The Missing Key

by Anytha84

He often imagined his heart like a door: open when he chose to leave it open otherwise closed with his feelings and emotions safe and unharmed behind it. When Jemma came along, the door was opened and closed regularly; then Jemma found the key and opened that door as she pleased. Companion story to Tis the Season to Be Jolly in Fitz's POV. Prompt #49: Lock. Head canon series.

4. 25 Years Old

-HEAD CANON SERIES-

So... This chapter is very heavily linked to the last chapter of Tis the Season to Be Jolly, the part of 25 years old. For those who haven't read it, here's a short explanation of that section:

(Keep in mind that I wrote it shortly after 'The Bridge' so it's completely off canon -though I did get something right...)

The Team is ordered to station at the HUB after they saved Coulson from Centipede and while they're there, they are sent off to missions on their own. They accept the order begrudgingly but they accept it because the whole Team wants to prove that they are Coulson's elite agents and that even apart, they know how to work. After all, it was just for two weeks...

The Prompt was #49. Lock.

Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN AGENTS OF SHIELD.

---

-25 years old- (same time as Tis the Season)

'Landing in 5.'

Fitz moved the DWARFs case closer to him, going through the list of devices that he had slipped into the case, along with the Night-Night gun, in his mind.

He was starting to feel nervousness lace his veins at the thought of going to the HUB.

Last time, he and Ward had been sent to Ossetia for a suicidal mission. This time, the whole Team was going to be stationed there or sent to do assignments on their own.

"We're almost there: we should go and strap up." He looked up as Jemma spoke. Her voice was bright as usual but her amber eyes were filled with nervousness; she was clutching her bag's strap hard, knuckles almost white

Leo realised that she was probably nervous as much as he was. Maybe even more.

She and Skye had been alone at the HUB, trying to get information about their mission and finding a way to come and save him and Ward. Jemma had confronted Agent Sitwell, Level 8 operative, and had used the Night-Night gun on him... as unbelievable as it could sound.

They had been apart during that mission and yet she had managed to help him.

The least he could do was help her calm down and do all that he could if she needed assistance during any assignment she was given while they were at the HUB.

Separated or not, he wouldn't leave her alone.

He put his case beneath his work bench, securing it for the landing and nodded at her. They silently walked out of the lab and sat on the seats of the cargo bay, strapping on the belts.

He watched her as she hooked the belt and latched onto the straps, nimble fingers curling around the rough material. She still had a nervous look.

"We could go to the Tech Corridor if we're not sent off immediately," he said suddenly, making her turn to him. "It might be nice to get some work done in a more spacious lab for once."

"I wouldn't mind using the Chem Kit," she admitted, smiling slightly. "Or running a molecular breakdown of that new neurotoxin I'm working on."

He grinned as he saw her eyes clear again and she looked at him softly. She must have imagined what he was attempting to do and he blushed slightly, looking away and unable to keep eye contact.

He had been fighting his feelings for years, carefully keeping them wrapped up in his heart because he didn't want to ruin their friendship and partnership. He had almost messed them up when he had kissed her after Uni and they had slowly returned to their easy relationship, only occasionally falling into some edginess or awkwardness.

But then the Chitauri incident occurred... and everything went to shambles again.

He was distracted from his train of thought as Skye and Ward appeared, both carrying backpacks (or laptop bag in Skye's case) and strapped to the seats. The specialist and the hacker didn't look any happier than they were an hour ago: Skye had vented all her frustration about Agent Hand and HQ while Ward had given her(them all actually) a solid speech about the reason the Team had to just shut up and obey HQ's rules.

The thought of the Team being dismantled, of him and Jemma being separated, made something freeze in his chest.

None of them talked as the Bus landed, the dull thud of the wheels hitting the ground making them bounce in their seats. They were barely out of their seats when the cargo ramp was lowered.

Leo looked at the light streaming inside the cargo bay and was inadvertently thrown back to another moment...

Sirens wailing, wind roaring, a blue sky and... Jemma standing at the edge of the ramp, looking at him with a tearful expression and an apologetic smile.

"Fitz?"

He turned around, forcibly pulling himself out of his thoughts and found Jemma staring at him, looking concerned.

"It's nothing," he replied to her silent question and walked into the lab to pick up his equipment. She followed him and picked her bag and he could feel her eyes on him and he looked at her. "Really, Jemma, it's alright." He smiled slightly, trying to reassure her.

He couldn't bring himself to show her his fears. The Chitauri episode had shattered him more than he made it seem.

She could have died. Jemma Simmons could have died right in front of him and disappeared from his life.

And he would have been left behind. Alone.

His confused feelings had returned back to him with full strength and he had been forced to admit that there was no mistake there.

It wasn't a crush that lasted for years.

His feelings for her were much deeper.

But he didn't allow himself to tell her. Not after the incident where he failed to stop her from jumping or rescued her as Ward did.

There were hundreds of what-ifs going through his mind. Nightmares had plagued his sleep for weeks as he imagined the worst scenarios: Jemma floating in front of him after the jump, Jemma dying from the electrostatic pulse before he could reach her after he dived with the parachute... Jemma dying in his arms after he reached her.

How could he confess or even try to tell her about his feelings if he didn't feel like he was... enough for her?

She had told him that he was the hero, not Ward. Him.

And yet he didn't feel like a hero.

He only indulged in one thing and had started calling her Jemma again

He decided that he could allow himself that little bit of comfort. If he got any closer to her, he'd just rattle his already fragile heart.

However, he did notice that she seemed to be more...aware of him. He could feel her gaze while they worked in the lab (and it required his full mind power to keep concentrated and not mess his devices) and she was also slightly more affectionate and closer to him.

It felt a bit like the time when they were at MIT...

But the awkwardness would spring up every now and then… He recalled how only a few hours ago her hand on his neck as she assessed the tightness in his muscles after his complaints of being sore, had made a shiver run down his spine and a blush spread on both their faces.

It was like taking one step forward and one backward at the same time.

