Keroro Gunso
Keroro - Destruction Operation... de arimasu!
(Tamama's POV)
The summer heat was beginning to take its toll on everyone. The rain made it worse with the sticky humidity. Tamama gazed out the window of the Hinata's living room sadly. Raindrops pitter-pattered against the grass outside, causing puddles of mud to grow larger. What a depressing sight. The rain rarely bothered Tamama (in fact, all of the Keronians loved the rain) but today seemed bad for some reason. He had noticed the one-oh on the counter that morning. One glance at the number sent despair into everyone's stomachs.
Some of the spirits were still light. Nozizi, who rarely seemed down, sat on the floor with a crossword puzzle whistling show tunes. Kururu expressed his normal emotionless attitude, looking at a random fansite on the Internet. However, the others seemed either depressed or angry. Keroro hadn't shown his face all day. Giroro and Raido apparently had mutual views on the situation.
"AUGH!" Giroro snarled, breaking the quiet, "I CAN'T TAKE IT! What is that fool doing?! It's noon and we haven't gotten anywhere!"
"I thought we were supposed to be taking the invasion seriously from here on out!" Raido snarled.
"Thank you! I'm glad you agree!" Giroro said.
"I mean, it's not like we aren't getting paid to do this! Gunso has plenty of motivation!" Raido pointed out.
"Will you two shut UP?!" Natsumi snarled, "I've got the dang TV on full volume and you're still blocking out the sound!"
"I'm sorry! Gomen nasai!" Raido whimpered, backing up towards Hikiki.
"S-Sorry, Natsumi," Giroro stuttered, "Have you seen the idiot today?"
"He hasn't left his room. He had bathroom cleaning duties today, so I assume he's avoiding it after Fuyuki got sick the other day," she muttered, then under her breath, "The stupid frog can only avoid so much..."
"I'm not standing around for another minute," Raido snarled, going towards the basement. Giroro went with him. Everyone else followed quietly. Tamama was a bit nervous. He was worried he was about to witness a murder the way Giroro was snarling like a wolf.
They reached the basement, and stood in front of Keroro's bedroom door.
"Hey, Keroro!" Giroro barked, "What's taking so long?!"
"You'd better not be building another Gunpla model!" Hikiki yelled.
No response. Then there was faint snickering.
"All right, that does it," Giroro snarled, pulling out two large guns. He blasted the door down.
"GIRORO?! WHAT THE HECK?!" Daikiki squealed.
"You're so impulsive..." Hikiki muttered.
"KERORO, I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A CONIPITION! YOU'D BETTER ANSWER!" Giroro snarled.
As the smoke from the gun cleared out, Tamama noticed Keroro lying on the floor.
"Oh, great. You killed him," Hikiki frowned.
"Gunso-san!" Tamama squealed.
"Heh heh heh..." It was Keroro.
"Gunso? Are you okay?" Raido asked. Keroro stood up and wobbled, as if he were drunk.
"Late night for you too?" Daikiki asked. Raido looked at him abruptly.
"What?"
"What?"
"The invasion is upon us..." Keroro snickered.
"NAW DIP!" Giroro barked, "AND WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO ABOUT IT?!"
"Ma, ma, Giroro Gocho," Keroro grinned, "Unlike the rest of you, I have an idea up my sleeve."
"You don't wear sleeves," Nozizi murmured. Dororo nudged him.
"What kind of plan?" Raido asked.
"Pekopon is made of thin layers of rock, right?"
"No."
"Well, what if we just blew it up?"
"GUNSO?!"
"No, I'm being serious. Giroro, how many bombs do you have?"
"Forget it, we're trying to invade peacefully," Dororo frowned.
"Well that only sounds super refarted," Keroro said, "Who on Keron has ever invaded peacefully? I mean, that's why it's called invasion. You go to someone's land and just take it."
"Hey, you said it from the beginning that we were doing this peacefully," Raido frowned, standing his ground, "Don't just switch it up in the spur of the moment."
"Desperate times calls for desperate measures, Raido-kun," Keroro grinned.
