Ch. 15

Laurie woke up that morning and couldn't help but think that the night before had all been just a dream. She got out of bed and went to her closet to search for clothes to wear that day. There was a gap in the clothes hangers. Maybe just enough to fit Rorschach in there? She ran her hand down a jacket that he must have brushed against at one point when he was inside. She smiled.

Half an hour later, Laurie cautiously made her way downstairs. She didn't want to wake up her mother and be forced to have another "conversation" with her again. Nowadays that was all she ever did with her mother -- her mother would walk in on the defensive, ready to fly off the handle no matter what Laurie said to her.

Sighing, Laurie looked around the kitchen, feeling trapped even in the fairly open space. She looked at the clock. Barely eight. Less than ten hours to go before she could go out and fight crime. She wished she could go to Rorschach's house, too -- just to have a place to go to. How had he even found out where she lived? She imagined he had looked her up in the phone book -- well, her mother's name, at least, she knew he knew what it was -- and then...?

Laurie went into the living room and approached the phone. Under the cabinet it was resting on was the phone book. Laurie picked it up, feeling the weight in her hands. She opened the book and it smelled familiar, like the newspapers Laurie liked to read. She ran her fingers over the names, holding her hand up to her face to study the faint smudges of ink on her fingertips. She turned the pages until she found her mother's name. Her address was written clearly next to it. Laurie tried to picture Rorschach, faceless to her under his mask, sitting at a coffee table in an unknown home that was his in her mind. Rorschach picking up a phone book identical to hers and searching through it until he found her address.

The image just didn't seem right. Would it seem more realistic if she really knew who he was under there, the true face he had when he wasn't fighting crime? Who he was underneath the mask? Laurie sighed and wished she could do the same and look up Rorschach -- find out where he lived. Visit him. She really needed a friend right now. It was strange to think that after all this time she didn't even know his name. She couldn't look it up as he had with her. Laurie looked down again. She had turned the pages without thinking, and for a moment she stared at the list of last names that started with the letter B and didn't know why.

Oh, of course. Her father.

Laurie shivered at the words. It was strange to think of having a father -- one that didn't make her angry to think about. The Comedian wasn't a saint, but next to Laurence, anybody was good to her. Good. That was the word that Rorschach used to describe him. Inspired, Laurie continued to scan through the book until she found what she was looking for.

Edward M. Blake. So he was in the phone book, after all. Laurie paused for a moment, looking at the number and address listed. She briefly considered calling him up, even visiting him without warning. But what would she say? Hi, I heard you were my dad -- want to spend some quality time telling jokes in the docks and burning drug dealers?

Laurie giggled to herself. Somehow, she thought that even if she did show up and say that, that he wouldn't mind. In fact, he'd think it was hilarious. That was a comforting thought, at least. But no, she wouldn't do that. Her mother would kill her if she knew she had visited the Comedian. Thinking about him made her recall his face and she suddenly felt a stab of pain. How come her mother never told her about this? She knew Laurence wasn't her real father, of course -- he had informed her himself, after all -- but Laurie had always expected her father to be the Hooded Justice. Of course, Hooded Justice being dead was always Laurie's reasoning for having never discussed it with her mother. Laurie assumed that it was a painful memory for her mother and never brought it up. Now that she knew that it wasn't Hooded Justice but someone who was alive, it made her angry.

Laurie left the house, feeling restless. She wished she knew more people. She wandered the streets, looking in windows and even pausing at the dress shop but Walter wasn't there. Laurie found herself outside the Comedian's house. She stood on the sidewalk for a long while then ran away when she saw the curtains move.

Laurie returned home at lunch time and ate alone. She wondered if her mother was even home, or just in her room sleeping off another hangover. She still hadn't heard from her when she left the house that evening. Laurie jogged down the street as Nightshade, her breath blowing out like steam around her in the cold air. Rorschach was waiting for her.

"Hi," said Laurie, smiling. She almost told him that she had looked for him in the phone book but that sounded creepy, regardless of whether or not he had done it himself with her. "I guess we're investigating the Twilight Lady tonight, huh?"

Rorschach nodded and gestured for them to go. They walked in silence, gathering information from as many sources as they could find. It seemed people were more willing to talk about the Twilight Lady than of Moloch, but as for their connection, nobody seemed to have any idea. It didn't seem they were getting any leads tonight. On nights like this they usually gave up and turned to more petty crime to deal with. That seemed scarce tonight, as well.

"You know," said Laurie, after they had gone on a long stretch without finding any criminals, "I wanted to look for you in the phone book today. Of course, I didn't know your name so I couldn't find you."

"Why would you do that?"

Laurie shrugged.

"I wanted to visit you, I suppose."

