As he watches Ziva leave the room, Tony asks the burning question. "What's this paper got to do with this, Abby? I mean, I know that I said something eerily similar to Ziva just now, - to you earlier today. but ..."
Abby silently hands the piece of paper over and wraps her arms around her pulled up knees, propping her head on them so she can think. She knows that Ziva's right. The trouble is, she's not sure how to find that person right now herself. Maybe she should call Rachel, again. It's been a few months and why that is, isn't something Abby's ready to admit - even to herself. But, at least she's come back to recognizing the need to stop trying to wade through this without the proper help.
Tony glances at the typed-written page in front of him. It takes but a half-second for him to realize what he's looking at.
Timmy
"I'm sorry. I know I've been treating you horribly here lately and even over the years - when it suited me. Everything that the Director (and Gibbs and Ducky) has told me- is true. I just couldn't see it - until now.
Well, no, that's not entirely true. Let's just say, I've had some less than stellar moments trying to wrap my head around everything I'm responsible for in this mess. I took that out on you and I'm sorry.
I know it's asking a lot and I know you're probably not ready to answer this. But will you at least think about forgiving me? I promise to do better from now on.
Abby.
Tony lets the paper fall to his lap, his eyes closing in frustration as he speaks to her on an exhaled breath. "Abby."
"Bad, huh?" Abby offers sadly.
"When did you give him this?"
"Back before we taught that class together." She admits, her tone unchanged.
"I'm guessing you meant it - then."
"Yeah. I really did."
"And since then, you've been a yo-yo. Sounds like I hit the nail on the head earlier, huh, Abbs?"
"I know, Tony." She whimpers as tears come back into her eyes. "What I don't know is why I can't walk straight with this!"
"So...how are you planning on fixing it? You figured that much out yet?"
Abby shrugs her shoulders just enough that it's clear she's feeling down about it. "I dunno. Talk to Rachel - I guess?"
Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, Tony draws her close for a long overdue brotherly hug. "Sounds like the right place to start."
******NCIS******
Ziva heads back to the bedroom, a fresh mug of coffee for Gibbs in hand. It's taken a while for her to return her emotions back down to 'lock down' after that short but rather painful conversation with Abby. Even hearing from Ducky, Gibbs and Tony, talking earlier about all that transpired with Tim up to the point he'd been brought here, hadn't raised her emotional unsteadiness that the conversation with Abby had. The entire topic of Mexico is a foreign language to her and that has never bothered her - until now.
She and Tim have an understood arrangement; neither of them talks of their deepest darkest horror filled memories - unless they absolutely want to. And until now - he hasn't mentioned Mexico - while she hasn't mentioned ...well, anything Mossad related or even anything job related that's affected her in any traumatic way. It's an arrangement that's worked quite well for the both of them - up until now, that is.
She stands in the doorway now and takes in the sight of Tim sleeping more restfully than before with Gibbs sitting nearby in the armchair next to the bed. Catching the Team Leader's eye from across the room, she eases the coffee mug up in the air just slightly enough that he understands it's for him. Watching as he silently gets to his feet and comes around the bed, she silently asks with her eyes, how Tim's doing.
With a slight nod, Gibbs lets her know that he's okay. Easing himself toward the door, he lets it be known that he understands. She's here for the changing of the guard. With one last silent but understood look between them, he heads out, knowing she'll call for him if she needs him at all before he comes back to check on Tim in the morning.
******NCIS******
Gibbs heads downstairs, exhausted yet needing to check on his other kids. He's reached the bottom and taken all of three steps toward the living room when he's stopped in his tracks with the serious conversation already in play in the next room.
"...think it might be jealousy, Abbs?"
"No! Why wou...I don't know!"
"Wow. Okay. Guess I'll save the questions for after you talk to Rachel. I just wish you'd have done it sooner - for all of our sakes, especially yours and Tim's."
"I know. Me too. I guess sometimes, I'm just too stubborn for my own good."
"Can't understand why - I mean we only work for the most stubborn person alive, right?" Tony jokes with a grin.
"That right, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asks deadpanned as he walks in stealthily, almost glaring.
"Uhm, no, Boss, it's not really wha..." Tony stammers as he tries to recover from the faux pass.
"Helps to be stubborn." Gibbs offers almost nonchalantly as he glances at each of them in turn. "Most of the time."
Both Abby and Tony snicker at that. It's rare for the man to admit anything like this.
