"What is she doing?" Lexie asked to Izzie as they stood in the doorway to the living room, watching Meredith as she tried to untangle a long strand of yarn from around her hands.

"I think she's trying to untangle that," Izzie whispered.

"I know that," Lexie rolled her eyes. "But why?"

"It looks like she's trying to knit," Izzie said, looking at the messy, uneven knitted square that Meredith was quickly unraveling.

"Meredith doesn't knit," Lexie frowned.

"Maybe it's some kind of weird break up thing," Izzie suggested.

"It's been a month," Lexie sighed. "And she's still not over Derek."

"She's getting there," Izzie nodded. "I saw her checking out a guy in the grocery store the other day."

"It's so sad," Lexie said. "They were supposed to be together forever."

"Stupid string," Meredith frowned as she finally untangled the knots. She reached for her needles again, smiling as she saw her friends standing in the doorway. "Hey guys. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Izzie said as they stepped into the room. "What are you doing?"

"Knitting," Meredith nodded. "Because I'm celibate."

"Celibate?" Lexie asked.

"Because men are stupid," Meredith said. "I swore after Derek I'd never be with anyone else ever again, but now…"

"Now what?" Izzie asked.

"Now I'm starting to think that other men are attractive again," Meredith sighed.

"Some people would call that moving on," Lexie pointed out.

"Well, I don't want to move on," Meredith shrugged. "So I'm knitting, because this way nothing seems porny in my head."

Izzie frowned. "Meredith," she said softly. "Do you think this has anything to do with Derek?"

"No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "Derek's…he's an ass, just like the rest of them, and I'm not letting him control any more of my life."

"Okay," Lexie said softly. "I um…do you want me to teach you how to knit?"

"You know how to knit?" Meredith asked.

"I learned when I had mono," Lexie giggled as she reached for the needles. "I made my mom a lot of potholders."

"Well, thank God, you know how to do it," Meredith sighed, leaning her head against Izzie's shoulder. "I don't know what I would do without you guys. You've been amazing."

"We're here for you, Mer," Izzie said. "We love you."

Meredith smiled sadly as she reached out to begin rolling the other end of the yarn into a ball. "At least I have you," she sighed.

XXXXX

"Alright everyone, I have a surprise for you," Meredith smiled to her class a couple days later. "Look what I've made for the reading corner."

Her students all looked up at her with eager eyes as she reached behind her desk and pulled out a light blue knitted blanket. "I made this over the weekend," she said. "I know some of you get cold when you're reading, so now when you're on the bean bag chairs, you can have something to keep you warm."

Her class all inhaled sharply, admiring the blanket. "I'm glad you like it," she giggled. "Now, I'm going to put it over there while you're all at recess, but if there's any arguing, it's going to go back to my house, okay?"

There was a chorus of nods, and Meredith giggled slightly. "Okay, let's get our coats on for recess," she said, causing a scurry of activity as her students moved towards their backpacks, grabbing coats and mittens and scarves before running outside to the playground.

When her classroom was empty, Meredith collapsed onto the chair behind her desk, reaching for her knitting needles. Once she'd gotten the hang of it, she'd become pretty good at knitting, and it was a good way to keep her mind of certain people who were still able to plague her mind even after weeks of not speaking.

"Excuse me," there was a knock on her door, causing her to look up and swallow hard as she laid eyes on a tall, blonde man smiling softly at her. "Are you Meredith Grey?"

"Yes," she swallowed hard.

"Good," he nodded, stepping closer and offering her his hand. "I'm Andrew Johnson. I just started as a long term sub for Katie Meyers, she had her baby last night."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, standing to shake his hand. "Right, of course. It's nice to meet you."

"You too," Andrew nodded.

"Wow, you don't see very many men in early childhood," Meredith smiled.

"Yeah, I'm kind of all by myself," Andrew laughed. "Most people think it's weird, but… I love it. I just graduated and have yet to land a permanent job, but…it's fun."

"I think it's refreshing," Meredith smiled warmly.

Andrew smiled back at her for a long moment before he cleared his throat. "You know, I'm um…I'm new to Seattle," he said. "So maybe sometime…we could get together for coffee or something and you could tell me all the insider tips about living in the city."

Meredith swallowed hard, knowing that this was a big moment. She hadn't ever been sure that she would want to date again, but now…now she could see herself really liking Andrew Johnson. "I'd like that," she said.

"Good," Andrew nodded.

"If you want…I mean if you don't have plans, maybe we can grab something after work? I know it's Friday, but I just thought…" Meredith trailed off, suddenly remembering why she hated dating.

"That would be wonderful," Andrew nodded, pushing himself off the wall. "I'll meet you in front after dismissal?"

"Perfect," Meredith smiled, suddenly feeling a lot better about herself.

XXXXX

"So you come here a lot?" Andrew asked as he sat down across from Meredith in a small, quirky coffee shop on the harbor.

"It's my favorite," she smiled. "So I suppose this can be your first stop in learning the city."

"I like it," Andrew nodded.

"So…where did you move here from?"

"D.C.," Andrew replied. "One Washington to another."

Meredith smiled as she sipped her coffee. "I love DC," she nodded. "It's a fun city."

"I don't know," Andrew smiled. "Seattle's growing on me. But that may have something to do with my tour guide."

Meredith blushed slightly as she looked down into her cup of coffee. She could definitely get used to feeling like this.

"Meredith?" a voice asked from across the room, and she looked up automatically, her face paling.

"Liz," Meredith said, wishing she could disappear. She stood and smiled awkwardly at Derek's sister, knowing that this was bad, very very bad.

"Hi," Liz smiled, leaning forward to hug Meredith awkwardly. "Um…how are you?"

"I'm good," Meredith smiled. "You know how it is."

