The door slid shut on his way in, the silent humming of lights and some garbled radio sounds coming from his front. He gazed around the living room, seeing his friends huddled around a table eating in silence.
Placing his bag down upon the ground next to the table he sat down next to Max, who wore a strange dark hoodie over his head, very uncharacteristic of him Ray thought. Kai was sitting down staring at the bowl of rice he had in his hand, occasionally tapping his chopsticks together in some sort of rhythm.
Ray's eyes then fell upon Tyson, who was eating silently. Ray began to feel uneasy with all the tension around him.
"Guys… what's going on?" he asked quietly, taking a bowl of rice for himself. Tyson turned to him, almost in a daze.
"Oh… didn't hear you come in."
Ray stared at him for a second.
"What's wrong with everyone today?" Ray asked, gazing at his friends curiously. "What's gotten into you? All of you."
Kai opened his mouth twice but shut his trap before any words could escape from his thoughts. Ray's ears perked but he did not follow up on his speaking.
"I guess… everyone's been having a tough time lately…" Tyson finally said. "I know it's supposed to be winter break but… with the death and all that…"
"Did you contact your brother?" Max asked, voicing his thoughts. Ray turned to him and examined his face.
His face… his cheeks have speckles of red on them…
"Yeah, I did… actually… he didn't seem to mind hearing from me…" Tyson replied softly, taking a bite of his rice cautiously. "I think… I think he's coming to see me… at least… that's what he made it seem like…"
"It didn't go like you thought it would…" Ray added, nodding. "Hey… if that went alright then what's got you so worked up?"
Tyson sighed, setting down his bowl. His fingers touched the surface of the table and he murmured.
"Grandpa… just…"
Ray breathed out, touching Tyson's hand with his. The man flinched back for a second before Ray latched on, speaking.
"Tyson, you're going to be alright. I know you are. Things are just a little rough right now. We're here for you… Max… Kai… and me… all of us."
Tyson's eyes locked onto Ray's for a split second before a genuine smile broke out across Tyson's face.
"You know… for some reason, I feel a lot better now that you said that… it's like…" he lifted his head and closed his eyes, truly smiling now.
"I don't feel alone anymore."
Ray smiled as well, feeling as if Tyson needed to hear his words more than ever now that his brother had finally decided to come to terms with him. As they continued to eat however, Ray began to have his suspicions about Kai and Max. Kai being silent was one thing, but Max not really speaking was another monster altogether. After dinner, Ray decided to pull Max over for a quick chat, pulling on his arm and leading him towards the bathroom. Ray locked the door behind them and finally sighed.
"Alright Max, what's up."
Max stared at him blankly.
"You're wearing a dark hoodie and you're quiet. You're not like that." Ray folded his arms across his chest and set his feet.
"Either you tell me or I'm going to beat it out of you."
At this Max's eyes widened and instantly he took the hoodie off, revealing his face. Ray's eyes narrowed in concern.
"Max, what happened?" he quickly pulled a towel off a nearby rack and soaked the cloth in water, applying the warm to Max's face.
"You're covered in…" his voice trailed off, fearing someone was listening to their conversation. Ray carefully cleaned Max's face, the youth looking at him in dismay.
"I did something horrible Ray… really, really horrible… I don't even remember much about doing it but… when I woke up… I was here… at the dinner table."
Ray swallowed, nodding and soaking the towel more, wiping more red off of his friend's face. He tilted his head slightly, speaking quietly.
"Did you hurt someone Max? Did you get into a fight?"
"I… I think I did…" Max replied, rubbing his head and finally allowing Ray to seize the hoodie. Ray immediately threw the cloth in the trash, taking the bag and tying up the knot.
"If you did something Max… the person to talk to is us. We're your friends."
"Ray… Ray can you… you're the most stable out of all of us…"
Ray paused in his movements, his hand halfway out to reach the towel again to dry Max's face. What was Max getting at?
"Ray… Ray I trust you… can you… can you keep a secret?"
Ray turned back around to him, towel in hand and his lips pursed. Max looked at him for a second before having tears well in his eyes.
"Ray I… I think I might have…"
The silver was then revealed from his pocket, Ray's eyes widening and his heart thumping loudly in his ears. Max choked a bit, holding out the weapon.