"I'm afraid I have nothing to offer in terms of hospitality."

"Yeah, but that's not what matters, is it?"

Rorschach didn't respond.

Laurie looked away. She decided to tell him.

"You're all I have, you know that?" she said, laughing in embarrassment. "I mean, besides my mother. It's just you, and I don't even know your name."

"You have a father now."

"Yes, but..."

"You can get to know him."

"Well..."

"Build a relationship with him."

Why don't you go do that yourself if you're so inclined, Laurie almost blurted out. She bit her lip and felt guilty for thinking it. Rorschach seemed to have respect for the Comedian; genuinely seemed to regard him as a great figure. Laurie wished the feeling came so naturally to her. She didn't think the Comedian was as bad as her mother said but she didn't feel like wholly agreeing with Rorschach's opinion of him either. She just felt... scared. How was she supposed to have a relationship with a man who had been out of her life for almost seventeen years? Looking at the dark, empty streets, Laurie felt depressed. She wished there was something the two of them could do that wasn't just this damn crime fighting. Couldn't they go out somewhere to eat, even? Just sit down and relax and talk, and not have to worry about some stranger getting mugged, for once?

"I don't know what I would say to a man like that," Laurie finally said.

Rorschach shrugged. He seemed to have become contemplative again. Laurie didn't mind. It just gave her time to think too. If only her thoughts weren't so grim tonight. She looked at the time and winced.

"I guess we only have a couple of hours before we're done for the night," she said sadly. Rorschach looked at her but didn't pry. Suddenly she wanted to tell him about how her mother had been acting, but she didn't want to burden him. She was sure he had heard enough last night when he had been hiding in her closet. Besides, she was already feeling stupid about what she had said to him earlier.

But it was true what she had said -- he was all she had. And he was a good friend. Being her only friend had nothing to do with that.

"My mother's been... difficult, lately," she managed to tell him. "It's been hard, staying at home."

"Let's see if we can find something to keep us out longer," he suggested. For an instant, Laurie assumed he was changing the subject, but she realized after thinking about it that he was in fact trying to find a solution for her problem.

Laurie nodded, feeling relieved. She couldn't run away from her mother forever, but anything that would delay an inevitable confrontation with her was good enough for Laurie.

They tailed a man for a while. The man wasn't doing anything, really -- Rorschach had just joked that he looked like he had something to hide. Instead of giving up to look for something better like they usually might, they followed him back to his house and snooped around. They were surprised to find he was actually a pervert who took candid photos of ladies in various stages of undress. That man was going to have nightmares about Rorschach for a while.

By the time they had taken care of the pervert, it was past the hour they usually split ways. This time they crept around, looking for more trouble. At this time of night, it seemed even the criminals gave up and went to bed. They ended up sitting on a rooftop looking down a normally busy street that was now empty.

"I better head back," Laurie said, finally, after struggling to keep from nodding off. "Thanks for staying up with me, Rorschach. I'll see you tomorrow."

Laurie walked home as the sun rose behind her. She was tired, but she was in a better mood. She was also surprised to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table. She had a bottle next to her, nearly empty. Laurie winced.

"Hi, Mom," said Laurie. "Were you waiting up? I'm sorry if--"

"No need for your excuses," said Sally, slurring her words. Her head was rolling as if she was on a tossing ship at sea.

"What?" Laurie stared at her, not comprehending what she meant.

"I know what you're doing, going out at all hours of the night," she said. Her voice wavered even as she raised it.

"But I--"

"You don't think I know how it is? Oh, I know how it is, all right." her mother laughed darkly. "But when you end up pregnant, don't you think I'm going to let you walk right in when he leaves you."

Laurie couldn't believe the words she was hearing.

"Mom, I'm not--"

"No, Laurie, that's enough. Enough of your lies." Sally was trying to look at her -- her eyes were bloodshot -- but she couldn't seem to be able to focus. "You think you're better than me, Laurie? You think you're making better choices? I'm tired of living in fear of your judgment. Well, you aren't in any position to look at me the way you do!"

"Mom--"

"You think you're having fun out there -- don't even think what kind of person he is. I told him to stay away from you but I'm sure you're great friends now. I'm sure he doesn't tell you to be careful, to watch who you're with. Does he let you stay at his house? You and your boyfriend, and him, the three of you?"

"I really don't know what you mean, mom." Laurie was choking back tears now.

"That's because you won't listen," yelled Sally. She got up and pointed a trembling finger at her daughter. "Nobody listens. You know what? He can have you -- you never loved me anyway."

"Of course I love--"

"Get out, Laurie."

"What?"

"Get out!"

Laurie turned and ran, too shocked to even cry. Behind her she heard her mother screaming.

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To be continued...