A/N: Thank you all so much - your continued reviews and support are treasured - so THANK YOU!
Joyce Little is used to the word 'normal' having no place in the lab where she works with Abby Scuito. It's February 14, and as of tomorrow, she's been here exactly three months. She's used to her idea of normal being different now and has in fact, come to appreciate that it makes the day not only go by faster, but with more interest as well. While she and Abby haven't gotten especially close, they do concern themselves with each other enough to greet one another and notice when one is having a bad day, enough to ask if they're okay and offer to help if they can. They've advanced to the stage of beginning friendship that expects common courtesy and things like bringing each other back something if the other goes out for a break or some such nicety
She's also used to the sudden appearance of any member of Team Gibbs for any number of reasons, although those visits have trickled down to almost always only in reference to an active case. So, Joyce doesn't bat an eye when Agent Gibbs comes down and sequesters Abby in her inner office to talk. She's always been respectfully in awe of his commanding presence, but not coweringly so. Her respect has always been of the nature of staying out of the man's way after greeting him, usually with a polite hello or maybe just a small smile that says it for her.
She's noticed that the relationship between Gibbs and Abby has always seemed filled with tension, but has heard plenty of stories that tell of closeness like the Team Leader has with no other. Abby's like a daughter to the silver haired man and it's a relationship that's obviously been under tremendous strain since Joyce's arrival but the newbie is well aware it has nothing to do with her. But when the Senior Lab Rat remains at her desk, tears trailing down her face after the man silently leaves out, looking more angry than she's seen him in all the time she's been here, she's prepared to do more than the blinking in surprise that comes naturally.
Drawing on the knowledge that she's gained of some of Abby's personal affiliations and even closer friendships on the job though people that have stopped by to speak with the Lab Rat, she quickly heads to the computer and sends an email to mutual friend of both her's and Abby's. She has to smile softly at the lightening quick response. In the three months she's been here, she's gained some solid friendships and has come to rely on them as well as she gives back to them. When the elevator dings, she turns to greet her friend that she knows has arrived, thanks to her email.
Sadly, she offers her only a silent tight smile in greeting as she points to Abby's inner office as to the reason for her request for help, while at the same time she nods to let them know she's leaving them alone to try to help Abby through whatever's going on with her. She's ready for a coffee break anyway.
******NCIS*****
"…What about what was done to you, Tim? Let's focus on that for a minute. What about all of that angers you the most?"
"Gibbs."
Still sitting back in her chair opposite Tim, Rachel takes a minute to let silence calm the situation. She knows from her inside view of the dynamics of how Team Gibbs' functioned as a family beyond the job, that what he's just admitted has to have been very difficult for him. With that in mind, she's given him some time to think on things before beginning her digging expedition that won't be easy or smooth.
It's a necessary part of Tim's healing process and results are all that matter so she's more than ready to stay with it. Watching as Tim works to calm himself down, is if admitting it aloud what or who has angered him the most within this nightmarish mess that has become his current situation, has riled him; Rachel clears her throat to let him know she's about to break the silence that's dropped down between them.
"It's never easy is it?"
"What isn't?" His quiet tone spells out just how upsetting this is for him.
"Admitting to yourself – and out loud, that your mentor and the person you hold most dear outside of your own family is the one you hold most responsible for your pain."
Tim breathes out heavily. He leans his head back against the chair and doesn't offer a response. Her knack for understating the obvious is not something that needs commenting on. Hell, he's feeling almost like a traitor already and he's only just admitted it like two minutes ago!
Rachel knows that getting Tim to open up about this will take some careful orchestration on her part because it's such a painful discussion for the agent who's worked under the man they're discussing long enough to have developed a deep-seated loyalty to him. Finally standing still long enough to unearth the festering and nearly forgotten injustices, hurts, betrayals and even those instances of feeling abandoned, has to have set in motion, at least in some fashion, a war with the blame and anger. Quietly taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, she begins her careful digging by coming at the discussion from an unexpected angle.
"Gibbs?" Her deliberate repetition of the man's name, posed as a question that needs clarification, has the desired effect.
"Yes." Tim opens up his eyes and glances at her
"It's Interesting that you blame him. I'll admit; you've peaked my curiosity. I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say about the man."
Tim looks at her like she's lost her mind. Looking forward to it? Is she serious?
"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Rachel asks quietly, letting her tone tell him that she truly is interested. "Maybe cut to the chase a little?"
"Go ahead" Tim's answer is short and quiet, defining his mood, undoubtedly darkened by the emotions running in the currents underneath this conversation.