"I know I didn't mean to… but I don't remember what happened… I got so angry that I… I…"
"Max… what happened? You need to tell me everything." Ray demanded, taking a hold of Max's shoulders.
"If anybody finds this… Max what the hell did you do?" his voice was shaking but he kept his cool, knowing very well that whatever had happened Max did not mean anything. The youth took a seat on the toilet, folding his hands together and letting Ray take the knife as well to wash in water.
"I… I guess it started…"
"And then you woke up here… sounds like you and Kai are going through the same thing almost."
"Almost?" Max inquired. He had told Ray everything, Ray almost in disbelief at Max's actions. Then again, there were always quiet ones that one needed to be afraid of.
"Max… Kai lost someone very precious to him a while ago… and right now he's going through some trauma… I think all of us haven't been real with one another since we got together for this break. Sure we had some drinks and got fucked up but… when were we real?"
Max gazed at the ground, Ray rubbing a hand through Max's golden hair.
"Listen, there has to be an explanation for this… you sure you didn't kill anyone?"
"I don't remember…" Max replied faintly. "I remember getting angry… and then nothing… absolutely nothing… and this knife…"
His eyes set upon the knife, Ray feeling some tension as Max spoke.
"I hope that knife didn't come in contact with anything living."
"Where did all this blood come from them?"
"I know I hurt myself punching a wall… but that was on my fist… the rest… I don't know… maybe I had a bigger cut than I had imagined?"
Ray breathed in deeply, seeing no trace of blood anywhere in the bathroom. The light fixture was flickering on and off, signals of a possible blackout. Ray took Max in his arms and hugged him tight, whispering to him.
"Whatever you did Max… I know you didn't mean it."
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
His ears perked, and his body responded to the sounds coming from the next room over. His eyes opened softly, adjusting to the darkness that surrounded him. Cold air nipped at his chest as he sat up, yawning and listening carefully to the sounds of the thumping coming from the room. He turned his head slightly, counting how many white sheets were lumps.
Two.
Ray's eyes narrowed and he stood up, his long loose hair flowing all around him in a wild way. He shook his head back and forth a little, just to keep the hair from sticking to his body and immediately opened the door, shutting the room behind him.
Tyson and Max are still sleeping… so that means…
His bare feet touched the cold wood and sent shivers up his spine as he walked through the house, gazing into every room he came across. The moon shone through a few window panes and he could see the silhouette of a person in the kitchen, possibly sobbing.
Ray paused, his hand upon the wall and his eyes set upon the silhouette that he recognized as his friend. Breathing in deeply and approaching his friend Ray pulled up a chair next to the shadow and finally spoke quietly.
"Kai… did you have a nightmare again?"
Kai flinched back at the sound of Ray's voice, Ray gazing at him calmly through the night darkness.
"Kai…"
The man blinked and rubbed his eyes, staring back at Ray incredulously.
"Did… did I walk here?"
Ray took a breath slowly.
"Kai… you were in psychosis again."
"Psychosis…" Kai parroted, counting his fingers as he did so. Ray watched him for a few seconds, examining his actions.
"Listen, you went to go see that therapist right?"
"Yeah… I did."
"What did he say?"
"… same thing you just said."
"I see." Ray silenced, coming closer to Kai and sighing.
The cold air nipped at them both, Ray realizing that Kai was practically naked in the moonlight. He sat in a chair in his boxers, barely taking notice of his surroundings. Ray wondered if he realized where he was.
"Kai… I think the three of us have to have a talk… sooner than later." Ray said finally, taking a cup of water from a nearby sink.
"It seems as if we all have problems that we don't want to face… but… I have a feeling that if we let this go… things are only going to escalate and get worse."
Kai stared at him, Ray setting the cup of water down in front of Kai's hand.
"You, Me, Max, Tyson… we all have our share of things we don't want to explain to one another… we're supposed to be best friends right? Then why is it that we each hold something in our hearts that we don't want the others to know?"
"Maybe… because we are afraid of what the others will think of us…" Kai responded, taking a sip of his water. "Because we are afraid that… we will not understand."
Ray nodded quietly, thinking of his own problems and issues.
"Maybe… but… I have a feeling once we come out… all four of us… things will get better… because this isn't good for us as friends. We need to be real."
