AN: Ya'll might wanna git yer bandannas out fer this one, to dry yer eyes. Also, I might have to change my name to "sadghost" . . . you have been warned.
Prereading and creative consulting services provided by "GeezerWench"
She told me I could post this, so don't yell at me or throw things . . . please.
September 28, 1866
The weather had taken a turn for the worse. It had been unseasonably cold, especially at night, and the sun seemed to stay hidden behind a thick layer of gray clouds. The rain drizzled, on and off for days, making the journey difficult and unpleasant.
The travelers had been making some progress, albeit slowly, in their trek towards Fort Boise.
Jasper had told Bella, one morning after breakfast, that he didn't want her working as a nurse. She had taken it well, although the disappointment showed clearly on her face.
He watched as she lovingly tucked away Dr. Cullen's medical books, inside her hope chest, never to read them again.
It was for the best, Jasper thought. He didn't want her taking care of strange men. The only person he wanted her to take care of was him, and hopefully soon, his children.
As soon as possible, Jasper wanted to get Bella with child, and watch her grow large with his son or daughter. He knew that while pregnant, women shouldn't be around the ill and infirm.
Jasper had come up with plenty of valid reasons against Bella working with the young doctor. He told her that it was for her own protection, but he hadn't fooled Bella. She knew he was jealous as hell.
In the meantime, there were also more important things to worry about. Peter and Jasper had been concerned about not making it to Oregon before winter hit. They didn't know how they could afford to spend the winter at the fort and still have money for supplies the following spring. The men had been pushing the mules and the women harder than usual in their haste to make good time.
Jasper had been especially impatient to reach the fort. He wanted, more than anything, to make Bella his wife as soon as possible.
After days of traveling through the cold, misting rain, they finally reached the three-island crossing. It was the place on the trail where most emigrants crossed over the Snake River, on their journey westward.
The river was deep, so they would have to caulk the wagon and float it across.
Although it was raining lightly, the water seemed calm. The brothers spent the better part of the day preparing the wagon, sealing it, and removing the wheels, so that they could use it as a boat, to carry the women and supplies across the river to the other side.
Peter was the first to cross the river, with Jenks the horse. He had taken a rope with him. One end of the rope was tied to the wagon. His plan was to pull the wagon across the water. He would use the draft team for leverage if need be.
Jasper was still stuck on the opposite bank with the mules. They were giving him a hard time—refusing to enter the river. Their hooves slid on the muddy bank and slippery rocks, as they balked and brayed in protest.
Peter had to swim across once again, to help his brother with the mules. The water of the river was startlingly cold, and Peter understood the animals' reluctance.
The rain continued to drizzle, and the mules swerved against each other, before finally obeying their handlers, and making their way into the murky water.
Peter led the unwilling mules to the other side of the river, rigged up the rope, and waited for Jasper to give the signal.
The ladies situated themselves in the wagon amongst the supplies.
Then Jasper waved to Peter before pushing the wagon, while Peter pulled, launching it into the water.
When the wagon had made it about half way to the other side, it began to list, and the women began to scream. Suddenly, they were taking on water at an alarming rate.
Charlotte, worried over losing all of the rations, decided to jump from the wagon. Bella, though frightened, soon followed her into the frigid water.
Charlotte was a stronger swimmer, but the burden of her heavy, sodden, many-layered skirts was weighing her down, and she found herself being pulled downstream.
Jasper, who had been swimming in the cold water of the river behind the wagon, was attempting to keep it upright, when he realized that Bella had never surfaced after the jump.
She was gone; hidden from his sight.
Beneath the river's dark yet calm façade, raged an unforgiving, pulling torrent. It had taken hold of Bella, and Jasper feared the worst.
He immediately dropped the back corner of the wagon. Supplies started falling, tumbling from the back, and sinking into the river.
Jasper swam towards Charlotte. She was holding her own, slowly making her way across, to the other side.
Peter, afraid to let go of the rope and lose everything, breathed a sigh of relief when his wife made it safely to the left bank.
Jasper cursed the dark water. How could he save Bella, if he couldn't see her?
He knew the current would have pulled her downstream, so he lunged down river, blindly reaching through the murky water, hoping against hope he would stumble across her.
Why hadn't she resurfaced? Where was she? He had to find her! He wouldn't let the river steal her from him.
After everything that had happened in Texas—losing almost everything—and then all the hard miles they had traveled, he couldn't believe his good luck when he had found Bella at Fort Bridger.
Then she made him the happiest man on earth when she agreed to be his wife. For the first time, he was truly eager to begin his new life, with Bella, in Oregon. It was because of her he thought he could get past all the misfortune he had brought on his family and really make something of himself.
He had finally come to think he could have a life worth living, and it was all because of her.
He couldn't bear it if he lost her.