"The reason you most blame Gibbs; is it because he never backed you up or because he punished you for Abby's selfishness and less than wise choices in times past and you couldn't trust that he wouldn't do it again in this instance? "
Tim's eyes grow wide with surprise but he remains silent and Rachel takes that as carte blanche to keep going.
"Or are you blaming him for setting all this in action so long ago – even though he could never have known this would come back on all of you the way that it did?" Take a breath, Rachel keeps her eyes locked on her patient and his reaction; which at the moment is one of quiet absorption, rather than immediate denial.
There's definitely hope for some turn-around here. With one more push, she expands the probabilities they're in all likelihood - going to be discussing. "Or maybe you're blaming him because of the long-standing favoritism he's shown Abby and the way it became the wall you couldn't scale when you needed to the most? I apologize. That was three questions, wasn't it? There's actually one more, I'd like to ask."
Tim's continued silence seems to speak for him, that he's willing to hear her out. She offers him a tiny smile of encouragement as she tosses one more idea on the pile. "Maybe it's because he's never acted remotely warm towards you in all the years you've worked for him – even when he's done so for the others right in front of you?"
As Rachel's string of questions dies out and the good doctor sits back in her chair once more, Tim's mouth remains open in shock. He never expected her to have most of the explanation – in pieces as it is in his own mind – figured out already. Still there is one reason that weighs heavily on him that she hasn't touched on yet. He's still struggling with the words to best explain it, so for now he holds his silence, despite all the questions she's just put to him. Breathing out deeply, he stands to his feet and takes himself back over to her window, leaning heavily on the frame of it as he remains silent, obviously giving some thought to what she's just said.
Experience has long taught Rachel to be patient and wait the troubled soul out – no matter who it is; but especially in this case. The few times she's spoken with Tim in the past have proven to be quite enlightening into the quiet, reserved person he is. This situation may very well drive those habits deeper, making it impossible for him to open up any further. While that is what has driven her to step outside her box and put most of the possible answers out there for him instead of wasting time forcing him to root them out for himself; to not give him the space to think on what she's just put out there, now that she has done it this way, would be shooting herself in the foot here.
Patiently watching him now, she realizes that everything must be laid out in his brain in a certain manner for him to achieve peace, and this whole episode has his mind in chaos, resulting in his emotions being chaotic. She's given him plenty enough to think about to piece it together for himself; she hopes. Time will tell and she's in no hurry because this is too important.
Once they address the issue of his anger at Gibbs, they'll need to address several other issues as well. It will take several sessions because one thing they need to talk about is the fact that he needs to just let go and stop feeling guilty over those things that he has no control over. That one's common enough that Rachel knows from experience that it isn't something that can be rushed or just thrown on top of something else.
******NCIS******
Ziva finds Abby sitting broodingly in her office, trails of tears still obvious on her face as she hugs her knees that are drawn up to her chest. Wondering how on earth sitting like that can be comfortable in the desk chairs they have to work with, Ziva quietly speaks to her to draw her out. "Abby."
Looking up, Abby is shocked to find Ziva standing in front of her. The agent hasn't been to see her without an active case going on, since Tim left the team. They've never spoken of anything not case related; the few times Abby's spouted off up in the squad room, notwithstanding. It's been as if their friendship wilted away alongside Abby's relationship with Tim and she's had to watch helplessly as both blew away in the wind. You told Rachel you wanted to fix things. Here's your chance.
Too buried under the freshly unearthed emotions of a time she'd tried to forget and the completely unexpected fury and disappointment of her silver-haired hero, Abby can only think on - an emotional level in this moment, a moment she's seeing someone she's long ago become close to and who's friendship she's come to treasure – and before either of them even speak, the Lab Rat is out of her chair and in Ziva's shocked arms, hugging her so tightly, the Israeli-born woman can barely breathe.
"Abby." Ziva manages to breathe out as she tries to detach Abby from her. "Abby!"
Snapped back from where her head is at, the Lab Rat releases Ziva and steps back, her arms dropping to her sides for a brief second before the agitated Abby comes out and the woman begins pacing, even going out to her bigger work space to do it.
Ziva frowns as she goes to the lab door and closes it, making sure to lock it before walking back to where Abby is pacing. Standing in front of the table closest to her 'babies' Ziva keeps her hands busy by holding on to the table. She knows that Abby can't be rushed and at this moment the older woman obviously needs to let off some steam.
