Last night, I had the most terrifying nightmare.
It was Sunday morning. The inharmonious squawking from the outside crows penetrated the walls, but it couldn't overtake the robotic beeps of various machines connected to her skin; even murmurs from the television were lost in the orchestra of noise.
I woke up to escape it.
But he was still there.
The monster inside her, a genuine demon, existed in the real world.
"Welcome back."
He was here, standing no less than two feet away. His tone was bitter, caustic. After all that has happened, she could finally see behind that handsomely deceiving mask.
A mask he no longer cared to hide behind.
Their gazes met; deep, endless eyes meet soft, viridian. She tried to make out what he was thinking, but unlike her, he was incredibly hard to read. If she was an open book, he was a grimoire under lock and key. His face was stone, yet every hateful emotion possible was lying under the surface of his ghastly skin. Jet black hair veiled over his forehead as he loomed at her bedside in the most hostile manner. Her throat was desert dry, but she had enough fluid running through her to produce tears that were slowly clouding her vision.
The realization finally set in.
He's going to kill me.
A sudden break in his prefect masquerade: a twitch at the corner of his mouth, from anger and hunger, no doubt. Hot tears were streaming down the sides of her face and ugly sobs gurgled from her throat. He was coming closer.
I can't move. I can't scream.
What did I do to deserve this?
Then, the entire setting quaked from below as fissures spidered up along the walls until the ceiling, the windows, everything deteriorated and fell to pieces. The black flames of Hell shot out from every cracked opening; she threw her hands up for protection against the scorching heat. The demon stood still, basking in the comfortable warmth, completely immune to his indigenous territory. He then lunged forward, ready to take her life without missing a beat, but she blinked and in a split second –
Everything is back to normal.
[13] The Paranoia
Nightmares. Hallucinations. Reality?
The stress was finally getting to her. Even after snapping out of her living nightmare, the room continued to spin. Sakura quivered under the sheets and began to feel something horrible rise in her throat. As she tried to sit up, her feeble arms buckled underneath her weight and she fell back in the fluff of her pillows. The abrupt movement jerked the bile forward and the dry heaving began.
Sasuke, who has been innocently standing by her side since she woke, bursted into reflexive action. Without thinking, he reached for an empty basin, but the good deed backfired. His sheer proximity was frightening her; it made her stomach summersault even more. She pulled her hand out in defense, misunderstanding his motives. Her entire being shuttered forward with every risk of puking.
"D-don't!" she yelped behind her hand covering her mouth. Bewildered, he stepped back. A retort was set to shoot out of his mouth, but Tsunade walked in with eyes ablaze. She pointed a polished nail at the vampire crowding the ailed girl.
"You have some explaining to d-" She walked forward and next notices the pink-haired girl behind him, finally awake.
"Oh, Sakura!" Tsunade cooed, following a whiplash of emotion. "Good Morn- …"
The meager contents of Sakura's stomach splashed against the floor on the opposite side of the bed. She whimpered and her face turned from a shade of puke-pallor white to a humiliated pink.
"…"
.
She laughed apologetically. "So-sorry…"
"Five times is enough, don't apologize anymore! This is a hospital, for Pete's sake," Tsunade ordered with spunk to lighten the mood. "This is what we're paid to do." Sakura meekly smiled despite herself. The doctor stood up and stretched her back after being bent over for some time. She walked into the adjacent private bathroom to toss the used towels and wash up.
Meanwhile, Sakura wiped her mouth with a damp cloth. In her peripheral vision, she noticed Sasuke watching her from the couch. His eyes were digging under her skin and she couldn't feel more uncomfortable. She wanted him to leave, and as if Tsunade read her mind, she appeared right on time and called out to him.
"You, hallway. NOW."
"I need to talk to her," he said, his words melting with notable insolence. "Alone."
Sakura shot him a look and instantly regretted it; just looking at him made the queasiness return. It was almost amazing how her failed assassin was sitting two feet away from her and not in a stone cell, rotting forever – if vampires could rot, that is. It made her skin crawl. Was he really going to get away with this? Nonetheless, he doesn't move an inch.
