DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS BESIDE ELENA ENEAS, JENNESA CHOLE, AND SEAN CARLSON. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.
Inner Struggle.
The sun began to set, leaving the sky a beautiful assortment of oranges, pinks, and purples to decorate it. Alice's voice could be heard from downstairs, letting Bella know that her father permitted her to sleep over, thinking Edward and the other men had left. My eyes wandered around my make-shift bedroom as I sat with my legs dangling out of the open wall-lengthened window. What would I tell her? My mind thought of the many different ways that Isabella would react to my past, the things that I could not hide from her. Would she hate me, even though she didn't really know me? Would she become angry at Edward, though he didn't really know what he was feeling? Would she leave him? I chuckled as the wind blew against my marble skin. The lousy thing about being a vampire, having too much room to think. I have to tell her eventually, my mind shouted at me. Of course I did, what I felt for Edward many years back is too big to let the person whom he loves now not be aware of. I knew that much, but what was bothering me was how to tell her. How do I tell this girl that I was madly in love with her boyfriend? That isn't something a person would say at random.
Another chuckle escaped my lips and I was seriously beginning to think that I was going mad. I brought my porcelain hands up to my face and released a deep breath. I brought my knees up and buried my face in them. Why was this so hard? My mind replayed the memories of Edward and I. When I visited him when he was in his death bed, all the conversations we had, when I had left him,...when we met again after his transformation. My fingers wound around my forearms and gripped tightly, enough to shatter a human's bone into millions of pieces. My eyes shut tightly and I released a silent wail. I was still in love with Edward Cullen.
The realization wasn't as surprising as I thought it would be. Did a part of me expect me to realize that I still had feelings for him? Did I block my own feelings from myself? Was that even possible? I shook my head and laughed. Maybe I should ask uncle for some help? These sudden bursts of laughter surely couldn't be healthy....I growled to myself after noticing that I was trying to avoid this again, to change the subject. I had to think about this, I had to figure this all out. I certainly wouldn't be able to talk to Isabella in this broke down, hysterical state. Thinking of her brought the conversation we would eventually have back to the fore-front of my mind. I sighed again. Forget telling her that I was madly in love with her boyfriend. How I am supposed to tell her that I am madly in love with him?
As my mind continued to ponder the many different ways to begin the dreaded conversation, the sky became darker and darker, until only the stars illuminated it. My feet fell back down, dangling from the window and my upper body fell backwards, landing with a soft thump. My hands landed over where my heart would be and laid there as my now black eyes closed.
Don't worry, my love, you will figure this out.
In an instant, I was standing up; my feet halfway off the window's ledge. My eyes scanned the forest, looking past each leaf, each ant, and each grain of pollen.
"Father?" I said aloud, but had no answer. I continued to search, hoping that he was somehow come back from his ashes and hold me like he used to whenever I was in distress. When I noticed that he wouldn't come back, my feet faltered backwards until my legs gave way, sending me to the ground. "Father..." I chocked. "I need you here with me...I need you to hold me...." I whispered into the quiet room. My ears caught the sound of Jennesa's rhythmic footsteps coming closer, but the sound of my short, hitched breathing blocked them out for the most part. The door opened slowly.
"Elena?" I heard Jen ask. I must have looked like a mess, because in an instant she was beside me. "Elena!" She said while kneeling and bringing me to her. "What's wrong?" She asked while caressing my hair.
"How can I tell her? How do I tell Isabella?" I asked her and she looked down. She sighed and looked out the open window.
"Just tell her what comes from your heart. She's a nice girl, I'm sure she'll understand." She said, hugging me closer to her. My hands wrapped around her and grabbed onto her shirt. "Don't worry, Elle. She'll understand." She cooed and I shook my head.
"No......I still love him." I whispered and she gasped.
"But, I thought..." She began but my grip on her shirt tightened and she stopped.
"I blocked my own feelings without even noticing..." I whispered and she sighed before kissing the top of my head.
"You'll figure something out, I'm sure of it." She assured and I waited for a moment before nodding. "He'll help you." She smiled and I chuckled.
"I know he will...he always has."