"Hello?"

"Hello Elsa it's Carne."

"Oh hey, is something wrong?" Elsa's breath quivers, she takes a deep breath and stares at a dark spot on the ceiling, preparing herself for the worst.

"No, nothing wrong. I wanted to speak with you about your appearance at the ceremony for the victims of the Fallen High shootings tomorrow."

"I don't understand, I wasn't planning on going. Jack was going to take Anna and the others,"

"Well now you are, you realize Elsa that even though you are not in a courtroom the jury and the public are still deciding on Hans's sentence. Your testimony is in two days and you want to make the best image of yourself available to the jury."

"Oh," At the idea of showing up looking familiar students in the eyes and finding sight of the parents whose childrens' death was her fault, sent waves of nausea prowling through her organs. "So I will go with Anna and Jack, but I don't know who will watch Mi-"

"Bring her, it looks good." Elsa's head boiled with rage at his words. Looks good? Is that what this is now?

"Fine." Elsa hung up before Carne had finished his sentence, and of course he called her back immediately.

"Look innocent Elsa."

"Innocent?" Elsa gritted her teeth.

"No nose rings or band shirts, ditch the converse. The public wants to feel sorry for you so let them."

Elsa could hardly contain herself, from her perch in the kitchen she looked across the room at Miza who was playing with a deck of cards and Jack who was speaking with her quietly and looking up at Elsa every few seconds, as if he could sense her anger. Elsa's hand gripped the counter with such intensity that her knuckles ached.

"Right."

"See you tomorrow Elsa." Click.

Elsa stared at the hallway, turning sharply to follow her eyes into Anna's room. The ginger's face was calm with concentration, a state that Elsa had never seen on her before. The painting easel was splayed with grays and reds, backed by a white and shades of blue. She looked over Anna's shoulder to find a breathtaking portrait.

"Anna," Elsa placed her hand on Anna's shoulder but new found artist only nodded.

"Do you like it?" Anna's voice was small and silky smooth. Elsa stare at the face, an invisible line dividing the red hair from the white, cracks and line's breaking over the older sister's face while identical blue eyes stared straight ahead, both memorized by the sight they saw.

"Its beautiful." She felt the girl release a long, drawn out breath. "What is it Anna?"

"Carne wants us to go to the ceremony doesn't he?"

Elsa shuddered and stared as the words left Anna's lips. "How do you know that Anna?"

The girl pointed with her paintbrush at the second land line sitting by her easel.

"I'm sorry Anna if you don't want to go don-"

"Thats not it Elsa." Anna whispered. "Don't you think we owe it? We survived Elsa, we're not the ones six feet underground."

Elsa would have disagreed, they were six feet under, just not in the same place the victims were.

"Elsa," The girl turned and looked at Elsa, her eyes shining with hurt and tears. "We are alive. Yes, sometimes its a living hell but don't you think we... we owe them something? Don't I owe them something?" The girl looked back at the painting but set her brush down, staring at her hands. "Why was it so important that I live? And not Courtney, or Sara, or Layla?"

Elsa stared at her and shifted to Anna's side, coming down to sit on her knees, so that the girl would hear her. Her throat stung with a million regrets and all the love she had ever known.

"Anna, where did you hear those names?" Anna continued the staring game with her hands, silence folding out in between the girls. "Anna look at me," She waited for the ginger to meet her gaze, "Anna, I know bad things happen, I don't know why but they do, and we can't change any of it. We can't bring any of those girls back. What has happened is not something anyone can reverse, I wish we could start over and try to save them. I wish that shooting had never happened, I wish Marco was still here. But If you had been the one to fall in that shooting-" Elsa shuddered as tears broke out of her eyes and her own advice began playing to herself. "Anna you are the best thing in my life, I love you." Anna stared at her sister, and Elsa stared back. Anna touched Elsa's face, leaving a trace of blue paint.

"You loved Marco Elsa didn't you? Would you wish it was me?" Anna whispered. Elsa shook her head, smearing the paint and staring up at her sister. With that statement Elsa felt a scream build in her stomach when she realized no, she would not have chosen Marco. She would have let the same scene play over and over again if it meant Anna lived.