"It can wait, her health comes first."
But Sasuke wasn't the only sketchy one. It was unusual for the chief of medicine to be anywhere near patient rooms because she was customarily stuck under stacks of paperwork and glued to her desk. Sakura may have been blacking out, going through hellish earthquakes, and getting the life sucked out of her all day, but she wasn't dense. First, Hinata was being very un-Hinata, and now Dr. Tsunade takes a sudden interest in her case? Sakura was growing more and more suspicious about the people around her. Whether this paranoia was the aftermath of learning the world's deadliest secret or not, she didn't know, but what she did know was that she was sick of it.
This charade.
"Nausea is a common symptom with heavy blood loss," reported the doctor, tampering with a syringe, "I'll give you some liquid medication since you can't seem to keep anything down." She laughed lightly, but the words were flying in one ear and out the other. Whatever she was saying sounded so fake, so rehearsed… "It will prevent any allergic reactions for the blood transfusion I have prepared for y- "
"No," said Sakura, refusing the needle, the treatment, and anything Tsunade was willing to offer. "I want to hear what Sasuke has to say."
Their gazes met again, but this time, she was awake for certain.
"Well?" Sakura asked, but Sasuke could see it in her eyes, the mirrors into her soul. It was melancholy, resentment, and anguish mixed together in a sea of green. For the first time, he did not have anything to say. No witty comebacks. No smart remarks.
"How about an apology?"
An apology? Sasuke picked up on her underlying tone, one that was brimming with vile curiosity, one that said words that were entirely different from the words spewing from her mouth: I know what you did. I know what you are.
I know you tried to kill me.
A daring half-smile graced his lips. Dangerous, toying with the balance of life.
Trusting a murderer to tell all? Unlikely.
Trusting the living with secrets of the dead? Unheard of.
Trusting each other? Impossible.
"I have nothing to apologize for," he announces ruthlessly as he walked out of the room, smooth and guilt-free. Tsunade let him pass, already having a clue on what this lovers' quarrel could be about. Before he left through the open doorway, Sakura caught the look on his face: smug and self-satisfied. Her confidence died after that. She practically told him she knew his secret. She also got what she sought after, he vanished, but she was more on edge now than ever.
"When can I get out of here?"
"After this blood transfusion…" Tsunade answered in a sing-song voice that carried a tinge of annoyance. All the disruptions were ruining her momentum. As she administered the shot, the woman took note on Sakura's appearance. Her complexion was growing peachy, returning to a normal shade. Her heartbeat was getting back to a standard pace and strength. It was amazing, considering how human she was overall. It would be considered a medical miracle, but the chief was one step ahead.
"Actually, it looks like you won't need this transfusion, after all. Or this shot, for that matter…" She pulled out a gauzy white pad and placed it on the shot site.
"Really? Why not?" Sakura feigned bafflement. She knew she wouldn't need it. It would have been down-right pathetic to get a blood transfusion for pitiful kitchen accident. It was true that Sakura wasn't a four-star chef like her mother, but she believed she wasn't that uncoordinated – how was this story able to fool anyone? How do you manage to fail at chopping onions so badly that you completely bypass your own fingers to fly the blade straight into your own arm? The wound was still under wraps, but how bad was this "accident," anyway?
"It seems we over estimated just how much blood was actually lost…" Or you're healing much faster than I previously anticipated. "We can discharge you by tonight, if you're ready."
"Tonight?"
Going home tonight means going to school tomorrow.
Going to school tomorrow means going to see Sasuke.
Going to see Sasuke means…
Am I really ready to face him?
To face death?
Sakura gulped, fearful for her days. Would it be wrong to give a self-diagnosis? Normally, it would be, but the last thing Sakura wanted to do as to grab Tsuande's attention yet again. She really didn't want another reason to stay – she is already a sitting duck as is – except she was uncertain about the perilous world outside of these four walls.