He decided right then and there that if the river took her, it would have to take him as well. He didn't want to continue on without her. He couldn't. The thought of surviving and having to bury her was more than he could bear.
Bitter tears joined the cold, muddy water on his face and it felt as if an icy fist of fear gripped his heart. He flailed through the current and had all but run out of hope, when one of his hands brushed against something soft under the water. Could it be Bella? His hands searched desperately to feel that bit of softness again, and he realized he had hold of an arm!
It was Bella! Jasper wrenched her up from the dark depths and saw that her small body was limp and unresponsive.
Peter and Charlotte had already maneuvered the wagon onto the bank, and they ran to help Jasper pull Bella from the river and lay her on the ground.
Her eyes were open, but they stared blankly up at the grey, weeping sky. She was white as a ghost, her lips were tinged blue.
"She's not breathing," Jasper shouted. His hands shook with fear and his heart welled with sadness. The urge to cry was overwhelming. He tightened his nerves and called himself names to keep from breaking down in front of his family.
Peter had once seen a drowned man saved by someone squeezing the water from him.
"She's taken on water," Peter panted, as he pushed Jasper aside. He said a silent prayer as he grasped Bella around the middle and lifted her up, bringing a gush of dirty water bursting from her mouth and nose.
"Is she alive?" Charlotte asked anxiously, wringing her hands.
Peter laid Bella down and placed his ear to her chest, he thought he heard a faint heartbeat.
"If she doesn't start breathin' soon, we're goin' to lose her," Peter said, his eyes locked on his brother's.
In a fit of worry, Jasper decided to pick Bella up and squeeze her himself.
Maybe if I could just get some more water to come out, she would start to breathe. He hoped.
Jasper squeezed Bella with all his might, and surprisingly, a little more water trickled from her open mouth, and then she began to cough.
"That's good!" Peter cheered. "That's a good sign. Try pattin' her on the back."
The brothers angled Bella across Jasper's bent knee, and then Peter thumped her a few times, hard, between her shoulder blades.
Her wet limbs hung heavy and lifeless. They had hoped for Bella to jump up, to come alive, to say something, but she remained unconscious.
Jasper turned Bella over and eased her to the ground. Her eyes were closed now, and her breaths were shallow. The pallor of her skin reminded Jasper and Peter of all the dead soldiers they had buried back when they had fought in the war.
Charlotte stood shivering, off to one side, not knowing what to do. Her teeth were clenched to keep them from rattling. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to find some warmth, but it didn't help. "We n- n- need to all get out of these wet clothes," she stuttered.
Jasper couldn't tear his gaze from Bella's blue lips. "We need to get her warmed up."
Charlotte dropped to the ground and started to undo the buttons of Bella's dress, her fingers shaking with the cold. "I'll get Bella undressed. Ya'll go see if you can find something warm to wrap her in."
The brothers bolted towards the wheel-less wagon, and Peter climbed quickly inside. "Let's unload everything, and get Bella in here. I'm not sure the tents are viable, and we need to get out of the rain," Peter said, as he handed Jasper a dry blanket. "Damn, we've lost a lot of supplies."
Everything touching the wagon floor had gotten wet and soiled. Once it stopped raining, they would have a lot of cleaning and sorting to do; including throwing away the ruined foodstuffs. Some of their belongings had fallen out as well, lost forever, to the rush of the Snake River.
Jasper couldn't care less about the things they had lost. He wasn't even worried if they made it to the fort or not anymore. He just wanted Bella to be all right. He wanted her to live.
It didn't matter if she married him, or if she had a job, or if she bore his children. All he wanted was for her to recover. Just open her eyes and speak to him. He'd take anything, any sign that she would make it.
Jasper left Peter to unpack the wagon, and he hurried to carry the blanket over to Charlotte.
With a grateful nod, his sister-in-law took the blanket and wrapped it around Bella's front, while she slipped the dress down below her shoulders.
Jasper turned his back out of respect and returned to help his brother empty out the wagon. He wished they could build a fire, but there was no way. There was nothing dry to collect.
Peter was spewing profanities, as he set all of the supplies outside in the rain. "If it's not ruined, it's gonna be if this gol'durn rain doesn't let up," Peter yelled in frustration.
The brother's worked as quickly as they could to empty the wagon, then Jasper carried Bella over, and laid her down inside, on top of some dry hides that he had arranged for her.
Peter and Charlotte went off to change out of their sopping wet clothes, and left Jasper alone for a moment with Bella.
Jasper found her small, limp hand, and covered it with his own. Her skin felt cold and clammy, and he feared that she was close to death. He bent his head down over her chest to see if he could hear her heart.
The water from his hair dripped down his face and onto her blanket. He squeezed her hand as the tears began to fall; they ran hot across his cheeks, and he began to sob.