"No... No Anna. I loved him very much." Elsa reached up to her sister, touching the scar on her jaw. "But not nearly as much as I love you."

Anna looked back at her sister and took her hand, leaving another splash of grey paint on her knuckles. Elsa's sister helped her back up to her feet and hugged her around her waist abruptly, burying her face into Elsa's shoulder.

"I love you too Elsa."

.:*:.

The ceremony took place on the football field, the one Elsa had walked across everyday since her moving, a place were she thought she knew each strand of grass by heart. For example, she knew that underneath the bleachers facing the school was a stone wall blocking anyone outside of the schools view. She also knew that about a hundred yard down the cobblestone path was a back alleyway were a boy had once dropped a picture of a girl's family at her feet. She knew that there was a fault in the concession stand, that a paperclip could open it and that it was soundproof.

Elsa stared through her windshield, the battling of her memories becoming more and more of an uphill battle. She gritted her teeth and stared don at her attire. She had a blue jacket and a pair of blue jeans she had never worn before. He said innocent and well, Elsa looked like the cheerleader she was at the beginning of freshmen year. She had tried to go easy on her makeup, but in the end she had given in to the black eyeliner. Her hair was pulled into a bun, despite her desire to put it in a braid. She twisted the ring in her nose once before removing it and despite Carne's wishes she had worn her black ankle high converse. She turned the ignition off and looked over at Jack, his hands were tucked into a similar blue hoodie and his eyes were fixed on the big letters of 'FALLEN HIGHSCHOOL, WE REMEMBER'. She swiveled her head to find Miza staring at the loose strings in her skirt. Anna was staring into nothing, the fact they were so close to the school was driving them both insane.

"Anna?" Elsa waited to meet her sister's gaze.

"Ready." The ginger mumbled.

"Miza?" The girl looked at Elsa and nodded.

"Jack." She stared at the boy, he turned his head slowly, placing his hand over hers.

"Only if you are." He squeezed gently and she let a forced smile fall on her face. They all piled out of the car, Elsa opening the back door and picking up Miza to set her on her hip, the way Carne had told her too but also because she was terrified of letting the girl go. Miza's arms draped over her neck and they trudged up to the football field. She stiffed, watching as a few small reporters snapped a picture. One began to walk towards her and she put her hand up, silently begging the reporter not to and the woman left without a word- throwing Elsa a sympathetic glance.

Elsa sat on the ground bleachers people cleared for her and gulped down a breath, watching as parents came to speak of their deceased children. A picture of Courteny flashed on a white projector board set up with extension cords and crazy complications. Her blue eyes matched the ones that found Elsa. Courtney's smile was wide but despite the picture in front of her eyes Elsa could only imagine the girl the way she layed on the cafeteria floor, her hand outstretched and surrounded by blood.

She recognized the girl with black hair she saw in the hallway, crumpled and shattered. Her name was Amanda Baerr, she was a music major and had three older brothers who all came to saw a few words about her.

Sara Lopez was an aspired hockey player, her favorite color was orange and her father had left her mother and sister when she were three.

Alexia Denna was a model, on her was to a competition and her two mothers came to tell the story of adopting her.

Layla Rodriguez was a teen mom whose baby was no being raised by her brother, Sam, and the baby's father.

Jenny Kade was a heroine addict fresh out of rehab.

Riley Jones was a straight A student who was working at a coffee shop to buy her own car.

The seven girls who had found her all had fallen.

Elsa stared at the pictures for what seemed like forever, a boy with blonde hair came onto the screen as well. His name was Jacob, he was the captain of the baseball team and Pitch had killed him for just that reason.

Elsa tore her gaze away, tears glazing her eyes as she met Yvette's gaze. she was there with two of Marco's foster brothers. A 12 year old girl named Fluer and a 17 year old boy, Rafe. Elsa had never spoken to either of them, but they knew they were forever connected by Miza's brother.