But all the doubt in the world couldn't stop her now. It was already decided; she needed to take her chances. She needed to get the hell out of here.
Her diagnosis: Stress-induced hallucinations.
Because at that very moment, the anxiety caused her to fall into another delusion where the gravity in the room disappeared; everything was accelerating around her. She willed herself to control the commotion, to keep the craziness in check. She gripped the edge of her bed and waited for the stirring to end. It worked, for now.
Tsunade stood waiting for an answer, but she didn't have to wait for long.
"I'll be ready."
.
"Hey! I'm not finished with you!" yelled Tsunade, having left Sakura in her room and stomping along the empty private wing. Sasuke continued without breaking his stride. Eventually, the old woman caught up and grabbed him by the arm only to have him yank himself free. "You're walking on thin ice, Uchiha, just barging in like that."
"It's not considered barging in when the door is wide open," he replied with a frame of arrogance.
"The nerve." She rolled her eyes. "Do you mind explaining why Sakura's suddenly your person of interest, then?"
"Che, I can ask you the same thing," he challenged. He crossed his arms over his navy parka. "You know something."
"As do you." She made a false smile. "However, I think I'm closer to finding out your secret, than you are when finding out mine. So, in other words, I think this conversation is over. And if you don't want to be fed through a tube for the rest of your existence, then I suggest you stay away from her. Permanently."
Sasuke shot her a defiant stare.
"I really hope her blood was worth it," Tsunade spoke darkly as she walked on by. "Consider this as your last warning."
Sasuke clenched his fists and was ready to punch the wall. He was guilty as charged.
They know.
"Wakey, wakey!"
Sakura could not manage to sleep a wink since her natural disaster of a wake-up call this morning, so yes, she was very much awake.
She turned her head away from the plasma screen to see a beam of sunshine bursting through her door. It had a name, Ino Yamanaka. She carried a bouquet of pink peonies, blooming flowers with delicate petals and pointed leaves. They fairly resembled cherry blossoms, coincidentally.
"Oh my god, what happened to YOU? And who said you and Hinata could have a sleepover without me? Hmm?" Ino hopped forward and gave a painful one-armed squeeze. Sakura figured Hinata told her the cover-up story, but was pleasantly surprised to find that she was able to withstand the crushing hug without shattering to pieces.
"H-Hey, Ino," murmured the girl in a headlock. Her face was turning purple when the blonde finally decided to let go. Ino trekked to the other end of the room to place the bouquet near the windowsill. "And the sleepover was last-minute, I wouldn't have survived the ride home..."
"I don't even remember getting back home! I swear on my life, I couldn't even tell which way was up by the time I got there, hahaha!"
"Yeah, I know the feeling…," Sakura agreed, hinting at more reasons than one.
Ino threw back her hair and laughed out loud. "Well, you know what they say about parties: the less you remember, the better it was."
Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
"You better get well soon! These flowers are supposed to mean like… long life or something like that," said the alleged upcoming-florist. She filled a tall plastic container with some water and rearranged the peonies in their new home. "Or at least that's what my mom told me… pretty, right?"
"Yeah thanks, Ino…" Long life? I need all the help I can get. Sakura turned her head back to the mind-numbing television when her friend caught her attention with a shriek.
"What the hell is that? Poppy flowers? That's disgusting!" she yelled, regarding the miniature ceramic pot at Sakura's side table. The patient adjusted her position and saw the simple, red plants, blooming like any ordinary flower. God save us, more flowers. "Who the hell put these here?"
"What's the matter? They're just flowers…"
"Do you know what these flowers mean?"
"Like you do?" Sakura giggled.
"Yeah, laugh it up, clumsy!" Ino gently touched one of the petals. They were definitely real. "They symbolize eternal sleep…or death. This is just in bad taste." Ino shook her head, but Sakura just stared onwards. It was an invitation to her own funeral.
"Maybe they were meant for someone else… I didn't see anyone else coming in with flowers," her voice was flat, empty. Even so, she has an idea of who just might want her dead...
