Black lace was fitting, dark, yet gracefully potent. Thick, full of energy. Marco would have liked it.
Elsa thought to herself as she thought blankly, her memory bringing her back to the day of Marco's funeral. It had been beautiful, although she hardly saw anything through a stream of tears. She had been angry at the sunny, warm day that reminded her of Marco's truck after school. She cringed at the sun whose touch was the taste of his lips against her skin. The only object keeping her afloat was the tiny girl dressed in black lace standing beside her. Miza was silent, lost in the ceremony and when the casket started to lower she fell to her knees. News reporters had been closed off but they still snapped pictures as Elsa fell with her, crumbling alongside Marco's sister.
"Marco! MARCO!" Miza screamed as the dirt was being piled on, and Elsa took her around the waist, rocking her back and forth. She did not tell Miza to hush, she angrily let her cries be heard. Elsa watched as her Marco was buried six feet away from her arms were he belonged. Miza and Elsa stayed as Yvette stood and left, as Anna and Tooth went to go wait in the car, as North and Benny and Sandy left. The two stayed even after the sermon left and the sun retreated, Jack's shadow lingering. Miza and Elsa stayed huddled together, feeling as dead as the flesh they knew was inside an oak box with green eyes and perfectly white teeth. She stayed until Miza's sobs turned to sleep and until her own turned to whimpers, into thoughts.
"Elsa?" Jack's words were so sudden Elsa jumped out of the porch chair and almost had to scramble for her inhaler. He jumped at her reaction, banging into the fence which made both of them jump yet again.
"God, Jack you scared me." Elsa breathed lightly and calmed the shaking of her hands. She flicked her gaze to Jack who was doing the same.
"I'm so sorry, Elsa." He stopped and shook his head, they both knew it was not his fault. "Carne Devello called, he want to meet with you and discuss Ha-" Elsa stopped him, begging him not to say the name, not to send her into another one of her flashbacks which were getting more and more common.
"Were?"
"At the coffee shop Benny works at." Jack waited for her patiently as five or ten minutes of silence filled the air. Elsa's mind went crazy and she played with the end of her braid. What if something bad happened? What if the paparazzi started snapping pictures and asking questons, the questions that would send her into memory induced black-out.
"When?"
"An hour." Jack replied blankly as he watched her face.
"I... I don't know."
"Elsa, it would be really good for you, you haven't been out of the house in a month, almost two, even your appointments with Dr. Amore have turned into phone calls. What happened that day has passed, we are all here for you,"
Elsa was threatened both by what Jack wanted her to do and by the anxiety clawing at her nerves. "Jack, I don't-"
"What about Miza?" Jack and Elsa both turned to look at the girl who was laying in the grass but now was standing, staring at the two and trying to listen to the conversation happening too far away from her ears. "She hasn't been out of the house either, and we both know she can't stay here forever."
Elsa sighed at his accuracy. "I-I... Fine. Fine I'll go with Miza... but who is going to watch Anna- I swear if something happens to her-" Elsa's words were tumbling out too fast and her lungs were burning.
"Elsa- hey. Nothing is going to happen to Anna, I'll watch her."
"No."
"No?"
"No you have to go with me." Elsa whispered, Please don't let them get me again.
"I will." Jack's hands were pressed down in his jeans and without thought Elsa looped her arms through his and clung to him. Don't let him get me again. She squeezed her eyes shut and her entire body started trembling out of control. Don't let ME get me again. Jack's arms around her pulled her out of the alleyways of her mind and back into the light.
.:*:.
Elsa's fingers tapped the dashboard nervously, she dared not look out the window for fear of the being recognized by the public. She looked back at Miza whose eyes were flickering around the unfamiliar world around the Honda. Jack stopped at the cafe, looking once at Elsa then Miza and back to Elsa again.
"Are you ready?" Hell No.
"Yes." Elsa whispered and looked back at Miza. "You ready sweetie?"
"Can I have a hot chocolate?" Miza turned her head to the side, the question was so normal, so comfortable.
"Of course you can get whatever you want." Elsa stared at the side view mirror for a moment too long. Her hair was pulled into a braid while her bangs sat on her head naturally, her makeup consisted of eye shadow but no liner as Caine had instructed. Elsa twisted her nose ring once before unhooking it and setting it in the middle console. She adjusted the long sleeves of her black shirt and took one last breath.
The pavement was foreign to her converse and the air was strangely fast, moving changing, forgetting. She slammed the door, almost running to the backseat to bring Miza into her arms. The girl was as wide eyed and terrified as she was and Elsa trotted on the sidewalk, pausing as she was lost in a haze of faces and movement, traffic lights screamed at her and widow panes slammed into her chest. She was about to scream from the pounding anxiety that locked her chest and suffocated her when Jack's touch calmed the raging world around her.
