(AN:I am so sorry that it took me so long to update! I'd give you my reasons but it's just a bunch of excuses. Anyways, this chapter is a bit shorter than normal and definitely just a filler chapter. I had intended to continue it but then it would have been too long. The next chapter should be up soon though since it's already about halfway written. As always thank you for reading!)
Draco walked stiffly into the Slytherin common room, his back so rigid that he knew he was going to be sore tomorrow, but he wasn't about to relax his posture. He couldn't relax his tight grip until he was in the solitude of his room because he knew that as soon as he did relax, he was going to lose it. The anger was shimmering just under the surface, an ocean of pure rage that beat against his chest in time with his thudding heart, and he had no hope of controlling his more violent urges. He needed to be alone so he could deal with the roiling mess of his emotions, so vivid after his recent departure from Ginny.
Just as he approached his door, Blaise Zabini peeled himself away from the wall, a firm glare affixed to his face. Draco knew instantly that Blaise was in a fine mood himself and that Draco was about to get an earful, but now was not the time.
"No." It was just the one word, but Draco growled it in a tone so adamant that Blaise immediately took a step back, ducking his head to acknowledge that he understood now was not the time. His face softened briefly before he turned on his heel and left. A slight swell of gratitude swirled in Draco, but it was quickly drowned out by a flash of Ginny's pale face and the accompanying anger he felt in response to her being hurt.
Draco stiff-armed his door open, the impact jarring his wrist in a pleasing way. He wanted to feel discomfort; he wanted to feel pain. Draco had never been a masochist, but at the idea of what Ginny had suffered, he suddenly wanted to suffer. He would never be able to feel a quarter of the pain she had undergone though, and that fact only made his anger worse.
He would never make it – any of it – up to Ginny.
Withdrawing his wand, Draco flicked his wrist almost casually. His bedframe split with a deafening crack as though a giant had decided to try out the mattress. The wood splintered violently, and the noise echoed through his mind like a shot. Cocking his head almost curiously, Draco repeated the motion, cracking the wooden beams again. The response was the same, so he repeated the gesture. And then again and again and again until the wood was nothing but kindling.
And then Draco turned to his dresser and repeated the process.
One would have thought that he would do this with passion, flinging his wand about and throwing things, screaming out his rage into the empty hollows of his room to mirror the inner turmoil. But no. Draco was calm, precise, almost methodical in the obliteration of his room. The control kept his anger under an icy layer where it could simmer away until it disappeared because Draco couldn't lose control. He hated losing control, and the last time he had done so was still sharp in his mind.
The last time Draco had lost control he had turned that damned curse on Ginny. He would never lose control again; never.
So Draco continued his controlled annihilation of his every possession, taking out his rage on objects that only he cared for, and all the while thinking of Ginny Weasley. Young Ginny with her wide, innocent eyes so lonely and searching for a friend – he set fire to his bedding imagining his father's involvement. Older Ginny Weasley awakening from a nightmare in the library as he looked on – he smashed the window imagining a grinning Voldemort. Ginny Weasley spasming on the staircase to the Headmaster's office – he saw Snape's serious face and thrashed the walls with long, deep scratches.
Draco kept imagining the pain Ginny Weasley had been enduring silently for years, and then he imagined the men responsible, and then he destroyed materialistic pieces of himself. For it had not been lost on Draco that all three men responsible for Ginny's pain were men connected to himself. Snape, his father, Voldemort: all three claimed a piece of him. His father claimed his blood, Snape his soul, and Voldemort his life. Draco was the product of all the evil in Ginny Weasley's life and the irony was not lost on him.
He was responsible for Ginny Weasley's suffering, but it wasn't like he could torture himself. So Draco destroyed those things of his which he could, controlling the beast growling within his chest until it finally quieted.