"We're not THAT desperate," Giroro said.
"Yes we are. Hasn't anyone seen the counter? ten. What could we possibly do in ten days?" Keroro asked.
"Well, I don't know. We pulled that Klondike Bar shop out of our rear in less than 24 hours," Hikiki said, "If we can manage that, anything's possible."
"So... like... are you saying that we could launch a missile and Pekopon could be wiped out of this solar system in five seconds?"
"Gunso-!"
"I'm asking an honest question."
"We can't blow it up," Kururu said, "If we blew it up, we could lose valuable resources-"
"Blah, blah, blah. Resources, reschmoreses. Look, the point is that if we blew it up now, it'd be over and done with. Like a band-aid."
"What about our friends here? What would happen to them?" Dororo asked.
"Kaboom."
"Keroro-kun!"
"Are you completely insane?" Giroro asked.
"Aww, of all people, I thought at least you'd be with me..." Keroro crooned.
"Why? You think I'd let you completely destroy the planet with Natsumi still on it?"
"I know I would."
"But whhhhy?" Daikiki whined.
"Have you seen her? She's got the devil's horns!"
"..."
"Did that seriously just turn you on?"
"...a little bit."
"Look, Gunso, you're not making a lot of sense," Raido said, "Just a few days ago you said that you didn't want to hurt anyone. Now you've got the Apocolypse all planned out?!"
"Yeah. All I need is someone to help me pull it off. So? Who's with me?" Keroro asked.
Tamama was always willing to be on his side, but this time was different. He was completely against it. It was impulsive. With Keroro and his passing whims and fancies, there was no knowing if he really meant it.
"C'mon. Don't be shy. Eddodo? Don't you want to let out some fury?" Keroro asked. Eddodo shook his head.
"Kururu? You want to have some fun?"
"That's what she said," Daikiki said.
"Kuku. How generous of you, but I'll pass."
"Raincheck?"
"I'm a busy guy."
"That's what she said."
"No, actually. I'm quite bereft there."
"Okay, shut up, dingbat," Hikiki muttered, her face a little bit red.
"Look. This invasion's not going to happen itself. I need teammates," Keroro said.
"What good is a leader who makes no sense?" Raido asked angrily.
"Hey, what's up with your skin? You're all shiny!" Nozizi exclaimed abruptly.
Tamama then took notice to Keroro's very appealing, moist skin. It made sense. Keroro wasn't even the one talking. It was Keroro from "Back Then."
"Gunso-san... they've been talking about a rainstorm all week on T.V... did you forget to put your anti-moisture cream on?" Tamama asked.
"Lotion is for girls," Keroro insisted.
"...so you'll cosplay as females but you won't put on lotion?" Daikiki asked.
"Isn't that like the opposite for you?" Raido asked him with a devilish smirk.
"Shuuuuut it..." Daikiki hissed, as Giroro put on a smug grin.
"Okay, well now that we've figured out that Gunso's just gotten drunk with moisture, I guess we don't have to worry about this plan anymore," Raido said.
"Well, as back-up leader, what do you suggest we do?" Giroro asked.
"I was thinking that we should spend an hour brainstorming ideas for-"
"Let's play DDR!" Daikiki piped up.
"Woohoo!" Nozizi squealed.
"That's what she said."
"...huh?"
"You'll get it someday, my Sim-deprived friend."
With that, the male subordinates of the Raido Platoon ran off. Raido stood quietly.
"...okay... well... we can still-"
As he spoke, Kururu walked off towards his lab.
"DANG IT! LISTEN TO ME FOR FIVE MINUTES!" Raido howled. Kururu was gone. Raido sighed.
"...fine just do whatever. I'll come up with something myself," he snarled, storming off.
"Raido-kun-..." Hikiki said, going after him.
Tamama sighed. He felt bad for Raido.
"He's gonna need help," Giroro said.
"I know. I mean, his Platoon's completely off the leash-"
"No, I meant we should help him brainstorm."
"Oh. Okay..." He departed with Giroro and Dororo, leaving Keroro in the room alone...