It also occurs to Ziva that this is going to take a long time and that it's time she doesn't have – at least not without checking in with Gibbs. Since there's no active case, she's certain he'll be fine with her staying here and talking with Abby. Part of her is shocked that she wants to, but she has long thought of Abby as a member of her family; no matter how she behaved. She quickly sends two text messages and hopes for the response she's counting on.
*****NCIS*****
Having watched Ziva peruse her email before locking her work station and getting to her feet, it had been easy for Gibbs to figure out where his agent had been headed when she'd left the squad room a few minutes ago. Rather than be upset about it, even if it is in the middle of a work day and with no explanation, he'd felt relieved. He's well aware that Ziva and Abby need time to rebuild their once close relationship. If helping Abby get back on her mental feet is what it takes to get them there, then he's all for it, even in the middle of the work day since it's an important part of making sure the team works well together.
He's certainly not going to baby Abby through, however their talk has affected her. The story he's just heard has angered him beyond words. How and why this has never made it into any official report remains a mystery and not a good one. Some of what Abby's just told him is still ringing in his ears.
I knew McGee would do whatever I told him to because he always has. I needed to take the students out to the crime scene – I mean, that's what a cold case is all about, right – revisiting the scene of the crime? I wouldn't have been doing a very good job of teaching that class if I hadn't done that, Gibbs!
Gibbs wonders about Abby's sense of self-preservation or if she even has one. While it's true;, her classroom instruction wouldn't have been near as educational or accurate without going out there –when warned against leaving the University grounds for her own safety, she damned sure should have listened like Tim tried to get her to! Why the hell had the driver listened to her over Tim's objections also remains a mystery.
Wait a minute, if neither Tim nor Abby wrote it up, how in the hell did it wind up on paper and on Vance's desk? Who would have…could have put it there and why, if not to start a firestorm within NCIS for the actions and inactions of its' people in such a situation? Only one person fits that bill and if he could plant bugs, he damned sure could have planted a report that had no signature and boasted no author. Damned bastard had the gall to threaten Abby in front of a whole squad room full of Agents – planting a report to stir up trouble would have been a piece of cake for the sob.
Thank God, that piece of scum ran back to Mexico with his tail tucked between his legs like the coward he really is! His thoughts are interrupted by a chirp from his cell phone at the same time Tony's rings. He fumbles with opening the text message it says he's received while Tony chuckles from across the room and looks over at him in amusement.
"Pretty bad when Ziva has to text me to make sure you read her text message, Boss."
"Ya think, DiNozzo?" Gibbs growls grumpily. He doesn't always enjoy being the focus of their jokes and underhanded stunts. Glancing at the text, he frowns.
Abby needs to talk – to me
With no active case in front of them right now, he can afford to let them have this time – a hell of a lot more than he can afford them to continue to not work nearly as cohesively as they used to. The cold shoulders between them are getting so old; he's about ready to shove them both into the shrink's office to get it dealt with. Maybe this will resolve the issue. It damned well better.
Gibbs hates trying to send texts since his fingers are too big for most phone keypads. Throwing another glare Tony's way, he drops the ball in the Senior Field Agent's lap while carrying his own cup of coffee with him as he heads out for a refill. He's half-way out of the room before he calls back over his shoulder, "Tell her she's got one hour."
******NCIS******
Rachel mentally sighs. She and Tim have a lot of ground to cover, that's for sure. Today, the anger is the only issue they're working on; laying that much out enough that he can come to some inner peace with it, is crucial to him being able to let it go of this completely or at least enough to live with it without it controlling his life, when all is said and done. She shifts in her chair as he finally turns to look at her, obviously ready to talk again.
"All of it. " He walks back over to the chair and sits back down. This time, his eyes find hers and stay for the conversation he knows is about to get as painful as it is necessary. He wants this sorted out. Today. She's right; it wasn't easy to admit that the person he's pissed at the most is Gibbs. But, damn it feels good to finally be able to admit it out loud!
"That's understandable, Tim. Gibbs has affected your life in a lot of different ways and it seems that most of them in one way or another all include at least some traces of that behavior from him. You look like you've lost some of that weight on your shoulders already."
He offers her a tiny smile for a brief moment before it slides away, quickly replaced by his more serious expression. "It feels strange to admit it to someone else."
"I'll bet it does."
"There is something else I don't understand." Tim admits almost guiltily, as if he should have this all figured out for himself.
"Tell me. Maybe I can help."
"I pushed Ziva away, but then I let Gibbs help me, leaned on him, even, when…"
"Ah. Yes, you pushed Ziva away- by accident, but leaned heavily on Gibbs because he made sure he was there for you when you needed him this time, even though he's the very person you're most angry with right now. He may be the fall guy here and rightly so, but he's also a lot of good things to you and someone you instinctually still trust to some degree."