Kai gazed at Ray's eyes, searching for some sort of answer to a question that Ray could not hear, but understood merely by gaze.
"You need to visit her grave."
"I did… and you guys found me…"
"But you need to do it in a different mindset." Ray replied quickly, gazing at Kai. "You need to go when you're not there… you need to go when you're here… in this reality. Because this is you… and you can't be you if you aren't here… do you understand?"
Kai blinked and thought about his words, Ray watching as the man stood up from his place and walked across the kitchen and into the bathroom where he stopped for a second to address Ray with his back turned to him.
"… Why is it… that you always know… what to say?"
With that Kai closed the bathroom door, Ray hearing the click of a lock and the pull of a zipper on pants. With a breath of relief Ray stood up again, cleaning up the glass and walking back to his bed, eager to get to sleep.
He had his own demons he wasn't telling his friends either.
But he would come out to them.
Eventually.
He peered into the room, his bag in his hand and the doorknob in the other. Hank had once again opened up the room for him and once again he had practiced his martial arts until he began to hear her music. Her music drew him towards her as usual, and he knew exactly where to go.
She was sitting near the window again, peering at a book that she had bought with her, occasionally writing down a thing or two and then getting back to practicing. He watched her carefully until she stopped, which was when he opened the door.
She looked up casually this time, seeing him come through the door and set his bag down next to her piano. He smiled softly, speaking to her.
"Hi."
She was wearing her classic blank jeans today, but he took notice of the blank sweater she had on. The sweater matched her hat, and that was one thing he liked about her. She wore black, yet she was elegant in her ways, the black not seeming dark at all but beautiful in the way the color was presented.
She smiled up at him faintly and put her book away, speaking to him.
"Hey… what brings you here?"
Ray stood next to the piano and leaned upon the instrument, gazing into the numerous strings and levers inside the grand masterpiece.
"I told you I wanted to hear more music… so I came."
"Can't you hear it from out there?"
"It sounds better in here." He replied, gazing at the strings more.
She nodded and went back to her work, opening up another book and looking over a few pages. Ray watched her and came closer, his shadow nearly upon her.
The light of the sun was still strong as he listened to her play, the shadows of the day getting longer and longer. The snow outside wasn't as blinding as the other days, and through the window a few clouds managed to cast shadows upon them as well.
"An alto clef…" Ray began, walking towards the window and huffing a breath upon the glass. In the fog of his breath he drew the alto clef, speaking slowly.
"It's used… only for a… viola right?" he asked, turning back around towards Crystal. The girl stared at him, her hand upon her book and her bang covering her left eye.
"Yes…" she replied slowly, holding her head up. "You went online to look that up?"
"Yeah. I was interested to know what it was." Ray answered, rubbing out the clef as he did so. He turned to her and smiled.
"So you play a viola too huh? Since only violas use that."
Crystal's cheeks turned red and she focused back on her piano.
"What's it to you? It's not really that special."
Ray stood next to her now, shaking his head at her comment.
"On the contrary, violas aren't all that well known. Violins are the main star of the string orchestra, while violas are on the sidelines… right? But without violas violins sound silly and squeaky."
Crystal's body froze, Ray sensing that she was surprised by what he said. He came closer to her and held out a hand, speaking.
"I looked that up too… seems like you like the viola better than the violin…. Because it's not common right?"
Crystal did not reply to him, but merely kept staring at the empty piano stand. Ray's hand trembled a bit as he reached out to play a note on the piano, the note producing a quiet but powerful sound.
"I've never played an instrument before… but I would certainly like to know a little about them… especially how you got to be so good."
Finally the girl turned to him and furrowed her eyebrows.
"What is it that you want from me again?"
Ray shrugged, feeling his heart beat a little faster in his chest. His palms were beginning to get cold with nerves, and he could sense something warm in his heart.
That feeling… I have that feeling again!
"I just want to know a few things about music that's all."
What is it about you that makes my heart flutter?
"Like what?"
Is it the way you talk? The way you act? Your eyes?
"Anything really… I just want to know. I like knowledge… it's something nobody can take away from you. Even when you are at rock bottom, nobody can take away your knowledge."
