When sex was the plan, things were different. When it hung there, heavy in the air between them, it was suddenly awkward, forced. The expectations were high, and sure, they had both been waiting for this moment all day, but now that it had finally arrived, it was static.
Neither of them moved for at least two minutes, which to them felt more like two hours. Once they had arrived back at Will's hotel room, Karen had made a b-line for the bed, throwing off her coat and dumping it, along with her purse and shoes, onto the recliner next to the door. Will had closed the door behind him and turned seductively, pressing his back against it as he watched Karen sit on the edge of the bed and unbutton the top few buttons of her blouse. She was now leaned back on her hands, waiting for him to make the first move.
But Will just stood there, his hand on the doorknob behind him, head leaned back against the wooden door, observing Karen and thinking about their night. She bit her lip and shifted her eyes down as the weirdness of the situation washed over them.
Suddenly, Will sighed and slumped his shoulders.
"What are we doing?" His voice was full of resignation, and as soon as he said the words, Karen exhaled and allowed herself to slide from the bed so that she was seated on the floor, her back resting against it.
"I know," she agreed. "It all feels too calculated."
Will nodded and he too slid to the floor, resting his back against the door. He and Karen were now directly across from each other, about six feet apart, mirroring each other's posture. "Why did this have to happen?" he mumbled, almost rhetorically. Karen frowned.
"What are you talking about?"
"This…us," he explained, motioning between the two of them. "How did we allow ourselves to get into this? Under such shitty circumstances?" Will explained. Karen grunted in understanding and reached her left hand up to rub her forehead. It was then that Will noticed she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. He crawled across the floor to sit next to her as he grabbed her hand and held it up, examining it.
"Again?" he asked her. Karen followed his gaze to her bare ring finger.
"I can't make myself wear it when I'm with you," she whispered, not looking at him.
"Why not?"
Karen blew back a string of hair that was dangling in front of her face before answering. When it just flopped right back across her eye, she tried again in vain. After her second attempt, Will used his free hand to brush it back for her. His hand lingered on her cheek, and she turned her head ever-so-slightly to look at him. When she met his gaze, just a few inches away from her, his eyes shifted to her lips. Suddenly, Karen squirmed, pushing his hand away from her face and scooting herself a few inches away from him.
"God, Will, I can't do this," she confessed, frowning. She stood up but he caught her wrist. She turned sharply and stared down at his deep green eyes looking back up at her.
"So you feel guilty? That's why you're not wearing your wedding ring?" he asked her.
"No, that's not it at all," she replied. "When I'm with you…I forget about Stanley," she confessed, "I want to forget about him."
Upon hearing the words, Will couldn't help himself. He violently pulled her back down next to him, but instead of kissing her as he so badly longed to do, he wrapped her in a tight hug. This wasn't about sex anymore.
"Then forget," he whispered in her ear. Her body was limp in his arms. As much as Karen knew she should try to resist Will, she just couldn't.
"But how do I know, Will?" she asked him, not moving from his arms.
"How do you know what?"
"That you won't be just like him," tears stung her eyes as she said the words. Why could she never seem to control her emotions around him? Will put both hands on her shoulders and held her at arm's length as he studied her face intently.
"Like Stan?" he questioned gently. She nodded.
"How do I know that you won't ever leave me?" she whispered. Will's heart melted. As much as she could pretend that she was OK with Stan's neglect, and as much as she tried to tell herself and the world that their marriage was fine, it truly wasn't. It never had been, and probably never would be. Will was surprised when he felt a tear escape his own eye. Her pain affected him more than he could ever imagine, and all he wanted to do was make it disappear. She deserved so much better.
"Because I promise you that I won't," he told her. They were both silently weeping now, sharing an emotional connection that neither of them had ever experienced. Their words were few, but each one was loaded with so much meaning that they both understood the depth of their conversation.
"Those are just words, Will," Karen countered, although she wanted to believe everything he was telling her. But she had heard it all before, if not from Stan than from one of her past lovers or husbands. And each time she had been disappointed and hurt. "What could you possibly say to me to make me believe that?"
Will swallowed, and dropped his hands from Karen's shoulders to take her hands in his. He held their joined hands up between them, like a bridge being built between their hearts.
"I love you," he whispered. Her eyes filled with surprise and more tears as he pulled her closer to him. "I love you and I know I shouldn't, I-I know I'm not supposed to and that this-this just complicates things so much more," Will stuttered, "but I do, Karen. More than I ever thought I could." He released one of her hands so that he could wipe away the tears streaming from her eyes.
"I love you too," was all she could manage to squeak out before his lips were on hers, the heat between them emanating from a place within them that had never before been awakened. Karen had said the words many times before, but she understood now what it felt like to truly mean them. Their collective tears mixed with the heat of their breath as Will wrapped his arms around Karen and stood, pulling them onto the bed behind them.