"I can't believe you're pregnant," Derek murmured as he helped Meredith climb onto the exam table a couple hours later.

"I just found out," she murmured.

"Are you sure you feel okay?" Derek asked. "You're pale. Do you need some water? Something to eat?"

"Derek, I just watched one of my students shoot herself in the head," she snapped. "No, I'm not okay."

"Right," he murmured, squeezing her hand gently. "Sorry. We'll get you home as soon as we're done."

"No," she sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry. This is supposed to be happy, but I just…I can't get that image out of my head. It was horrible, Derek, and I can't just let it go."

"I know," he whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to her head. "You'll be okay, Mer. I'll help you through it, whatever you need. And I'm talking spoiling. Breakfast in bed, the works."

"Thank you," she whispered.

There was a soft knock on the door, and a moment later, a doctor stepped in, smiling widely. "Dr. Shepherd," she nodded.

"Dr. White," he smiled slightly.

"And you must be Meredith," Dr. White said with a smile. "It's nice to meet the woman Dr. Shepherd talks about so much."

"Nice to meet you," Meredith murmured.

Dr. White smiled sympathetically as she reached out to set up the sonogram. "I'm sure you're baby is fine," she assured them. "But we'll do an ultrasound just to make sure. It may be too early to see anything though."

Meredith was silent as she stared at the screen, clutching Derek's hand tightly. Dr. White pressed a few buttons on the monitor before running the probe over Meredith's still flat stomach. "There we are," she said with a smile. "Everything looks good. It's still very early, I'd say that you're only three weeks along. Much too early for a heartbeat, but I'm not concerned about development."

"Oh," Derek breathed, smiling at the screen as he gripped her hand. "Meredith, that's our baby."

Meredith frowned as she propped herself up on her elbows, staring at the screen for a moment before she turned to Derek with tear filled eyes. "Derek, I can't see it," she whispered.

Derek smiled softly as he sat down beside her on the exam table, wrapping an arm around her waist as he pointed at a small spot on the screen. "See that?" he whispered, looking down at her.

She nodded silently, tears spilling down her cheeks. She clutched Derek's shirt tightly, staring at the screen.

"Mer, that's it. That's our baby."

"Oh," Meredith gasped, staring at the screen for a moment, reaching out to run her fingers over the screen before loud sobs wracked her body, causing her to bury her face in her hands, her shoulders heaving.

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, pulling her closer as she turned into his chest, her tears soaking his shirt as she clutched at the fabric. "It's okay. You're going to be fine. And so will the baby."

"We're having a baby," she sobbed. "And Emily…she just…she's dead, Derek. And we're having a baby."

"Shhh," Derek breathed, rocking her gently. "It's okay, Mer, let it out. I'm right here, it's okay to cry."

"I'll give you two a moment," Dr. White murmured. "I'll come back in a few minutes to follow up."

"Thanks," Derek smiled before he turned back to his wife, rocking her gently in his arms. "It's okay, Mer," he whispered. "I'm here." He ran a hand through her hair, letting her cry her feelings out.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "We're seeing our baby which is a good thing, it really is. I'm so happy that we're pregnant, Derek. We're having a baby, which is amazing. But I can't…I just can't…"

"Can't what?" Derek murmured.

"I can't get the image of her shooting herself out of my head," she sobbed. "She was always so calm and quiet. And the next thing I know, she's holding me hostage in my own classroom, and the way her body just dropped…I don't now that I'll ever get over that."

"I don't think you can," Derek murmured. "You just have to learn to live with it. It will fade. We'll have our baby Eventually you'll be able to get through the day without thinking about it."

"How?" Meredith whispered, tears staining her cheeks as she looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Well, you've got a lot going on," Derek said with a soft smile. "In a couple months we're going to have our house. It's almost done. You know what the painters told me today?"

"What?" she whispered.

"The rooms are done," he murmured. "So the carpeting's going in next week, and then we can start moving in."

"Really?" she whispered.

"Really," Derek promised.

"Will it ever stop hurting?" she whispered.

"Yes," Derek nodded. "And our baby will help that. He or see will be amazing. We're going to watch him or her grow, and pretty soon you'll be worrying about nursery colors and baby names."

"I can't wait," she whispered.

"Me either."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I'm happy about our baby, Derek, I swear I am."

"I know you are," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I am too. It's amazing."

"Is everything okay?" Dr. White asked, poking her head back into the room. "Are we ready to continue?"

"Yes," Derek smiled. "Thank you."

"Alright, Meredith," Dr. White sighed. "I'd say that the conception date was around the 4th, probable due date would be July 5th."

"A fourth of July baby," Derek smiled, squeezing Meredith.

"Hmmm," she nodded.

"I heard that you were at the high school shooting," Dr. White said sympathetically. "I don't see any problems with the baby, and fortunately you weren't physically injured. But I'm noticing that you're understandably emotionally upset."

"I'll be okay," Meredith murmured from her spot in Derek's arms.

"Meredith," Dr. White said. "I'm speaking as your doctor, concerned for your baby, as well as an attending concerned for her resident. You're going to be pretty traumatized by this. And it might be helpful if you went to talk to someone. We have a very effective psychological staff right here at the hospital."

"Derek," Meredith whimpered, curling closer to him. "Can we…home?"

"Sure, Mer," Derek sighed, smiling at Dr. White. "Is there anything else we should know?" he asked.

"I'm going to write you a prescription for some neonatal vitamins," Dr. White sighed. "And I know it might be hard, but this is the name of the head of our psych department. There's not pressure, Meredith, but if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not taking care of your baby. That's my main concern in this situation."

"Thank you," Derek said, taking the offered papers. "We'll make an appointment for a few weeks?"