Jemma looked at him and bit her lip, clearly wanting to say something but opting not to do so. She smiled wryly and waited for him by the lab's door.

They were all waiting in the bay when Coulson and May came down and once the ramp was lowered, they were greeted by the sight of the HUB.

-:-

Jemma was the first to leave.

Leo had barely the time to see the lines of agents coming in and out of the building when he heard Coulson call her: he had been speaking with a group of higher level agents as soon as they got down.

It seemed that she was going back to the Sahara immediately. The Team had gone there to verify and analyze a particular 0-8-4 that had turned a portion of the desert into a rich forest, stealing nutrients from nearby oases. The device had left some residues that had to be tested before SHIELD could consider using it and her knowledge in biochemistry was needed along with the fact that she had already seen the device.

Jemma masked her uneasiness and nodded to Coulson before turning to her teammates to bid them goodbye.

It was odd. They'd been used to go on assignments together, all of them, and to see one leave while the others stayed just felt wrong.

Jemma smiled as she looked at him.

"See you soon, yeah?" She said softly, picking up her bag.

"Yeah," he replied, ignoring the little twist in his chest as she smiled again and walked towards another plane with May. If May was there, he really didn't have to worry about Jemma's safety but it didn't completely soothe his nerves.

Skye and Ward approached Coulson while he stayed there and watched the other plane. At some point, he caught a glimpse of Jemma through a port hole and he automatically raised a hand to wave at her.

She waved back and he could see that she looked just as nervous and uncertain as he did.

When the plane took off, Leo watched it disappear from sight, feeling more than a little weary.

'She'll be fine,' he thought to himself. 'She'll be back soon.'

Immediately after Jemma and May's departure, Ward was sent off to France for some backup mission, leaving Fitz and Skye on the Bus while Coulson was inside the HUB.

"Maybe, they'll make us work together," Skye mused as they waited in the lab. Leo looked at her and noticed how nervous she looked despite her feigned confidence.

"Maybe," he agreed. "We both work on electronics. There might be some place where SHIELD needs an engineer and a hacker."

"Yeah," Skye grinned. "Fitz and Skye: computer whizzes at your service. "

Leo smiled and they spent a few hours together in the lab until a specialist came up the cargo ramp with Coulson and Skye was asked to accompany the man as a consultant for some security breach in Maine.

Skye grabbed her laptop and nodded, looking firm and confident but Leo had learned to see past that. It was her first official mission without the Team...

"You'll do fine," he whispered when she got closer to tell him goodbye. "Just be your..usual hacker self."

The brunette hugged him, surprising him quite a bit and nodded.

"Thanks Fitz," she said softly and took off, leaving Leo alone. He spent the rest of the day, tinkering in the lab, checking equipment and tools and going through some of his designs .

He didn't even remember the last time that he had been alone, truly alone. There had been a moment before entering the Academy, when he had argued with Jemma but the hollow feeling he had in his chest was something that reminded him of school back in Glasgow.

Before SHIELD. Before MIT.

Before Jemma.

His mind wandered off to his partner and concern flooded him. Was she alright? When would she be back? Would he see her soon?

Coulson couldn't tell him anything about Jemma's assignment: his Level 5 status didn't allow him to get that sort of information. He only knew that she was working on the 0-8-4 whose blueprints he had on his workbench and had to assess if it had any value for SHIELD.

Leo didn't get much sleep that night: he was constantly tossing and turning and gave up after a few hours. After a strong cup of tea, he was newly in the lab, trying to ease his mind off his many thoughts, most of which revolved around Jemma.

Coulson appeared around seven in the morning and if he was surprised that Fitz was in the lab, he didn't show it.

"Any assignment for me, Sir?" Leo asked, looking up from his design.

"Not yet," Coulson replied. "I had an update from May and Simmons last night." He held out his hands as Leo's eyes widened. "They're fine, Fitz. Simmons is pretty hard at work. Actually, according to May, she's doing all the work: the other agents can't keep up."

Leo smiled.

"Sounds like Simmons..." Jemma was a whole other level compared to the other scientists and he was immensely proud to be the only one that could work with her equally.

Coulson left and Leo was left alone again. He eyed his tablet and wondered if writing an email to Jemma would put either in trouble: no one had really said that they couldn't keep in contract.

He launched the Mail app and quickly typed a small message.

[15:40 - To jemma_simmons] – Hey, Jemma.. How are things going in the desert?

He was expecting to wait a while for a reply and was pleasantly surprised when he heard the ring of a received mail while reading an article, minutes later

[15:45 - To leo_fitz] – The 0-8-4 has been cleared. I'm on my way home.

Leo grinned. She was coming back...

[15:50 - To jemma_simmons] – Great.. :) I'll be waiting for you then.

[15:55 - T0o leo_fitz] – See you in a few hours.. :)

For the first time since he was in the HUB, Leo was glad that he was alone. He'd have a hard time hiding the dopey grin adorning his face right now...

When the plane landed, Leo was waiting there and felt a little twinge in his chest as soon as he got a glimpse of Jemma. As she approached him, smiling widely, he had to stop himself from pulling her into a hug and just smiled.

"Welcome back," he said.

"Thank you," She looked at him intently and Leo realised that she might have been feeling as weary about their separation as he did. As they walked back into the lab, chatting about her mission and 0-8-4, Leo felt better: everything fell into the right place again.

-:-

Leo failed to hide a smile as he unbuckled his seat belt and stood up, ready to leave the plane. A group of agents on board looked at him with a sour face.

Oh well, serves them right...

He had been called to join a team heading to New York a couple of hours after Jemma's return from the Sahara. The Operations' facility there had a damaged mainframe and issues with their communication. Leo found himself with a team of mostly senior Sci-Ops agents and a few from Operations: a grand total of seven people. He had been leafing through the documentation of the damage during the briefing and concluded that a few hours would be enough to repair everything. When he voiced this aloud, the four Sci-Ops agents had scoffed at him.

