I had killed Ivy Slade… I killed Ivy Slade, I killed Ivy Slade…
The words kept swirling around my mind, I felt the fear and stress building, Ivy was dead, whether it was actually suicide or not had yet to be discovered, why had she been upstairs? Why had she jumped? (as if I didn't already have a pretty good guess) how had she gotten inside with all of us here?
I couldn't believe this! First Thomas, then Cheyene, almost me, now Ivy, this was ridiculous, how many students were going to die before I graduated?! It was maddening.
Josh was upset, he blamed himself, for the clumsy way he had dumped her, and everything else, but it was my fault, I teased her, I mocked her with josh, and I had been the one to propose a truce, made her think someday we could be friends, then stolen my boyfriend back from her. I realized it was my fault, but at the same time I couldn't admit it, after all, she had jumped, I hadn't asked her to, I hadn't tried to trick her, all I had done was kiss my boyfriend in her presence, and that seemed to have been enough to kill her.
The guilt was crushing me, and I was thankful that I was out of Pemberly so I didn't have to walk past her empty room every day. The only plus was that it wasn't a murder, we'd all heard her crash through the window, and all the billings girls had been down stairs, even Missy, which amazed me because she hated me, they had all been there, and as long as we hid the champagne and lied a little, no one could be accused of killing her, but when the police examined her body, they discovered otherwise.
Again they told us about evidence that another suicide was a murder, but wouldn't tell us what it was. I was mad, Ivy whether she was murdered or not had flung Easton into another murder scandal, right after we had solved the last, and now it was personal again, Cheyenne had been a Billings sister, but she'd already been expelled and no one really liked her at the time, I mean we were all sad, but I hadn't been close to her. And then there was Tomas, my first love, murdered by a jealous Arianna Osgood, the Billings goody goody, or so we'd thought, then there was Sabine's attempt on my life, and now Ivy, would it ever stop?
I groaned and rolled over, I was back in my room at Billings where I belonged, the elegant white walls and matching Ivory carpet, were immaculate as always, my bed was pushed lightly against the left wall facing the door, I had a mahogany bedside table, with a tall lamp for reading, and a bookshelf stocked with all my favorites above my bed. My MacBook was closed on the desk beside my history report, and my pictures hung along my wall above and below my bookshelf, there were a couple of Tomas Pearson, more of josh, some old family photos including my brother Scott, my dog, and my Dad (I made a point of leaving mom off my walls), and of the best times at billings with Noelle, and all the other Billings girls, of course not including Arianna or Sabine. The room was exactly as I remembered it, and now that the stench of Amberly's overpriced perfume had been washed away it truly felt like it waqs mine again, of course my room-mate had changed, so Noelle's clutter turned her half of the room into a tornado of clothes, paper, and private photos of Dash.
That night I ventured into the hall and gazed out the window that Ivy "jumped" out. I wondered what had really happened knowing I would probably find out some day, but secretly hoping I wouldn't.
(Josh)
I can't believe she's gone, and it's because of me. I feel so terrible, the guilt weighs as much as a granite rock the size of a monster truck, and it's crushing down on me, whoever killed Ivy, the girl I almost loved, they'll pay. And Reed, I have to protect her, I love her more than anything, and there's no way I could handle losing her again, not after I knew what it felt like the first time when the shot struck her chest and I thought she was dead, now I had to keep her safe for me and so Ivy didn't die in vain, but it's so hard, now that she's gone I almost feel as if I loved her. She was beautiful, with that long black hair and smooth pale skin, and those warm dark eyes, almost the opposite of Reed, with her lightly tanned skin, and those beautiful expression-full blue eyes the color of the ocean after a storm, and her long mahogany hair that fell in smooth waves to her lower shoulders, she was always well dressed (thanks to the Billings Alumni), and polished, Ivy wore whatever she threw on that looked good, but there was another subtler difference, Reed understood everyone, even people she didn't like, she understood my love of art, why I loved it, Ivy just liked art too, which gave us a connection, Reed was my dream girl, and though I'm sure now that I loved Ivy as well, Reed is my soul-mate we're meant to be together.
It was the day of Ivy's funeral, when I got there with Reed and we walked up to where Ivy lay so cold and stiff, we both cried. Her parents stood on the fringes the whole time, totally destroyed, beyond the point of tears, Ivy had had a very loving family. When I offered my condolences, they both nodded stiffly and stared through me. Reed and I left early, I just couldn't stand to watch her be lowered into the dirt like Tomas, or cremated and strewn all over France like Cheyenne.
On the ride home Reed leaned into my shoulder and I hugged her close, breathing in the fresh scent of her hair, I pulled over, "do you want to get something to eat?" I asked hollowly, she shook her head, "Josh, you need to relax and let yourself heal, don't try to rush back into being happy and joyful and shit, it doesn't work that way, these things hurt and you'll have to wait till you're ready to feel better." She looked down, and I knew she was thinking of Tomas, she really knew about this, Ivy and I weren't together anymore, at least I had dumped her, and Tomas had just vanished and left Reed without a word, only to turn up dead weeks later, she knew how it felt to lose someone you loved. I sighed and nodded, "you're right" I replied. And somehow, in admitting defeat, I felt much lighter, I could make it through this. Reed pulled me down and kissed me softly on the lips, "I love you." She whispered, I kissed her back and mimicked her in a soft whisper as I stroked her cheek, she shuddered, "what?" I asked. "that's what Tomas did when he said goodbye," she said, there was a light sob edging her voice, I was confused, she had been so upset because he hadn't said goodbye when he left, so what was she talking about? "What do you mean?" I asked her ",when Sabine shot me, I was pulled into this black cold dark place, and when I looked, there was light, and then there was Tomas, he told me he loved me, and that he knew I loved you now, and that he could finally rest once he said goodbye, and he touched my cheek like you just did, and that second when he said goodbye, I remembered why I had loved him, and he made me remember why I loved you at the same time…" she trailed off then looked away blushing. This made me feel loved, but also a little angry, Tomas had visited Reed after all this time to say goodbye, after he had already hurt her so much, he returned to hurt her in another way. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, glad that she wasn't looking at me. I turned the key in the ignition, and drove 23 miles above the speed limit trough Easton. I still didn't really understand why this bothered me, she loved me, she said she loved me so what was the problem? Why was I so worried that she had feelings for him? I mean the guy's dead, it's not like he's going to steal her from me, but what if he still visits her dreams?...GOD I'M INSANE!