Disclaimer: However much I might wish I did, I own nothing you recognize… (Can I sulk back in my corner now?)
Tears of Sadness, Tears of Joy
Chapter 9 – Summer, Part II – Sirius
Previously:
And so the evening went on. Lily was wise enough not to return home for a fair few days and Holly's mother was thankful for the company of another girl in her house full of boys while Mr and Mrs Evans speculated on what brought about such a dramatic progression of events.
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"Dude, calm down!" Sirius lazily lobbed a pillow over at James while stuffing his face with French fries. This consumption, however did not bar him from talking, "She dufnowaefink that you don't lufferanymorbecuf it's blatantly obvious even to people like me hudonreeliavea clue."
"She doesn't want to think that I don't lust after her any more because it's blatantly obvious even to people like you who don re-lived a clue?" James looked at Sirius. Okay so, yes, normally he did tweak a few words a bit but this was a bit strange even for his deranged dog-like partner in crime.
"Even I got that one Prongs." Peter piped up from the floor, "Lily likes you and she realised that she loves you because she's just found out what it's like to lose you." Peter loved telling people what they wanted to hear – he wasn't particularly outstanding compared to his peers and this trait made him feel good. It made him feel even better when he said it, because this time he was indeed telling the truth.
"Really?" This was what James had wanted ever since he felt that first twinge in his heart; he couldn't believe this was happening.
"Yes, really." Sirius drawled in a slightly bored tone before continuing to scoff the chips again. Sirius was a pro at receiving "looks" from girls and it took the sneaky fox only one sniff to realise what had happened when he caught the bright sparkle in Lily's eyes die as James left without a glance for her.
No, this really was too much. James looked at the two marauders with him in turn and decided that although they were saying what he wanted to hear. He knew that Peter would tell anyone anything they wanted – the Marauders had been trying to break him of this habit but had not had much success. And Sirius – well, what did he know? He had a different girlfriend every week – yes, he was good at getting them, but not at keeping them. Neither of them were Remus – the clever one, the one they all trusted with no evidence whatsoever other than his own superior knowledge. The Marauder that had dominated him even in animagi form.
Why should Lily pick him over Remus? Remus was smart, sensible, neat, well spoken – the kind of boyfriend Lily's mother would have chosen for her daughter. James was – unruly, he didn't pay attention to class, he was messy, a show-off, he was as Lily had said, and arrogant toe-rag that cared about nothing but quidditch. Why didn't he listen to her?
James now realised that if he really loved Lily, seeing Lily happy should make him happy. If it was Remus that made her happy then so be it. James was now beginning to accept, after six years, that there were some things that were out of his control and Lily's love for him was one of them. He was right, but not in the way he thought he was. He knew that no matter what, his love for Lily was unconditional.
By misbehaving and being a jerk, he had been making her unhappy – quite the opposite of what he wanted. He could not make her happy in the way that he wanted to, so he decided that he would make her happy in the way that he thought she wanted him to.
James Potter walked out of his living room and headed towards his bedroom, preparing himself, for the first time in his life, to do his holiday homework.
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At the departure of James, Peter and Sirius looked after him, mystified as to what had just happened. Sirius himself was particularly perplexed,
"Didn't we just tell him that Lily loved him?" He stared at Peter, unable to fathom the reason for his friend's morose and abrupt exit.
"I thought that's what we told him." Peter did not understand any more than Sirius. He reached behind him and took out a chessboard, "maybe we should leave him alone for a bit?" he suggested.
Sirius scooted over and helped to assemble the pieces on the contrasting squares before him. He half-heartedly sighed, knowing that the game would not be as fun without receiving disapproving looks from Remus at their noise level or violence. "Do you think Lily is…" he left it dangling as he pushed his pawn forward. He loved defying his surname at every opportunity and smirked to himself if his mother could see him take the white side in a chess game.
"With Remus?" Peter finished for him, "No. I don't." He was not good at drawing clear conclusions about dense situations, but he was an apt observer. "Even Lily would be more subtle than to draw Remus away on the train for some time together. She found him in the library – both of them love their books and would not be so disrespectful to them by doing that sort of thing with books as their shelter. When they come back from the library, Lily knows about Remus's "condition". If he really loved her then he would not have been able to lie to her for so long about it.