"Yeah," Liz nodded, her eyes flickering to Andrew for a moment before she turned back to Meredith, an obviously forced smile on her face.

"I um…this is Andrew," Meredith said. "He just started working in my unit. Andrew, this is Liz. She's…."

"We're old friend," Liz supplied, holding her hand out.

"Nice to meet you, Liz," Andrew smiled.

"Hmmm," Liz nodded, and Meredith took a deep breath, willing this awkward situation to be over. She wondered briefly if she should ask about Derek, but quickly decided against it, knowing that would just lead to more drama than she could handle in one coffee date.

"Okay, well, look, I've got to run," Liz said. "I'm meeting D….a friend, but I had to get my coffee fix. It was good seeing you, Meredith."

"You too," Meredith whispered. "I um…tell everyone hi for me."

"I will," Liz smiled. "Bye Meredith."

"Bye," Meredith breathed sliding back into her seat and resting her head in her hand for a moment.

"You okay?" Andrew asked, his deep brown eyes showing obvious concern.

"Fine," Meredith nodded. "Just…blast from the past."

"Ah," Andrew nodded.

Meredith took a deep breath and shook her head before she smiled at Andrew. "So, where did you go to college?" she asked.

XXXXX

"Thanks again for dinner," Meredith smiled as she and Andrew walked up the pathway to her house later that night. "You really didn't have to pay though."

"I wanted to," he smiled.

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Well…thanks."

"You're welcome," Andrew nodded, his eyes glazing over slightly as he leaned closer to her.

"I um…I guess I'll see you on Monday," Meredith said awkwardly, reaching for the door handle. As much as she was able to picture herself having some fun with Andrew, she wasn't really to go all in yet.

"Oh," Andrew nodded. "Good night."

"Good night," Meredith smiled as she stepped into her house.

As soon as the door was closed, she turned and jumped, finding herself face to face with Lexie and Izzie's curious faces. "Do you two ever do anything besides pry into my love life?" she asked.

"Who is he?" Izzie asked.

"Were you on a date?" Lexie asked.

"What about the knitting?"

"What about Derek?"

Meredith rolled her eyes as she pushed her way past them towards the kitchen. "His name is Andrew, he's a teacher at my school. It wasn't a date, it was a coffee thing that turned into a dinner thing. He has nothing to do with my knitting, and certainly nothing to do with Derek."

Lexie glanced at Izzie for a moment before she asked, "Coffee thing?"

"He's new to the city, he just wanted to see some of the sights," Meredith shrugged as she opened a bottle of wine.

"Do you like him?" Izzie asked.

"I…I could like him," Meredith nodded. "I'm just trying not to move too fast. Because every time I try to date someone, I get burned."

"Well, tell us about him," Lexie said.

"He's really sweet," Meredith smiled. "He took me out to dinner after coffee, and it was…nice."

"Nice," Izzie repeated.

"I like him," Meredith nodded. "But I'm not sure I like him enough."

"How do you know?" Lexie asked.

"I just…Derek obviously wasn't the person for me," Meredith said. "He was a complete ass, but at first…it was good. I knew that there was something right away, and with Andrew…I just don't feel it."

"But maybe that's a good thing," Izzie pointed out. "If you don't feel for Andrew the same way you felt for Derek, maybe things will end differently. Better."

"I guess," Meredith sighed. "But…I ran into Liz. At the coffee house."

"Liz Shepherd?" Lexie asked. "Derek's sister Liz?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "It was completely awkward and weird, but it really made me think, you know?"

"Did she know you were on a date?" Izzie asked.

"I…I guess so," Meredith sighed. "Which means she'll tell Derek."

"Is that a problem?" Lexie asked. "I mean, you two live in the same city, obviously he's going to find out about your life sooner or later."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "I just didn't really think about it. His family was so good to me, and I just…I wish I could still see them. Just not Derek."

"That's not really possible, Mer," Izzie said. "They're his family."

"I know," she sighed. "I just…it's weird to think about moving on. But I'm going to. With Andrew. And he's never going to meet my mother."

Lexie smiled as she reached out to pour more wine into her glass. "I'm happy for you, Mer," she said.

"Thanks," Meredith sighed. "I've had a long day, so I'm going to crash. But I'll see you guys in the morning."

"Night Mer," Izzie smiled.

"Sweet dreams," Lexie called after her.

Meredith sighed as she collapsed into her bed, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment before she moved to open the drawer to the nightstand on the opposite side of the bed. She looked down at the small picture of her and Derek that rested there, her mind replaying the emotions she'd felt after her first date with him She'd been excited then, ready to jump into a new relationship, as scary as it might have been. But now, with Andrew, she wasn't feeling that same excitement. She felt relief, hope that at the fact that maybe she wouldn't be alone forever.

"Derek," she sighed. "Why couldn't you have been the real thing?"

She moved towards her dresser, opening the third drawer down to reveal a single worn T-shirt, one that hadn't been worn in over a month. Now, suddenly needing it, Meredith stripped her clothes and slid the light blue button down over her shoulders, buttoning it carefully before she curled back under the covers.

She wondered briefly how he was doing. She'd been so tempted to ask Liz how his clinicals were going, whether he had been able to move on from their break up the way she had. Whether he was seeing anyone. Like she might be.

"I miss you," she whispered as she buried her face in the pillow that had long since stopped smelling like him. His smell still lingered on the shirt she was wearing and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, squeezing her eyes closed. Right now, with his shirt held tightly against her skin, it was easy to pretend that Derek was holding her, that she could finally get a good night's sleep in his arms again.

Finally allowing herself to feel the pain of life without Derek, Meredith clutched the sheets tightly around her as she sobbed quietly, trying to pretend that maybe, just maybe, Derek wasn't as bad as she knew he really was. Maybe he would come back to her and prove that he wasn't a complete ass.