Then his face appears on the screen, huge emerald green eyes glisten and stare as if begging her for a reason, a reason to why she had not loved him more, while he was still there. She felt Miza grip her neck tighter, felt the girl's sobs rock her body in the same pattern of her beating heart. It's broken rhythm dancing across her veins. She watched the principal step onto the podium, his eyes were grey, exhaustion taking its toll. He had aged twenty years in the past months.

"Marco De'James... Was a good young man. He would walk into a room and light everything up." Yes, yes he did. Elsa closed her eyes and let his words soak into her skin. "He was adored by many, but lets be real. Marco was a teen he got into fights. For all the right reasons. Marco was in my office just a week before the shooting... after getting in an altercation in the hallways of the building he was shot in. He waited until a boy involved in the shooting left. He looked at me and he said 'Sir, I was only fighting, because I knew it was right.'" Elsa bit on her lip, that was her Marco. "Today we have Miza De'james... Marco's younger sister, here with us." The principal gestured to Miza and Elsa opened her eyes to faces turning, looking at the girl in her arms. A tear escapes Miza's eyes and she looks at the principal with all her essence. "As well as her caretaker, and Marcos friend, Elsa Aren." Elsa swallowed hard as the principal caught her eye. "And I admire both or their bravery, Just as much as I admire Marco's, for stepping in front of a bullet which saved Anna Aren." Anna's sobs were audible next to Elsa, and Miza turned, looking at Anna and whispering.

"I love you Anna."

"Oh Miza," Anna sighed through sobs. "I love you too."

"Today, I want everyone here to recognize Marco's heroism and bravery, Marco, you will forever be a hero to all of the Fallen High School shootings survivors."

.:*:.

"The blue one." Jack pointed at the shirt in Elsa's right hand.

"You always choose the blue one." Elsa said and raised her eyebrows at him.

"You look good in it." He shrugged and smiled, straightening his polo. Elsa turned, walking back into her room were she pulled to fabric of her sweater off and replaced it with the long sleeves of the blue top. Elsa then was struck by the thought of the jury seeing her scars. Disgust ran wild through her already crawling skin and she shook her head, pulling her hair into a braid again. She swallowed, staring in the mirror that she usually ignored. The reflection was porcelain skinned, with blue eyes and a shameful look on her face.

Knock-knock. "Can I come in?" Jack's words floated into her room.

"Yes." She turned a he stepped into the blue painted walls and black attire.

"You look beautiful." Jack looked into her eyes and smiled, a genuine, warm smile.

Elsa had almost forgotten what those looked like.

"Oh, thank you." Elsa adjusted her white skirt and sighed. "I look like a middle schooler." Jack laughed and shook his head.

"No, just a really cute junior."

"Whatever," Elsa turned and looked at the mirror again. "Really though the white skirt? dress shoes? Is Carne trying to make me look like a child?"

"Sure, I guess that works well on a jury." Jack shrugged plainly. The thought of a jury resurfaced in Elsa's head, she was going to be sick. Her legs shook the slightest and Jack's hand on her shoulder kept her still.

"I just want this to be over so badly."

"I know, we all do." Jack looked down at her while Elsa stared at the mirror. She turned and leaned into him, her head resting on her shoulder. He put his arms around her quickly, and Elsa raised hers to hold on for dear life. She looked over at the mirror, their reflection a reminder that she was connected to Jack so what was known as eternity. "You going to be okay Els?"

Elsa nodded into him and watched as he hesitated, before placing a kiss on her forehead.

Elsa almost thought of Marco.

And then she did. Even though her skin was burning, th affection left on her forehead left her hungry, left her greedy. It was so warm, in her cold world. And when Jack's lips left her forehead Elsa whispered into his shoulder.

"Thank you Jack." Elsa blinked a single tear, her eyes fixed on the reflection, her face blank, unknowing. How was she supposed to feel? "Thank you..." her hands dug into Jack a bit tighter, a little closer.

Jack only smiled a quick smile and held her tighter. Elsa wanted to believe that after the trial, she could start over.