"Look, there's a tag, maybe we can find out who sent it…" The visitor plucked off the gift tag tied to one of the stems. She looked it over and scoffed. "There isn't anything on it!"
How ominous.
"Was this some sick joke? Because this is NOT funny…," spoke Ino, ready to throw them out. "Okay, that's it. Flowers, BAD idea…" She grabbed the ceramic pot and tossed it into the trash. The crashing sound made Sakura grip her sheets; the room was starting to spiral yet again.
'I'm not safe here,' Sakura thought frantically as the walls oozed blood and soon, they came tumbling down.
Anywhere.
She was near tears when Ino shook her, pulling her mind away from its twisted fantasy. Watery emeralds glanced up and Ino held her hand out. The blonde was already seated on the couch, calm and cozy. The whole flower fiasco was already behind her and crumbling in the trash.
"Earth to Sakura? The remote, please? I want to see what else is on."
Without a word, she complied and the world gradually shifted back into focus. Walls were still in place. Gravity seems to be working out. The room was blood-free.
"Ew, sports channel…," Ino commented, pressing another button. She pursed her lips at the local News channel, as well. The silence got her asking, "You okay, Pinkie?"
Sakura exhaled and relaxed. "I'm getting there…"
Sakura slid her bandaged arm into her sleeve when her mother sighed deeply.
"I thought you were in a hurry to leave," said Mebuki, with the car keys ready. "It's getting dark out."
"My arm still hurts," Sakura complained. "This isn't exactly a walk in the park." The rest of her body was still achy to some extent, but she left that detail out intentionally. Her mom was clueless and that meant she needed to stick to the cover story. A bad cut on the arm, nothing more. No alcohol, no hallucinations, and no vampires. Definitely no vampires. Sakura zipped up her sweater and carried the empty duffel bag that was once carrying her change of clothes. "Okay, I'm ready."
It had rained a few hours prior to Sakura's release. The ground was still glistening with the freshly fallen rain that would freeze into snow by the end of the month. They crossed into the shimmering parking lot and jumped into the car without much to say.
"It was nice of Dr. Tsunade to give you a private room, especially one for free. How thoughtful," Mebuki broke the silence. There was no way her mom would be okay with having Hinata pay for a room that cost around $1000 a night. The only solution: Another lie. "You know, we need to send her a gift basket or some flowers. Or maybe a free dinner at Four Leaf? Haha. I'm sure she'd love that."
The word "flowers" instantly made Sakura feel on edge and if anyone deserved a gift basket, it would be the Hyuuga family. But of course, another lie led to another and then another, so Sakura, wanting to keep her mouth shut for once, just nodded in agreement. Everything just seemed to be snowballing out of control today.
They pulled into the driveway and the familiar furball sitting at the door immediately caught Sakura's attention. Hina trotted over, meowing unremittingly, and rubbed against her leg. Sakura smiled and disregarded the slight pain from bending over to pet the cat's soft fur. Her hand reached out, but the strangest emotion passes over her. She froze and a nagging feeling in the back of her mind makes her question the simple notion of petting a cat.
Was her subconscious trying to tell her something?
"…you never listen," she remembered a voice once saying.
Or maybe I'm just crazy.
Sakura lifted the feline into her arms and trailed behind her mother. They took off their shoes and closed the door behind them. The nagging feeling followed along. Once upstairs, Sakura got ready for bed and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror.
"I don't look completely dead. That's a good start," she said to herself. She took a brush and raked the knots out of her matted bedhead. The water ran and she brushed her teeth thoroughly while her mind entered a dark place.
Sakura always wondered how she would die. Would she be in the middle of an armed robbery? A hostage situation? Tortured, raped, or a life-threatening disease? For sixteen years, it never occurred to her, until now, but she never once considered that she would live a full and meaningful life until a ripe old age. She wouldn't just be happy on her deathbed and die accepting all her mistakes and regrets with loving children and grandchildren surrounding her, smiling and waving her off to Heaven. No, she was never that lucky. She always imagined a bullet hole through her skull, ropes tied aggressively around her feet, or her body ripped apart in a dark basement somewhere in this world. But now that all these possibilities seemed more realistic than not, she didn't know what to think.