"I don't think Lily loves Remus either," he continued, prodding an unwilling pawn to his next square, "When she came to tell us who she was going to the ball with, it was James that she checked for to see his reaction, not me, not you and not Remus. When James saw Lily dancing with The Snake, he got angry and protective, when Remus was told what had happened to Lily he offered his sympathies, but did not go after her torturers. James wanted to fight them, and would have probably struggled free of our restraints had he not have had his injuries from Remus as a werewolf. However childish throwing the juice in Lucius's face was, Lily fought herself in the only way she could at that time. She didn't want anyone fighting her battles for her.
"Remus doesn't like seeing her hurt but would never offer to fight for her as he knows she hates people doing that. James despises anyone who so much as upsets her and has to be stopped fighting. It may be that Lily telling him she doesn't want him to fight is her way of understanding his feelings for her. Remus never needs restraining and so Lily may interpret that as Remus does not feel the same for her as James does. Don't forget, James has loved Lily right from the word "go". Perhaps Lily is storing away James's reactions and labelling them as the reactions of the heart in love with her. James's reactions are individual. Although others may be in love with her, she will consider their feelings otherwise if they do not act in the same way as James.
"There is also Holly to consider." He cut across before Sirius could interrupt him as he decimated one of the pawns, "You said that she told you that what Lily was doing with Remus was none of her business." He paused to check this with Sirius who nodded while listening intently, "I know that Holly can't resist gossip. She doesn't pass it on, but she learns every scrap of it that she can. She has an almost sister-like bond with Lily. Girls talk, Padfoot; they share everything with each other. If Lily liked Remus there is no way that Holly wouldn't know about it." He finished, rather proud with himself.
Sirius did not halt their brutal game, but considered Peter's theory. Despite not being as attractive as the other Marauders and a bit overweight, the boy's mind was rather sharp. Sirius thought that he must have kept it hidden for a reason. It appeared that the rat-like boy could not keep up well with the Marauders, but now he had discovered that Peter's talents lay in a different level of academia to wand waving and potion brewing.
"So you mean we've just kicked Moony out for a bit for no reason whatsoever other than he could have been having study sessions with Lily and Lily might have possibly admitted to Remus that she likes James but told Remus not to tell him?"
Peter thought for a moment, "Pretty much, yeah."
"Any idea what the heck to do?" He raised an eyebrow hopefully.
"Nope." His hopes were dashed. He looked absently out of the window into the uncharacteristically cloudy and wet summer's day and saw that his hair was getting a bit tidy. He squinted at his reflection as he messed it up again and an idea formed in his mind,
"That's it!" He yelled, the chess pieces turning their heads to him excitedly. He glanced down at them, "No not you. Although you could take him if you like," he ordered his knight to swipe another of Peter's pawns, "The mirror – the detention mirror we dropped that Remus was fixing! He's got it with him!"
"Well who's got the other one, then?" Peter demanded a bit impatiently.
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A violent tackle of the offending knight later, Peter followed Sirius up the narrow staircase to James's bedroom. Sirius flung open the bedroom door dramatically, expecting to see James sulking on his bed, but surprised, no, flabbergasted when he caught sight of James scribbling on some parchment with his charms textbook in front of him.
"Prongs, what are you doing?" he asked in the sort of despairing tone he would normally have reserved for Frank Longbottom in first year, watching him attempt to brew a potion.
"Homework, why?" he didn't even look up. Sirius felt like running out, slamming the door behind him and then pouncing on it again, as if convinced that this was some kind of trick.
"Why?" he was forced to resort to astonishment as well as his previous state of being flabbergasted.
"Because it needs doing." He stated, flatly, all emotion gone in his voice, "Why?" he asked again.
Sirius could see that he was not going to get a satisfactory response and his friend was doomed forever to be trapped under the spell of this new attitude. Well, until the end of the holidays and Sirius could remind him what torturing the Slytherins did for the morale. "Can we, erm borrow the two-way mirror?" he asked slightly hesitantly.
James gestured inattentively over at his trunk contents scattered over his bedroom floor and returned to his writing. As Sirius searched for the treasure Peter swirled his hand around his ear mouthing, Mad, he's gone mad, I tell you – mad!
The two sane Marauders scampered back down the stairs and settled on the sofa. They swapped apprehensive looks before Sirius uttered, "Remus," into the reflective glass. They waited. A slitghly annoyed looking crop of sandy blonde hair came into view,
"What?" he snapped, absently glancing across his room. He searched his room again, looking for the source of his name and then his eye caught on the two faces staring at him from on top of one of his bookshelves. His face softened, "Oh, hey… Sirius…and…Peter." He said, somewhat awkwardly, "What's up?"
Cut to dramatic theme tune...
Oooh what a place to leave it! You'll just have to wait hehehe
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Love,
x Imperial Princess x