Anything bolded and italicized is a direct quote from The Drawbridge.

Carlos is crying. He's crying, listening to the radio and he's bent double, tears streaming down his perfect face. I don't understand-all that's being reported on is the drawbridge problem, and...wait...wait! He's laughing.

I can't understand why. Maybe bridges are built differently where he comes from?

Carlos has finally got his laughter under control, and has picked up a pencil and some paper. I think he's drawing a diagram for the engineers.

"The revitalization of the Old Town Drawbridge experienced another setback this week, as engineers determined that the furniture upholstery used to construct the bridge towers soaks up water and creates an unstable foundation. This week's collapse was the third in as many months.

Construction crews have tried building the bridge tower base supports from corrugated cardboard, non-dairy creamer, and ceramic bowls. Nothing has worked.

Engineers are asking for help in determining how proper bridge towers are made. If you have any tips, please write them on notebook paper and mail them to

Bridge Magic, LLC
PO Box 616

Do not use cursive or long words. Clearly labeled drawings are preferred."

Anyway, NVCR is doing its annual pledge drive for WZZZ and all the other community radio stations here in Night Vale. Actually, I think there are only the two stations, and nobody except for the people who use WZZZ's numbers actually listen to it, so I don't know how the pledges are divided. You have to buy a special, modified radio to even get WZZZ, anyway.

Carlos is frowning at his radio, and picking up his lab's phone. He's looking around, as if checking to see that no-one is watching, and whispering "Forsaken Algonquinia" into the receiver. A tinny, mechanical voice is saying "Thank you for your donation, Carlos."

"To be honest, here at Night Vale Radio we don't know exactly what that station is for, or what master it is serving. But I do know that it is a vital part of this community, and we should pitch in to help it. We welcome your support.

Give us a call! We don't have a number; just whisper, "Forsaken Algonquinia" into your phone receiver, and Angels, or Facebook, or something, will deliver us an appropriate contribution from your bank account."

I can't believe that Steve Carlsberg! What right does he have to deny this town a drawbridge? He never does anything for Night Vale, and here he is stating that simply because we don't have any boats, rivers or bays, it's a waste to build a drawbridge! Well, I tell you, this is coming from the stupid, lazy, little human who can't even take care of a puny mortal possession like a car!

"You know what? Forget it. I can tell you right now that that was Steve Carlsberg who said that, and he is such a spoilsport, that Steve! Have you ever noticed how he never replaces his hubcaps? It's laziness, pure and simple. Laziness. I just can't let him ruin our town by denying Night Vale a drawbridge when he can't even care for a tan Corolla!"

And the worst thing is, he's not the only one! The city council is getting torn up by citizens who don't understand things like municipal projects! All of our projects-the Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Center, the Night Vale Clock-tower- they went over budget and over schedule, but they all made us proud in the end! The Clock-tower keeps impeccable time, and the Harbor is a beautiful little addition to our town.

The Night Vale Daily Journal has started up their new Imagination Edition, and I was signed up for it. I don't think they realize that I'm not a citizen of Night Vale yet. For now, I live in the Dog Park- a completely separate place from Night Vale.

Either way, I'm really proud that they let me experience this full motion, body and color version of the news. It really makes keeping up with current events more fun, if not easier. I can't wait until I actually live there. It will make this new addition to my powers very useful.

"The Night Vale Daily Journal has announced that, due to spiraling printing costs, they will be replacing the print edition of the paper with a special new Imagination Edition. Editor Leanne Hart explains, "Instead of confining our customers to the outdated modes of ink on paper, we are allowing them to choose the news that interests them by imagining whatever news they want. This will not only save costs, but allow customers to experience the news as a full color, full motion experience taking place in a mental world that is tailored to their needs."

I have to stop writing now-The One Who Openly Steals Babies wants us all to take a moment to hum out a deeply coded message asking for precious metals and toddlers. Only the darkest gods in the farthest reaches of the universe know what he wants with tiny humans and shiny things, but I'll help them anyway.