Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! I'm hoping this is a good chapter :D Shout out to Firediva0 for helping me! Thanks!
Crash and Burn
My heart feels like it might explode. On life's empty road I seek for rest, before I crash and burn. I can't feel my heart beat anymore, I might crash and burn. Can you hear it? My heart beat? It's beating too fast that I might crash and burn. But that's okay. Then I might learn. Not to crash and burn.
Kanda's Point of View (Enjoy!)
Every time I flipped through Allen's notebook I felt like I was Allen and I was feeling these emotions. He was always smiling so why did he feel this way? What was really happening?
I had read the poem that was on the first page. Cuts, Bruises and Scars. I wasn't sure if he was talking about himself in these poems or referring to anyone. When he had pulled me into the bathroom I knew he was going to ask for his notebook back. I don't even know why I wanted to keep it.
Maybe it's because I want to know what happened to him. Maybe I'll find something useful in here to help figure out what's wrong with Allen.
I honestly have no proof that Allen cuts other than the poems and the long sleeved shirts. Maybe he was telling the truth. I was going to find out.
I really meant those things I said to him although I'm not sure what it means. Does that mean that I like him? As more than a friend? I watched as Usagi swerved to the side a little because Allen had reached over towards him. I wonder what happened. I hope that I can figure out what's wrong with Allen.
All this sappy thinking may kill me. Ugh.
At the Cabin!
Lavi's cabin wasn't huge but it wasn't small either. The downside (or upside?) however was that there was only two bathrooms and three rooms. Lenalee of course got her own room.
Lavi wanted his own room because it was his cabin. That left one room with a king side bed. "I'll stay in the..." Allen started to say but was cut off by Lavi and Lenalee saying "No! You're staying in that room with Kanda whether you like it or not because you need to learn to get along."
Allen nodded and walked away. I glared at them but all they did was smile and walk away, muttering under their breaths. Oh no they must be planning something. This would not end well.
Lavi's Point of View (Short but still)
"Our plan is working perfectly." I said to Lenalee as we walked away from Kanda and Allen. We had both noticed that they always fought. That only meant one thing. They liked each other but they didn't know it. "I'm so excited! I hope they kiss!" Lenalee said, her yaoi fangirl pooping out. "Lenalee please calm down. I'm for them but that doesn't mean I want to see them kiss." I said rubbing my temples. Those images may never leave my head…
Back to Allen's Point of view!
"Let's play a game of cards!" Lavi said, jumping up and down excitedly. "Sure." "Che" "Oh come on Kanda!" Lavi said pouting. "What are you afraid of Kanda? Are you afraid of losing?" I teased him, sitting down and shuffling the cards.
"Bring it on Moyashi." He growled, coming to sit by me. Two shirts and a pair of pants later… "Okay, Okay I give. You win Allen." Lavi said sighing. "Che" Kanda said throwing his cards down. "I told you I never lose." I said triumphantly. "Well do you guys want to watch a movie?" Lenalee asked from the chair. "Sure but I'll be back. I'm going to go take a shower." I said, standing up.
"Okay! I'll make some hot chocolate." Lenalee said standing up. "I'll help you." Lavi said, standing up and following her into the kitchen. "Well that was weird." I thought to myself walking up the stairs. I went and grabbed my clothes and pain pills, slipping the pain pills under my shirt. I passed Kanda on the way out of the room and I silently cursed him.
He still had his shirt off. I uh um not that I care. I went into the bathroom and locked the bathroom door, turning towards it as I wiped off my makeup.
Makeup
Makeup is a cover up, for bruises, cuts and scars, but when the water streaks your face, the makeup is all gone. You're so afraid that they will see the real, broken you, so you hide away, and run away, just to change the mood of life, with makeup as your guard.
My face looked bad from the beating I had gotten earlier. My scar was more red than usual as well. I pulled my shirt off and saw the cuts that both Cross and I had created, some neat and others jagged and torn. I stepped into the shower and immediately relaxed under the flowing water.