As he strides to the porch doors to make sure they're locked, he issues a quiet order over his shoulder. "Go home. Both of ya's."
Both the tiredness plainly written all over him and the fact that he's locking up his house for the night, tells them he's not in the mood to be argued with. Getting to their feet, they head to the door.
"Nite, Gibbs." Abby is quiet and almost hesitant after the less than stellar day they've had with each other.
"Nite, Abbs." Gibbs gives back, his face unreadable as he accepts her brief hug but doesn't put a lot into giving one back. He's too tired and he's too frustrated with her. The last thing he wants to do right now is baby her. Not anymore.
"Nite, Boss. You'll tell, Tim I wa..."
"I'll tell him, Tony."
Silently, the pair heads out, more quiet than either of them have been in a very long time.
******NCIS********
Get in a line. All of you!
No, you're not!
Maybe I'll hold you hostage instead!
Maybe I'll hold you hostage instead!
Maybe I'll hold you hostage instead!
"NO!" Bolting upright in the bed, Tim's eyes are unfocused and his frame is wracked with visible trembling.
Having settled next to him and begun talking softly to him as soon as he'd started restlessly tossing in the obvious throes of this newest nightmare; Ziva can barely wrap her arms around him as she continues to try to comfort him and bring him back from that dark place .
"Easy, Tim. You are safe now. She is dead."
The return of his hearing brings the sound of a woman's voice in his ear. Instantly, he's back in that place and Tim's eyes close in residual fear while his mind is quick to take the 'fight or flight' route. Shoving her roughly away from him; he nearly falls out of bed when he's thrown off balance; still trying to get away. "No!"
"Easy. Tim. It's just Ziva." Two strong, firm yet gentle hands keep him from falling as the voice in his ear changes and what he hears now is soothing and definitely not female. As his brain registers what he's hearing and the fact that he's not the only man here, with her now, it eases the confusion enough that he stops trying to flee, even as the voice speaks again. "You're safe with us. I promise."
As he's helped back into bed and kept close to the physical body that feels like a wall he can lean on, Tim's mind finds its way back more coherently and runs straight into confusion. He doesn't understand why this has gripped him like this and he hates like hell that it has. The reality that his dreams are far worse than the actual situation had been is only making this harder to wrap his head around.
But, what's worse, is that he can't stop the shaking or lose the tendrils of fear that have sinuously found their way into his sub consciousness - taking root enough that he still feels that fear now that he's awake. In fact, he can still feel himself shaking.
Watching Gibbs help Tim back into bed and stay close to him while the confusion lingers, Ziva can still see that Tim is still trembling. She refrains from speaking again, letting the Team Leader be the one to help Tim right now.
It's thrown her that the man she loves has just woken up fearing her, but she because she knows where his mind has taken him in his dreams, she understands why this has happened. In fact, she takes her comprehension one step further and silently removes herself from the room in hopes that with only Gibbs present, Tim will find it easier to relax and go back to sleep or at least rest.
Seeing Ziva leave out of the corner of his eye, Gibbs returns his full attention to the troubled young man he's still holding securely with one arm wrapped around his shoulders as they sit back on the bed, the headboard supporting them. No words are spoken since none are needed. When a shudder wracks Tim's frame even though his eyes remain closed, the older man finally speaks, keeping his tone quiet and concerned.
"You with me now?"
All Tim can do is nod. He doesn't have it in him to give anything else at the moment because the questions are endless in his head. Silence returns between them since Gibbs feels no desire to break it. He knows anything that's said needs to come from Tim as the young man tries to work his troubles in his own time and in his own way. It's not long before sleep sneaks back in and reclaims Tim, even sitting up as he is.
Hearing Tim's breathing even out, Gibbs breathes out a sigh of relief; both that the young man didn't pull away from the physical grounding support he'd given him and that he's asleep again. He can't ask for more than that.
********NCIS********
Hours later and with Tim finally sleeping peacefully, Gibbs arrives at work before anyone else on 1st shift. He goes through his routine and yet today feels completely different. Sure, he's tired; dog tired. But, he doesn't mind that because he knows the sleep he lost last night was sacrificed for a very good cause. Reminded of Tim's fear of Ziva, however brief it had been, saddens him; although he firmly believes the couple will work through it. The thought of Tim being further burdened with the guilt of his involuntary reactions brings even more aggravation to the situation that is this whole Mexican nightmare that just won't go away. How can it? It's never been an open topic - hidden away all this time.