More than a little bit miffed by their attitude, Leo had bid Jemma goodbye, saying that he'd be back by night. Because he would.

As he predicted, the damaged mainframe was quickly repairable. He managed to have it fixed with the aid of a couple of Sci-Ops agents that worked in the facility and had restored their comm system.

All on his own.

He quickly realised that the senior Sci-Ops agents were inclined for a more theoretical rather than practical resolution. And they believed that while they sprouted ideas and theories, the other people (namely the younger agents) had to work for them.

But Leo didn't believe in any of that nonsense and believed in facts and quick answers.

Despite being the youngest agent there, the other non-scientists agents took his solid explanation to solve the problem as the definite resolution. A few hours later, they were all on the plane back to the HUB and Fitz had been on the giving end of many compliments.

That made the senior Sci-Ops agents stew in their anger and envy.

Jemma noticed this while she greeted him when he got back and failed to hide a smile.

"You didn't make many friends during that mission, did you?" She asked teasingly as they walked up the cargo ramp. Leo snorted.

"Not at all. They were just too obnoxious," he replied. "What's the point of discussing every single thing? The mainframe's logic board and silicate encasing were damaged: just fix it!"

He grinned when she laughed.

"So, anyone else back?" He asked as they went upstairs to the lounge room. It was all too still: without the noise of the engine and air conditioning system and the lack of the Team being there; it was eerily quiet.

Jemma looked at him after taking in the empty room.

"Skye's somewhere in the HUB, briefing for that data security breach in Maine," she said softly. "Ward got back and was sent off to-" She switched the kitchenette's lights on, looking thoughtful. "-Manila, I think, with May: something about a black market selling unknown power sources that function on Gamma radiations. Coulson was having multiple meetings with HQ."

"Oh," he remarked. "So it's just us here." That was something that hadn't occurred in a while: them being completely alone.

"Yes..." She looked at him with a soft look. "Are you hungry? I can see if I can get something quickly done for dinner."

He looked at her carefully, sensing that something was... off. She walked in front of him, stretching her arms over head and he noticed the slightly slower, almost sluggish movements of her body. Jemma was usually more agile and graceful...

He had a sense of déjà-vu: she used to be like this when exams were near and she wore herself off studying late at night. When she used to forsake sleep for more hours to revise.

Jemma was exhausted.

He quickly approached her turned figure and grabbed the hand that was reaching up to open a cupboard.

She turned around abruptly, amber eyes widening in surprise and face inches away from his. For once, he didn't notice their closeness as he was too preoccupied observing her.

"F-Fitz, what-?" She stuttered and he saw the flush spreading up her cheeks under the kitchenette's lights. Nevertheless, he noticed the dark rings beneath her eyes and the fatigue etched on her features. She looked as though she could collapse any minute.

"Did you even sleep since we got here?" He asked. Forty eight hours had passed between their arrival here at HUB and her mission. And they hadn't been resting enough before that with all the work they'd been doing on the Bus. He frowned when she shook her head, confirming his fears.

She smiled slightly, disentangling her hand from his. He hadn't even realised that he was still holding her.

"I'll sleep tonight," She reassured him, "It's just that.. I got here and then you left immediately afterwards and I just couldn't..." She looked away, avoiding his gaze.

Leo blinked. Twice.

She couldn't sleep because... he was away? He felt a little tingle of giddiness intermingling with the concern that he had been feeling towards her.

He had trouble sleeping while she was away as the thoughts for her well-being swirled in his mind. It seemed that she had been facing the same concerns...

He felt warmth seep onto his face.

"Well... I suppose we'll both be sleeping tonight then..." He admitted as he scratched the back of his neck with his hand. Jemma looked at him with wide eyes and he managed a little bashful smile.

His heart twisted in his chest when she smiled back, tentatively.

There was something simmering between them, the uneasiness slowly melting into something softer and warmer. It brought back memories of moments when they were younger.

Moments when being close to each other didn't make them step back but move forward...

He didn't want to rush it though. They had many unsaid things between them and doing something hurriedly now might not help them.

Leo cleared his throat after few moments of silence where they just looked at each other.

"So... I'd say no to cooking dinner," he said. "You make the tea and I'll make us some sandwiches."

Jemma broke eye contact and nodded, turning towards the pantry. He walked towards the fridge and opened it.

"Alright," she replied. "There's some aioli if you-"

He found the container as she spoke.

"Found it!" He announced and picked other ingredients for their quick dinner and he heard her put the kettle on.

They fell into a routine that they had perfected throughout the years of living together: without getting into each other's way, they started picking plates and mugs, spoons and knives and got their tasks done.

Leo felt a smile on his face as he cut the mozzarella and bread, lathering a slice with some pesto aioli. In this suddenly quiet Bus, he could hear Jemma rummaging in the cupboards behind him for the tea bags

It reminded him of countless mornings before classes or work, of years of meals prepared together at MIT, the Academy and Sci-Ops.

They did cook on the Bus too but it occurred more rarely and they were always with, at least, one of their teammates. Being on their own was a bit of a luxury...

"It's December tomorrow," He heard Jemma's stunned voice and turned around, arching a brow.

"Yes," he confirmed. "You just noticed that?"

"Yes!" She looked bewildered. "It doesn't even feel like winter."

"Oh, it does. It was freezing in New York." He usually did well with cold but going into chilly New York with a coat without a scarf or gloves had been too much even for him.

"Fitz, I have been twice in the Saharan desert where 15 °C degrees is deemed as cold." Leo snorted at her blunt tone. "And then I've been locked in the HUB."

He looked at her teasingly.

"You should be glad," he said with a grin. "You love winter but tend to freeze in the cold. This time you got the warmth." Never for the life of him he could understand how she loved winter when she was always so cold...

"It doesn't feel like winter. Hell, it will be Christmas in four weeks and I barely feel the spirit."

There was an edge of melancholy in her tone, almost sadness, that tugged at his heart. He fully turned towards her, leaning on the kitchenette's small table.

"Oh you will..." He reassured her. "Once we're back to normal.."

