April Fools!
In all honesty, I didn't expect anyone to fall for this... I'd originally planned to say I was going to drop both this and the 100-themes challenge, but I thought that would have made the 'prank' too obvious. I apologize to anyone who was upset over the idea of me stopping the story and to those who fell for the note... Thank you for being such good sports.
Unfortunately, what I said in the note was true--all but the fact that I was stopping this story. I do have a lot going on right now in school and I'm doing my best to balance it all, but as most know, junior year is fairly difficult. Happily, I was permitted into two 'Senior Only' classes, which means that at the end of May I'll only have 3 in-school hours (and one online class) to focus on and I'll have more time to write and think about plot development.
In any case... Thank you to Senpai [Fiyerna] for beta-ing this for me so late at night so that I might post it today. I hope you all enjoy this.
Ah, however, this really isn't a prank. After this chapter, Downward Spiral WILL have slower updates while I work on the 100-themes challenge.
Chapter Four
A soft knock filled the silent hospital room causing Souji's head to snap towards the direction of the door, his blank eyes blinking slowly as he tried to pin-point the barrier's location.
"Come in!" He called softly, his voice unable to go above a high whisper, still not accustomed to using it again.
The door opened and the silverette listened as the sound of thick soles slapped against the floor, the soft swishing of a chain breaking the silence of the room.
"Kanji," he greeted with a warm smile.
"H-huh? How'd you-? Shit, Senpai, you're good. Even without eyes you're as quick as ever… Remind me to hire you as a bodyguard sometime..."
"I doubt you'll ever need one. As long as you don't anger Naoto or Chie, you'll be alright."
Kanji laughed, the sound coming out hesitantly as he imagined any of his female friends angry. He could understand Souji's point with Naoto and Chie—one of them had a gun on her person at all times and the other had nearly sent Yosuke to the emergency room with a single kick for breaking a DVD. Still, if given the choice, he wouldn't want to face any of them in their full-blown anger. Yukiko could be terrifying when she wanted to and he didn't even want to imagine what Rise—her agents, fans or bodyguards—could do to him.
"I-I'll be careful…" he finally muttered, scratching the bad of his head. "So, uh… How are you feeling, Senpai? I know I haven't been able to visit ya or anything lately, but Ma's shop has suddenly gotten really popular again and we've been getting' all sortsa weird orders—You know, for those cross-stitch animals I made? I've been helpin' her out a lot so—"
"Don't apologize," Souji shook his head. "I'd rather you help her than waste the time to come out here and stare at me in a chair. I'm much better than I was before… You all don't have to worry so much."
"You'd do the same if it were us, wouldn't ya? You've always been the one who did stuff to keep us happy. Always standing as the strong man who kept us from fallin' apart or pulling some stupid shit. Now that we can help you, we're gonna grab the chance and do all we can, ya know? You're uh… Important to us and uh… You're like, really important to Naoto. Man, I don't think I've ever seen her act the way she did when she got the call. I swear it musta been past midnight when she called me in a panic saying that she was on a train and wouldn't be in school and to tell her secretary to pick up her assignments or somethin'. I dunno… She was talking too fast to understand and cryin' up a storm… I tried to calm her down but she hung up before I could get much out. Still… I'm glad you're doin' better, Senpai."
The white-haired boy trailed off, looking uneasy. His left heel tapped against the ground rapidly, a nervous habit he'd picked up over the last few weeks—a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Souji. The silverette reached out slowly, making Kanji jump as his hand clasped the other's knee.
"Something is bothering you." They both knew it didn't need to be a question. Kanji sighed as he fell back in his chair, laughing dryly as he stared at the ceiling.