(Keroro's POV)
Keroro felt himself fuming. No one. No one was with him. Rather, they were all against him. What kind of subordinates were they? What kind of friends were they? The very thought enraged him.
He stood for awhile, drowning in his anger. Finally, he managed to shake it off. What was the point in crying over spilt milk? That wouldn't destroy the refridgerator. Keroro giggled; what a stupid metaphor. He shook that off as well. Now was the time to be serious. He'd have to execute the plan himself, though it would be difficult to do without a second leader, someone with a deep devotion, a walking artillery, or - more particularly - an intelligence officer.
Keroro's smarts would have to get to work (*coughcough*we're all gonna die*coughcough*).
How would he come up with the ultimate destruction device? Keroro was only skilled in building Gunpla models. He couldn't come up with anything as destructive as a doomsday device, even with the moisture boost. He needed help. Kururu's help. Hikiki's help. Either one would reject. It was impossible. Unless one was persuaded...
At last, Keroro began to figure out a plan. He remembered the words.
"Kururu? You want to have some fun?"
"That's what she said."
"Kuku. How generous of you, but I'll pass."
"Raincheck?"
"I'm a busy guy."
"That's what she said."
"No, actually. I'm quite bereft there."
"...so you'll cosplay as females but you won't put on lotion?"
"Let's play DDR!" -shot-
It was clear. Keroro wasn't just a soldier. He was an actor. He could pull off anything. It was risky, but he knew it was the only option at the moment.
Being an expert in the disguise department (occasionally) Keroro knew it wouldn't be too hard to pose as her. Especially since they had the same anatomy externally. The biggest risk would be with the make-up. It had to be just so. He was so observant.
An hour and a half later, Keroro had pulled it off. The eyes had been the hardest, but because Keroro was also an enthusiastic collector, he just so happened to own a pair of contacts that would hide his plain eyes. He scanned himself in the mirror. Perfect. Only the mouth looked a little... off. Other than that, he looked just like her.
It was ready.
Keroro left the room. It occured to him that he would have to test the disguise. Slowly, he walked into the living room. Eddodo and Natsumi were in a dual match on DDR. Natsumi appeared to be winning; no surprise. Daikiki cheered on both, but seemed particularly towards Natsumi. Nozizi was the opposite. Raido sat on the sofa, looking irritable at his Platoon.
"Yes! I won! 'A' rank!" Natsumi whooped.
"Good game," Eddodo sighed, sweating a little and looking ashamed.
"Hi, Hiki-chan!" Daikiki grinned. Keroro smiled. It was a winner.
"Hi, Daiki-kun," Keroro smiled, using a girlish voice, but not so girly that it wasn't Hikiki.
"It's been awhile since you called me that," Daikiki sweatdropped, "Did I do something right?"
"Hiki-chan, can I talk to you for a minute?" Raido asked. Keroro blinked. Was Raido that easy to fool?
"S-Sure, honey," Keroro muttered. Raido took Keroro's hand and led him out of the room. Keroro felt a little awkward about Raido's hand holding his this way. It seemed kind of funny, but at the same time, he loved it inexplicably. If Raido had known, he probably wouldn't be doing this.
Finally, Raido stopped.
"Look, we need to say something to them," he said.
"...what do you mean...?" Keroro asked with a grin.
"They've gotten out of hand," Raido said, "The guys need to understand who I am to them and they won't listen! I need you to help..."
"O-Of course, Raido-dono! I'll do whatever I can to help! " Keroro smiled, saluting. Raido stared at him a minute. Keroro got nervous. Finally, Raido gave him a gentle stare and put his hand to the side of Keroro's stomach.
"...have you told anyone yet...?" Raido asked.
"...told anyone what...?" Keroro asked.
"The topic from this morning. We only talked about it for an hour..." Raido said.
Keroro was nervous. He was going to get caught.
"Uh... which topic...?" Keroro asked, "There were so many. Such a stressful day, y'know?"
Raido gave him a slight smile.