Tim can't find fault with that assessment and nods in agreement, though he can't find any words to add to it.
"Gibbs has been very important in your life for some time now. Otherwise, you would never have let him have such a big piece of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that, Tim. "
Since it's been months since Tim has felt that personal connection she's talking about him having with Gibbs; one-sided as it's' always been, he's silent on that observation. This one's going to take some serious thinking before it fits into the puzzle just right. He knows it fits somehow; he just has to work through it to figure it out.
It only takes a minute before it hits him that thinking on it is actually renewing the hurt that's long buried under the brashness of the man's tactics and behaviors towards Tim and even his coldness when the young man had needed warmth. Blinking hard, he swallows hard to push it all back down as he angrily wipes his hands over his face to clear his vision. He doesn't want to do this. He wants it all to just go away!
Rachel can see the emotions tugging at Tim under the surface because his facial expressions tell her the story. Needing him to let it out, she pushes just a tad even as she watches him angrily wipe away the sudden moisture from his eyes. "Am I right? He's been like a dad to you, only his ways have been just as cold and unsupportive in the worst of times, as your own father's so it's hurt that much more."
Like a bullet, Tim's out of the chair, pacing the room in agitation. "Why are you doing this?" He angrily demands to know.
His abnormal change in behavior doesn't throw her off a bit as she instantly answers his question. "Because you won't, Tim. But you need to. Isn't that why you came to me in the first place?"
When he doesn't answer her, she plays the devils' advocate just a little longer. "Let's talk about what's got you so upset right now. You're remembering what it felt like when all of this was in real time and still happening. Take yourself back there for a different reason. Tell me a few things that you rely on Gibbs for and why. Tell me why you feel safe on the job with him as your Team Leader."
******NCIS******
You wanted to see me?" Abby asks Ziva as she works to dry her tears and put things away under the surface.
"I was told you needed a friend. We are friends, yes?" Ziva questions calmly as if the past few months of coldness between them hasn't happened.
For her, it has been a matter of removing the personal side from work out of necessity. Her relationship with Tim had to take precedence over her friendship with Abby; especially given that Abby's miss-treatment of Tim had helped launch these epic changes in the first place. Of course, the Lab Rat's own propensity to stay locked up in her own self-created misery had not helped matters. Perhaps now, things could begin to change for the better. "I believe I am right, otherwise you would not have allowed yourself to embrace me as you have just done."
"I'm not sorry that I did that." Abby replies quietly.
"I am not sorry, either, Abby. I did not mean to imply that I was. I simply wanted to explain why I am here."
"Why didn't you ever tell me you and McGee were dating?"
"I do not believe that is why you were so upset earlier, Abby." Ziva chastises her.
"No, it's not. But, since it's still something that I don't understand…."
"I did not share the intimate details of my personal life or Tim's personal life with you because they did not concern you. They still do not. I am not Tony. I do not make it a habit to tell the entire world my personal business."
"Yeah, I know. We all know that about you, Ziva. That's not my point. It should have been my business, don't you think? I mean, Tim and I were…" Abby drops her verbal thought as if she's suddenly embarrassed. She is. She knows she sounds like a jealous little girl and she's not trying to be. It just hurts!
"A very long time ago, Abby. Yes, you and Tim were dating. I do not know the details of that time and I do not want to know. What I do know is that you broke his heart and he wore that broken heart on his sleeve for a very long time. Why the fact that you dated him let you believe that he belonged to you like a piece of clothing; has never made sense to me. "
"That's no…"
"It does not matter now. What does matter is that Tim is happy now. And you need to accept it, Abby. Accept that he is happy with me; that he loves me. As someone who claims to be our friend, you should be happy for us both. If you cannot be, that is not our problem."
"Ouch." Abby retorts somewhat quietly; stunned by Ziva's answer. She definitely hadn't expected this. Then again, she's the one who's been so wrapped up in her own unwillingness to roll with changes that she'd become anti-social and grumpier than the Grinch months ago. Rachel's helped her see that and that she owes it to everyone around her and herself to snap out of it and get back to being the Abby she used to be – or at least try a hell of a lot harder than she has been to get there. No time like the present. This happens to be a golden opportunity that even she recognizes as such.
"What I am saying hurts you?" Ziva is surprised and disappointed. She'd hoped that Abby could get over herself enough to work on fixing things between them.
Abby shakes her head. "No. I needed to hear it. I'm just sorry it's taken me this long to get over myself."