"And when would that be?"

"I don't know... Probably when we're flying around on the Bus again," He realised that his assertion depended on Victoria Hand's word if she allowed them to leave after the established two weeks there at the HUB. "Or.. well, we could ask for a few days off, you know? Go home for Christmas?"

His mind was suddenly full of memories of the past years when, despite work, they would arrange their flight tickets to go to Sheffield and then Glasgow or the other way around. He honestly doubted that they could go back to their families this year: the Bus was not Sci-Ops and they couldn't leave easily.

But if they were to stay in America? Boston was not far away...

"I doubt that Coulson -no, maybe he would- but SHIELD wouldn't allow us to go back to UK.." She dismissed his suggestion with a small wry smile, probably thinking that taking days off was something that they'd lost once they left Sci-Ops.

He looked at her, lost in his thoughts. Yes, UK was probably off-limits but-

"I meant our house" he said. "Our apartment in Boston."

He was thinking about the red bricked building they had found while house hunting during their last weeks at the Academy. Jemma had been the one to find the offer on a house renting website and had enthusiastically called him to see it.

It was an old building, restored recently but that still had that old fashioned shine about it. It had red bricks and dark doors and windows with a small common garden adorned by a little fountain and small benches, guarded by a thick iron gate. It was four stories high and there were no more than ten apartments in it. Leo had liked it because it was quiet and well connected: they were used to going everywhere with the subway or by bus.

Jemma had fallen in love with the apartment itself. It was on the fourth floor, it wasn't richly furnished so they could buy and personalize their home and there was a large balcony that went around the length of the building, adjoining the kitchen and the living room from outside.

There were two bedrooms, large windows that filled the rooms with light and smooth wood panelled floors. There was a small but functional kitchen and a spacious living room with two large plush armchairs where they used to read together before they found their couch in a market while exploring their neighbourhood.

And there was the balcony that gave onto the small park nearby.

They both liked the house because it was comfortable even before they had gotten used to it and before their things had been scattered around it making it feel more lived in.

Afterwards, it just felt like home.

They had kept the lease when they left Sci-Ops for the Bus: neither had wanted to pack and leave the apartment. UK was home because of their families but the apartment...?

Boston had been the place where they had grown up together during MIT and where they had come back to settle down after the Academy.

It was their home.

He looked at Jemma, wondering if she thought about the place as their little private world just like he did. She was staring at him, amber eyes wide and…

He couldn't explain the emotion going through them.

And that made him uneasy.

Had he overstepped some unsaid boundary line between them? He realised that she just mentioned Christmas and probably thought about her family while he talked about their apartment and that meant spending the festivity together. Alone.

It would be like their first Christmas together at MIT when they were starting to get to know each other. After all the mess they'd gone through recently (assignments, Jemma almost dying, his almost-suicidal mission and retrieving Coulson), they needed a bit of time off.

It would be nice to be just them, FitzSimmons, for a few days.

But perhaps she didn't want to... He felt a little seed of doubt in his chest.

Leo swallowed dryly, ready to take back his suggestion when Jemma took a step forward towards him. "That would be lovely," she said. "I mean... We could go there for the holidays. Just... us." She blushed slightly and shot him a soft look that made his doubts flee.

"Yeah..?" He asked, barely caring to be embarrassed for the hopeful tone in his voice.

"Yeah," She smiled and nodded. He grinned, turning back to finish preparing their sandwiches.

They fell into a comfortable silence and Leo's mind was brought back to other moments when they'd been side by side, finishing their tasks without needing to talk to each other.

He'd never had this kind of silent understanding with anyone but Jemma.

He felt her move past him to the sink, arm brushing his arm and looked up, feeling warm but not embarrassedly awkward. She shot him a small smile before taking the steaming mugs of tea and he picked the plates, their sandwiches ready and cut in half and headed to the lounge room.

Dinner was a quick business as it usually was since they'd joined the Team. There wasn't really space or time for regular cooked meals and the few times Jemma opted for something more savoury, they quickly ate in the kitchenette with some of their teammates.

Sitting on the couch, eating slowly and talking every now and then, made him think of late study nights or quick breaks before going back to work.

Jemma's parents often commented that they were awfully domestic and Leo never realised how much he revelled on that throughout the years.

He had turned on the screen in the common room at some point after they finished eating and a historical documentary was droning on some random channel he had found as they sat side by side.

At some point, after he had gone to put their plates in the kitchenette, he noticed Jemma's head lulling to a side as tiredness took over her. He reached for a blanket that was lying nearby: the Bus was getting colder...

Leo waited until her breathing turned regular and slowly moved her to a more comfortable position as he draped the blanket over her. His fingers barely touched her head when he shifted her so that she was sleeping against him, head on his shoulder: he was sure that she wouldn't mind getting some body heat from him while she was dozing off.

Jemma looked peaceful when she was sleeping, face calm without the little lines of worry that he'd often seen in the past weeks. He slowly shifted in his seat and turned the screen off, focusing all of his attention to the woman by his side while he ran a hand up and down her back soothingly. He took a deep breath and the scent of lavender that he had long come to associate with her filled his senses.

Leo smiled, feeling warm affection brimming in his chest as he looked at her.

His feelings for her might be confused (still) but he knew that beneath the partnership and friendship, there was a vein of something stronger, less platonic and clearly deeper.

If only he was brave enough to try...

Exhaustion was creeping on him too, making him doze off and wake up randomly. He woke up at some point, hours later, when he felt her move. He looked down after blinking a few times to clear his head and found a set of amber eyes staring at him with a soft, searching look that made his heart lodge in his throat.

It would be so easy to cup her face and kiss her. Tempting. But he couldn't do it. Not now.

They were headed somewhere... Their feelings were slowly unravelling before their eyes, affection and care exposed between them as they tried to understand how to deal with these emotions.

He had to be patient. He'd waited for years: they had waited for years.

What would a little more time do?

Leo smiled, moving his finger along her spine.