"Its okay Elsa. You are ok, Miza is ok, everything is ok." His whispers extinguishing the fire in her throat and she nodded quickly. Miza's arms around her neck keeping her memory clear and her eyes dry. Elsa looked at Jack thankfully and he waited for her to nod before they both walked into the cafe. The place was desolate, abandoned exempt the workers and a few grouchy business men. She spotted the mop of black hair and hazel eyes instantly and walked towards Caine Devello.
"Hello Miss Aren, Miza." Carne stood and nodded to them, pulling out the chair for Elsa due to her full arms. "Thank you, Elsa, for talking to me."
"Of course" Elsa murmured and set Miza in the chair, taking her place next to the girl.
"That is quiet an outfit you have on Miza." Carne smiled kindly at Miza. Miza had the freedom to pick any item of her clothing she wanted to, Elsa didn't mind, and today Miza had chosen a purple skirt with a blue top and long socks decorated by a pair of Vans.
"Thank you." Miza smiled at the man and Elsa's mind was temporarily lost in the buzz of a normal conversation. Caine took a seat, folding is hands together on top of his note pad while Jack stood to get Miza a hot chocolate.
"So Miss Aren-"
"Elsa." she interrupted him and blushed pathetically. Idiot. Her sub conscience hissed at her while Elsa shook off the familiar feeling.
"Sorry, Elsa, their are some questions that... I'm not sure if you'd want Miza to hear and quiet honestly I would not be comfortable asking with her here." Caine raised his brows apologetically.
"Oh I uhm..." Elsa trailed off, her eyes glued to Miza who was pulling on the loose strings of her skirt.
"...Elsa?" Carne snapped her awake again, her stomach crawling with stress.
"Oh! Yes, Jack... Jack could always stay here with Miza..."
"Would you mind going for a walk?" Carne tipped his head sideways.
"...Sure... That's... that's fine." Elsa pulled at her sleeves, a nervous habit she resorted to when her head felt like it was going to explode. As if by pulling down the fabric the scars had never happened.
.:*:.
"When did you meet Hans?" Carne's voice slid smooth into the air, Elsa's hand gripped the coffee cup and the warming of her palm contradicted the freezing of her nerves.
"Freshmen year, he was a football player, I was a cheerleader but I never really talked to him. He was never really there except for the football games and I remember the first game he found me after practice and introduced himself." Elsa curled at the memory, she had figured Hans was just a weird loner or something, maybe he was gay or had an abusive dad or this that and the other. Incorrect. And she barely stopped her head from proving it's point.
"Did anything seem, off, per say, about Hans?"
"Well yes, it was just... that look in his eyes... and once he started becoming popular girls were all over him, he just was always so mysterious and I think other people liked that about him."
"Did you?"
"No. Hans always scared me. He was that kid were if he would have been planning to shoot everyone in the school no one would be surprised." Elsa said flatly, her lungs begging for more air she could not give, her voice became thick with sadness and fear. When Carne hesitated she looked over at him to find him looking right into her eyes.
"Did he rape you?"
"Yes." Elsa ripped her gaze away from his, tears did not come, but her throat began to close up on her.
"Once?" At Carne's question Elsa was almost sick, rage boiled of its turning point, Elsa almost laughed she was so angry.
"No. Not once."
"How many times?" Carne's voice became quieter and Elsa glared angrily at the normality of the world rushing around her. She gritted her teeth as the painful memories cause a tear to escape her eyelid and her voice became dark and agonized.
"I stopped counting." Carne gave her a moment, which Elsa took to try and gather herself.
"Did he ever threaten your life?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"I can't do this." Elsa yelled when the memory of the alleyway and the picture and the evil look in his eyes came rushing back. "I'm sorry I can't do this." Elsa stood and threw her coffee in a trash can, her feet moving fast across the cobblestone.
"Wait, Elsa I can't let him get away with this," The hazel-eyed boy yelled after her.
Elsa focused on the path ahead of her, she did not care when her sleeve slipped and her purpled wrists shone bright above the crowd of disgusted faces. She did not care when she crossed the open street and multiple cars screeched and barely missed her. She did not care when the world that only saw her cover pretended they knew what was on the inside. She did not care when she tried to imagine Marco and now only saw Miza. She did not care that she couldn't remember Anna's face without it's red slashed scar. She did not care when her lungs became greedy and her heart stopped pounding the right way. She did not care that she was slowly breaking on the inside.
But that was only what she told herself, everyday she tried not to care. But her frozen heart demanded heat. And when she collapsed on the sidewalk, she began to remember that reflection in the mirror of a broken girl she dd not recognize and she tried not to care about how badly that girl inside was screaming everyday. She tried not to care about how low she had fallen when her hands barely caught her, and she began to taste the bitter hatred on her tongue. She lunged past a crowd of people around the broken girl and ran towards the lawyer who was willing to help her kill the man who killed her first.