Morning rolled around but I woke far too early for us to head out, it was 5 am and Jacob was snoring softly behind me, his arms wrapped around me. All my life I'd slept just fine, but without those arms around me at night I suddenly found it impossible.

His breathing got quiet all of a sudden and I turned in his arms to see him staring at me with a look of shame on his face. "Morning." I smiled but he just moved his lips attempting a small smile but failed horribly.

"You okay?" I rubbed his cheek with my knuckles

"No...I need to be honest with you about something and am not sure how you'll take it."

I looked into his eyes, they mirrored mine full of love and admiration. "You can tell me anything, you know that."

He nodded slightly and tightened his grip on me, I knew what he needed to get off his chest was difficult for him to talk about.

"I had a dream, but it wasn't a normal one full of you and happy things. I mean, it started out that way and we were about to..." I nodded, not needing him to explain that as my cheeks set on fire. He rubbed his knuckles across my flushed cheeks and continued, "But as I began I looked up and it was Jade and she flipped me over and...I had to watch her rape me Bella." His voice was choked as though he were holding back emotion and I felt instantly bad for him. "I couldn't control my body anymore at that point and the things she did...I..." He shook his head, "I was amazed that she was able to rape me, but in the sense that it's normally easier for a guy to take the girl, and yet she did it. When she was done it was like I was invisible and following her around the party as she told everyone that I finally got laid and it'd be the last time because I was awful." He swallowed again, "I saw everyone laughing and talking about me, like I never exsisted but to humor them. People I thought were my friends were suddenly making jokes about how pathetic I was."

"And then suddenly I felt that I'd cheated on you and I'd lost you forever. And you came into the party and laughed about how you dodged a bullet and were so happy you'd turned me down. I mean I know it's a stupid dream...but..."

I held him tightly, willing all of my love for him to engulf him in comfort. "Jake, our dreams convey our insecurities, everything you just told me tells me you think about it a lot even if you don't say anything."

"I do and I don't though. I don't know, I'm just being stupid." He dismissed the conversation.

"No you aren't, I am sure you are angry that you were robbed of that first experience despite the circumstances. Then you worry about what I would think, I promise you that this entire thing doesn't phase me." He looked at me, weary. "I mean it's slightly dissapointing, if we're being honest here, that I won't be your first." He looked down away from my gaze and I frowned, determined to make him feel better. "But...at the same time it doesn't, because I know it's both of our first times in that sense. She took your innocence Jake, and you are a teenage guy, hell I understand you want to know if you are any good or not. Hearing that you aren't from people who hardly know you, it has to eat at you and it's understandable. All I can offer you is that when the time comes," He looked at my finally, hope glimmering in his gaze, "and it will, I'll be able to tell you all of that. Just be patient with me, I promise it'll be worth it."

"What if I'm not good though?" I wanted to laugh, how could Jacob not be good at something. He excelled at everything he did, he would be the most successful person on the planet if he was actually able to get out of Forks.

I eyed him and searched his eyes for humor, but it was not present. "And what if I'm not? Will it stop us from the act at hand? Or from perfecting it until we are?" I blushed furiously again, hating that my skin betrayed me at moments like these.

He smiled and shook his head slowly, "No, you are right."

"Yeah. I know." I giggled, "I usually am."

"Oh really?" He barked out a laugh, "What about that time Seth and Quil walked in on us kissing and you said..."

"SHUT IT!" I laughed, slapping my hand over his mouth. "Do not say that out loud, I don't think my skin can take that kind of blush."

He barked out another laugh and tackled me onto the bed where we spooned.

"We need to get on the road sadly."

"Why sadly? We'll be in a hotel tonight too." I pressed my butt back into him to mess with him but was stopped by his erection on my rear very quickly. "Jake..."

He groaned and pulled away from me slightly, "What, I'm sorry."

I bit my lip, stiffing a giggle and turned around in his arms. "I wasn't talking about that, I actually forget what I was going to say. You do that to me."

He smiled but it didn't meet his eyes. "What's wrong?"

He scratched his neck and frowned, "I need to go uhm..." I nodded and clenched my eyes shut, gutted that I forced him into the shower again. "Hey, look at me." I opened my eyes, his thumb tracing my chin. "This is just a part of coping, it's not your fault." He kissed my nose and rolled off the bed gently to go shower.

I groaned as I heard him swear as the cold water turned on and I got up to pack up our stuff so we could head out after we were showered. My walls were secure as far as intimacy went, but I knew Jacob was uncomfortable 80% of the time and I needed to cool off the teasing. If I wasn't going to help the poor guy out with a release I should at least stop teasing him.

Half hour later we were both showered and on the road again, "Hey, I never thanked you for being so understanding about the nightmare and everything about you know."

"You are welcome. I am your girlfriend, I need to be understanding to put up with you." I teased, getting a delightful chuckle out of him. "Seriously though Jake, part of being in a committed relationship is accepting each others past and still wanting a future and I do."

He smiled at me, "I'm glad to hear that. I don't know anyone else who would put up with what you do, with the wolf thing and the treaty, then with everything that happened in my life?"

"We both have a lot of obstacles we've had to overcome but it's okay Jake."

Author's Note: Please review.