"Please do," Dr. White smiled. "You'll be able to hear the heartbeat in a few weeks."

"Thanks," Derek smiled, shifting Meredith in his arms. "I'll help you get dressed, and then we can go home, Mer."

"Home," Meredith breathed, leaning into her husband. Right now, that was all she needed.

XXXXX

"Okay, what do you need?" Derek asked as he pulled the covers over Meredith in the trailer later that night. "Water? Something to eat? Is your head okay? I'll get you some Advil."

"Derek," she shook her head, sitting up in bed. "I just need you."

"Mer, you have to eat," he said. "I'll make you some fettucini, it's your favorite."

"I know I need to eat," Meredith whispered. "The baby needs it. But right now…all I need is my husband."

Derek sighed as he stared at her for a moment, running his hands through his hair. "Mer, I just…I need to take care of you. And the baby."

"You know what me and baby need right now?" Meredith whispered.

"What?" he asked, turning to look at her. "Are you craving something? I'll go get you anything you want."

"We need Daddy," Meredith whispered, reaching for him. "Please, Derek, I just need you."

Derek sighed as he climbed into bed beside her, pulling her into his arms. "God, Mer," he breathed. "I was so scared today."

"Me too," she whispered.

"I thought," Derek inhaled sharply as he remembered the terror that had rushed through his veins earlier that day. "I thought when the gunshots went off it was you."

"I'm okay, Derek," she whispered, taking his hand and pressing it against her stomach. "We're okay."

"I know," he nodded. "I just…Mer, I would have no idea if I lost you. After Dad…I don't know what I would do."

"Me either," she whispered. "I was so scared of leaving you alone. Because I knew that would break you."

Derek breathed in deeply, closing his arms tighter around his wife. "I love you so much, Mer," he whispered. "And our baby."

"I love you too," she whispered, snuggling closer into his warmth.

"I'm going to take the rest of the week off," he murmured into her hair. "To take care of you."

"No," Meredith shook her head, her hair falling against his chest. "I'm fine, Derek. You don't need to baby me."

"It's not babying you," Derek insisted. "It's taking care of you."

"Derek, I'll be fine," she sighed. "I just…need to work through this on my own. I don't need you to do anything besides love me. And Baby."

"I do love Baby," Derek smiled, reaching down to push her shirt over her stomach. "Hi Baby Shepherd. It's Daddy."

"Derek," Meredith giggled, running her fingers through her hair. "Our baby is the size of a grape. He or she can't hear you yet."

"Doesn't mean I can't talk to him or her," Derek shrugged. "And it got you to giggle."

Meredith smiled down at him. "Yeah," she sighed. "I guess it did."

Derek smiled as he moved back up to her, linking his hands through hers. "What do you want, Mer?"

"Can we just…sleep?" she whispered.

"Of course," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

XXXXX

Meredith sighed as she rolled over in bed, reaching for Derek and opening her eyes when all that met her hands were cold sheets. She sighed as she reached for the piece of paper on his side of the bed, letting her eyes decipher Derek's messy doctor handwriting.

Come up to the house when you wake up sleepyhead. I've got a surprise for you.

She sighed as she collapsed back onto the pillows, looking up at the rarely sunny sky through the skylight in the trailer. She was still completely exhausted, and she turned to look at the clock, frowning when she saw it was noon. She'd been sleeping for almost twenty hours.

She pulled herself out of bed, smiling softly as she ran a hand over her belly. "Hi baby Shepherd," she whispered as she pulled on a pair of jeans and one of Derek's sweatshirts before pushing the door open and beginning the trek to the house in front of her.

"Derek?" she called as she opened the front door, smiling at the front hall that actually looked like a front hall. The walls were painted and the hardwood floors gleamed under the large picture window at the end of the hall that looked out over Seattle.

"Mer," Derek smiled as he came down the stairs that were still waiting to be carpeted. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly.

"Better," she nodded as she looped her arms around her neck. "Our house is almost done."

"It is," Derek said, pulling back and reaching for her hand. "Come here."

Meredith followed him up the stairs, giggling softly as he stopped outside their closed master bedroom door. "Derek, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Close your eyes," he said.

"What?" Meredith asked. "Why?"

"Because I'm your husband and I said so," Derek replied.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked, narrowing her eyes and placing her hands on her hips.

"I mean…I have a really great surprise for you and I'd really like for you to close your eyes so I can see the expression on your face," Derek corrected himself. "But you definitely don't have to if you don't want to."

"Good answer," Meredith said, reaching for her hand and closing her eyes. "Okay."

"Thank you," Derek said, squeezing her hand and she heard him push the door open. He took her hand and guided her into the room before whispering, "okay, you can open them."

Meredith opened her eyes, gasping as she looked around the bedroom that had been completely empty only two days before. A soft blue carpet sat on the floor, and a large four poster bed sat in front of her. She looked around the room in awe, taking in the nightstand tables and dressers, candlelight illuminating the room. "Derek," she breathed, stepping closer to the bed to run a hand over the white comforter, looking at the French doors that led to the balcony overlooking their cliff. "What…how?"

"We had the furniture all picked out," Derek smiled. "After you fell asleep last night I called Mark, and we set this all up."

"It's…ready?" she breathed. "To live in?"

"It is," Derek laughed. "Bedroom, kitchen, and office are done. Of course the kitchen and the office don't have any furniture, but we can take care of that."

"Wow," Meredith smiled, settling onto the bed. "It's comfortable."

"I know," Derek smiled, moving to sit beside her.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, running a hand through his hair. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled before leaning down to press a hand to her stomach. "And you, Baby Shepherd. Daddy loves you."