An hour passed, and Draco finally lowered his wand. His room was in ruins. Not a single piece of furniture had survived, and his bedding was reduced to ashes on the floor. The windows and walls would need fixing as well, and his belongings were scattered about for he had destroyed his dresser and his trunk. Curiously, Draco felt not an ounce of regret looking upon the scene. Instead, he felt an odd sense of relief, as though by destroying his possessions he was making something up to Ginny.
His words to her came back to haunt his ears. How will I ever make that up to you? The anguish in his voice hadn't been exaggerated and he knew she had heard it, but he wasn't going to chastise himself for that. Draco no longer wanted to hide from Ginny, but he suddenly felt like he had to. How could she even stand to look at him with his blood and his Dark Mark? The two men who had put her through so much, and he was like the twisted monster born between them. How could she stand to even be near him when he looked like his father and bore the mark of the man who had possessed her?
The thought made bile rise in his throat, and Draco didn't understand. He didn't understand how she didn't absolute loathe the sight of him. It would be perfectly within Ginny's rights to want to kill him, but she didn't. In fact, Ginny seemed drawn to him, and Draco felt lost for it.
He had raised a hand to his lips before he even realized it, pressing his fingertips to the buzzing flesh which held the echo of Ginny's kiss. She had kissed him. Ginny Weasley had kissed him in the Room of Requirement.
Merlin. His hand fell limply to his side, and Draco closed his eyes. He had enjoyed that kiss. Hell, he had more than enjoyed that kiss. If Snape hadn't come back when he did, Draco would have kept going. He would have continued until Ginny stopped him, but she hadn't seemed like she wanted to stop him, and that was maddeningly confusing.
Why had she kissed him?
It made no sense to Draco's logical mind. She had just confessed to her dark past, and he hadn't been able to offer even words of comfort to her. He hadn't offered her even a weak apology. What had made Ginny kiss him? It wasn't like he had sworn some bloody heroic oath to avenge her, like Potter surely would have done.
And that was another thing. Last Draco had checked, Ginny had been dating Harry bleeding Potter. Granted, Potter wasn't here now, but Draco had assumed that that relationship was still very much in place. Was it not? Were they no longer together? Draco couldn't imagine it. After all, Ginny still reacted harshly every time he brought up Potter. It certainly didn't seem like they had broken up.
Ginny Weasley was the shining Princess of Gryffindor, second only to Granger herself, and she should hate the very mention of Draco's name. She should detest the sight of him, not seek him out. She should want to hurt him, not kiss him. She should hate him, not like him, and Draco was suddenly very certain that she did like him.
Maddening, all of it. None of the past twelve hours made any sense to Draco, and he suddenly found that he couldn't bear to think of it anymore.
After that first kiss – the kiss he had initiated – it might have been his duty to confront Ginny. In fact, he had planned on brushing it off again to dissuade her from overanalyzing the incident. Draco was no fool; even if he had admitted his feelings about Ginny, he wasn't about to disillusion himself with ideas of their coupling. Not only was it impossible, but it was ill-advised and quite frankly frightening. Ginny was so purely good; he was afraid to touch her.
But Ginny was also impulsive and stubborn, and Draco hadn't been sure what she would decide. If by some chance she had returned his feelings, Draco had been terrified she would try to make them into something. It was frightening for two reasons: one because it would surely end in both of their deaths and two because Draco knew he wouldn't deny her.
If Ginny Weasley asked him, Draco would gladly give himself to her, which was more than frightening; it went against everything he had ever been.
Slytherins didn't just give themselves over to people. Relationships were like business mergers, a sharing of assets. It was hardly about love in the end.
Such were the reasons Draco had buried himself in his bed, refusing to come out and face the harsh light of reality. He had known he was going to alienate her, that had been his decision, but then she had changed everything.
Ginny had kissed him.
Until she had done so, Draco honestly hadn't been sure she had returned his ridiculous feelings. There had been signs that pointed at it of course, but no definitive actions. Now, he knew though. Whatever it was he felt for Ginny, she returned it.