"Why is it none of us have seen the case report? This was an actual case, right? The body that was shipped back to us for Ducky to examine? There should have been a case file that would have included what happened down there between these two. Right? I mean why would Vance say nothing was ever done about it?"
"Not necessarily, Anthony."
"It got lost in the mess with the Cartel."
"Ah. I get it. One of those messes. One so big, all repercussions get nullified for the sake of state secrecy, right? So, Tim's ordeal gets shoved under the rug to satisfy everyone higher up in the food chain - and even in our own agency. Jeez, no damned wonder he's never said anything!"
"Never meant to leave him behind in that mess."
"But, it was easy to do since he wouldn't rat on you and you never planned on fessing up."
Abby! Gibbs sighs as he continues to think on this mess.It's long past time that he stop, drop back and regroup. The first step is to find and go through the report from that damned trip! Both of them! With that thought in mind, Gibbs glances at his watch and notes that it's 0630. He heads up to the Director's Office. Time for the two of them to talk.
******NCIS******
Early morning finds Tim waking slowly and stiffly, the exhaustion still hanging over him like the rainiest of days. While his head still hurts, it's a dull throb now and the sharp stabbing pain behind his eyes is gone. Giving his eyes time to adjust to the sun's brightness as it shines through the soft colored curtains on the windows, he keeps them closed for a few moments. When he does finally open them, he's surprised to find himself in a king sized bed that's not his own and in a room with an adjacent bathroom. Glancing at the bedside clock, he sees that it's only six. Yup, definitely an early morning.
He can't help being awake this early since he needs to get up. Taking his time, he carefully moves around so that his feet find the floor and he forces himself to get out of bed. When he finally gets to his feet, his hand whips out to grab hold of the bedpost as the world unexpectedly spins out of control around him. He'd forgotten about that little side effect of the migraines.
It's a few minutes before he moves again but soon enough, he's steady, albeit quite slow on his feet and able to go about his business. Returning to the bedroom, he spies his 'go bag' on the chair by the closet door and rummages through it for a change of clothes. Retreating to the bathroom yet again, he treats himself to a long hot shower. He lets the massaging spray of the deliciously almost too hot water work to ease the tension in his muscles while he forces his mind to stay behind the trap door of blankness. He's not ready to think on anything just yet.
*****NCIS*****
Hearing noises from the bedroom that tells her Tim is awake and moving around on his own, Ziva hurries to get breakfast started. When Gibbs had left out of the house at 5:30 AM, he'd told her that Tim had suffered through a few more episodes of nightmares through the night, but nothing as bad as the one that had brought the Team Leader running in time to catch him and keep him from hitting the floor that first time while Ziva had been sitting up with him. He'd promised her that Tim had settled quickly each time with just a few soothing words and that he'd probably sleep in this morning.
They hadn't spoken about Tim's attempted flight from her or what might have brought that on. The unspoken understanding of what had to have been going through the young man's mind had been almost audible just before Gibbs had reminded her that his house was theirs for as long as they needed while Tim recovers from the migraine that had brought them here
She thought about the way things had played out last night, getting the coffee going and whipping up two good sized omelets while her brain filtered through things. It's hard to admit that this whole mess with unresolved issues might just be bigger than she'd realized. A part of her now wishes they'd all just listened to Tim in the first place and let sleeping lions sleep!
*****NCIS******
Tony wakens to new hope that he can help Tim get through this mess - since he's the one who bulldozed the younger man into reopening the wound that held it all in. Even though he has to go to work with the memory of Tim's crying out in his sleep last night, he feels the hope grow within his chest as he heads to work. As he stops off at his favorite coffee shop, it's a struggle not to call Tim and check on him - but he knows the guy needs his sleep and some space, so he lets him be. Lunchtime, however, will be a different story.
*****NCIS******
Abby forces herself to get out of bed and find her way to the shower. It's been a long night and sleep was nowhere to be found. Standing under the hot water as it massages her muscles into preparedness for the day, the cries of her friend lost in the vivid reminders of a time Abby has long stopped thinking about, has dropped her straight down into a vat of melancholy moodiness with a heaping helping of guilt tossed in for good measure. She really needs to talk to Rachel and soon!
She left her a message last night so maybe today...? Turning off the water, Abby instinctually throws a towel around herself before running through the apartment to grab her phone. A smile of relief crosses her face as she reads Rachel's response to her text.