But God damn it, it was really depressing.
.
10:17 PM: Sakura gets into bed, Hina situates herself at the girl's feet, and they both try to get some shut eye. The lights go off for the night.
1:34 AM: The only one sleeping is Hina; Sakura stares at her ceiling like she has been doing for the past 3 hours. Stray headlights from outside generate the moving shadows that stretched along her bedroom.
2:46 AM: Finally falls asleep. She plummets into the Black Room and sees the subject of her nightmares. She doesn't take her chances.
2:50 AM: Wakes the fuck up. Decides to never sleep again. It should be considered anti-sleep, judging from just how tired she was after she wakes.
3:55 AM: Hina stirs, Sakura cringes. Every movement in the darkness creeps her out. Her eyelids were like lead, but she'd rather kill herself than fall asleep.
5:23 AM: Falls asleep despite her convictions. Can someone be so exhausted, they can't even dream?
6:00 AM: Hates herself. Alarm goes off. School in an hour.
Death in an hour.
Sakura hauled herself to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The soothing mist blanketed her exposed body. Her inevitable demise was all she thought about.
If I were about to die right now, what would I do? She prepared herself with every escape plan and defense method possible. The only viable weapon would be her half-filled shampoo bottle. It hurt like a bitch when it fell on her foot, but would it really work against a blood-sucking predator?
Clothed and as ready as she'd ever be, Sakura entered her empty kitchen to make some instant oatmeal. She envied her mom who was still snoozing upstairs after spending her late shift managing and cooking at the restaurant. The sous-chef left Sakura alone last night to rush to work and she would be damned to be up at 6 AM. The teen would have no choice but to fend for herself.
The water boiled at just the right temperature and the oatmeal cooked on contact. Turning off the stove, Sakura then took the bowl and sat by her lonesome at the circular kitchen table.
If a vampire were to come rushing in, how would I defend myself?
The kitchen had an array of weapons to choose from. The entire knife collection, professionally polished and sharpened. The heavy, non-stick pots and pans hanging over the stove. The volcanic hot sauce sitting in their refrigerator. Even the boiling tea kettle or oatmeal could've harmed an intruder with some first degree burns. But a vampire…?
She took one bite of her goop and threw it in the trash. It already wasn't sitting right inside of her. The bowl went into the dishwasher and Sakura grabbed her winter coat. It was relatively easy to put it on, no pain or suffering to her surprise. She locked the front door behind her. Physically, she was feeling better, but her mental state was a completely different story.
The 20-minute walk to school was cut in half thanks to her anxious strides. She rushed past the blurred line between the end of the suburbs and the start of the cityscape.
If he were chasing after me, what can I use to protect myself?
There wasn't much, beside her messenger bag, filled with a folder of notes and a homework planner. There was a naked tree branch lying across the sidewalk, but she couldn't exactly defend herself with it. A broken beer bottle was lying near the edge of a passing building, but a certain killer would mercilessly laugh in her face if she tried to use it.
Everything she thought of was close to useless.
What DOES work against vampires? She racked her brain for any useful hints. All the vampire movies, books, and comics she ever came across fell out the back of her mind. And it seemed her subconscious killer decided to take a holiday. Unbelievable.
Konohagakure High School. She stepped foot on campus and eyed the Roman numeral clock on the face of the building. According to its hands, she had 15 minutes left to live. She tried to lose herself in the crowd, but the stress took over. She whipped her head around in every direction as the students drifted into the school. Everyone was a potential threat. Everyone was a possible killer.
If a vampire were to sneak up on me, what would-
"Sakura?"
Heart pounding, she turned around at the sound of her name and came face to face with Hinata, smiling kindly as always. The relief she was feeling was absolutely splendid.