I decided to sing an old song in Japanese that Mana had taught me.
"Anata wa kamisama shinjiteimasu ka?
Koibito to oya ga oboreteitara?
Okujou kara tobioriyou to suru ano ko ni,
Kakete agerareru kotoba wa nan deshou?
Saikin ja ano koro wo omoidasu koto mo nakute
Futo miageta aozora ni kodoku wo kanjita yo
Kamisama nante iranai' boku no tame ni kimi no tame ni
Asa made katariakashita seishun no zanzou yoDoujou nante iranai' tsuyosa no ura namida wo shiru Bokutachi ga shinjita mono wa mada kasuka ni netsu wo motsu Hanatta kotoba wa "MENDOKUSAI yatsu"SENSE tachi ni wa gumon datta rashii Kono mama ja bokutachi wa shinshoku sarete shimau to Mienai jiba ni torawarete mogaiteita nda 'Kamisama nante iranai' boku no tame ni kimi no tame ni Tsukiakari ni terasareta koukashita no himitsu yo 'Otona ni nante naranai' boku no me ni wa kimi no me ni waTsuyoi hikari wo yadoshita konkyo no nai kizuna yo Yume mo ai mo ayamachi mo kokoro to karada ni kizamareta Ame ga futari nurashiteku motto motto furasete Honne wa amari misenai noni fushigi ni chikaku kanjita yo Kokyuu taion koe, soshite Shinzou no oto boku no nouri ni fukaku fukaku kizamikomareta nda
―Setsuna ni shitta kanjou wa dare no tame ni yogoseba ii?―Kowasa wo shitta kanjou wa utsukushisa wo yadoshite yuku―'Kamisama nante iranai' boku no tame ni kimi no tame ni
Fukai umi wo samayotta shinkaigyo no namida yo
'Sayonara nante iwanai' furikaetta kimi no egao
Kakenuketa seishun no hibi keshite maboroshi janai
Sukoshizutsu wasureteitta toshitemo
Sukoshizutsu kareteitta toshitemo
Mada hora netsu wo motteiru FURI shite
Mada kodou wo wasuretenai FURI shite
(If you want the English lyrics and name of the song please ask!)
I got out of the shower hoping no one had heard me. Grabbing my pain pills, I took two dry. I opened the door and walked to my room. I could hear the movie startingdownstairs and I shook my head at the antics of Lavi and Lenalee.
Walking downstairs, I decided that after a cup of hot chocolate I would go upstairs. "Where's Kanda?" Lavi and Lenalee asked me. "Uh how am I supposed to know?" I said, sitting down and taking a drink of my hot chocolate…. After I finished my hot chocolate, I saw that both Lavi and Lenalee had fallen asleep.
I smiled softly and went upstairs, softly opening the door and walking in. "Kanda?" I said softly. "Che, what do you want Moyashi?" He said from the bed where he was sitting and reading a book. "Did you read the first poem?" I walked over and sat down next to him, the bed sinking with my added weight. "Yes. I didn't know you felt this way." He said his voice softer than I had ever heard it.
"I'm sorry but you're the one who kept my notebook." He nodded. "I know. You've always been so secretive though I'm really the same." I smiled softly. "Yeah I don't really like my past." I felt his hand run across my face. Crap. I had forgotten to cover up my bruises.
"What happened?" He asked, a warning hidden in his voice. "I uh tripped and fell. Opps clumsy me." I turned my head away from him. He took my chin gently yet firmly and turned my head towards him. "Who. Did this." I gulped.
"Kanda its fine, He just sometimes…." "Is it your guardian?" I nodded silently. "I'll kill him." He said growling. "Why do you care?" I asked him. "Then he leaned forward and….
Ha ha cliffy! Hope you enjoyed it! What do you guys think? Is Allen referring to himself, other people or both? Does Kanda like Allen more than a friend? What happens next? Review!