Ziva's shocked expression is priceless enough that it draws a tiny giggle from Abby. The sound seems to release the tension in the air as Ziva breathes out and drags the conversation where she needs it to go. "As your friend, I want to help with whatever it is that you were upset about earlier. Now, what was that?"
Abby breathes out tiredly. "Gibbs."
"Gibbs upset you enough that you were crying?" Ziva is shocked. She's never known that to happen in the years she's been here.
"He asked me about Mexico."
"I see. So, it was not Gibbs that upset you, but having to discuss what you did and did not do while on that trip has, yes?"
"It was horrible, Ziva! I'd put it all away so long ago and then Gibbs was in front of me demanding answers to things I'd never even admitted to anyone before!" Abby explains tearfully.
"Like why it is that Tim was forced to offer his life for the securing of your life and those of the students you took out to the crime scene?"
Now it's Abby that's shocked. "How could you possibly know that? I thought Tim never spoke of it until he talked to Tony? I know Tony hasn't repeated it to anyone, so… oh, my God! Tim did talk about it, didn't he? He told you everything, didn't he? He had to have! He's too honorable to keep secrets from the woman he loves, right?" Abby angrily throws at Ziva.
Standing stock still, Ziva doesn't even flinch at Abby's angry tirade. She does however have a thing to say about the older woman's new attack on Tim's character. "Tim is honorable – and yet, he has never spoken of this until Tony coaxed him to do so just yesterday."
"Then how…oh, God, how bad did his nightmares get last night?" Realization fills Abby's eyes as she waits for her friend's answer.
"Bad enough." Ziva replies with a deliberately short, evasive answer. That is no one's business but Tim's. Only those present in the bedroom last night have the answer to that question and it's an iron-clad certainty that no one will be sharing that information with anyone.
"Oh, God, I have to talk to him!" Abby laments. "This is my fault!"
"At least partially so, yes." Ziva agrees.
"I need to tell him how sorry I am. I should have done it a long time ago."
"It is not your choice to make – but, Tim's- if he wishes to talk with you about any of it." Ziva corrects her on that.
"You're right. And Tony was right too. Yesterday. But, today is a new day and I'm a new Abby. Or at least I'm working on becoming her." Abby's voice dwindles down into a measure of meekness that only comes out when she's admitting she has room to improve.
Ziva, having seen this in her at least once before, knows it's genuine and coming from Abby's big heart. However, she also knows that it's not an overnight process and Abby's still got a lot more thinking and changing to go through before her 'new' becomes a solid part of her. "That is very good to hear, Abby. However, we must take this slowly, yes?"
"Yes. Of course."
"Does this mean you are no longer upset with Gibbs' inquisition?"
"You've been hanging around Tony too long if you've picked up words like that, Ziva." Abby jibes with a tiny grin. "And no, it doesn't mean that. It was very upsetting to have my Silver Haired Fox grill me like that – but then again, I am the one who never reported everything I should have and sat back and let everything that happened down there get swept under the rug."
"Not just you, Abby. Tim did as well." Ziva reminds her objectively.
"Yeah, but he had good reason. He thought he was protecting me." Abby finally defends Tim's name.
"That is not why he said nothing, Abby. Do not fool yourself into thinking he kept his silence solely to protect you."
"What? What do you mean he didn't keep quiet to protect me? But, he's honorable and never lets anyone get in trouble if he can help it!"
"Abby, being honorable does not mean keeping everyone out of trouble of their own making. There are other reasons for keeping one's silence."
"What other reason could he possibly have had?" Abby demands impatiently. "Why would he jeopardize his career by not reporting everything?"
"That is something you will have to discuss with Tim."
"But, you jus…"
"I merely wanted to put a stop to any thought you had that Tim was keeping silent in some act of bravery, trying to rescue you from your own actions. He'd already done that when he offered his life for your own. Something, I might add, you have never even so much as thanked him for." Ziva replies firmly.
Abby's eyes fill with tears. "I know. There's a whole lot of things I've never said to him that I should have. And a whole lot that I have said that I shouldn't have. I really need to fix things with him. I need to at least let him know that I'm really sorry about everything."
"As I said, Abby. That is a decision that is only Tim's to make. Do not push him on this."
"I won't. I promise. But will you at least let him know what I said?"
"Yes. I will. And thank you for your willingness to fix what is ….broken."
Abby engulfs Ziva in another quick hug but this time just as quickly pulls back. Holding on to Ziva's hands for a minute, she has one more thing to say.
"I'm just sorry I broke us in the first place."