"Is this alright?" He asked softly.

"Yes.." She whispered, snuggling her face against the crook of his neck. He smiled at the sleepy note in her voice. "You should get some sleep too.."

"I will..." He promised and feeling slightly more daring than usual, he moved down to brush a kiss against her hair. "Goodnight."

Her hands encircled his arm as she snuggled closer and he felt her smile against his neck, lips upturning.

"Goodnight," Her warm voice was the last thing he heard before falling asleep.

-:-

The two weeks passed and the Bus didn't move from the HUB. It seemed that Victoria Hand had other plans in mind for the Team...

On the fourteenth day of their stay, FitzSimmons were in the lab, comparing notes and thoughts about their recent missions. Jemma had just come back from a small city in Ecuador where she was asked to analyse some odd biological samples. Leo had been in Mexico, after dealing with some tech trouble in a facility there and had landed at the HUB shortly before her departure.

They were surprisingly free now and had spent the morning together having breakfast and then working in the lab.

Somehow, they'd been lucky enough to never be apart for more than 24-36 hours. They had fallen into new routines of waiting for each other, having late meals together and promptly falling asleep on the couch before waking up in the middle of the night and sheepishly go into their bunks.

They rarely got to see their teammates together: Coulson was the only one fixed at the HUB while the others were regularly sent around the world for missions.

They were all a little weary about the HUB. Leo wondered if this wasn't all just a ruse to dismantle the Team and get them to work separately here...

Coulson wouldn't allow it though...

Leo looked up from his work and saw Jemma sorting out some notes at her workbench. He smiled slightly when she tucked a wayward curl of hair behind her ear and scribbled something.

Leo would never allow anyone to separate them.

But he didn't think that he had the decision making power...

When Coulson walked into the lab hours later, Leo knew that something was off. The firm set of his Superior Officer's jaw and the solemn look in his eyes made him understand that he wasn't here to tell them that the Team was cleared to leave.

May, who was just behind Coulson, looked just as grim.

Leo glanced at Jemma and saw a flash of concern in her eyes as she stood up. He knew that the same emotion was mirrored on his face.

Coulson stared at them, looking almost apologetic.

Leo hadn't said this to Jemma but he had asked Coulson about the possibility of leaving for Boston for Christmas.

Well, perhaps asked was not the correct term: 'stuttered madly, failing to be vague until the older agent got the meaning of it' was more like it.

Coulson had shot him an amused smile when he had squeaked out that the request of leave for a few days was for him and Simmons. The man replied that he'd do his best to give the whole Team a few days off at least during the holidays.

Maybe, he had come over to say that it wasn't possible. Perhaps the Team was stranded here at the HUB until the new year and couldn't leave...

Leo didn't want to see the look of disappointment cross Jemma's face again. They had called their families a few days ago to tell them that they wouldn't be coming home this year and... well...

The conversation had left them both more than a little melancholic.

"Fitz," Coulson said in a brisk, business like tone. "You're off for a mission in Russia with a team of Sci-Ops agents and specialists in half an hour. May will accompany you. SHIELD has detected security breaches in a old post-war facility that has been used to monitor the separatists there. You're going as the technician to fix or rebuild a stable mainframe and radio system. Anyway, you'll know the rest about the mission while in flight."

Leo nodded quickly.

"Yes Sir," he replied. "I'm ready. I just have to-"

"You should pack, Fitz," Coulson's words made him start in surprise. Pack? He hadn't been away for more than two days at most: why the hell should he pack?

Unless...

"How long is this mission?" Simmons asked quietly from his side. Leo glanced at her and saw the lingering concern in her eyes as she voiced his own question.

"At the moment, it's undefined," Coulson stated.

Undefined?

The word sank in heavily into Leo's chest. But the worst was yet to come...

"The mission is in a fragile area. Agent Hand doesn't want any of our agents to be in danger. So..." Coulson looked at him and Jemma and Leo felt a little tingle of dread. "The mission requires radio-silence. No communication of any sort towards anyone. The HUB will find alternative ways to reach you."

Leo felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach. He didn't dare to turn to Jemma but the little intake of breath that he heard made something twist in his chest.

They had kept in contact during missions with emails and, when they were working in other labs, Skype. It gave them that little bit of comfort to be able to talk to each other despite being apart.

And being in a foreign lab without their partner was just...odd.

Not seeing Jemma everyday was hard enough... but not hearing her? At all?

For an undefined quantity of time?

Leo felt his heart twist painfully.

Coulson and May stared at them without saying a word but there was a hint of something close to comprehension in their eyes.

Leo wondered what the senior agents thought about them...

Two young agents, still green for fieldwork but already with a handful of dangerous missions in their pockets; two scientists who talked and understood each other while the rest of the Team didn't. Two individual agents who have long been defined as one. A male and female agent who were partners and had always stated that there was nothing more between them.

If he said something, if he protested or even complained, would that be a way of admitting something to SHIELD?

He and Jemma were getting closer again...

Would that have them go through a trial for breaching Section 17 even though nothing had truly happened?

He didn't want to risk it. So Leo swallowed his emotions (yet again) and nodded at Coulson.

"I'll be ready in twenty," he said and left the lab.

-:-

He was about to leave his bunk, backpack almost ready when he heard his door open with a slight hissing sound. Leo didn't have to turn around to know who it was: the waft of lavender that reached him gave away that Jemma was there. He turned around and she got inside, closing the door behind her.

"Take this," she said softly, handing him a small package. He arched a brow. "It's a basic med-kit. It might be useful... Just in case..."

Jemma held his gaze for a few seconds before looking away, training her eyes on everything but him.

Leo looked at her for a moment and turned to put the little box away.

"Thank you," he whispered and silence fell between them.

It felt like Ossetia all over again.

There were things that he wanted to say, words that had been on the tip of his tongue for a while... Last time, she had jumped off the plane and he was leaving for a dangerous mission. This time he was leaving without knowing when (if...but he didn't linger on that thought...) he'd be back.

