Ch. 9
Today was Laurie's birthday.
Laurie could hear her mother humming downstairs. She herself was looking in the mirror, admiring her new dress. The dress was sleeveless with an empire waist and came down to her knees. The dress had a high collar -- it and the hem of the skirt and sleeves were black, while the rest was light yellow. Laurie had been less than thrilled when her mother had suggested the colors. Now that she was looking at it though, she had to admit, it was a very lovely dress.
Turning around to look at the back, Laurie couldn't help but smile. It had been two weeks since she had gone back to the shop with her mother to pick up the dress. The young man who had been given the task to make it had been there. She remembered his name -- Walter. Walter had very red hair, and very sad eyes. He had the most piercing stare she had ever seen. She did her best to make him smile, because it made him look so nice. She decided she liked him. Her mother didn't. That made her like him more.
He didn't say much. In fact, it almost seemed as if he was afraid to speak to her. She didn't blame him; she couldn't think of much to say, either. They had stared at each other like they had the day before, exchanging thoughts with glances rather than with words. Her mother had coughed, their gaze was broken. He had handed her the dress and nodded, eyes searching her own in earnest, as if pleading with her, somehow. She had had resisted the urge to kiss him, and she nearly laughed out loud in shock right there in the shop. Laurie had never been so compelled by the desire to commit an action like she had that day. It wasn't the action itself that made her laugh, but the thought of her mother dying of a heart attack that made for a strangely comedic moment. Horrifying, to say the least, but so funny all the same.
Her mother had ushered her home and told her to put away the dress for later. Laurie, busy with her own life at night, had all but forgotten about the dress. Today, it was her birthday, and Laurie had finally picked it up after all this time. She had run her fingers over the fabric, admiring the work. When she unzipped the dress, inside she found a small note, tucked in the lining. Laurie had paused in shock and apprehension. Slowly, her fingers found the paper and slipped it out from where it had been hidden.
"For Laurie--" it had read. Just two words, written in quick strokes. Why did it feel like they conveyed more than mere two words should?
Laurie laughed to herself, feeling a little silly. She was getting giddy over two words. They didn't mean anything, after all. "For Laurie". Anybody could have written those words and they would have meant just that. The dress was for her -- even that stuffy old shop owner knew that. What else would anybody write on a note affixed to the dress but that? If someone else had walked in and ordered a dress, it would have been for them and addressed as such. Just because he happened to make the dress didn't mean anything.
But he had made it for her. Made it for her. For her. Laurie. He had remembered her name.
Well, no big deal, she had remembered his as well.
Oh, but she knew how she felt.
"Laurie? Are you ready?" asked her mother. Laurie nearly screamed.
"Y-Yes," she said, eyes wide. She was sure her mother knew, somehow. She knew everything. Suddenly, she felt very ashamed of herself.
"You look beautiful darling," said her mother, approaching her to put a kiss on her cheek. She smelled nice, comforting. Suddenly Laurie wanted to bury her face in her mother's neck like she used to years ago. She wanted her mother to hold her and stroke her hair like she did before she turned thirteen and suddenly had to be a lady.
Laurie avoided her mother's eyes. They weren't as close as they used to be, but her mother still knew her too well. She didn't want her to know. Not now, especially not now when everything was new and so easily crushed. They walked downstairs together, Laurie admiring the way the sun shone through her mother's hair, lighting it up like amber. Red. Like his hair. Laurie blushed and looked away. She noticed that morning's paper on the table, untouched so far. She could make out the headlines and she was nervous. Her mother, oblivious, continued to speak words to her that in this moment, seemed distant and alien.
"CRIME FIGHTING DUO TAKES DOWN CRIME LORD" the headlines read. Laurie was amazed at how similar the words were to the ones she had dreamed up, those months ago. She glanced up at her mother, who was looking at her expectantly. Laurie realized she had just asked her a question.
"I'm sorry mom, I wasn't listening," Laurie admitted.
Sally sighed.
"I asked you if you wanted to take your jacket outside, dear."
Laurie shook her head. Suddenly she didn't feel like going to the restaurant. She wanted her mother to see the paper. She wanted to see the paper. All she could see was the headline and she wanted to read it, see the picture. At the same time, she didn't want to bring attention to it. Her mother needed to discover it herself. Laurie felt ridiculous. After all this, she was getting nervous? Rorschach would shake his head at her if he could see her now.
Laurie nodded to herself and followed her mother outside. She would brave this dinner, give her mother company, and they would come home and her mother would see the paper. It was simple, really. Her mother's reaction didn't matter because it was her idea to begin with. But suddenly Laurie had an awful thought: What if her mother forbade her from going out? What if she was so angry with her secret, she locked up Laurie and never let her go crime fighting again? This thought came as a shock to Laurie. After all, this would have been something Laurie would have wanted even half a year before. Suddenly, the crime fighting life she had fought so strongly against was everything to her. Somehow she had made it hers, and having that taken away from her was a terrifying thought. Laurie stared at Sally with wide, dismayed eyes, but her mother seemed not to notice. She merely smiled at her daughter and took her arm, leading her into the car.
They returned hours later, and Laurie felt as if they had been gone for days. Her mother was saying something to her, but Laurie couldn't hear any of it. Tears burned at her eyes as she stood in the kitchen awkwardly as her mother put up her jacket and purse. Laurie tried to imagine how Rorschach would look as she explained to him that her mother had forbidden her from ever going outside again. What, after all that work to get you in the papers? His voice came out strangely mocking in her head. She was horrified to find him laughing, too. Yes, he would laugh, wouldn't he?