"How are you feeling? How's your arm?" Hinata winked at the mentioning of their little secret. The bandages were off and no scars were left behind.
Sakura pulled up the coat sleeve and showed her. "Pretty good, but I can't believe it healed already..."
"Y-Yeah… Neji said he didn't make the cut that deep. He wasn't aiming on actually hurting you, or anything."
If only that were true for everyone…
"Right… well, it's not like I felt it anyway. I was out cold for most of the night. I learned my lesson, no more drinks for me." Sakura was well aware that it wasn't alcohol that ended her up in the hospital, but did Hinata know that? She knew what happened, she knew the truth, but she needed to keep secrets from people she cared about. She couldn't afford to put more people in danger.
Hinata smiled awkwardly in response. The two of them pushed through the massive traffic and reached Sakura's locker. The pinkette fumbled with the combination and cursed under her breath. She looked up and squinted at a clock in the hallway:
6 minutes remaining.
The numbers on the combination lock started dancing to the rhythm of a funeral march. A deep sounding organ lurked around some unseen corner and played the famous tune that echoed in her mind – her warped, delusional mind. The lock began to melt and drip between her fingers; she retracted her hand as it burned her to the bone. The hands of the clock were spinning out of control until they reached 7 o'clock.
The beginning of the end.
"N-No," she whispers desperately. "N-No, no, no."
I don't want to die!
I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
"Sakura!"
5 minutes remaining.
She's shocked back into reality as Hinata placed a hand on her back. If she kept walking backwards, she would have run into someone. Except Sakura didn't even know anyone was there. Everyone disappeared when she was having her episodes; she was forced to face her psychotic periods on her own. She would be trapped in her own mind.
Hinata's voice was so sweet and motherly.
"Are you okay?"
No. I'm not okay. I'm going to die in 5 minutes. LESS than 5 minutes. I don't know how exactly, but it will happen. Trust me, I know what I saw. Sasuke Uchiha, remember him? Yeah, well, he's a vampire. And not like some romantic, love-obsessed vampire. More like the I'll-rip-you-apart-then-laugh-maniacally-about-it kind of vampire. For some crazy ass reason, he tried to kill me. You heard me right, KILL ME. So, no, Hinata, I'm not okay.
I'm not fucking okay.
I'm going to fucking die at 16.
SIXTEEN. I can't even drive! I can't even buy myself a drink at the bar! I haven't even had sex yet!
I'll never get to go to medical school! I'll never get a job or have kids! I'll be in the GROUND or wherever else he decides to put me. Hopefully, my body will end up in a nice mausoleum, but hey, I can't be picky when
I'M ABOUT TO DIE.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I just can't get my stupid locker open."
The moment of truth.
The hallways were emptying out and the classrooms were being filled. Hinata was already on the other side of the school by now, entering her first period class without any threat to her life. Ino was probably in a bathroom, fixing her make-up and making pouty faces at herself in the mirror.
Sakura stood alone in front of her Advanced Course Algebra II and Trigonometry classroom. The door was closed in front of her, but she could see everything clearly:
Mr. Kakashi, writing the topic of the day on the musty chalkboard. Shikamaru, putting his head down on the cold desk. Naruto, chatting and laughing about subjects unrelated to math.
And Sasuke, waiting for her.
5.
Sakura took a deep breath.
4.
She accepted her fate.
3.
Maybe she did something wrong in a past life?
2.
Well, she was going to make up for it now.
1.
The first period bell shrilled loudly in her ears, but the death march was all she can hear.
She reached for the knob and threw the door open. Rows of desks were neatly organized. The blackboard was lined with erasers and chalk at its ledge. Textbooks were arranged in an orderly fashion on the bookshelf. This was not what she imagined.
No Sasuke in sight.
No Kakashi, No Naruto, no one was there. An empty classroom. She stepped inside and the eerie feeling clung to her skin.
"Where is everyone?"
The Paranoia
.
.
Please Review.