Still a Continuation of the Flashback
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Izzie made her rounds like she usually did. She wouldn't be off until later tonight. She had been living in this hospital for the last day and a half.
"Sorry about the tumor guy," Meredith had said to her.
"Carl," Izzie replied.
Izzie couldn't believe he had died. Why? Izzie walked around the hospital.
She couldn't be here in this frenzy. She turned and headed towards the basement to her special corner. She had come here within the first few weeks she was back after Denny. When she couldn't get back into her routine with everyone else.
Izzie walked so fast to the basement that she didn't hear Shepherd call her.
Izzie found her spot and sank heavily to the floor. She leaned her back against the cool wall. Carl was too good looking to have died. He deserved more. Izzie wondered why this was affecting her so much. Then it hit her.
They were both young and good looking. He didn't have the chance to live. She did, and she made a mess of everything. She had wanted more in her life. She wanted more than a trailer life. She wanted more for her daughter, which was why she gave her up, only to find out she had leukemia. And what had she, Isobel Stevens accomplished? She was doctor and she was able to donate bone marrow, but those were the only good things.
Her personal life was a mess. She wanted to be like a family with her roommates, but she lost that connection after Denny died when she was trying to cope. They expected her to pull through, not knowing that Denny was the first person to truly see her. Not knowing how she tried to be hopeful when she had lost everything that meant so much to her.
How often had to tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt? Alex did the syph nurse and he was mad about George? She helped Alex to study for his exam and he was giving her the cold shoulder. She even fixed Crisitina's eyebrows for her not-to-be wedding. She was irritated with Meredith and Cristina for letting go of good things because their lack of will to commit, and yet they scored the best surgeries.
What had her life come to? She had worked so hard, and for what?
Izzie didn't realize when the tears started to run, but she had been crying for a while. She looked at her watch 8:00 pm.
She spent three hours down here and no one had noticed. Where had she gone wrong?
Izzie tried to wipe away the tears, but they came harder. Soon her back was shaking with sobs. She couldn't stop it. She needed to get it out. She buried her head into her hands.
She didn't notice it when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. And when she did, she was too tired to look up. The hands grasped her shoulders and puller her close. The comforting body cradled her and petted her hair as she finally was able to calm down. She remained in that position for a few minutes. In a warm embrace. She was rocked gently back and forth.
Izzie got up to dry her face and her mouth opened in shock.
"Dr. Shepherd!" She suddenly felt humiliated as she had just cried in her roommate's ex-boyfriend's arms.
"Izzie, I think we all need that. People like Carl can do that to you," Derek got up slowly.
It was no longer about her again. Izzie shook her head.
"Izzie!" Derek called after her, but she had already turned and ran up the stairs.
Derek had called after her to talk about Carl. He sensed her feelings. He blamed himself. She asked to be off the case, but he forced her to it. To another loss.
The Chief had come to talk to him before he could run after Izzie and when he did, he knew that he was the cause of her pain.
He saw her with her back to the wall in a secluded corner, tears streaming her face. She looked upwards as if to say 'Why me?' Then she started to sob. He noticed her beautiful face streamed with tears as she covered her face and shook harder. Her body shook in such a way that he had to hold her for a fear of her snapping.
When he touched her, she didn't resist. And he held her warm body. Cradled her to him, wondering how she managed to stand with so much pressure in her back. He mindlessly started to touch her hair. He never realized who she was inside. He knew she was known to get involved. Yet, here he was holding her.
It felt like he was with the wrong person, but his body matched her perfectly as he shared the warmth while he rocked her back and forth. He didn't want to let her go, but when she got up, she was shocked and confused. And she ran from him.
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Her heart was fluttering it felt good to be held, but not by a person who was off limits. When had that happened? One minute they were strangers or rather in a sense of a lack of getting to know each other, the next he was holding her while she cried.
Izzie went straight to the locker room and jumped into a hot shower. She needed to burn away all sensation. She had to start over. She would go out. Act like she never met Derek Shepherd because the crying thing with him was really weird.
She would feed the beast tonight. With the first person she could.
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Izzie didn't got to Joe's that night. Instead, she went to the other end of town to an Irish pub. Where no one knew each other and there would be no gossip the next day.
She was sitting in a corner, and had already downed a few drinks when she saw him walk in. No doubt he was McDreamy. He was wearing a blue shirt that brought out his eyes.
He scanned the crowd and stopped on her with surprise. He smiled and headed towards her. His eyes boring into her.
Great! Just what she needed. Izzie could already feel the heat in her face.
"Izzie."
"Dr. Shepherd." She was going to keep him far away as possible.
He smiled. "Derek."
She turned to him. "Seriously?"
"We're not at the hospital."
"Whatever." Izzie couldn't stay here with him. It was too uncomfortable. She grabbed her purse when the familiar warm hand grabbed her wrist.
"Stay for a while. I could use the company."
"I can't. I've been sleep deprived as you know," Izzie needed to get away from his stare. It was weird crying in front of him or rather being held by him.
He didn't let go. His firm but soft grip pulled her back down. "Stay. Please."
"Why?" Izzie asked and sat down.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"No, but you're probably gonna ask it anyway."
He smiled his dreamy smile with his nice hair. She wondered how it felt to run her fingers through his hair. Bad thoughts. Those were the beast's thoughts. He ordered more drinks.
"What's your take on relationships?"
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, honest answer."
"One, you're asking the wrong person. Two, we don't talk enough for me to answer that question."
"Let's change that. Talk now. Tell me your opinion."
Izzie huffed. "They only work for the people who want them. You can't force someone to be with you nor can you waste your time and put your happiness on hold for someone who's not interested." That was blunt. She had had too many drinks.
Derek looked at her. A refreshing wave came over his face and a knowing smile tugged at his lips. "You're right."
There was something about the way she was. Her tensed back. Her blond hair. The way her body curved in all the right angles.
"My turn."
Derek nodded. Noticing her eyes. The pretty brown ones that he felt staring deep into his soul.
"Did you hear everything that I said to Carl yesterday when I was prepping him?"
Derek nodded.
She smiled sadly.
"Izzie. It's okay. You'll find someone. Someone who does care." He reached for her hand. Her soft hand. He could only imagine what those hands could do.
She made no move to drop her hand. He felt relaxing. Like he was taking all the tension out of her. She breathed deeply. Regaining some of her dignity.
They continued into the night drinking beyond comprehension. Izzie more so to drown out everything else she was feeling.
Derek couldn't help but feel that there was more to her than he knew about. They shared so many things in common. As she revealed the men in her life and how they screwed her over, he couldn't help how he, too, was twisted by Addison and Meredith. He knew then they connected in a way that he had failed to see earlier. They were the right kind of people for each other, but they had tried to seek their happiness with the wrong people, and now it was too late.
As Izzie continued her drinking, she would constantly lean against Derek pointing out the things that made her happy. Derek realized they were just simple things like chocolate chip muffins. Or talking and sharing each other.
When both of them had gone slightly beyond, tipsy, Izzie more so, they finally exited the pub together. Izzie giggled incessantly and grabbed Derek's hand to steady herself. When she stood somewhat straight again, a strand of her hair fell in her face.
Derek couldn't control himself and tucked the strand behind her ear. She looked at him with a strange smile. Now leaning in to him, trying to steady herself, but bringing them closer together instead.
Just close enough, so that Derek bent forward to kiss her luscious lips. It was a heated kiss. Izzie pulled away and looked up at him, her lips burning with heat and want. They both giggled again and reached forward to kiss each other again. Holding each other close. Not wanting to let go of this newfound meaning. This connection.