Ginny had kissed him, and now Draco couldn't just brush it aside. She would hardly allow that; no, Ginny would want to talk about it, and as loathe as Draco was to do that, he would. Draco was going to follow Ginny's lead. Whatever she decided, Draco was going to agree with.
His heart buzzed uncomfortably in his chest at the thought, for Draco wasn't used to giving anyone control over his future. Even when he had taken the Dark Mark, Draco had still been in control of his life, but he was forfeiting that now.
It was up to Ginny Weasley. If she wanted to pretend the kiss had never happened, Draco would do that. If she wanted to never see him again, Draco would comply. And if she wanted something more...
Shuddering, Draco couldn't even finish the thought. It was too preposterous, and dare he say it, too tempting. For Draco had dropped his walls as soon as he had seen Ginny sprawled unconscious on that bed. There was no use denying how deeply he cared for the youngest Weasley when his heart had nearly stopped at the thought of her death. The pain had been unparalleled, and Draco wasn't dense enough to lie to himself. He liked Ginny, much more than he should.
So yes, he would do whatever she wanted. Everything had changed, and now it was Ginny's turn to decide where their relationship went. Draco was tired of making decisions for the both of them. He wanted to know what she wanted.
Two days had passed, and Ginny was standing up on her toes, frantically seeking out a certain Slytherin. Her back protested slightly, and Ginny frowned, ignoring it. Her body still ached occasionally, and Neville was always warning her to take it easy, but Ginny was done. Ever since she had walked out of the Room of Requirement, Ginny had been buzzing with anticipation, her body aching to do something. She was sick of inaction and waiting and planning. She wanted to do, to act, to make.
Craning her neck Ginny looked harder, aware that her time was running short. She had to get to Muggle Studies – that ridiculous class taught by the other Carrow dimwit twin – on time or else she would earn another detention, and she knew that her body and her mind weren't ready for that. Despite her refusal to rest, Ginny was aware that she needed to be more cautious.
Despite her act, Ginny wasn't normal, not yet. She had awoken with nightmares the first night, a normal side effect of the Cruciatus Curse but unsettling all the same. Her mind was still suffering, and her body too. She was ignoring it for the most part, pushing away those memories. She would rather concentrate on other things, and she had distracted herself as soon as possible. In fact, Ginny had launched immediately into distractions, starting with the night she had tried to steal the sword.
The walk from the Room of Requirement to the infirmary had nearly taken her out again, and the only reason Ginny had managed to remain standing was because of the sight of Luna and Neville, both sitting up on the edge of infirmary beds.
She had nearly ran to them, and they had jumped up to greet her, three pairs of arms wrapping awkwardly around three bodies. Ginny had relaxed into their grip like coming home, and tears had pricked her eyes. Of course, she had swallowed those back, pushing Neville and Luna at arm's length to demand answers like how they had been caught, who had tortured them, and if they were alright. They had brushed off her questions, only giving her answers when she kept demanding, and then demanded the same answers from her.
It was then that Ginny had looked back at the doorway, expecting to see an awkwardly hovering Snape and Draco, since both had accompanied her to the infirmary. But neither had been standing there. Gone, so silently that Ginny nearly shuddered. She hadn't missed the odd pang in her chest at the loss of Draco, the way her mind instantly wanted to know why he hadn't said goodbye, but she had brushed it off that night.
Turning back to Neville and Luna, Ginny had given them the shortest version she had been able to, ending with regret over the fact that she hadn't managed to keep the sword. Of course, neither of her friends had blamed her, too horrified by the fact that Snape had tortured her. She had refused to linger on that though, instead pushing forward with new ideas.
Ginny could still remember the shock on Neville's face.
"You want to what?" he had demanded while even Luna had looked skeptical, an expression not common to her face.
"I want to strengthen the DA," Ginny had responded. The idea had come to her while Snape had led her to the infirmary. Draco's presence at her back had actually inspired it, for what reason Ginny couldn't really say. She had just been struck with the fierce determination to make more of a statement. "Look, up until now we've been skirting around the edges, making small moves. The Carrows don't even know who they're dealing with," she had continued, eyes blazing. "I want them to know they're facing Dumbledore's Army."