Ray nodded, his body moving towards the rest of the piano.
"I was just curious is all… but if you don't want to teach me… then I understand."
Crystal seemed to understand his view, as when he reached out to the piano she grabbed his finger. Ray froze with his nerves and she led him towards a key on the piano, having his finger push down slightly.
"That's called the middle C note."
His finger was trapped in her hold and he swallowed hard, feeling his heart beat and hearing the beat in his ears. Slowly, he sat down next to her, occasionally stealing a glance at her when she began to speak about the piano keys and what they meant.
His eyes softened as she spoke, his ears blocking out everything she said to him and merely focusing on her eyes.
Her eyes are so deep… her touch is so gentle… what is this? What is this feeling I have? I know I liked Mariah but… I never… I never felt this. Ever.
After a few minutes of speaking Crystal turned her head to see the setting sun, a sigh emerging from her chest.
"I have to go home now… I don't want it getting too late."
Crystal reached down for her bag, Ray simply sitting on the piano bench. Her presence made him giddy, almost childish. He gazed at her hands, smoothly moving her bag across her shoulder and putting gloves on.
He stood up from the bench and swallowed hard, clenching his hand into a fist. He could feel his nerves try to get the better of him, but he decided to go against his wishes.
"Crystal… do you… uhm…"
She turned to him and paused, her coat already on and her hands holding her books.
"Do I…?"
"Uhm…" he stammered in his words. "Do you want to go get some hot chocolate? My treat…"
Crystal turned to him fully now, her feet seeming to hold her to that one place in front of him. Ray blinked and held a hand on his head, laughing nervously.
"S-Sorry I know you don't take too kindly to strangers and we just met…"
"Okay."
He gasped at her reaction, Crystal gazing at him with soft eyes. She had a small smile upon her face and she tilted her head.
"Why not? Let's go."
Slowly Ray came back to Earth, his hand trailing down his head and to his side, almost in disbelief.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I want something warm… and since you're treating… well then why not?"
Ray could feel that special warmth inside of him grow and spread through his body, Ray feeling as if he could fly up and to the moon if he wanted to.
"Okay… let's go."
He handed her the cup full of chocolate, the store closing and the lights shutting off as the night passed over them. He blew on his chocolate, taking a sip and basking in the warmth. Snow fell gently all around them, Ray's eyes tracing small little snowflakes drifting lazily towards the ground. The cool air was enough to make him comfortable with his chocolate, and seeing as Crystal wanted some too made him even happier.
"You like hot chocolate?" he asked, walking beside her towards her house once again. Crystal nodded vigorously, taking a small sip of her drink.
"I do! A lot actually. Hot chocolate was something that my grandmother used to make for me when I was a kid." She replied, taking another small sip. "When I was really little and it snowed, my grandma would make me hot chocolate when I came home from school. She would prepare it just for me and I would drink the whole thing in one sitting!"
She laughed for a second before taking another sip, Ray nodding at her tale.
"Must be nice having someone do that for you."
"What about you?" she asked, her eyes boring into him. "I haven't heard anything about you or your experiences."
Ray continued to walk, stopping at a stoplight. They both watched as a few cars passed them by and continued forward, the snow falling gently in their hair and Ray taking notice that the night was growing even darker.
"Truth is my parents died when I was little. I don't really have many memories about them… but I do remember them being really nice to me. I remember feeling that sense of love and compassion, along with some occasional reprimand for things such as child misbehaviors."
"You were no angel I suppose."
"I guess not… but even so, I was raised by the village elder, who took really great care of me. I grew up in China, and it's my home. But when I got into other things I quickly learned that there are other people and places besides my little home. So I went out… I decided to test the waters, see who I could find. I found my friends Tyson, Max and Kai… they're all really great guys but lately…" his voice trailed off, sadness seeping into his heart.
Silence filled the air as they walked now, Ray pondering what the others were up to.
I hope Max is alright… and Kai… hopefully we don't find him in another cemetery… I don't know what to do… they have to be real… and I do too…
"Sounds like you got a lot on your plate."
Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, Ray noticing that Crystal was staring at him intently. His mouth opened slightly but no words came out.
"From the way you make it sound… you've been through a lot… and I can appreciate someone like that… resilient and strong… I like that in someone."