Of course I can see you. I get in at 8 - and my 1st two hours are yours.
Practically dancing on the soles of her feet, Abby fires off a two word reply and rushes to get ready. It doesn't matter that it's barely six yet. She's got lots to do before the appointed time - not the least of which is request the time off from work - at the last minute! Crap!
******NCIS*****
Ducky goes through his morning routine with a mixture of sorrow and hope. He hates what Tim is going through and by extension, Ziva, as well. But he has hope that they're strong and resilient enough to get through it and even to come out of it all the more stronger for it. It doesn't ease the unfairness of it all, however and neither does the realization that he and Tim really do still need to talk. The question is when that will happen since it certainly won't be today.
******NCIS*****
Tim's dressed and ready to go downstairs as he heads to the bedroom door and reaches out to open it - only to come face to face with Ziva, carrying a breakfast tray loaded down with food and coffee and even a glass of orange juice. "Good morning. I brought you breakfast." She offers quietly.
He steps back without speaking, too emotionally tripped up for words. Somewhere between the actual nightmares and the time he's been awake; his brain reminded him of what he's done to this woman that he loves with all of his heart. Suddenly, he can't even look her in the eye, although the gentleman in him has him at least reaching out to divest her of the tray
Realizing that she will have to be the aggressor in this conversation to draw him back out from where the effects of his nightmares have taken him, Ziva continues on as if nothing's wrong between them. "How are you feeling this morning? Does your head still pain you?"
"It's throbbing." Tim admits. He winces as he realizes that she's changed that part of who he used to be - the person who'd deny any pain even when asked directly if it meant the attention was moved off of him. Now, being completely honest with her about things like this are second nature to him.
"As soon as you eat we can take care of that with another dose of your medication, yes?" She asks calmly.
Tim nods silently, too guilt-ridden for the way he put his hands on her last night to do any better.
"Tim. Will you please look at me?" She requests without any censure. "We both know that what happened last night was not your fault. Please do not hate yourself for it."
He can't help but look up at her as her precision assessment finds its mark.
"We are all right, yes?" She asks softly.
"Yes." He answers her so quietly she barely hears him.
"Good!"
"Thank you for this." He points to the breakfast she's brought up with her.
"You are most welcome. I enjoy cooking for you. Now. Come. Sit. Let us eat, alright?"
Complacently, Tim does as she bids and sits down on the bed, the distance between them not entirely by accident.
******NCIS*****
"It's taken you long enough, Gibbs." Vance remarks dryly as he hands the man the reports he's just demanded access to. It's been a whopping ten minutes since he's walked in the door and already the day's starting out with a bang.
Gibbs scowls at him in silent response. "I'm not the head of the Agency, Leon."
"For which we can all be thankful." Vance bites back. When there's no response, he continues on. "I know where you're headed with this and it's not that simple, Gibbs."
With his typical silence, the Team Leader waits the man out.
Vance defends the lack of action about the mess "Since neither Ms. Scuito or Agent McGee mentioned the little excursion into the desert, I didn't find out about it until we were in the middle of that damned mess. I barely even read it when it somehow wound up front and center of the piles of things on my desk. My focus was on that bastard and making sure he got the hell out of my house - for good.".
Gibbs nods silently at that. He remembers all too vividly, the danger his team, Mike Franks and his father were all in at the time. There's no way anything else would have been on anyone's mind then. Still, it burns to know just how much has been affected by this whole mess.
"By the time he ran back to Mexico with his tail between his legs and his sister's body to keep him company, things were so heated and shook up around D.C. with NCIS' head in the noose, paperwork was high enough on my desk- I was here til Midnight most nights just trying to make a dent in it. It was weeks later before I found the bottom - where it was."
The look on Gibbs' face clearly told the man to keep going with his unfinished explanation.
*******NCIS******
Ziva refrains from commenting about the space Tim is keeping between them or even his extremely rough night. In fact, as she sets the tray between them, she deliberately keeps them focused on the morning ahead. "Have you given any thought to how long you wish to remain here resting before returning home today?"
Tim's confused look reminds her that he doesn't know Gibbs has given her the day off or that he's given them the use of his home for as long as they need it. She fills him in on this information. After several minutes of silence, filled in only by the sounds of them eating, Tim objects; to all of it. Ziva realizes she is only mildly surprised by this and is actually mentally prepared for it.
