Author's Notes:
Last Chapter! I know, it's a short story... but since when have my stories ever been anything but? And at least the chapters are half decent lengths. Anyways.
Warnings: More language and slash in this chapter. This is a mild M fiction, but there's still some slash there, so if it bothers you, please don't get mad if you don't heed my warnings.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money. The End.
If Charlie was hung over (and I knew he was) he didn't show it. I didn't bother him and he didn't ask about anything the previous night. He probably didn't want to know.
Why doncha love me?
"We're gunna have'ta leave soon Charlie."
" 'F course boss."
We did the same thing again; found another town, set up in another bar. This time we didn't need to worry about the sheriff. I could smell the whiskey on him the second we stepped into the place.
I watched Charlie as he drank. I monitored the movement of his hand on his glass and his throat as he swallowed. He glanced at me nervously from time to time as he felt my gaze on him.
"Somethin' botherin' you boss?"
"...No, Charlie. Nothin' botherin' me."
He didn't buy it. I didn't really think he would. He ain't stupid. He finished his drink and toyed with the glass in his hand, tapping it against the bar. He glanced at me again. I knew he was trying to be subtle, but I wasn't going to allow a single motion go unnoticed.
"Am I makin' you nervous, Charlie?" He flinched at that.
'Am I intimidatin' you Charlie?' ' Course not, boss.' A free room, a kiss, a man pinned against a wall, a gasp, a moan; two men writhing in a bed.
"N-no boss." I knew that stutter well. I knew the twinge of fear that lay behind it. I've never understood that fear. Whenever the crew's with us, Charlie is my second in command. He respects me, he obeys me, but unlike many of the crew members, he shows no fear of me. He insists on being next to me when we ride, shows off in front of me to gain my attention and my praise. But as we sit together alone and drink, tension rolls off him like a man approaching the gallows.
Charlie didn't drink nearly as much as he had the previous night, but he was definitely tipsy and tripped on a couple stairs. I managed to snake my arm around his waist to help keep his balance. I noticed how Charlie stiffened as I clutched at him. He threw my arm off as we reached the door to our shared room and I heard him grumble, "I ain't some damsel in distress that needs savin'."
I crossed the room and laid down on the bed, crossing my hands over my head and stared at the ceiling. Charlie sat down next to me but couldn't stay still, and jumped up and started pacing around the room, pausing momentarily to fiddle with something on the fireplace or to gaze out the window before resuming his course.
"Goddammit boss, what d'ya want?"
"Why, whatever do ya mean Charlie?" There was a hint of amusement in my voice. Not that I was amused, and I definitely wasn't laughing at him. It was just a tone Ben Wade would take in such a situation.
"Don't play with me boss. I ain't some half-witted farmer who only knows you for your posters. You've been studyin' me. Like you're testin' me or somethin'. Just tell me whatcha want me to do and I'll do it. But- but I gotta know whatcha want." He sounded almost desperate. You, Charlie. I want you. I want you to belong to me. You say you can do anythin' I ask of ya. Could you do that?
"Sit down Charlie. You're makin' me dizzy."
He stared at me for a second before slowly lowering himself on to the mattress next to me.
"Why didn't ya go t' Mexico, Charlie?"
"Wh-what?"
"Why'd you come with me, Charlie? Why didn't ya go t' Mexico?"
"I-I told ya, Boss. I jus' didn't feel like it."
"You'd probably be havin' more fun in Mexico than here in this room with me. Why'd you stay, Charlie?"
"God Boss. It ain't got nothin' to do with fun. I can't-"
"Can't what, Charlie? I thought you could do anythin'."
"I can't- goddammit- I can't stop thinkin' about you, boss! I can't... I can't leave ya."
My heart was beating so damn loudly Charlie could probably hear it. It was everything I could do to keep a straight face. I raised myself onto my elbows so I could look at him better. He looked mortified and refused to meet my gaze. His face was a bright red and he mumbled something like "loyal to ya boss" into his shoulder. I sat up properly and closed the distance between us. Charlie's head jerked up and I smiled.
"Ain't that sweet of ya Charlie." And I kissed him. I love kissing Charlie. I love his taste and the feel of his skin. I love his reactions- the tilt of his head, the pliant opening of his mouth, and his moans. God I'd do anything to get him to moan like that.
I pushed him down onto the bed and straddled him, pining him underneath me, without breaking our kiss. But Charlie had other ideas.
"St-stop!" He pulled away and squirmed out from underneath me, retreating to the headboard of the bed as I knelt over him. "What's the matter Charlie? I could've sworn you liked this." And I licked the patch of skin under his ear, repressing a moan as I felt him shudder underneath me. But he pushed me away. I could feel my heart dropping... I could almost say it broke. Why won't you let me get near you, Charlie? Why are you fighting me? His piercing green eyes searched out mine.
"Why are you doin' this, boss?" His voice sounded pained. "I... I need you. And you treat me like some... perverted pet. I'm used and discarded 'til you've got an itch that you need scratched. Is that all I mean to ya?"
This is it. The moment of truth. I love him. I love Charlie. I've admitted as much to myself dozens of times. I've dreamt about this moment- the moment when he declares that he wants me... that he can't live without me. All I have to do now is tell him the truth. He's just fulfilled my wildest dreams and I can't bring myself to utter those three simple words. Why is this so hard? But I know. It's my damn pride. My role as a leader. I complain about it all the time, that leading people is so tough. If I tell Charlie the truth, I step down and we become equals... and I can't do it. He's staring at me so earnestly, green eyes speaking volumes of what he's feeling. Panic is dominant.
"I-I know that people couldn't know... 'bout us. I know what that'd do. But... I ain't askin' for much boss. Just... I just gotta know. If I'm just... If you just want my company every once in a while, I'll come to ya. I ain't gunna say no. I just... I need to know where I stand with you."
Where I stand with you.
Can I do it? Can I give up that position and let him stand next to me? Can I say no to this bewitching man and crush him just to maintain an authority? Can I trust him?
I need you.
Ah to hell with this.
And I cupped his face with my hands and touched his forehead with mine and I kissed him again. Slowly and passionately and I tried to convey every word I couldn't say into that kiss. I love you. I need you. Stay with me forever.
And he understood, gripping my waist and returning everything I gave him. We made love that night. I've never experienced anything like it. Every time he looked at me, something shot down my spine and made my toes curl. Giving him pleasure was infinitesimally more important than receiving it and I loved watching his eyes drift close and suddenly shoot open again. I loved the way he grabbed at me as I pounded into him, the way he licked his bottom lip and tipped his head back, exposing his neck. But it was how he moaned for me, his whimpers and gasps. And knowing that I was the one causing it, that I was the one he begged for, the only one he wanted was absolutely exhilarating. I memorized the sight as Charlie groaned out my name and arched up towards me as he finished. He was absolutely prepossessing.
I woke up in the morning, gripping Charlie's bare waist, my head buried in the curve of his neck. Mine. He was mine. And he'll be mine forever.
... And I'll be his.