"You want to announce ourselves?" Luna had inquired, insightful as always. "Ginny have Nargles been around you?"
"I don't want to declare war," Ginny had clarified, "but I would like to make the DA more official. I want to make it like it was in fifth year."
"But we can't gather," Neville had been quick to point out. "There's no way; the curfews are too strict and the punishments are too harsh."
"Agreed, but we can communicate through the Galleons."
"Hermione's Galleons, you mean?" Luna had responded, blue eyes suddenly bright with understanding.
"Exactly," Ginny had nodded eagerly. "We can organize that way without ever having to meet. I want the entire group to fight against the Carrows. The war is happening all around us in the real world; I think it's time we brought it to Hogwarts."
Neville had shaken his head, but a smile had blossomed on his face. He had been more incredulous than anything. "Alright, Gin, and what's our first move?"
"Graffiti," Ginny had allowed an answering grin to spread over her face. "I think it's about time the Carrows received our message."
Now, two days later, Ginny was still buzzing with an activity high. The whispers had spread quickly – pocket your DA galleons, they went. The DA is back. Neville had taken charge with a vengeance, discreetly passing out extra galleons to those who had misplaced theirs in the intervening years. Communication lines were established, and by the following night, the first of the graffiti had appeared.
Dumbledore's Army it had read proudly, in large lettering splattered along the Great Hall.
Ginny had chosen the spot, wanting it to be somewhere Snape and the Carrows couldn't hide easily, and sure enough, her goal had succeeded. By the time the students had entered for breakfast, the letters were still clear, both of the Carrows red-faced and fuming as they tried desperately to magick them away. Of course, Ginny had already thought of that, and with some help from Fred and George's inventions, she had made the markings as permanent as she could. It had taken the better part of the morning for the words to fade completely, and the Carrows had been furious, but with no one to blame. Even they could not senselessly torture the pure blooded students had Hogwarts.
Still, Ginny wasn't going to be completely reckless. Last night they hadn't done anything, but tonight Luna was taking some fellow Ravenclaws and leaving a message for Alecto in her classroom. But first, Ginny had wanted to meet Neville and Luna in the library, to quickly discuss the DA, but she also needed a certain Slytherin to attend.
Stretching onto her toes once more, Ginny prayed that she would spot him. The crowded halls were thinning out, and if she didn't catch him now, she wouldn't. Her break came after Muggle Studies today, and that was when she had told Luna and Neville to meet her. It was a slight risk for Neville to miss class, but Ginny was fairly certain none of the Professors would report him; besides, he had agreed. If Ginny was going to lead the DA, she would need to stop blaming herself whenever someone got caught. She would need to accept that these people knew the risks and were willing.
But she needed to make Draco come. He was an instrumental part in her plan now, and besides that, she needed and wanted to speak with him. She had been pushing away thoughts of him for two days, and she was ready to face him now. She was ready to take a leap of faith of sorts, but she would need to speak with him.
Just then Ginny spotted the Slytherin she had been searching for, and her mind sighed in relief. Finally, her mind muttered as she dropped to her feet and hurried after him. Unfortunately, with his long legs, it took Ginny a few precious moments to catch him, and then she had to lunge and tug on his sleeve to get his attention.
Blaise Zabini whipped around, dark eyes flashing with warning.
Ginny stumbled back, surprised. She had never seen Zabini anything but perfectly calm, and his features were startling when awakened with emotion. It was the first time she had given any credit to the gossip about how gorgeous Blaise Zabini was, for his face was surely gorgeous if also frightening.
His face smoothed out into the familiar mask of indifference as soon as he realized who had grabbed him. "Weasley," his lips hardly seemed to move. "What do you want?"
"I need you to pass a message along to Draco."
He raised an irritated eyebrow. "Do I look like an owl to you?"