"Damn, how're you always able to tell when someone's feelin' like shit, man? It's like you got a… sixth sense or somethin' for this stuff. Yeah… somethin's botherin' me but I dunno what can be done about it." He sat up, his voice turning serious, taking a tone that Souji rarely heard him use. "How's Naoto doing? I heard about—err… Well, I heard some stuff from Rise-chan and Yosuke-senpai. They said she's… really messed up right now. Not eatin' and barely drinkin'. They said she looks like a uh… I think Rise-chan said 'a skeleton of what she used to be', or somethin'. What's—"
The door opened, causing Kanji to stop talking abruptly as both boys—one unseeing—looked up. Kanji gasped sharply, causing Souji to squeeze his knee in attempts to keep the younger man from speaking. Soft, almost silent footsteps moved away from the door, a soft 'click' indicating that the door had shut behind them. Kanji stood up abruptly, causing Souji to clear his throat loudly, a hand raising itself to graze the other's elbow. A warning to keep quiet.
"Naoto… You're back." Souji did his best to smile as warmly as he could, extending a hand towards the sound of the footsteps, clasping the frail one that took his own tightly.
"I apologize for the wait," Souji heard Kanji gasp again as Naoto spoke. Her voice was quieter than usual, almost strained. "The line for breakfast was much longer than I anticipated and I wasn't sure what was light enough for you to eat. The doctor ordered that you were to intake no heavy foods but everything down there was…"
"Its fine, Naoto." Souji muttered, tugging on her hand lightly. "You picked up… mixed fruit. Strawberries, honeydew and… oranges?"
"Clementines," Naoto corrected, smiling faintly. "You're getting better."
"I try my best."
"Shit." Both heads turned in the direction of the curse, looking at Kanji in confusion. "You can tell all that just from sniffin'? Damn, and I thought Teddie's nose was good. He's gonna be upset if you replace him."
Souji sighed in relief when he heard Naoto chuckle weakly, taking the seat Kanji had been using previously. At least she's still laughing…
"I brought chopsticks since there weren't many forks left by the time I was able to get out of line. I hope you don't mind. I-"
"You'll help me, won't you?" Souji smiled softly, mentally chuckling when he heard a small squeak from Naoto, indicated that his smile had worked its charms on her once more.
"Y-yes. Of course… Here, open your mouth."
The silverette parted his lips slightly, closing them around the sliced strawberry being offered to him, wincing as he heard Kanji shift violently next to them.
"Shit! I didn't think that it was-!"
Souji's foot jerked out, connecting with Kanji's shin, causing the curse to turn into a slew of jumbled words as the boy stumbled back in pain. He raised a hand, trailing it along Naoto's wrist until he found her sleeve, slowly pulling it back up her arm. I'm sorry you had to see, Kanji… You didn't think it was this bad, did you? I didn't think it was either. Yosuke warned me that she wasn't at all herself, but…
"Kanji-kun? A-are you alright?" The chopsticks were pulled away from Souji's mouth as Naoto stood up, walking towards the bleach-blond who swore again and stepped back, nodding his head vigorously.
"I-I'm f-fine, Naoto. I uh… hit my shin on Senpai's chair is all. It's not a big deal. I'm fine… but I… I gotta run. I told Ma I'd be back before it got dark and I still gotta grab lunch and let Rise-chan know that I didn't do anything stupid while I was here. So uh… y-you two have a good meal. Later!" Souji listened as hurried footsteps moved away from his chair, following by the sound of a door being opened and slammed shut.
"…What-?" Naoto started, stopping as Souji shook his head slowly, motioning for Naoto to sit down.
"It's nothing, don't worry about Kanji. He's just fine." It's you he's worried about. We all are…
"He said 'chan', right? When did he start calling Rise, 'chan'?"
Naoto remained silent as she held a slice of clementine to the others lips, gently prodding his mouth with the fruit when he didn't open it. He took it silently, chewing slowly as he raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.
"Well…" The eyebrow rose higher, he could hear the faint tone of amusement in her voice, but it was much weaker than he remembered it ever being. "…Shortly after you left—just a few months I believe—Kanji-kun asked Rise-san to a dance the school organized. I assume things must have gone well for them... they've been dating ever since."
