"It was just sex. Casual sex. We needed to get it out of our systems. It meant nothing," he said.
"Is that how you see it? God, this is so wrong. I can't believe this happened! It never happened, understand?" she sputtered and then paused. "What would Meredith think? How do you think I can face her after this?"
"It meant nothing," he emphasized, "so you don't have to feel anything. And Meredith won't find out because as you said, it never happened."
That was what Derek Shepherd had told her this morning. And it was the cause of another one of Izzie's searing hot showers. She was trying and failing at burning all sensation from her body again. But although she looked like a ripe red tomato afterward, she could not get rid of his emboldening touch. The way his warm hands had covered her breasts and the feel of him inside her last night turned her brain off and her body on in unimaginable ways.
There was just something about him that now set her giddy. He made her forget about everything else. He took all those painful feelings away and replaced it with some new found energy.
Although this was something she needed and desperately craved, she knew she had gotten involved with the wrong person. Even though he gave her what she was looking for in one night, she knew she couldn't do it again.
The fact that Meredith's McDreamy gave her these things replaced the weight on her shoulders. She sunk on the edge of her bed with her wet hair and towel around her reddening body from the mess she cursed herself for making again.
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When Derek woke up in the morning he immediately remembered what had happened last night. He took a deep breath and waited for his conscience to begin kicking him. It never came. No regret. Nothing. Nothing, but contentment.
He was surprised. He had just slept with his ex-girlfriend's friend and he did not feel bad. Derek sat up and looked at the dent in his bed. Now, he felt something. Disappointment. She had left. And he was disappointed in her leaving. He would have liked her to stay, but she left. He couldn't blame her, as he probably would have done the same thing in her place.
But as he breathed in, inhaling the scent of the gorgeous woman who was just here, he found this new energy in himself. He had never let himself go like he did last night and now that he had, he didn't want to let go of what he found.
He couldn't help but think how the women in his life had affected him so. He and Addison spent most of their lives together that it felt natural to take the next step. And then he was attracted to Meredith for her mystery and pushing him to confront Addison and Mark's betrayal. When he had shown Meredith his true self . . . his hopes, she ran. And he spent the rest of their on-again-off-again relationship restraining himself not knowing when she would run again.
Now, he felt good to be himself. He was a little surprised that Izzie Stevens had done it to him. He never noticed it before. He put her off to another one of those gorgeous women who were just around. He didn't notice her true self when he looked into her eyes 2 days ago. The concern that filled them for their patient. He couldn't help but wonder if someone would ever look like that at him again. Concern, not just because of the fact a relationship required it, but because someone wanted to care for him.
How did he never notice Izzie? Now that he thought about it, she always went the extra mile for all her patients. Of course, that part messed her up on a personal scale. But she jumped back into the game and went back to being caring, considerate, and kind. How did he not see her before?
And now, sitting on the edge of his bed, he was disappointed that she had left. They may have had drunken sex last night. And as great as it was, Derek wanted to see more with her.
But then it hit him. The more part would undoubtedly cause serious repercussions. To all aspects of their lives. Derek sighed and got up to make some coffee to help him clear his head. As Derek went into his tiny kitchen, he looked out the window and his breath caught.
He was looking at the most amazing sight ever. Isobel Stevens looked like a goddess with her hair whipping around in the breeze. She was rocking back and forth on her heels in last night's clothes with her arms crossed.
Derek smiled. She didn't leave. Perhaps she felt the same way. Then she turned and caught sight of him. The smiled was off Derek's face in a split-second. Her beautiful eyes looked at him with confusion, regret, and most of all hurt.
Derek was so caught up with himself that he hadn't realized he hurt someone that didn't deserve it. He had just hurt her again. He mentally cursed himself as he felt a lump form in his throat. Even if they felt connected, they couldn't do it. Too many people were involved. The lump in his throat hardened.
With Meredith, it wasn't messy until she made it so. Here, with Izzie, it felt right, but the mess was already made. He slowly walked to the door, mentally kicking himself for 1. not noticing her before and 2. knowing what he had to do.
He would have to take feeling out of this. If he went to her know like he really wanted to, he would take away everything else from her. So, he would have swallow everything he felt with her last night to give her back what she needed.
And when she asked for a ride back to the pub for her car, as she had no way of getting back. He gave her one. It was in complete silence, when all he really wanted to do was hold those slender fingers. When she got out in the parking lot to walk to her abandoned car, she walked with her head high, holding on to her dignity from what he had said to her because he really hated himself for doing that to her.
Because when he emphasized that 'it meant nothing' the second time to her, he said it more to himself so that he wouldn't try to take her in his arms and tell her what he was really feeling.
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Izzie didn't know what she was hoping Derek would say to her as he stepped out of his trailer door with his pants from last night hugging his frame that would make a woman crazy. He looked handsome and dashing as he walked down the steps and in essence, the dreaminess that he was.
She knew what they had done was wrong and she needed to hear it from Derek. But standing out here brought back all the sensations that he put in her.
Then she saw his blue eyes. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but she saw him conflicted and slowly resolving to say something.
And when he said those things, she was hurt, but glad he said it so that they could get on with their lives and act like nothing happened.
And now, sitting on the edge of bed, Izzie heaved a deep sigh. Why was she the person who cared? Who got attached? As Izzie began to dress, she realized that Derek gave her the power to stop caring about her problems and the energy to deal the messiness in other aspects of her life. And this was just from one night. She really needed that, but still the fact that it was Derek was eating at her.
But he said, it was just casual sex and that it meant nothing Could it mean something though? To her? To make her regain some sort of happiness? She didn't know if he felt the same connection, but she certainly did.
Could they still have casual sex? Maybe she would propose the idea. He could get over Meredith, and she could use the distraction. Was she a casual sex type of person? Could she allow herself to be used in such a way, especially if she did get some benefits?
She knew it was wrong . . . but would it still be wrong if it felt good?
Let me know what you think. I know where I'm headed, but I haven't gotten there yet. Still, feedback encourages updates and updates get to the main part of the story faster. lol. --pepper-maroon.