Ray blinked and heard her words, but didn't reply as his mind was too numb with gratitude to really come up with a good response.
She's… so sweet.
Their legs dragged them towards her house again, and only then did Ray speak up to voice his thoughts. The snow stopped falling and little flurries danced around in the quiet air. Grey covered them as the clouds moved in to block the starry night.
"Crystal…" he began, tapping his foot on the ground. "Listen I uhm… can you teach me… music? Maybe? I mean I know it's a lot to ask but… you seem like a really nice girl and I wouldn't mind… learning a few things… maybe it can help shed some light on things I can't see right now…"
He waited a few seconds for a response before Ray realized that Crystal was staring up into the sky, a smile upon her face. He tiled his head upwards towards the stars and blinked, seeing a few glowing lights.
"I know that somewhere out there… is something that connects us all together…"
Ray listened to her, his ears perking at her voice.
"Ray… can you close your eyes for a second?"
Ray looked back at her, and Crystal met his eyes. His heart suddenly began to beat again, and as he stared he slowly closed his eyes, listening to her words.
"Just imagine yourself miles and miles away from Earth… in space… flying among the stars… seeing brilliant bolts of light and colors of every shade imaginable surround you… where you can't even begin to tell them apart. Through the darkness of space you can feel the sun's rays giving you warmth and peace, while a few shooting stars line your vision. Bursts of beautiful warm yellow smoke emerge from behind you, and soon you find yourself staring at an abyss of light and things you could never imagine… what would that feel like?"
"Paradise…" he murmured, opening his eyes back up. Crystal smiled at him softly, gazing downward at the snow.
"That was a little… childish of me… but… that's what I think about… I never had someone listen to me like that before."
Ray breathed, watching her clap her hands around her cup, grasping for warmth. He came closer to her and looked down at her, tilting his head.
His heart pumped in his ears.
"What you described… did that come from you?"
She nodded slightly, shy obviously.
"That was beautiful."
Like you.
She blushed at his reply, Crystal turning her head away.
Silence filled the air again and the stars faded into the night sky, Ray checking his phone to see what time he had.
"It's getting close to ten… I should head back to my friend's house." He said rather sadly, sighing. He was about to pocket his phone when a hand upon his stopped his movements. He felt her soft touch on his skin and almost immediately he froze, her fingers wrapping around his phone and pulling the thing away from him.
Ray remained quiet as she put her fingers to work on touching his screen, Ray tilting his head and not questioning what she was doing. After a few minutes she handed the phone back to him and turned her heel, talking over her shoulder.
"It's really late, so I want you to text me when you get home…. Alright? I don't want to have to worry that my… … that you hurt yourself or anything."
Ray swallowed and pocketed his phone, murmuring.
"I… I will."
She nodded and began to walk away from him, heading towards her door. Ray sighed and turned around slightly before he heard a cry ring through the air.
Ray's instincts kicked in and his hands caught the falling Crystal as she plummeted towards the ground, her face planted in his chest. Ray could feel her warm head against his chest and his arms around her. She was soft and rather small, Ray seeing that he could easily pick her up if he wanted to.
She remained in his chest for a few more seconds before her feet finally gained ground and she stood up, her face still buried in his chest. Hesitantly he put his arms around her, pulling her in close. She did not fight him, but merely accepted his warmth and he felt as if he were holding a bird.
She's soft… and her hair…
His strong nose caught a scent of lilacs coming from her, and he knew that this was her scent. Ray smiled internally, speaking softly to her.
"Are you alright? You took quite a fall there."
She did not reply immediately to him, but instead he could hear her sniffing his chest, her hands coming up to his arms.
"You smell… like rain."
Rain?
He let go of her as she gently pushed him off, Crystal's eyes meeting his in an upwards gaze. Her eyes were shining now, and he could not look away.
They're like stars…
"Thank you… Ray. For everything."
With that she smiled at him and turned around, walking swiftly to her house. He watched as she opened and closed her door, sealing her security inside and making Ray's mind come to ease.
She let me hug her… that…
His hand came up to his chest and he grasped at his clothes, still managing to feel her warm body against his. His eyes dimmed in thought, his heart beating wildly with warmth and something he had never felt before.
She had that effect on him.