Keeping her voice quiet, she reminds him, as they eat, that he truly does need more rest and that his headache needs to be closer to being gone before he should go out into the light of day, which would only make it worse. Staying put until he's had more sleep, food and yet another dose of his medicine after this one, is what's best for him. It's slow in coming, but eventually, Tim agrees with her plan - with one stipulation.
With a gentle smile and a loving stroke of her finger down the side of his face, she agrees while she gathers up the breakfast dishes and retreats from the room, inwardly cursing at herself in Hebrew at the look of fear that's just crossed Tim's face. She shouldn't have touched him so intimately after his nightmares have taken him back to that time and place when Paloma Reynosa had him in his clutches- however briefly it had been. It doesn't take a genius to realize the woman probably touched Tim the same way - while spewing anything from threats to ugly accusations.
*******NCIS******
"I watched your team, Gibbs. Waited to see how it was affecting Agent McGee. - didn't seem to be. I noticed Ms Scuito seemed fine - maybe a little less spunky for a while but nothing that raised any red flags."
"Never said a word to me." Gibbs reminds him. "Coulda let me in, Leon. I would've addressed it - with both of 'em."
"Which is exactly why I didn't, Gibbs. Let sleeping dogs, lie."
"Yeah? Ask McGee how that's workin' out for him!" Gibbs snaps out angrily. "Abby, too!"
Vance frowns. "What's happening with Agent McGee? What about Ms. Scuito?"
"Not mine to tell, Director." Gibbs' steel tone makes it clear that the answer to that question falls into the venue of personal and off limits. He's quick on his mental feet with a more pressing question. "If you weren't gonna tell me and you knew they hadn't - what the hell was all that back when Tim quit the team? You raking me over the coals in front of my team - what - just for show?"
Now it's Vance's turn to play the silent card as he waits to see if Gibbs can think his way through this as well he does everything else thrown his way - usually.
*******NCIS******
Drawing in a breath and slowly letting it back out, Ziva calms herself. This will work itself out; she only needs to be patient and much more cautious with Tim for his sake. Cleaning up from the breakfast cooking, she's not surprised to find Tim shuffling his way to the living room under his own steam by the time she's finished. Trailing behind him, she silently settles pillows under his head to make sure he's comfortable.
Watching her face as she helps him get comfortable on the couch, he's filled with remorse and finds himself reaching out for her hand. Setting down on the couch by his hip, she lets him keep hold of her hand while he speaks what's on his mind. "I'm sorry."
Shaking her head, she smiles softly at him. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You cannot help where your mind has taken you - the confusion it has placed on you in your sleep. You did not hurt me."
Laying his head back tiredly, he quietly argues the point "I shouldn't have pu..."
"Tim. There is no 'should or should not' here. It is I who is sorry - sorry that I pushed to be the one to soothe your nightmares when the sound of my voice reminded you too much of hers - pushed to caress you this morning - because I longed to remind you that I love you. I realize now tha..."
Reaching out, he pulls her closer, hugging her to him until she is laying on his chest as he whispers brokenly. "I am so sorry."
As she accepts his embrace and remains within it, the shaking in his shoulders and the wetness she soon feels on her face breaks her heart.
*******NCIS******
"You wanted to guilt Abby into confessing because she was a big part of why Tim quit the team." Gibbs delivers on the reasoning out the most plausible explanation for what shouldn't have happened. "So you played off blamin' me hopin' she'd feel bad enough that it would work."
The silence that falls between them now spells out quite clearly just how accurate Gibbs is with his theory. Finally after several pressure-building minutes of silence, Gibbs gets to his feet and heads to the door. "Might let me know ahead a time, Leon. Keep your plan from blowin' up in my team's faces like that one has!"
"Gibbs!"
The Team Leader stops, his hand on the door handle as he looks back.
The look of fury on the silver-haired man's face erases all planned questions and all Vance can do in the face of such anger is defend himself. "I did what I thought was best."
"Should've read me in, Leon. Woulda saved my people a hell of a lot of grief." Gibbs yanks the door open and disappears through it.
"Gibbs!" Vance attempts to call the man back and get some answers from him but the man keeps going. Raising his voice to be heard out in his Assistant's Office, he issues an order. "Get Gibbs back in here!"
Silence greets him and he swears under his breath. Pamela's not in yet because he shouldn't even be in yet! Damn it!