Four

After school I didn't see Nick, Garrett, Alex or Dougie. I did see John though. Same way I always see him. Across the street up against a building, a cigarette in his hand. I hurried across the street but he didn't notice me until I spoke.

"Where were you today?"

"Out," he said, smoke coming out of his mouth. He pulled off his sunglasses and looked down at me. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
I looked at my cell phone. As if John had read my text before I did, my mom had suggested I walk home because she was going to be late. I nodded, "Sure."

We walked along the street quiet and slow. Neither of us said much. "Does my smoking bother you?" he asked out of nowhere. I looked up at the sound of his voice. He gave me a beautiful half grin. "That was rude of me not to ask."

"No," I told him, "You're fine."

But he dropped it and ground it out with his heal anyway. "Explain something to me," I asked him.

"Depends on what you need explained," he replied.

"Dougie," I told him. The corners of his mouth turned down and he stared at the sidewalk.

"You listen to me. Don't worry about what Dougie says to you, alright? Don't let him get to you. He likes scaring people into believing things he wants them to. He's hard and he's cold and he likes it that way. Don't listen to him."

"Why?" I asked.

"It's probably not something I should be talking about," he mumbled. I nodded and respected that.

"So explain something else to me then," I pressed. He coughed once, then looked back at me. "I'll try."

I paused, trying to think of the way I wanted to word this. I said the only thing I could really think of asking. "What are you?"

He laughed. Apparently he found this amusing. First it was just a wide grin, then a small chuckle. But soon he was doubled over in hysterics. His arms clutched his skinny stomach and tears rolled down his cheeks. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited. He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as his laughter died.

"Are you finished?" I asked, slightly annoyed. He caught his breath and nodded.

"Why is this so funny to you?" I asked him. He just grinned at me as if he were to start another fit of laughter at any moment.

"John " I whined, "This isn't funny "

"To you," he said, "But to me...."

"Come on, John. Answer me." I pressed. We kept walking as a smile kept playing on his lips. "I'm a person, what do you want me to say?"

Such a simple answer, but he knew there was more behind the question I asked him. He took a deep breath, then sighed, "I know what you're asking. I know you want an answer."

"So tell me," I demanded. He stared at the ground and shook his head, "Dakota, it just isn't that easy."

"Sure it is," I shrugged, "You explain this to me. Explain to me why none of you talked to me after the first day we talked. Explain to me why Heather shot me dirty looks as if I had personally offended her while I talked to Garrett. Explain to me why Alex was so nervous to let me sit with him and Nick at lunch today."

He just stared at me. I was getting frustrated. "I need some answers."

John sighed heavily and ran his hand through his messy brown hair. "Dakota...."

"John'O please," I pouted, thinking maybe it'd work. He gave me a half grin. I smiled back. It worked. I knew it.

"I'll explain the best I can," he told me as he pulled another cigarette out of his pocket. The situation must stress him out.

"See, the guys and I don't exactly have the best reputation around here. We didn't want you getting caught up in all of it until you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. We didn't want you to miss out on an opportunity to make good friends by being seen with us first," he told me, then sighed and mumbled under his breath, "Though it looks like you already did."

"I don't understand..."

"That's why we didn't talk to you. We were nervous to be seen with you. It isn't that we don't want you around. We just don't want you to be seen like we're seen. You have a choice. You don't have to be like us. And you shouldn't." he said seriously, "You should leave, now."

"Why?" I asked him, "Why don't people like you? What do you do wrong?"

"Us?" he asked, "We don't do anything wrong."

"So why...?"

"Dakota, I'm not even supposed to be explaining all this. You're not supposed to know anything." he said.

"You told me that you didn't want me getting involved until I knew what I was getting into." I told him angrily. "How can I know what I'm getting into if you won't tell me?"

He knew I was right. I could see it by the expression on his face. I was right and he wasn't used to having people beat him at something like that. He reluctantly finished his explanation as vague as he possibly could. I listened as intently as I could without actually taking notes.

"Around here, gangs have been worse than ever. Gang violence is getting worse, people are getting killed. We've all seen it. Alex, Nick, Dougie, Garrett and I have seen the worst of it, especially last year. Rival gangs shoot rival gangs and families fall apart."

"So you are a gang then?" I asked.

"Don't interrupt!" he joked. I laughed and shut up and he kept talking. "The five of us, we're seen as a gang. The worst of everyone really. No one likes us, no one is allies with us. Everyone is against us."

"Why?" I asked him.

"We're...kind of the peacekeepers in all this. We don't want people getting shot and killed. The five of us can get information on any gang fight at any time at least 24 hours before it even happens. We try and stop it before it happens."

I understood. No one wanted the gang violence to stop. That's why everyone was against John and his friends. It made sense.

"But I don't get it." I shook my head, "It's none of your business. Why do you care if people are killing each other over all this? You don't know them."

"So?" he asked, "All of us have known people who have gotten caught up in this. You heard me earlier. It tears families apart at the seams." He was getting mad. Raising his voice without even realizing he was doing it. "Why do you think Dougie is the way he is now? Because he likes being hard and cold and disliked? Dougie's the way he is because Dougie doesn't want to get attached. To anyone. To anything. Dougie doesn't want to get attached because Dougie doesn't want to lose someone again."

And suddenly everything he said the other day to me made sense. I felt sick. John kept talking.

"You want to help us, fine. We like you Dakota. Even Dougie. He may not come off like he does, but trust me. He does. We'd like to have you around. Honest. Just know what you're getting into. And I mean it. Think long and hard about this." John stopped and stared me straight in the eye, "You don't have to do this. You have a choice. The guys and I, we were forced into this. You don't need to be. It's dangerous and it's a hard way to live and I would suggest turning your back now and never talking to me or Doug or Alex or Nick or Garrett ever again. I would suggest running. Crying to your friends telling them I hurt you, bad. It's better that way. But if you want this, take it. Just know that once you're in, you're in."

And just like that, I was in.