"No," Ginny returned instantly, with a small frown. "But I haven't seen him, and I can't exactly waltz into Slytherin house on my own. Look, I just need you to tell him to meet me in the library next period."
"No."
Ginny wasn't honestly surprised, though she had allowed herself to hope that this would be easier. "Zabini..."
"No," he shook his head firmly. "Even if I was okay with you and Draco meeting up, which I'm not, I wouldn't get involved."
Ginny frowned, thrown off by his declaration. "What's your problem with me and Draco meeting up?" She had thought his hesitation would come solely from wanting to stay out of it, but his words made it seem like he didn't like her, like he thought she was dangerous to Draco.
Zabini gave her an exasperated look, and then suddenly looked around. Frowning, he grabbed Ginny's arm and hauled her into a nearby alcove. Ginny blinked in surprise, but that was all she had time to do, for they were pressed into the alcove and Zabini had released her before she could so much as draw a breath.
"This is the second time I've been dragged into an alcove by a bloody Slytherin," she couldn't help but mumble, settling her back against the far wall and crossing her arms as she coldly regarded Zabini.
His eyebrow rose again as he mirrored her pose. "Don't expect me to kiss you."
"Wha-?" Ginny's heart dropped at the very pointed words.
Blaise snorted. "I'm not blind, Weasley. I know a lot more of what's going on between you and Draco than you think."
Ginny's tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as she fought to find a retort to that, but she couldn't. Panic invaded her gut at Zabini's words, wondering just what he knew exactly. Did he know everything? Ginny couldn't imagine Draco telling Zabini about the notes, but then again, she didn't really know much about their friendship. Clearly, Blaise knew they had kissed, but was he referring only to the kiss in Draco's room? What exactly had Blaise figured out?
Shoving those thoughts away and returning to the subject at hand, Ginny glared at Zabini. "If you know so much, why won't you give Draco the message?"
"Because I don't agree with it," Zabini said simply. "I tried to get him to stop the notes, but when he wouldn't do that, I gave up. Those were only notes, but this shit you've got him doing now – it's dangerous Weasley."
"I know that."
"Do you?" he shot back. "Do you have any idea what happens to a Death Eater who betrays Voldemort?"
Once again, Ginny fell silent. She had an idea of what Voldemort would do, but she didn't know for sure. Imagining all the gruesome endings though, Ginny shuddered. She didn't want that for Draco. The thought of him dead made her stomach turn to lead and a bitter taste fill her mouth. But that wasn't fair. It wasn't like she had forced this on Draco.
"He made his decision," Ginny said finally. "I don't force him to do anything."
Blaise rolled his eyes. "If you think asking him isn't the same as forcing him at this point, you're an idiot."
"What do you mean?"
But Blaise was shaking his head. "I don't have time to educate you on matters you're involved in. I won't deliver your message. End of story."
"Blaise, please," Ginny accidentally used his first name as she pleaded with him, and she saw the effect it had. Blaise's eyes immediately narrowed, and he frowned at her.
"We aren't friends, Weasley," he snapped. "Don't presume to use my first name."
Now Ginny wanted to roll her eyes, but she didn't. She needed Blaise's help; there was no other way to contact Draco. "I don't care if we aren't friends. Draco should get to decide if he wants to help me or not. Besides, even if you don't give him my message, I'll just contact him later. Even you must know that I'll find a way. So tell me Zabini, would you rather tell him, which is much less dangerous, or let me risk leaving him another note?"
And Ginny meant it. If Zabini refused to help her, she would leave Draco a note. And if that didn't work, she'd just have to find her way into Slytherin House again. It wasn't an option at this point. She needed to speak to Draco, to see him again. She had to.
Zabini's eyes narrowed again, and Ginny knew that she wasn't winning any popularity points with the Slytherin. He had already been set on disliking her – probably because he perceived her as a threat to Draco – but now she was really pushing his nerves. It would be a miracle if he didn't absolutely hate her.
"How Slytherin of you," he muttered finally, face relaxing back into his indifferent mask.
