervisor, if you don't mind."
"Certainly." She waited quietly...for less than a minute before Gibbs came in.
"Agent Gibbs, this is Dr. Andrews."
"Well?" he asked, without preamble.
"What is your recommendation?" Vance asked more calmly.
"That Agent McGee be kept out of the field until further notice."
"Until further notice?"
"It's contingent on the results of our next meeting. I've told him to take a week vacation. He needs the time to work through this on his own before he'll accept it from anyone else."
"I was hoping to have him reinstated next week."
"That would be a bad idea."
"Why?
"Are you familiar with Stockholm Syndrome, Director Vance?"
Both Vance and Gibbs stared at her in surprise...and a bit of skepticism.
"Only with the high-profile cases...Patty Hearst, people like that."
"Come on," Gibbs said. "McGee isn't acting on the desires of his captors. It's been months since he was at the prison. This is..."
"Agent McGee isn't in that situation, but I believe, based on my meeting with him, that he is identifying with the criminals you arrest...all of them...and too intensely for him to do his job."
"He was only a hostage for a day."
"Sometimes, it doesn't take long. It depends on the level of threat he felt, how quickly he was able to see things from their perspective. I haven't had the time to review all the notes from his previous sessions, but it's entirely possible that he began to try and understand them, their feelings, their ideas."
"He did," Gibbs said, sitting down in a chair.
"Excuse me?" Vance asked.
"That first night, he talked to me. He was really bothered by how he felt. He said that the only people he cared about were the prisoners, that he didn't know what to think anymore."
"What did you say?" Dr. Andrews asked.
"I told him to bring it up with his shrink. He's seemed fine...until now."
"No indications?"
"Little things. He was more abrupt with Tony, more reckless...on edge during cases. This was the first time it seemed to adversely affect his work."
"Well, Agent Gibbs, it's certainly affecting his work now."
"I'm aware of that."
"That's why I don't think he should go into the field. I don't think he knows what he'd do. That's dangerous...possibly deadly. Stockholm Syndrome isn't really about the popular cases like Patty Hearst where she allegedly became so attached to them that she committed crimes for them. The cases of Elizabeth Smart or Shawn Hornbeck are more along the lines of what I'm saying. The process of identifying with one's captors with the subconscious intention to prevent pain and fear by doing what they want, by trying to understand how things will work with them."
"We try to understand how the people we investigate work all the time. That's how we catch them," Gibbs said.
"This is different, Agent Gibbs. For Agent McGee, this is more than just trying to work out what makes them tick. It's an awareness that they're not all bad coupled with a general confusion about how he should perceive them, what he should do. He was the only person really interacting with the prisoners during his time as a hostage?"
"Ducky and I came in once, but other than that, we only talked to him by phone."
"So he was alone with them, working with them in some cases to reach a common goal. He interacted with them to the degree that he sympathized with them. That's not necessarily bad, but since then, it's become a problem because now he's not sure what he should do when it comes to the people you investigate. He's confused because he both understands that they need to be arrested and also doesn't want to arrest them, doesn't want to harm them. The problem is that, for Agent McGee, it started so subtly that it wasn't noticed. The notes of his previous therapist indicate the potential for the development of more sensitivity to the plight of the arrestees, but he didn't think that there was much possibility of it becoming dangerous."
"Why would this be happening now? Why not weeks ago?"
"There's nothing that says reactions to a hostage situation have to occur in a specific time, Agent Gibbs. People can suffer from the effects of Stockholm Syndrome years after the trauma occurred."
"So...what do we do?"
"First, Agent McGee has to accept that it's happened. He has to admit that this is a problem. If he continues to deny it, nothing can be done. I can't force him to get better. This is something that has to start with him. I can try to help him, but I'm not going to make him see things my way. That would be no better than what happened before. Part of him even wants someone else to make him do something. It means that he doesn't have to choose for himself. Once he accepts that there is a problem, he can start to deal with it. Not until then."
"What if he doesn't?" Vance asked.
"He will," Gibbs said, standing. "He will." He walked out of the office.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Gibbs came down the stairs to find Tim's desk vacant and Tony and Ziva working...but not really.
"Where's McGee?" he asked.
"He left, Boss. Did...did he get fired? He wouldn't say. ...because if he did, he didn't hit me that hard. He barely connected." How Tony managed to say that with a straight face was beyond Gibbs' ability to comprehend.
"That'll be a tough sell, DiNozzo, considering the whole right side of your face is swollen."
"I ran into the stage."
"With your face?" Ziva asked, incredulously.
"What can I say? I'm clumsy."
"He didn't get fired, Tony. He's off active duty."
"Why?"
"Pretending you don't realize there's a problem isn't going to help."
"He did hit you very hard," Ziva observed clinically. "I am surprised he did not break something...your face...or his own hand."
"Well, at least he didn't break my nose this time."
"This time?"
"The last time I got hit in the face, the guy broke my nose, remember?"
The conversation sputtered to an awkward halt.
"So...he is off active duty. For how long, Gibbs?"
"Until he works out some things."
"Like what?"
"Like things that are his business and not yours, DiNozzo."
"Right, Boss."
"I'll need your reports from this mess." Gibbs paused and focused on Tony. "Be honest."
"Yes, Boss."
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Gibbs was unsurprised, when he pulled up to his house, to see Tim sitting on his front stoop. He looked, quite frankly, downtrodden. Gibbs got out of his car, walked over and sat down beside Tim, saying nothing for a while.
