TheDarkestShinobi: I read the series when it first came out, or at least the third and fourth book came out when I read them. I feel I am more mature now and evaluating it Zoey is a semi-poor character. I didn't want to continue writing without re-familiarizing myself with the characters and everything that seemed so cool before doesn't anymore.

Stark, Night, Blake, Heath, and Kolana all struck over one girl? Little crazy, no? And she never really rejects them all. Zoey seems very immature, I understand she is a teenager, but she is also a high priestess. Her side characters are almost developed, (or were at the point I stopped reading)

I'm not trying to criticize the series (maybe a little) I'm just trying to worm around for a plot. So I'm going to try and let Zoey grow. She will be maturing and disserving of all her powers. Also, Nefret is supposed to be the antagonist, so I will make her one.

Chapter Start

They say growing pains are normal. The transition was supposed to be part of the threshold of life, the great chasm between a child and an adult. Many different things can cause them but it's different from each person. This is how it happened to me,

"You're acting like a spoiled bitch." I looked over to Aphrodite and felt anger. How dare she tell me I was spoiled. She was the one who dropped to her knees to give Erik a blowjob to try to keep him, ha, the boy loves me more than he did her and I never-

Wow, that really is a bitchy thought.

She flung her hair over her shoulder as her gaze trailed over the others in the cafeteria and our friends that were still in the line to get food. She made sure they wouldn't be here in time to hear what she had to say.

"Break up with Erik yet?" I sighed.

"I tried but he-"

"How about Heath?"

"I'm imprinted with him."

"Very well. That's two boyfriends, what about Loren?"

"He's dead." I said lowly and her eyes turned cold.

"And you seem heartbroken. You slept with him, no? And have a number of other boys at your beck and call."

"I never wanted any of it."

"You enjoyed the attention. Let's be honest, who wouldn't. You have almost everything with the attitude of why me, I'm trying to be a normal girl', like you are the one who struggles through everyday life."

Freedom from the struggle of everyday life

Jealous. She's just jealous.

"I'm not trying to be a bitch, but we have problems with her" Nefret, she didn't have to say it "and you're going to lead us with your gifted self" I could hear the venom in her voice. Why wouldn't there be, if anyone disserved all the powers it was her. She had changed so much for Nyx, saved Stevie Ray, chose the light. She changed for Nyx and as a result was rejected. What did I do? She sighed.

"We are risking things we can't even conceive, and I can't have you worrying about a number of boys, or why me or its too much responsibility."

It was silent for a few seconds.

"Nyx chose you for whatever reason she has, so at least act like they are a gift and not a burden, remember that you have a responsibility and act worthy of those powers."

Grow up.

She was telling me to grow up. I watched her leave as the others filled in around me. I couldn't pay attention to them. Aphrodite's words echoed in my head and I wanted to blame her for the pain I felt, but it was entirely my fault. Every word she spoke was true.

I felt a shiver crawl up my spine, a weird warmth over my hand.

Aya

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. That make a fourth soul I couldn't say no too. Had any boy said he was competing over four girls I would label him a man whore, so I had to label myself a whore. Mistakes were mistakes, if I changed I could leave everything in the past, but I needed to change.

I could start with Erik and end what I should have ended a long time ago.

…

He looked at me happily, and I knew why. I built his hopes up. It was my fault.

"What's going on between us?" A slow smile spread across his face as he raised it to touch my cheek. I grabbed his wrist before he could. I took a step back. Be strong. Those baby blue eyes were not the only pair in my life. In fact, they were the pair I need to let go of. He frowned as he placed his hand back at his side

"I don't know, I love you-"

"Stop." I whispered, but I don't know if it was to him or myself. He shook his head.

"I can't just stop."

"You need to." I responded. "I am a high priestess, and they are supposed to be mature, so I will need to mature, and I can't do this. Human or not, if he'll die before my midlife crisis so be it, but I choose Heath. You're going to have to let me go."

"I can't be around you and not have you, not have a chance to win you back."