And she'd be here...and he wouldn't know if she'd left to some dangerous place.

"Don't do anything-"

"-rash while you're gone?"

He turned around. Jemma was looking at him, eyes concerned but with a small, uncertain smile on her face. Leo smiled slightly.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "No jumping off planes or shooting superior officers in the chest." He kept his tone light and teasing and grinned when Jemma let out a small puff of laughter and approached him.

"And you don't befriend Russian mobsters and earn cute nicknames," she teased. He scoffed. Bloody Ward had to tell her about Martha, Vladimir and him being called 'Misha'

Jemma's smile turned softer as she approached him a little bit more and reached for his wrist, eyes low as her fingers curled around it.

"Be careful, yeah?" She whispered. Leo felt his heart twist in his chest and nodded. Jemma then stared at him, a searching look crossing her face before she stepped even closer and wrapped her arm around his neck, hugging him close.

Leo froze for a second, overwhelmed by having her suddenly so close and then relaxed, putting his free arm around her shoulders.

It had been a while since they'd hugged each other. He held her, relishing in her presence and warmth.

"You too," he said softly. "Be safe, Jemma."

Her head was nestled against his shoulder and he felt her nod. He felt her fingers tighten around his wrist.

If he saw her upset or worried, he'd never be able to leave... As much as he wanted to stay with her, he had to obey and go on the mission.

"Once I'm back... We'll get a couple of days off and go home for Christmas," he said against her hair. "I've mentioned it to Coulson: he said it's all right for him."

"Really?" She moved her head to look at him and Leo felt his heartbeat pick up. She was so close he could make out the various shades of colour that made her amber eyes. He nodded slowly.

Jemma looked at him and he could see a flurry of emotions go through her eyes: surprise, confusion and then...something he couldn't define. He felt her fingers tighten the grip around his wrist.

He was about to ask her what was wrong when she smiled slightly, making the words die in his throat.

"I'll be waiting then," she said. Leo smiled.

"Fitz, the plane will leave in ten minutes!"

Coulson voice reached them from downstairs. Reluctantly, Leo moved away from Jemma, expecting her to do the same but she didn't move.

She was biting her lip and had that peculiar searching look on her face again. But before he could say or do anything, she stepped up and brushed a kiss to his jaw, making his heart thump erratically.

"Be safe, Fitz," she whispered, drawing back from him.

"I will, Jemma..." He said, staring at her. "I'll be back soon: I promise."

She smiled and he felt his resolve harden.

He'll keep that promise.

-:-

Leo pushed a cart filled with metallic components, logic boards and circuitry down a hallway and into the room that was destined as a makeshift dumpster.

Leo was on the verge of shouting and breaking everything that he could find.

Everything about this mission was hell.

And he hadn't seen Jemma in almost ten days.

The facility in Russia had been an old Cold War structure used for military and scientific purposes. It was located somewhere close to Ukraine and was quite large: two stories and a large underground basement where the electric panels and alternative energy sources were located.

He didn't know which military group had used it before but SHIELD had been using it for a few months until the security and communication systems had failed.

Despite the facility's size, the problem itself was quite easy to fix. They had to rebuild the mainframes and program the whole system again. But there were a few issues.

First of all, they were in the middle of an area that was volatile. May and the other specialists had been checking the borders and guarding the facility day and night. Whenever he caught a glimpse of her, Leo would see that his teammate was unscathed and in charge of the whole security patrol.

Not that it surprised him... She was the Cavalry.

Second, the material. The facility was quite isolated and they couldn't communicate with the HUB to get the material they needed for the repairs. All communications went through a private encrypted line that the head of the mission, Agent Michael Strauss, Level 7 Sci-Ops agent, had.

Agent Strauss was one the scientists that had gone with Leo to New York. He was the one that would rather waste time thinking about all the ways to solve a problem rather than practically solving it.

An American Sci-Ops agent that was in the team with him had mentioned that Strauss was an 'old school' SHIELD agent: good at his time but no longer relevant. He could be a hindrance in doing the work.

Leo had learned that immediately.

Three days at the facility and they yet had to rebuild the mainframe: Strauss was taking his time going through the material list and seeing if everything was truly necessary.

Leo had scoffed when he heard about this: he was the only engineer there and he had written the list; if there was a list of important agents for the resolution of the mission, after Strauss there was Fitz. And it seemed that Strauss wasn't going to give the younger agent any commanding power. Not that Leo ever asked for it…

He had other thoughts in his mind….

Three days there and Leo still walked into his makeshift lab and expected Jemma to appear at his side, pulling out her tablet to check on the data the DWARFs had taken. He missed talking to her, bouncing ideas between them in the lab and just...her.

He spent every moment wondering if she was alright...

Six days there and he felt as though his mind was going to break. He didn't have any other person to talk to there: the other Sci-Ops agent were cordial but kept the distance from the younger and more brilliant agent that was on the Superior Officer's bad books.

It had been years since he'd felt so lonely. Years since he'd felt so unaccepted, unappreciated and...alone.

He felt like a child again. He felt the hollow sadness that had swamped his heart before Jemma came along.

Leo was almost tempted to go and seek May to talk at this point.

So when a familiar voice called him while he was working on the new mainframe and he found himself looking at Erik Eisen, he swallowed back the old gnawing feelings that erupted in his stomach and managed to put a cordial smile on his face as they shook hands.

He was that desperate...

Eisen was there to work out the newly found problem of the energy sources: he had been sent there a few days ago with another team from the HUB. They talked briefly about their work and were soon interrupted by Agent Strauss himself. The senior agent had been surprised (and even slightly alarmed) to see that Fitz and Eisen knew each other. He asked to talk to Eisen about joining forces to get the facility working correctly since they were their team's Supervising Officers and both Level 7.

"Yes that might help speed up the rebuilding process," Eisen commented in his slightly German accented voice. Leo had to hide a grin at the hint of sarcasm in his voice: the man knew (as did all the other agents) that Strauss was slowing all the operations here. He then turned to Leo, rolling his eyes without the older man seeing them and grinned.

