I roll my eyes, grab my jacket and simply walk out of the bar away from Holly and the pain of her friend's words that comes over me. Despite Holly calling out my name, I can't go back ever.

It isn't long until I am walking away down the street as fast as humanly possible. My head is screaming at me. Fuck, I can't believe I let her play me like that, come on really, she's good. Had me fooled. Does she even get off on turning straight chicks with that bloody lopsided smile, oh that smile, damn that smile! God, how dumb am I? She's probably got another round of drinks to celebrate her success of getting away from broken Gail. Probably had this planned with Lisa the whole time.

I decide then to go to Fight Night as Ollie had been badgering me all week to go, free drinks all night, yeah I'm so there! Forget about Holly, who needs her anyway!

I have to admit that the night wasn't all too bad; I mean I actually had fun hanging out with my friends and drinking. Watching Nick get belted in the ring was definitely the highlight. However I found myself still lost on thoughts of Holly. I have been hurt before but this pain has a greater intensity, it feels like something in me has died.

I bid my farewells and head outside to go back to my place where I plan to lay under the blankets on my bed and never come back out...note to self, must get a stock of cheese puffs on the way home. Shit, crap, fricken hell, my bag with my keys are at Holly's! Fuck! I stand there for what seems like an eternity trying to figure out what to do. Dov has gone back to Chloe's and god knows what chick Chris has picked up and there is no way I am going to Peck Mansion for the night.

Only one thing to do, go to Holly's get my bag and things and get the hell out of there for good.

As I walk the hour to Holly's apartment, I am consumed by flashbacks of all the times I have spent with Holly including our texts, our emails, and our late night phone calls. I don't get it, why didn't I see that it was just a game to her. Someone who comes and has their fun and then just leaves. I saw it with both Chris and Nick that they would get sick of the complications and just leave, that's why I never let them see the loving, caring, uncomplicated Gail. But I showed that to Holly, and in the end it still all came crashing down around me.

So what's the point in any of this? No matter who I fall for, I am just going to get hurt and they are going to leave me. It's not that I thought it would be different with a female, it was never about that. I simply fell for Holly in a big way and I allowed myself to finally show another human the inner workings of one Gail Peck. I let her in, I don't let anyone in. I allowed her to see me when I was most vulnerable, she got to see the real me and then she just pisses on me. Well Fuck her.

The closer I get to Holly's I can feel my chest tighten at the thought of seeing her. Oh I plan to let her have it, how dare she break my heart. Oh my heart I have never felt like this, dammit, I was falling for her and falling fast. At this realisation I stop walking and fall to my knees and simply cry. The thought of never holding Holly in my arms again is breaking me, to feel her touch, to feel her warmth, to look into those eyes!

Despite my despair I pick myself up from the ground as I find myself now getting more angry at this evenings events; no matter what happened, I am not giving her the power to make me look the fool. I quicken my pace to Holly's, I just want to get this over with so I can get home and get in bed and forget this chapter of my life.

As I round the bend and get to the front stairs of her apartment I freeze. I can't do this, she will see that I have been crying and I don't want her to know that she succeeded in hurting me further than I ever thought possible.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, swallow my pride and dial Steve's number. It rings out the first time, I dial immediately again and this time he picks up after the 3rd ring. "Gail, what the hell are you calling at this time of the night?" I answer "Steve, can you come pick me up from Holly's please?", he simply says back "shit, this must be bad, you said please" I thank him and tell him that I will text him the address.

I look around wondering if Holly is even home as her entry light is still on. Pfft probably still out already starting on her next victim. I don't want to be standing here in case she comes home and sees me.

I head to the park across from the apartment when I notice that a person has already taken the main seat. Even through the darkness of the night, I can see that it is Holly. I would know her anywhere. Fuck, let's get this over with is all that is going through my head!

As I get closer, I can see her body language is one of complete hopelessness and she is crying uncontrollably...kind of the way I looked a couple of streets ago when I was down on the ground wanting this pain to go away. As I get nearer still, I can hear that she is talking out loud, despite myself I quietly inch closer to make out the words she is saying , through the sobs I can barely make out "OMG, what am I going to do, I can't have lost her, I want her, no, I need her".

I am taken aback to what I am seeing and hearing, my heart is literally breaking even further. I take a step backyards and stand behind the big oak tree as I don't want her to see me. I don't understand as to why she is so upset, it is me who should be after all, she said it after all "she's only having fun".

It is now seeing this that I take the time to replay the whole conversation between Holly and Lisa.

Lisa: yeah, well you were right, she is gorgeous, still not going to last

Holly: I think it is time to cut you off

Lisa: Holly, you are a doctor and Gail she's lovely and yeah she's fun, but sweetie she's a beat cop

Holly: So

Lisa: So, you are out of your league

Holly: Oh

Lisa: Look I get it; you want something that's uncomplicated and simple

Holly: I'm having fun, don't worry about it

Lisa: Ok, well, have your fun but I mean get out before she gets hurt

Holly: No one is going to get hurt

Lisa: Well, we'll see

I stop and just concentrate on Holly's words instead of Lisa's. "I think it is time to cut you off","So", "Oh", "I'm having fun, don't worry about it", "No one is going to get hurt". With all of my training I finally see that Holly isn't agreeing with Lisa, she is avoiding her, the act of avoidance as we learnt in the Academy for when a suspect was not being co-operative. One of the more common reasons people avoid is simply to not want to deal with deep down issues!

Does Holly have issues that she hasn't shared with me? Are they about me, or are they about something from her past. I thought it was odd the way Lisa said that she understood that Holly wants something uncomplicated and simple. Well that isn't me, God knows I am the most complicated person I have ever met and I am definitely not simple...but why would Lisa think that is what Holly needs? And she wasn't worried about me hurting Holly; she was worried about Holly hurting me...from a friend that is odd, very odd.

As I ponder the whole conversation again, I start to intertwine my memories with Holly. The way she was all worried when Kevin Ford was shooting at us and came to the station. Holly was scared about me being hurt; she was there at the hospital and later when I freaked out and cut my hair. She is always there for me; I am not just someone she is having fun with. It is more.

I look around the tree back to Holly to find that she is rocking herself while still sobbing. I quickly come to the resolve that I need to be there for her, that whatever this is, this time I need to be the one to hold her hand.

I quickly send a text to Steve to not come; I know he will be angry so I add in the promise of buying his first couple of rounds the next time we are at the Penny.

With a deep breath, I slowly walk over to Holly, but with each step I am finding it harder and harder to breathe, she is still sobbing so she doesn't hear me. I look down at her; my hands are shaking as I place my arm on her shoulder. With a startled look upon her beautiful brown eyes, it is only a second before we are holding tightly onto each other. She continues to sob into my shoulder, only when I can feel her calming I pull her back so I can see face, I wipe her tears and place a gentle kiss on her lips, the sort of kiss that tells you that I am here and I will never leave you.

As I pull back to see her face again, Holly says "Honey, there is something I have to tell you, I need to tell you my story". I kiss her lips again and then take her hands into mine and simply say "of course Babe, of course".