Tim broke the silence first.
"Do I have a problem, Boss?"
"Do you think you have a problem, Tim?"
"Don't call me Tim. You only use my first name when I'm in trouble."
Gibbs had to smile at that. It was far too true.
"You're not in trouble, Tim. Not with me."
"I'm suspended. I'm off active duty. I'm being forced to take a vacation. That doesn't sound like I'm in anyone's good graces right now."
Gibbs nodded. "Have you decided where you're going to go?"
"Yeah. Oregon."
"Why?"
"There are beaches there."
"Not warm ones, not at this time of year."
"I know."
"Subtle form of protest?"
Tim smiled at his clasped hands. "No. My family went there when I was little. There are some nice places in the area."
"Where?"
"Place called Lincoln City."
"Why don't you just go visit your family?"
"Because I'd have to explain to them why I'm coming home for a week when there are no holidays. I don't want to tell them that people think I'm crazy."
"We don't think you're crazy, Tim."
Tim just sighed. "I'm taking Jethro with me. Found a hotel that will accept pets and...he won't enjoy the flight so much, but he'll probably like the beach."
"You want to come inside, Tim? It's not warm enough to sit out here for long."
"Maybe just for a little while."
"I don't mind, not even if you fall asleep like last time."
"I'm not really tired, Boss."
Gibbs stood and opened his front door. "You can come in anyway."
Tim stood and followed...into the house and down into the basement. He sat down on the steps as he had that first night after he'd been taken hostage and said nothing. Gibbs remained silent as well, working on his boat, smoothing down the planks. After an hour, he figured Tim had probably fallen asleep again. It was so quiet. He was surprised to hear a sigh.
"I couldn't have done it, Boss."
Gibbs put down the sander and turned to face Tim. He was still sitting in the same place.
"Done what?"
"I couldn't have shot her, not for anything, not even if I could prevent Sgt. Grover's murder by doing it, not even if I knew for sure that she was going to pull the trigger. I couldn't have killed her."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I looked in her eyes and I knew I couldn't do it. I tried to get her to put down the gun."
Gibbs said nothing.
"What's wrong with me, Boss?"
"What do you think is wrong?"
Tim didn't answer.
"You know, Tim, it's not weakness to admit you have a problem."
"Isn't it?"
Gibbs laughed. "We might act like it is, but it's not."
"I still keep track of them, you know."
"Who?"
"Celia Roberts...Judy Williams...Sharon Bellows. ...even Lopez."
"You...talk to–?"
"No. I...I just check on their status in the prison. ...just to see if they're all right."
"Why?"
"No one else will. ...well, that's not quite true. Sharon Bellows only has a year left before she gets to be free to raise her kids again. Celia will never see the light of day. They gave her another life sentence. ...not that it really mattered. She already had one. Judy...all she wants is to die and beg for forgiveness, but she's still doing the best she can."
Gibbs turned back to his boat, mostly to hide his expression which he knew was showing more concern than he wanted it to. What Tim was saying wasn't necessarily bad...but in light of his current behavior, Gibbs was extremely worried because this swerve toward empathy with the people who had taken him hostage would be weird enough. The extension of that same empathy to every criminal they arrested could possibly be paralyzing. ...possibly? It already had been paralyzing. Tim had just admitted that there was no way he could have shot Louisa Grady. What about the next time?
"Is what I'm doing wrong?"
Yes, McGee. You're on the verge of allowing criminals to go free. I'd say that's pretty wrong. Gibbs said the words in his head, but out loud, he didn't. He really didn't know how to address this kind of problem, not when it was coming from someone who was so much smarter than this. Tim knew that this was a problem. He knew that his mind was currently a bit off. He knew these things...but he wasn't admitting that he did. ...and to have this kind of...unconscious and yet willful ignorance played out in front of him was disconcerting.
"Dr. Andrews kept asking me all these questions about what I'd do. I couldn't answer her." Tim was almost not speaking to Gibbs at all, more like ruminating aloud.
The worst thing, Gibbs decided, was that Tim didn't sound like he had a real problem. With the exception of what had happened today, he acted more or less like he usually did...a bit sharper, a bit angrier, but not much different. It was hard to realize that he did have a real problem, a problem that could get him killed.
"I don't know why. I just feel...so confused, Boss."
That makes two of us. Gibbs turned back to his agent. "I guess that's what the vacation is for."
"Why aren't you angry at me anymore?"
"You accepted the consequences of what you did. You apologized. There's no reason to hold a grudge."
"I should go home and finish packing. My flight is tomorrow."
"Do you need a ride to the airport?"
"I was just going to call a taxi."
"I'll give you ride, Tim."
"You...I...I'd like that, Boss." He stood up, hesitated and smiled weakly. "You sure that I'm not in trouble?"
Gibbs smiled back. "You're not in trouble, Tim."
"Okay. My flight leaves at noon."
"I'll be there."
"Thanks, Boss. ...I can let myself out."
"McGee?"
"Yeah?"
"If you need to talk to someone...you can call me. Anytime."
"Thanks, Boss." Tim turned and walked up the stairs, leaving Gibbs alone with his thoughts.
Gibbs tossed down the sandpaper as soon as he heard the door close. Letting out a long sigh, he ran his hand over the top of his head. He just wasn't so sure a vacation would really help. ...but he hoped it wouldn't hurt.