Five

John and I kept walking. Turns out he only lived about four blocks from where I lived. We got to his house first. It was a small two story house. Small and white with paint chipping from the front porch. It had a basketball hoop hanging from the garage. John looked and me and kind of smiled. "Yeah...this is my house."

I just smiled at him. "You can come in if you want. Get a drink or something. We've walked kind of far."

I followed him inside. His kitchen was cluttered when we got in. Plastic bags filled with groceries were on the floor and all the cupboards were open. John's mom, or who I assumed to be his mom, was putting things away.

"Hi ma," John smiled and leaned down to kiss his mom on the cheek. He towered over her making her look small and fragile. "This is Dakota. She just moved here. This is my mom." he turned to me. I smiled.

"Hi Dakota," she smiled. John led me out of their small kitchen and up a staircase, through a hallway, then into a bedroom. His bedroom I assumed. There was an unmade bed pushed up against the far wall and a desk against the wall by the door. Next to the desk was a mini fridge and he pulled two sodas out of it, tossing one to me. "Thanks."

We sat quietly for a minute sipping our drinks. He flopped on his bed and I stood against the wall. "Your mom. Does she know?"

John just shook his head. He knew what I was asking. "No one does. No one's supposed to."

I knew he was still bitter about me being in on all this. I asked him why.

"I don't get why you'd want this." he shrugged. "I certainly don't. But it's a way of life at this point. Something I can't just give up."

"I want this because I like you guys. You're good friends." I told him. "You seem like good people."

He laughed dryly. "Good people. Sure. Take a survey of a hundred random people in the school and maybe you'd change your answer."

"I don't care what everyone else says, John." I told him seriously. "I like you. Your intentions are good, I can see that."

"So why can't you see that from far away? Why can't you see that without helping us?"

"You already spilled all your secrets to me about what this is," I told him, "You can't expect me to just walk away."

"You do realize if you tell anyone, we're done right?" he asked. I stared at him blankly. "You and me. We're finished. You tell anyone what I told you today and we can no longer be friends."

"I was never going to tell anyone," I told him, hurt he'd even think that.

"I'm just warning you."

I walked home after that. I told Mrs. O'Callaghan it was nice to meet her and I walked home wrapped in my thoughts. I could see why John was angry. I could see why he wouldn't trust me. I decided I was going to prove to him he could trust me.

Mom and Andy were fighting when I got home. It happened a lot more lately. I'm not sure what they were fighting about, but I knew it was serious this time, not just one of those dumb I-need-attention fights. I think Andy was drinking again.

I spent the rest of the night in my room with my stereo on. I worked on some homework and when it was dark, I heard my mom come up the stairs and go into her bedroom. Andy wasn't with her. I assumed he had either left, or was sleeping on the couch. He deserved either.

I opened my window and crawled out onto the roof, hugging my knees close to my chest. I pulled my hood up over my ears. It was getting cold here. I'm not used to it. I'm not used to anything around here. I crawled back inside to get a blanket and I wrapped it around me. I sat quietly on the roof and stared out at the street. I stared at the perfect circles that the street lights illuminated on the black surface of the street. I stared at the world in the dark. I like the dark. It hid imperfections.

Saturday morning. I woke up alone. I wasn't surprised. What was surprising was seeing John on my couch with the morning paper in his lap when I walked down my stairs.

"You should really keep your back door locked." Was all he said. I couldn't respond. I just turned around and took a shower and got dressed. I went back downstairs. John was still reading and sipping his coffee. He looked like a forty year old man. I smiled.

"Are you ready, or can I finish the sports section?" he asked. Again, I said nothing. He got up and we left.

John's car was white. It had four doors and the interior was pretty torn up. He'd tried to fix it with duct tape. But he had a car. And that's all that mattered.

Garrett rode shotgun. No one complained. He rolled down the window and practically stuck his head out it. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging and his tongue would be hanging stupidly out of his mouth. Garrett reminded me of a puppy. A Beagle maybe, or a Lab.

Alex, Doug, Nick and I crammed in the back of the car. I was between Alex and the window. I sat quietly seeing as I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. They told me not to ask. I didn't. We drove into parts of town I've never been before. I stared out the window and watched the world pass by in a blur. Everything was in focus when we stopped. John stepped out of the car. We waited inside.

He was talking to another kid around his age. The kid was tall, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He had on a plain white t-shirt and torn jeans. He was intimidating. Huge. Muscular. Scary. John shook his hand. The kid greeted John as "Tyler" and throughout the conversation, that's what he was called.

John has different names. He was a different person in a different place. I sat there and wondered if that's possible. Could you go to another place and become a completely different person. Could you start over. Could you be someone else.

John was.

The kid pointed and gave directions, then John got back in the car. We all drove in silence. I watched the world pass by in a blur. Always a blur.
Firecrackers were loud. Gunshots were louder.

It all happened in slow motion. Everything happened like we were running in water. You try to move fast but the water holds you back.

"Lay on the floor," John told me. Bubbles came out of his mouth and the words were a garbled mess under water. But I understood. I swam to the bottom of the car, and the rest of the guys put their feet on top of me. They held their breath and ducked down, putting their hands over their heads. Glass shattered and floated through the water and down onto my back. Three pieces cut my hand, my arm, my face. Blood turned the water red. I was losing breath.

Everything happens in slow motion under water.

Water was drained from the car and things started to happen in regular speed once I wrapped my mind around what was going on. Someone shot at us. Shattered a window. Nick and Doug and Alex had this legs across my back to protect me. John was driving and tiny little Garrett was in the front seat. I couldn't move because the guys were on my back and I couldn't hear over the shouting and I couldn't tell who was shouting and if anyone was in pain. I didn't know anything.

Water filled the car.

Everything happened in slow motion.

I was losing my breath.

Inhale.

Water fills my lungs.

Exhale.

Everything goes black.