His body shook with the overwhelming emotions, and he broke down. He clutched at Bella's hand, and he cried, and he prayed.
Minutes passed before Jasper finally lifted his head and realized that the rain had stopped.
Jasper smoothed Bella's hair back across her forehead, willing her to wake up. "Bella, can you hear me, Darlin'?"
She lay still and silent, unresponsive to his words. Jasper's throat tightened and his vision became blurred again. He blinked the tears away and leaned down close to her face. He needed to see her, to memorize her features; he never wanted to forget her.
But he didn't want to lose her.
"I can't live without you, Bella. I can't go on with out you. I won't do it," Jasper swore, as he lowered his head down to her chest and wept.
Charlotte, who had changed out of her wet clothes, peeked into the wagon. Her lips were pressed in a thin line. "Has Bella come around?"
Jasper shook his head sadly, and then wiped his hands over his face to clean away the tears.
"I'll stay with her, you go get changed. Pete found some dead trees and he aims to skin the wet bark off. He may need your help to build up a fire." Charlotte urged Jasper to get up. She promised that she'd take good care of Bella while he was gone.
Jasper didn't want to leave, but his sister-in-law insisted that she needed privacy to dress Bella, and more importantly she would need the warmth of a fire and a good meal to get better, so begrudgingly he left her side.
Peter was just outside the wagon trying to set up the big tent. Jasper noticed his brother struggling with it. The fabric was wet and heavy and awkward for one man to pitch it by himself, so Jasper stepped in and helped him.
"Thanks," Peter said, and he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.
Jasper searched his brother's eyes for answers. "Is she going to make it?"
Peter cleared his throat. For once he honestly had no clue, and didn't even know what to say. "I hope so."
Jasper bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself not to cry.
"Go change your clothes, and I'll show you where I saw some wood we might could use." Peter pointed to a pile of clothes that were mostly dry, and as Jasper collected them, he noticed for the first time how much they had lost to the river.
At least half of the supplies were ruined, and some things were just gone.
Jasper changed and accompanied his brother to collect some wood. It was wet on the outside, but the dead tree's bark was easy enough to peel off. It fell off in clumps, and then they used their knives to skin the logs down until they had dry wood.
Luckily they hadn't lost their matches. They had been stowed safely away in a mason jar and were still dry as a bone.
It took the men a good while to amass enough wood, to make a fire. Not only because of the extra preparation due to the weather, but because every few minutes Jasper would go check in on Bella.
Every time Charlotte would answer him the same. Bella hadn't stirred.
Finally Charlotte decided to help her husband, and leave watching Bella to Jasper. She could see that the man was a wreck with his nerves, and she couldn't blame him. He needed to be by her side.
Peter was an optimistic thinker. He always tried to find something to be thankful for, even in the worst of situations. "At least it's not rainin'," he muttered to Charlotte, as the small fire he was trying to light, went out for the third time.
"Put some fat on it, or gun-powder," Charlotte said.
"Now why didn't I think of that?" Peter kissed his wife on the cheek and went to search through the supplies for something that could ignite a flame.
A short while later they had built a modest fire. Jasper carried Bella outside and sat by its warmth. He held her close to his chest as he sank to the ground beside the fire.
Charlotte wrapped a buffalo hide around them, and patted Jasper's shoulder, lovingly, before she went back to trying to decide what to cook for dinner. There was very little to choose from.
She decided to make some broth using jerked meat, and boil some sweet potatoes. She remembered how Bella loved them so, and hoped that if she smelled them it might revive her somehow.
Not only was their meal scant, but it was also heartsick. Nobody had much of an appetite; they were all so worried over Bella.
Charlotte tried to encourage Jasper to eat. She sat beside him and talked to him a while. She told him that if he got sick, he wouldn't have the strength to carry Bella around. It took a lot of convincing, but he finally drank some broth.
It was getting late, and Charlotte was exhausted. As she was getting up to go towards the tent to lie down, she looked around puzzled. "Where are the other tents?"
Jasper stared dismally into the flames. "Gone I guess."
"There's enough room for all of us to sleep in this tent. Jasper, why don't you bring Bella in here and lay her down," Charlotte offered.
"You go on. I'm going to make sure she stays warm over here by the fire." Jasper said as he clutched Bella a little tighter. Her body still felt cold.
Peter joined his wife and Jasper was left alone with Bella, with only his sadness to keep him company through the dark, cold night.
Jasper didn't want to sleep—he wouldn't let himself. He needed to be with Bella and would spend every moment he could with her. Tears rolled silently down his face as he cradled her to his chest and gently rocked her. He knew all the tears in the world wouldn't bring her back to him, but he couldn't stop the steady stream of grief. All he could do was hope and pray, and wait for the sun to rise.