"I meant the news about the baby..." he smiled. Keroro felt his jaw drop. Hikiki? Was pregnant? He had no idea.
"O-...Ohhh..." Keroro stuttered, "Uh... I was... getting around... to that..."
"Have you felt sick at all?" Raido asked stroking Keroro's hat flaps. Keroro felt his face burn. This was completely disturbing, but somehow, he liked it.
"N-...Not...really..." Keroro said, "But... I'm getting a little sick now... so... if you'll excuse me..."
"Okay. Give me a kiss, sweetheart," Raido said, going to hug Keroro. Immediately, Keroro dodged the hug and ran off to Kururu's lab.
That was a close call. Keroro knew he'd need to talk to Hikiki later, when he was a little more sober about the whole pregnancy thing. For now he'd have to continue the plan. Though, he was still a little disturbed by how he'd felt around Raido. But if he wanted the job done, he'd have to go through these drastic measures.
Keroro stopped at the door of Kururu's lab. He took a deep breath and called up to him.
"Dingbat! I need to talk with you!"
The door opened immediately. He was relieved that that was convincing enough.
"Hi, Hiki-chan," Kururu said, without looking back. He was busy tinkering with a machine. (That's what she said.)
"Hello, Kururu-kun..." Keroro crooned. Kururu froze.
He looked back slowly, his cheeks were red.
"...Kururu-kun, huh...?" he asked.
"Mm," Keroro smiled, striding to Kururu slowly.
"So.. did you hear that crazy Sergeant...? Talking about a doomsday device?" he asked, stroking his finger along Kururu's shoulder.
"...uh... y-yeah. Crazy. Heh... he's always been kind of an idiot," Kururu muttered. Keroro felt a twinge of betrayal and he dug his finger into Kururu's skin sharply.
"Ow!" Kururu yelped.
"Sorry. I was only playing... rough," Keroro crooned. Kururu dropped a little sweat.
"So... what about the leader?" he asked, trembling a little.
"Well, I got to thinking..." Keroro whispered, "What if we did...?"
"What...?"
"Destroy the planet."
"B-But, Hikiki-?"
"Ssh, ssh," Keroro hushed, placing two fingers over Kururu's lips, "No talk." Keroro continued,
"I'm just saying... if we built something... together... maybe we'd become closer..."
"...closer...?"
"With Pekopon out of the way, and with infinite time on our hands afterwards... there'd be plenty of time for... us..."
"...Hi-... ...are you...?"
"Kururu, you've always been an amazing person. So smart... so sexy... I'm attracted to that..."
"O-of course... I-I know... that... you like smart guys..."
"You're more than a guy... you're a man..." Keroro crooned. Kururu was quiet, and his face reddened a little more.
"Uh... what brought this up...? I mean... you don't sound yourself..." he murmured.
Keroro knew he had to act quickly. He nearly threw himself at Kururu as he clung to him, taking his face into his hands.
"Kururu, you're so sexy. I'm am so hot for you right now; can't you just accept that?" he asked sternly. (I couldn't agree more with him personally, but you already knew how disturbing I was anyway, soooo... yeah.)
"Hiki-..." Kururu muttered, "Are you...making a suggestion...?"
"Mm... I can if you want me to..." Keroro smiled, winking to add more flirt.
"I-I do..." Kururu muttered, "You know I want you so bad..."
"Well then, you'll have to get it," Keroro teased, "Let's build this device and then tonight will be about just you and me..."
"O-...Oka-"
"HIKIKI?!"
Keroro whirled around abruptly and spotted Raido at the lab door. As soon as he and Raido met eyes, Raido seemed to immediately understand something.
"Hey, Raido," Hikiki smiled, walking up to him and then noticing Keroro.
"...um... what's going on...?" she asked, looking a bit disturbed. Raido sweatdropped.
"Gunso... you really went this far...?" he asked. Keroro felt a little sick. He had known?
"...uh..." Kururu choked, looking back and forth between Keroro and Hikiki. He finally seemed to understand the situation, "OH, GOD!" He shoved Keroro off.
Time to admit.