Ginny didn't even take offence, relaxing herself. "So you'll do it?"
"Yes, but only because I know you're dumb enough to do something riskier," Zabini snapped. "And just know Weasley, that you're risking his life. Draco feels a sense of obligation towards you, and you're exploiting that. You could get him killed."
"I know," Ginny's voice came out much smaller than she had intended, and she knew that her emotions were obvious, but Zabini's words had hit a nerve. Ginny was still struggling to figure out how deeply she cared for Draco, but the thought of him dead sent a bolt of terror racing through her so intense that she had trouble swallowing. She had just told Blaise that it was Draco's choice, whether or not to help her, but his reminder of the risks Draco was taking had stopped her blood cold. Ginny didn't want Draco to die. She just wanted... hell, she didn't even know what she wanted. All she knew was that she had to see him.
Blaise frowned at her, and then shook his head. "Honestly, the two of you are bloody ridiculous. It's like you want to be miserable or something."
Ginny ignored him, biting her lip to stop herself from asking what he meant. Clearly, Blaise was determined to speak cryptically and besides, it was very clear that he had no interest in speaking with Ginny. He was here for Draco, and Draco alone, and Ginny was okay with that. It actually cheered her to see that Draco had someone looking out for him.
"Thank you," she said finally, when Blaise said nothing more.
He shook his head again and turned smartly on his heel to leave.
Ginny had every intention of letting him, but something about his cryptic words had reminded her of Luna and suddenly Ginny found herself blurting, "You should come too."
Zabini turned around slowly, nailing her with a glare. "And why would I do that?"
Biting her lip, Ginny voiced something that she knew he wouldn't like, but she had to try anyways. She had seen the way Luna looked at him in the hallway that day, the longing tempered by pain. Luna had strong feelings for Blaise, but something had gotten in the way, and Ginny thought she knew what. If Blaise came though... "Luna would like it, if you came. I know... I know how much she cares for you."
Zabini stiffened visibly, his face becoming ridiculously stiff as he fought not to show a damn thing. "You know nothing about me and Luna," he hissed.
Ginny winced but nodded. "No, you're right," she rushed out, "but I do know Luna. If you came today, she would forgive you." Ginny wasn't even sure what they had fought about, but she knew that they had. It was the only explanation as to why they weren't together. It didn't take much to puzzle out that Luna wanted Blaise to fight on their side, and Ginny was fairly confident that Blaise had refused. But if he came today, if he made this one gesture of standing with their side, then surely Luna would forgive him. Something real had existed between them, it was so very clear to see now that Ginny was flabbergasted she hadn't seen it before.
A quick emotion flitted through Blaise's dark eyes, but he shook his head. "Coming would solve nothing. Luna knows me too well to believe that I'd risk my neck."
Ginny opened her mouth to argue, but Blaise cut her off.
"Leave it, Weasley," he muttered darkly, turning away again. He disappeared down the hall without another word, and Ginny was left feeling curiously empty and disappointed.
Blaise had tried to keep his pain out of his face, but in doing so, he had only shown how much pain he was in. Whatever had happened between him and Luna, it had cut them both deeply. Ginny knew that she should just leave it alone, but she also knew that she wouldn't. She desperately wanted to know what had happened between them, and she knew that she would ask Luna. It wasn't only because she found herself in a similar situation now; Ginny also wanted to fix it. The idea of Blaise and Luna had freaked her out before, but having just interacted with him, Ginny found that it suddenly made sense. For whatever reason, Blaise seemed to compliment Luna, and Ginny was suddenly desperate to right something, to fix a mistake even if it wasn't her own mistake.
The world was so broken; Ginny just wanted to fix something.
Sighing and shaking her head, Ginny turned and walked toward Muggle Studies. The class was going to be torture, but her head was already spinning ahead to next period and the meeting that was going to take place. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that this meeting would change the rest of this year. In fact, Ginny was quite certain it would change the rest of her life.