"Hauff zeuh?" The silverette's voice came out muffled through several slices of strawberries. He swallowed before continuing, "Well I… didn't see that coming. Did Yosuke and Chie go together?"
"They did… Yukiko-san went as well, with another boy from school. He's a third year; unfortunately I don't remember his name. I've only met him once."
"I see…" Souji hesitated, "…And you?" Naoto didn't respond and the silverette could easily tell she'd become uncomfortable. He moved his hand, grasping her own wrapped around the edge of the bowl, urging her to continue as worry poked the back of his mind. "Naoto? I wouldn't be upset if you went… You did go, didn't you? With friends?"
"The 'investigation squad' are my only friends, Senpai… Rise-san and Kanji-kun would be the closest to me after you... I don't have oth—"
"Naoto, don't avoid—"
"…I didn't go," the sleuth sighed. "I didn't have a reason to go. It was a dance for couples, Senpai. I… didn't have a partner."
Souji winced again, guilt shooting through him as his hand tightened around Naoto's, an apologetic look on his face. "Naoto I—if you'd just called I… You shouldn't have had to spend that night alo—mmfgh."
The detective cut Souji off as she forced another slice of fruit into his mouth, shaking her head slowly.
"It is of no importance, Senpai. I spent the night with Grampa, helping him on the case he had at the time. I was perfectly—"
"You wanted to go." The silverette stated softly, his blank gaze drifting downward, a guilty look crossing his features. "I'm sorry, Naoto. I could have—"
"You could have what, Senpai? Rushed to Inaba for a single night just to dance? That's hardly realistic and I couldn't have asked for such a thing. You—"
"—would have come in an instant without question. Something like that is important."
"Senpai, I—eek!" Naoto's words were cut off with a surprised yelp as Souji gave her arm a sharp tug. She tumbled forward, falling into the silverette's already open arms as the bowl of fruit landed on the tile-floor with a loud clatter. "S-Senpai?"
"I'm sorry…"
"W-what? Why are you-? Senpai, there is no reason for you to apologize to me. You're the one who is—"
"You've missed out on a lot because of me."
"I didn't want—"
"Don't give me that!" Naoto jumped, flinching as she tried to pull away. It wasn't often that she heard an upset tone in Souji's voice.
"You wanted to do these things—don't tell me you didn't. I know… I can tell, just from the way you talked about them, you wanted to do them."
"If you weren't there, the only reason I had for wanting to go—"
"—wasn't there." Souji cut her off again, tightening the grip he had around her shoulders. "I wasn't there for school dances or events... I wasn't there on your sixteenth birthday—or any of the ones after that. I wasn't there for your graduation or when you were accepted into college. I couldn't be there for you when Rise went back into the movie business after graduation to comfort you when you were feeling alone. I couldn't come when your grandfather was sick and admitted to the hospital for—"
"H-how did you know about-?"
"I asked people, Naoto. I knew you were hiding things from me, you didn't want me to worry about you. You didn't want anyone to worry… But people are noticing. Rise told me about your grandfather and I asked Kanji to keep a close eye on you, because I knew after myself and Rise, he was the closest friend you had. I can't even begin to imagine how you still claim that I'm the closest person to you when I couldn't—when I wasn't…"
"Senpai, none of that matters to me! I didn't need you there physically. Whenever I called, or sent a letter, an e-mail… Anything. If I tried to reach you, you'd always be there to reply, if only for a few minutes or lines you still made time. You—"
"And worst of all… I'm still not able to help you now, because I don't know what's going on... why you're doing this to yourself."
"D-doing to myself?" Naoto felt her heart pound painfully in her chest, breath hitching as she forced herself to keep a calm tone. "I-I don't know what you're talking about, Senpai. I'm perfectly alright. You should worry more about—"
"Worry about myself?" Souji asked quietly, shifting Naoto so that she was sitting on his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist to keep her from running. "How… can I even being to worry about myself when you're dying, right in front of me and I can't do anything about it?"
"I—"
"Your voice is quieter than I ever remember it being."