Laurie brushed a tear away with the back of her hand. She was such a miserable failure, and he had every right to laugh at her. But it bothered her that he disliked her so much. No, didn't dislike -- was just ambivalent. She was sure she was some great amusement to him, some specimen of stupidity that he liked to string along just to see what idiotic thing she would do next. She jolted as if slapped, surprised by her line of thought. She was angry and upset at herself, but somehow all this didn't seem right. Rorschach wasn't that bad, was he?
Her mother turned and said something to her, and Laurie had to shake her head, blinking.
"I'm sorry, what?" asked Laurie.
"I asked if you wanted some tea, dear," said Sally, giving her a strange look. "Are you all right?"
"Yes please, and yes," said Laurie. She sat down at the table, eyeing the newspaper with a look of longing. Laurie sighed and willed that awful, ugly feeling away. No, only good things would come from the paper. She was overreacting. Her mother could be bad, but she wasn't that bad. She wasn't Laurence.
Laurie glared to the side at the thought of that name. She hadn't seen him since she was seven, but the thought of him still made her angry. No, it wasn't Rorschach who would laugh at her like that; say those things. That wasn't Rorschach's voice -- it was Laurence's. Laurie felt a bitterness rise up in her chest at the thought of that man who tried to ruin everything in her life. Even now, when he had been gone nearly a decade, his hold on her remained. No matter what she had done, that man had always hated her. She could never figure out why, until one day, he had told her. In a fit of anger, he had admitted it to her.
"You aren't even my daughter."
Such simple words, tinged with bitterness and anger, cold anger. He had uttered these words to her when she was only six. Then he told her he hated her. Hated her because she looked like his. Back then she didn't know what that implied. Now she knew, and it made her angry that he would say things like that to a little girl. How much hatred could someone have to be so cruel to a small child? Even now, the extent of the damage he had done would show up in the strangest places, when she would displace his hatred onto her mother, and even now, onto her friend, Rorschach. Her mother insisted on the difficult approach to things at times, but Laurie knew she still loved her. Rorschach, as standoffish as he was would never say those things she imagined. He might be truthful, yes, too truthful at times, but never hateful, like Laurence.
Laurence. She was glad that man was out of her life.
Sally turned and smiled at her daughter, setting two mugs of tea down on the table and joining her. Laurie smiled back as if waking from a daze.
"Why are you looking at me like that, Laurie?" asked her mother. "Do you need to tell me something?"
Laurie gave her an enigmatic glance and sipped her tea. Her mother regarded her for a moment. If Laurie would have been able to see herself, she would have marvelled at how much older she had looked right then. Sally shook her head and finally looked down at the paper. She unfolded it.
"Oh look honey, more masked--..." Sally frowned. She looked at Laurie, then down at the paper again.
The kitchen was silent, apart from the sound of the clock ticking in the hall outside, and Laurie tried not to sweat in her nice dress. Finally, her mother looked up.
"Laurie. What's this?" she asked, holding up the article.
Laurie jumped to read it, eager and excited. There was the headline, spread out the same as before, and... the picture. Yes, the picture. Laurie smiled widely. There she was, clear as day, Rorschach next to her, Big Figure looking quite frustrated and annoyed, between them. She looked up to find her mother staring at her expectantly.
"Well..." said Laurie, gulping a little. "You know how you said I should wait until I was older? Well, I really wanted to be a masked crime fighter just like you, mom."
Laurie felt bad about twisting the facts a little, but she wasn't stupid. She didn't want her mother to blow her top and have her lose her only hope. As carried away Laurie had gotten with her imagination, she didn't want there to be any chance of it coming true. Sally pursed her lips and for a moment Laurie wondered if she would get angry, afterall. Then Sally smiled.
"Oh, that's... wonderful," said her mother. "So great."
"Thanks mom," said Laurie, giving her the most angelic look she could muster.
"My little girl out fighting crime, that's great," Sally tried again. She reread the news article. "Nightshade, huh? That's pretty. I like it."
Laurie almost sighed out loud in relief. Maybe she was going to get out of this unscathed, after all.
"Who is this, though? Your boyfriend?"
Laurie blinked and for one strange, confusing moment thought her mother was referring to Big Figure. She stood up to look at the picture again. No, her mother meant Rorschach, of course. She squinted at the picture. She didn't remember standing so close to him.
"Uh," said Laurie, feeling embarrassed now that she had taken so long to reply, "That's Rorschach. We fight crime together."
"Mm," said her mother, looking at the picture, then at her daughter. "That's nice."
"I hope you're not mad at me."
"No, not at all," Sally smiled. "In fact, I want to meet all your crime fighting friends. Were you able to meet any of the others? How about Nite Owl II? Hollis speaks so fondly of him."
"Err, yes... I've spoken to him before."
"And your... friend, here." Sally studied the print. "Rorschach. I'd like to see him sometime. You should invite him to dinner."
Laurie stared at her mother. She obviously didn't know Rorschach if she was going to make a ridiculous proposition like that. Laurie tried to imagine Rorschach leaning over the table stuffing himself full of food. For some reason in her mind he was just doing it through the mask, somehow. For a split second, to her that mask was his face. It was a bizarre image, and after a moment she realized she was giving her mother an almost crazed look. Her mother was smirking at her.
"I'm going to go out now. To fight crime," said Laurie, suddenly. As strange as this conversation was, she was glad it was all out in the air and she didn't have to worry anymore. "Bye mom."
Sally looked like she was going to say something to stop her, but she just nodded and smiled.
"Well, you have fun, honey."
"Thanks."
"And don't forget to use protection!" said her mother, laughing to herself as if she had just said something funny.
Laurie scratched her head at that. Did her mother expect her to carry firearms now? Who did she think she was; the Comedian?
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To be continued...