"Yes! Yes I did!" Keroro announced, "And if you won't comply to the order I gave you as a leader-"
A huge warbling roar rung throughout the lab.
"...what was that...?" Keroro asked.
"That was the guest I invited for dinner. How convienient his timing was," Kururu snarled, blushing still.
Suddenly, the ceiling caved in. A huge Nyororo lowered itself into the room. It opened its mouth and...
Keroro woke up in the bathtub. His skin felt chapped, though his body was submerged in water. He noticed that the water was pink. He couldn't remember a thing.
"Konbanwa," a voice said. Keroro looked over and noticed the other nine teammates sitting around.
"What's going on...?" Keroro asked.
"You got sucked dry by Nyororo," Giroro said.
"It was good that he came when he did. You were dangerously drunk," Raido said.
"How drunk...?"
"Well, you tried to destroy Pekopon completely," Daikiki said.
"Not to mention that you almost did Kururu," Giroro said.
"...and by did... you mean...?"
"Yes. You tried to have your way with him," Hikiki said. Keroro then noticed Kururu sitting in the far corner.
"Uh... hey, buddy," Keroro said.
"I could sue you for sexual harrassment. You have a lawsuit on your hands, Leader," Kururu muttered, hugging his legs.
"Oh, so if it HAD been me, you would have sued me?" Hikiki asked. Kururu looked disgusted at that.
"You're different," he protested. Hikiki rolled her eyed and snorted in disgust.
"So you don't remember... anything...?" Raido asked. Keroro sat quietly. Something seemed to come to mind.
"I'd like to talk to you and Hikiki alone," he said. Slowly, the others stepped out. (Kururu refused to move out of his corner, so Giroro had to drag him out.)
"Okay... what's up...?" Hikiki asked.
"I just wanted to let you know that your secret's safe with me. Okay? Take your time to tell the others; they'll understand," Keroro said. Hikiki sat quietly. Raido looked embarrassed.
"Gunso, what are you talking about...?" she asked.
"What?! Oh! Okay!" Raido called loudly, "Hikiki, Daikiki called for you."
"No he didn't," Hikiki said.
"Yes he did, go see," Raido said. Hikiki looked at him suspiciously, before getting up and leaving.
"What was that for...?" Keroro asked, "You'd might as well accept that I know. And hey, I think it's great that you're about to be a father-"
"She's not pregnant," Raido said through his teeth.
"...what...?"
"I just told you that because I was messing with your head. I knew it was you. If your mouth wasn't enough, the "Of course, Raido-dono! I'll do whatever I can to help!" with the stupid salute at the end did it. Hikiki wouldn't be that hyper-active and wouldn't call me "Raido-dono." So I thought I'd play around with you and since you agreed to being pregnant, that assured me that you were full of it."
Keroro stared at him disgustedly.
"You're AWFUL..." he said. Raido grinned.
"You're not so innocent either, Gunso. You played dirty with us, so I figured two could play at that game."
"At least I was drunk."
"Oh, so proud. And you nearly raped one of your subordinates that wasn't Tamama."
"Hey, that was only- ...wait, what?"
"What? Hint. What?"
(BMNC and Tamama paid him to make that hint. -highfives Tamama-)
"Okay, so if it's such a sin for me to pull a little prank on you, then you have to promise not to try and destroy the planet anymore," Raido said.
"I was drunk."
"That doesn't cover it."
"Fine. I promise not to blow up Pekopon. Conditionally-"
"You're already on a deal, moron."
"No, I just want you to stop being so flippin' attractive. You had me really concerned about that earlier..." Keroro frowned. Raido sweatdropped and stopped smiling.
"Uh... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that..." he muttered.
"Take it as a threat," Keroro said sternly. Both were quiet a minute. Then they burst out laughing.
"Okay, you're scary. We're turning in for the night," Raido said, getting up to leave.
"Okay, good-night!" Keroro smiled.
"And Gunso...?"
"Yes...?"
"Put on the anti-moisture cream. We can't afford another wasted day."
Keroro realized that Raido was serious now.
Nine days remained.