Author's Note: I know it took a while, but I wanted to make sure it was just right. I hope you enjoy it and please comment!
NOTE: I do not own Star Trek: Voyager or its characters; I am just playing with them for a little play date.
--
Janeway looked at him, speechless. So much was going through her mind, she wasn't even able to think straight, let along string any of it into words and then sentences. Cheer, guilt, anger, dread, and many other feelings were floating through her mind, and controlling her. She was happy because she always wanted a child. She felt guilty because she was going to have to raise this child in an unsafe environment in the Delta Quadrant. She felt anger because she was no longer going to be able to hide her feelings. She was dreading going to have to tell Chakotay. She was curious about why the Doctor didn't notice before, and was angry because she realized he must have known earlier on. She felt so confused, not knowing what was important.
Talk about mood swings, she thought. Too fast to even be expressed. With that thought, she felt like she would be able to sort things out and sat in silence for the next few minutes.
She finally sorted her thoughts and decided to deal with her emotions later. She knew he was going to keep her stuck here for a while. "How does VDC play into things?"
"I did not know about the fetus until today, Captain, which is why I did not know that this drug has been getting into the fetus's systems. Without the drug the fetus has come it rely on, it reacts in such a way which caused you to black out," he said, obvious he had chosen his words carefully. "I plan to work out a procedure to rid the fetus of this dependancy, but until I do, you will have to stay on the drug." Janeway trusted the Doctor would be able to find a solution and relaxed, until realizing a horrifying fact.
"She . . . he . . . it, it wasn't infected, was it?" Janeway hoped not and the Doctor said no. She had a feeling he was being extra considerate because she could have him decompiled in a nanosecond. She was going to have to thank Kes for teaching him some manners.
"No, just an addiction," he said. "If that is all, I will begin work." Then he walked away before Janeway could say a thing. She watched him leave, then took a deep breath. She had some thinking to do. Boy do I wish I had a cup of coffee right now.
--
Janeway fell asleep pondering her situation before Chakotay came back to check on her. He was worried and walked over to her. The Doctor sensed trouble and left his office to stop him off.
"Commander, she needs her rest," he tried to say, but Chakotay wasn't in the mood. "Computer, deactivate the EMH." With that, the Doctor vanished. Chakotay walked over to the sleeping Janeway. He didn't want to wake her--he knew how cranky she could be--and instead watched her. He didn't have to wait long because she soon woke up. He smiled at her and she smiled back, not realizing where they were.
"How you feeling?" he asked. Then it came back to her.
"Better," she said. She sat up too be at a more level height.
"You scarred me back there. Blacking out like that."
"I'll try not to do that again," she said. She gave him one of her smiles which meant she was in a good mood. "Especially if it means a week trapped in Sickbay."
"A week?" he asked.
"Yes, the Doctor insists I stay for a week's worth of observation. In case of a relapse or something. I only caught 'stay for a week' and then stopped listening."
"That's not very Captain-like of you," he joked.
"Then it's a good thing he's officially declared me 'unsuitable for command.' Now you get to be Captain for a week. And no, Captain's cannot override the Chief Medical Officer in matters of health," she added. She smiled evilly at him and he was glad to see his Kathryn back. Well, at least to see her happy. She seemed eve more cheerful than usual, well, than she did before New Earth. Of course, nothing would compare to that night . . .
He snapped out of that line of thought when Janeway looked around and seemed to panic. Only slightly and in her Janeway way of panic: let no one see it. He had gotten to recognize that and all of Janeway's looks.
"Where is the Doctor?" she asked.
"I deactivated him," he answered.
"What?!" she practically yelled. Her head turned so fast from wandering the room to him, he was amazed it was still on. "Deactivated him? Why?" He was getting ready to answer, but Janeway didn't give her the chance. "Computer, activate the EMH."
The Doctor appeared in his place and stood how he always did when activated. "Please state the nature of the medical emergency," he said as usual. Then he snapped back tot he situation, grabbed a tricorder, and walked over to Janeway. "Captain, I see the Commander has woken you." Janeway could hear the anger in the EMH's voice as he scanned her.
"Well, I better get back to work," he said and walked away. As Janeway watched him leave, she began to worry about other people deactivating him. If they continued to do so, she might be stuck in Sickbay for the next eight months.
Chakotay was going to speak but Janeway stopped him. "I'm really tired, Chakotay. Besides, you need to announce to the crew that I'm being held hostage in Sickbay and you've been temporarily appointed Captain." She smiled as she said it, but Chakotay heard its fakeness. Something was eating at her and he would find out.
Just not right now.
He left Sickbay and Janeway watched him leave. She was about to kick herself for telling him to leave, but Tom practically ran in, not to be late for duty. After pretending to be disobedient, he needed to built trust back up. Of course, seeing people was the last thing she wanted to do, but she knew it was the best thing for her. She hated irony. And logic. That would be most illogical, she imagined Tuvok saying in her head. She laughed. Tom looked at her, surprised.
"Captain," he said. "I didn't know you were here."
"Yes, well, thanks to the Doctor, I will be here for a week."
"A week of the Doctor and his opera. You might consider deactivating his singing subroutines. I know I have," he said. She laughed. Tom could be funny at times. He was walking over to the Doctor's office when janeway stopped him.
"Tom, why don't you leave the Doctor alone? He working on something," she said. Tom looked at her and decided he might as well listen to her. She was still his superior and he would do anything to stay away from the Doctor. So he walked over to Janeway and they began talking about the latest Voyager gossip, what was going on in the Alpha Quadrant, and other assorted things--everything except what happened at New Earth and what was going on with her and Chakotay.
--
After Tom's shift, the rest of the week was boring. The Doctor stayed in his office and the medics worked around Sickbay. Only a few minor cases came in, nothing the Doctor needed to see. Janeway talked to kes and Samantha Wildman a few times on shift, but other than that, she only had her thoughts.
She wanted to avoid the subject, but when the Doctor announced he had a treatment, she realized it was now or never. She mentally began sorting out her feelings and responsibilities.
I have to tell him eventually. This ship is too small for him not to find out and he'll know by looking at me soon, she thought for the billionth time. I can't keep pushing him away. Mark probably moved on, and if he hasn't, well . . . it's too late to worry about that. There is nothing I can do about this.
Why do I keep looking at this like it's a curse? For one, I'll have to give up command more often, I'll have to raise the child and command at the same time, and the Delta Quadrant is a bad place to be raising a child.
I have to confront my feelings.
That thought came from the vary back of her mind and the thought scarred her. She had never been one to answer to her emotions, always pushing them aside. It was part of the job. She laughed. She was afraid of her emotions. I guess Vulcan emotionlessness rubs off. She smiled at that thought and wondered what Tuvok would say to that.
She was wondering it when the Doctor walked over to her and asked her to lie down. Then she snapped back to the situation and began to sort her feelings.
By the time the Doctor was done, she had made her decision.
To Be Continued . . .
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