"I've got to go, Fitz," he said, apologizing for the inconvenience. "Just one last thing: is Jemma here too?"

Something twinged in Leo's chest as he heard the casual, friendly way that Eisen called his partner.

It brought back memories and old fears.

It also made him realise that Eisen had been closer to Jemma in ways that he had never been.

He was her ex-boyfriend. They had been... together. It was a part of their relationship that he'd never allowed himself to think about.

The little bit of cordiality and friendliness that he had felt just shrivelled and died.

"No," he said, voice evidently harder. "She is... should be at the HUB with the rest of the Team." He swallowed dryly when he realised that he truly didn't know where Jemma could be at the moment.

Eisen stared at him for a moment and then smiled slightly. Leo was surprised to see something close to understanding and amusement in his eyes.

"Oh yes, I heard about Agent Coulson's team working with Agent Hand," he remarked. Leo swallowed a retort about the team working for Agent Hand. "Quite a team you have there, by the way... besides you and Jemma and Coulson, I heard that Melinda May's there too."

"Yeah," Leo affirmed. "She's actually here: she was sent over with me."

Eisen looked impressed and Leo failed to feel more than a little proud. They were interrupted by a not so discreet cough coming from Agent Strauss. The German sighed.

"Give my regards to Jemma," Eisen said. "Good to see you again, Fitz."

"Bye, Eisen," Leo managed to say cordially.

He didn't see the German physicist after that. He was quite sure that Strauss was keeping him away or, at least, busy enough not to seek Leo out.

Meeting him again had made Leo's emotions even more jumbled. He kept thinking of Jemma constantly; sleep had been foregone to him ever since the mission had started between his concern for her and the distant sound of gunshots, so he thought about her night and day.

The days drifted on and their mission was, by all means, finished.

But they couldn't leave because Agent Strauss had decided that the mainframe had to be monitored. His words were that they had to be sure that the facility was working correctly before leaving.

The mainframe worked and the security system was solid: Fitz could guarantee for it but it wasn't enough. He was a mere Level 5 while Strauss was a Level 7: he was in charge.

And that was why Leo was in the 'dumpster' room. After his nth attempt to convince everyone (all the senior officers) that they could leave, Strauss basically told him to leave and do something useful like checking all the discarded and ruined material and see what was usable.

Leo huffed and stopped the cart next to a large table. On his right was a small furnace that led to a recycling machine in the basement: it was the only way to dispose of all the metallic material.

On his left was a large shelf where he could lay the good components.

It was a long and tedious work.

And utterly useless since the facility's structure had been rebuilt.

Strauss had sent Leo there just to have him away from him for a few hours.

Leo picked a logic board and put it on the table: it was old and rusty in some points. He could only smash it and throw it in the furnace.

He picked a hammer and slowly started breaking the board. It was a tedious work and Leo's mind quickly started to wander.

He hadn't seen or heard from Jemma in ten days.

He didn't know where she could be. He didn't know if she was safe.

He didn't know anything.

And tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

He wouldn't be able to keep his promise if he was stuck here.

Leo hit the board with more force, little bits of metal flying around the place but he didn't bother.

He felt useless. And helpless.

The days spent there just highlighted how much he was used to being part of FitzSimmons and not Fitz alone. Being alone was just...wrong now.

He had been acknowledged for his brilliance and he could get his work done without anyone else helping him but he didn't have anyone to share ideas with or that reigned in his ever simmering temper. No one to balance him. No one to understand his words and quirks.

No one like Jemma.

He had known from the start that she was different; from the moment that they had first met in London, when she smiled at him in that park before even knowing that he was going to go to MIT with her, he just knew that she could understand him.

And now that they were apart, he realised how much she had changed him, how she had made him better.

Leo was suddenly overwhelmed by memories of her, of them throughout the years. He seemed to remember every single smile and look, every single frown and eye roll, all the laughs and words.

Jemma had been by his side for ten years.

She had been with him and never left. She cared for him unlike anyone else he knew besides his family.

Unlike his childhood where he was resigned to solitude and late teens where he sought isolation from everyone including his mother and sister. Jemma had him yearning for her company.

Alone, he could work and live day after day. Without Jemma, he'd live missing an essential part of himself and feel as though something had been ripped away from him.

He'd be always turning to his side, expecting to see her and just find emptiness.

That was the reason that made his initial decision to not follow her to the Academy so painful. It was the main reason that had him argue with her but then accept to follow her into the field and join the Team.

There was no Fitz without Simmons: it had been something that he'd long known since they joined SHIELD.

And there was no Leo without Jemma: he'd known that since he was fifteen. His mind missed its partner and friend.

His heart longed for...its other half.

He loved her.

Leo gripped the edge of the table, knuckles turning white.

She could be in danger and he wouldn't know. And if she was, hopefully safe at the HUB, he wouldn't be able to be with her.

He had promised to be back soon, promised that they'd spend Christmas together as they'd always had in the last ten years.

Just imagining Jemma's disappointed face made him cringe with self-loathing.

He had to talk to her.

Without thinking, Leo reached for his phone inside his jeans' pocket, his fingertip hovering over the Mail app.

He had analysed, built and tested the facility's security system: he knew that no one could hack it (perhaps Skye...) or locate them.

It didn't matter what Strauss said or affirmed: Leo knew that his work was good.

He opened the terminal screen and quickly typed down a few lines of program that would allow him a few minutes of free, undetected privacy and overrode the facility's firewall.

Five minutes...

His finger flew over the miniature keyboard as he wrote a short email to Jemma.

[20:50 - To ] – I'm fine, just stuck here trying to understand if this mainframe is stable. I'm pretty sure it is but the others are not convinced. I can't leave until they are certain. I'm so sorry, Jemma.

If she answered soon, he'd know that she was fine. If she didn't... Leo swallowed dryly: he couldn't think of that...