"It's a hospital, one shouldn't shout—"
"Your skin isn't as silky as it used to be…"
"I haven't had the means of fully taking care of it. I've only been using what the hospital giv—"
"Your weaker then you used to be, you're hardly in control. Your hands are always shaking…"
"It's just cold and—"
"You're lighter then you used to be."
"I-I'm on a"
"Stop!" Souji's face contorted in pain as he pressed his face against Naoto's chest, shaking his head. "Stop making excuses! Stop hiding things from me, Naoto..."
"I…I…" Souji pulled back, grabbing Naoto's arm and forcing up the sleeve, wrapping his hand around her wrist.
"Bones, Naoto. I can feel your bones—and I'm willing to admit you can see them even better than I can feel them. Kanji didn't know how bad your condition was, but I'm willing to admit that's why he took off… Because it hurt him to see you like this—and as much as it pains me to say it, I'm almost glad that my eyesight is gone. To see you like this… Naoto… What happened to you? Why are you doing this to yourself!?"
"That is something we'd like to know as well."
Two heads snapped up in the direction of the door, one blinking slowly as they processed the voices he heard. Souji felt Naoto stiffen in his lap and by reflex he wrapped his arms around her waist again, not wanting the detective to dart away.
"H-how long have you two been there?"
"Long enough, Naoto-sama…" The voice was soft and sad, but didn't hold nearly as much sorrow as the next one.
"Nao-chan… What has happened that lead you to treat yourself in this manner? Kujikawa-san was kind enough to keep me posted on Seta-san's condition as well as your own… But never did I imagine that it was this bad. I thought that after Seta-san awakened you might start to return to your normal self… But I can see now that leaving that as it was… was a huge mistake on my part and I doubt I'll ever forgive myself for that course of action. I should have seen to it that I personally kept an eye on you… Perhaps I just didn't want to believe that—No, I have no excuses for this…"
Naoto winced, pressing her back against Souji's chest as she pulled her cap down, trying to avoid three pairs of eyes that seemed to follow even the slightest twitch of her fingers.
"I…" Naoto choked, bowing her head. What excuse did she have? What excuse could she use? Because this—Souji-kun's condition… It's my fault. That accident… It's because I didn't built the watch strong enough. He got hurt… because it fell off. All because of me. This is my punishment…
"Naoto," Souji raised his hand, gently trailing it along the detective's arm until he found her shoulder, continuing up to her face where he cupped her cheek. "Naoto… my precious Naoto… Please, I ask—No, I beg of you… please tell me what happened. What are you doing to yourself?" Is it because I left? Because we weren't able to talk as much as we used to? Did someone hurt you and you're not telling me to keep me from worrying?
"I…" The sleuth shook her head rapidly, unable to form the right words. I can't… It would sound as if I were blaming him. I can't tell him—them, the truth. I…
"I believe I can answer that question, Seta-san."
The occupants of the room jumped slightly, none of them having heard the door open or someone new enter the room.
"Ikeda-san?" Souji called hesitantly, recognizing the voice of the nurse who'd been his care-taker for the past weeks.
"Indeed it is, Seta-san. You're getting much quicker at recognizing voices—but if I may… I believe I can give you the answer to the questions you're asking… As it seems that Shirogane-san," Ikeda paused, blinking, "meaning Naoto," she nodded politely to Misanori, "does not wish to speak honestly for fear of hurting you, Seta-san."
Souji felt Naoto go ridgid and wince in his arms, causing him to raise an eyebrow and turn his head towards his nurse's voice.
"Ikeda-san?"
"I understand this will be hard to comprehend, Seta-san—please do not assume that the blame is being placed over your own shoulders. It is not. But Shirogane-san's condition… Is because of you."
"W-what?" Souji's eyes widened as he turned back towards Naoto, his unseeing silver eyes meeting Naoto's apologetic and guilty ones, the silence of the room pressing in upon the silverette more painfully then the days he'd come home to an empty house several years ago.
Naoto's condition is… because of me?