And for some reason I felt that there was something deep inside of me telling me never to let him go.

"Then leave," I said softly looking into his filled in mark. "You're talented, and any school would kill to have you. You can find someone without the drama, someone who can love you back. I can't."

So maybe this deep rooted feeling was love, maybe it wasn't, but the point was it paled in comparison for whatever feelings I had for Heath so I had to let go.

Freedom from the pain of star-crossed love

"Zoey…" he uttered as I turned and I turned back to him.

"I cheated on you, doesn't that hurt you enough to let go? I lied to you about Heath, kept you in the dark for so long." It was all true, so terribly true. "You should hate me."

"I should." He agreed, reaching for me, I moved my hand away but he caught it "but damn it, there is something inside that yearns for you in ways I can't begin to describe. I was angry, but I forgave you and only wanted you by my side."

"I can't do that," He moved to speak but I lifted my hand out of his and in front of his face. "and you already know that."

I left him there. I walked away from him again. I only hope that he won't follow. I prayed to Nyx that it would get easier but the voice that had been flitting around my head told me she wouldn't help.

A goddess that only pains you, freedom from responsibility and duties that only stress and never reward

Wouldn't freedom from it be backing away, being cowardly? I wrapped my arms around myself and sank against the wall. I could only imagine the pain Erik was in, I could only imagine how lonely Heath felt without me and all I could think of was my life. I felt hallow without them. This can't be the way it ends.

I wish I could breathe normally again.

I wish I didn't feel the hot tears on my face. My insides twisted at the thought of never seeing Erik again. What's wrong with me? I chose Heath. He makes me happy. Even Heath seems like he could never fill the void Erik left.

I can ease your pain and sadness and regret.

Help me breathe again, I prayed, help me do the right thing. I was being offered a way out from it all by rejecting the one who gave me these responsibilities. The next voice in my head wasn't his but hers.

"Nyx chose you for whatever reason she has, so at least act like they are a gift and not a burden, remember that you have a responsibility and act worthy of those powers."

They were a gift. I closed my eyes. Fire, come help me, warm me and give me the power to fight. Give me the strength to go on and do what Nyx knows I can. I could feel it start at my heart and spread, as if I had sipped hot chocolate on a cold day. I can do it. Nyx chose me for reason. I was human-ish, I could be tempted, but I needed to remember Nyx. I needed to resist it. At the end of the day I still have a responsibility. I didn't call the wind to me but I felt it push me to my feet. I felt like I was caught in a tide.

I ran, letting the water inside me lead me like a boat in the water. Halls flew by and I stopped where I realized where it was leading me. I walked, slower to the door.

Courage.

Fight.

It's not too late.

I knocked.

"Come in." Nefret responded.

.

"It was suspended until tomorrow night. But three consorts in a week." She began, "No other priestess has gone through them so fast." She stood and walked over to me. "Shekinah would not be pleased." She waved her hand as if dismissing the thought "With you or me, so when he made his request to transfer I denied him."

She wasn't trying to be sweet anymore, she knew I knew.

"What could possibly be more entertaining to watch him fight for you?" You're evil. "What could please me more than watching you tear yourself apart? You do get around quickly so I suspect it won't be long before he finds you in someone else's bed." Bitch! "I wouldn't worry, he'll realize he doesn't love you soon enough."

"Well then I guess I'm done here." I turned away and took a step towards the door. Don't cry. Please don't cry.

"Oh, another thing, you seem to be failing all your classes. I'm going to have someone assigned to watch you at all times, to make sure you are studying." I turned to her and she stepped towards me so that I had to look up into the soulless eyes. "As your mentor I need to give you your best chance to succeed you know."

She had managed to sabotage my grades; I didn't even know we were being graded! She'd be spying on me all the time now. This is not good. She stepped forward, evil intent clear on her face and I stepped back, I wasn't in her office anymore.

"Get a good night's sleep, you'll need it." She slammed the door in my face.

I can give you freedom from it all.

Oh Nyx, hear my prayer and help me.