He wanted to say so much more. There were so many things that he wanted her to know, so much that he should have said before. It just didn't seem right now that he was on the other side of the world...

He wanted to talk to her... See her.

Feeling a lump lodging in his throat, Leo typed the most honest admission of his emotions to Jemma.

[20:51 – To ] – I miss you.

He held the phone in his hand, swallowing thickly as the minutes passed. When a ringtone softly announced a new email, he immediately clicked the notification.

[20:55 - To ] - I miss you too.

That single line manage to shatter the little composure he was gripping on. He could imagine her face and voice as she said it.

And he was stuck here in bloody Russia. He put his phone away and looked at the half broken logic board on the table. He was stuck doing this bloody useless work... Anger, disappointment and sadness mingled altogether inside him

Leo didn't realise what he was doing...

He hit the table hard with his fists, breaking the board further and managing to scrape his hands on the metallic components.

He hadn't given in to his repressed feelings in years and it all came out now.

He started throwing the broken parts around the small room, relishing in the crashing sounds and hands hitting any solid surface: table, walls...

He choked out pained gasps but wouldn't allow himself to cry: he just wanted all of this out of him. Nevertheless, tears started streaming down his face.

Ignoring the little jolts of pain, he picked another board and threw it.

-:-

Had he been more careful, he would have noticed the shadow just outside the isolated room.

May watched the young engineer -the usually grumpy, often cocky but mild engineer- destroy a cart of old metal components with his bare hands while tears slid down his cheeks.

Her usually impassive face showed a hint of emotion and she walked away, gait full of resolve.

-:-

His rampage ended as quickly as it had started.

When his breathing eased and he felt his hands tingling with miniature cuts and scrapes, Leo sighed, drying his face with his sleeve, and started picking the metal scraps and tossed them on the table.

The room was a mess on its own and no one would notice the additional bits on the ground or dents on the walls.

With a heavy heart, he picked the hammer that had landed on the ground, ready to continue his work.

"Fitz."

Leo nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise and abruptly turned around.

"May!" He exclaimed looking at his teammate. "Bloody hell... I didn't hear you!"

"Get ready," the woman said. Leo blinked. He'd been here for...1-2 hours? What had happened?

"What?"

"Pack your things."

"But-wha-" His PhD mind was struggling. "Strauss finally decided that my work is good?"

"Agent Strauss is still monitoring," May's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Then why-?"

"You're leaving."

Leo blinked.

"Another mission?" He felt his heart sink. May stared at him.

"No, Fitz, I contacted the HUB-"

"Strauss allowed you?" May frowned and Leo swallowed dryly. Better not to interrupt her...

"Agent Strauss forgot that he's not the only Level 7 agent here," she said curtly. "I spoke with Coulson: you're going back."

Leo stared at her. His heartbeat picked up pace.

"I'm going back to the HUB?" He asked. Thousands of thoughts crossed his mind. "But the mission? And-why? And... what about you?"

If he didn't know better, he'd say that May's lips lifted at the corners.

"Coulson will get me out of here," she remarked. "A truck will get you to Moscow and from there, you'll take a plane to Boston."

Leo's eyes widened.

"Boston?" Did that mean-?

"Coulson gave you three days off-duty, as you asked, and he got you a ticket to Boston from Moscow," May explained. "Simmons will be waiting for you there."

Leo felt his chest swell: Jemma would be waiting for him at home...

"Yes," he replied slowly, finally realising that he was truly leaving the facility. "I-I'll get my bag."

"Ten minutes, Fitz," This time he was almost sure that May was smiling despite the deadpan voice.

"Yes!" He rushed out of the door, a smile making its way on his face for the first time in ten days.

-:-

The trip to Moscow was quite uneventful: he was picked up by a delivery truck -that was actually a SHIELD vehicle- and dropped at the airport.

His field gear had been taken by May -backpack, Night-Night gun and DWARFs case- and he had all of his things inside an anonymous duffel bag and he boarded the flight without problems.

When he landed at Boston, hours later, it was snowing. Hard. The taxi took forever to get to the apartment and when he got down, it was still snowing copiously. It was like he had never left Russia: how was that even possible?

Leo took out his keys as he trudged through the path from gate to the front door, taking in the colourful lights that adorned the windows and roofs and the decorations outside. When he looked up and saw that the lights of the apartment were on, he grinned.

Jemma was there...

As he walked up the front steps, he realised that he didn't have a Christmas present for her. Leo stopped and frowned slightly.

She wouldn't mind, he knew that...and he really didn't have time to stop anywhere to get her something.

His eyes swept over the snow covered garden in front of him and he noticed a few lumps in the middle; some children must have been playing with the snow.

He blinked.

Jemma had always built a snowman on Christmas Eve: it was an old family tradition that she had carried on throughout the years and had passed it to him as well.

He doubted that Jemma would have gone out on her own (without him) to carry on her tradition...and he doubted that they would leave the warmth of the house afterwards. Jemma might love winter but she was always cold and he didn't want her out in the blizzard.

So maybe...

Leo dropped his duffel bag by the door, tugged his scarf around his neck and went to one of the corners of the garden where he could find some clean, untouched snow.

A few minutes later, he was back by the front door, holding a miniature snowmen with tiny rocks and pebbles for mouth and eyes. The little guy didn't look that bad looking...

Shaking his head and dusting his clothes to get rid of the snow, Leo took his bag and walked inside the building. He took the stairs and felt his heartbeat rise as he got closer to the fourth floor.

He was going to see her. Now.

When he walked to the door, he put the snowman on the ground and got his keys. His eyes fell on the little brass plate near the ringer with the neat cursive writing: L Fitz - J Simmons. He smiled.

He opened the door and was enveloped by a cloud of warmth that brought relief to his chilled body and then by a delicious waft of food.

Jemma had been cooking and his stomach, that had been mostly silent in the last weeks, grumbled loudly as he dropped his bag on the floor and closed the door.

And then he saw her standing in the middle of the room, staring at him. His eyes swept over her: she looked tired but unharmed. She was fine.

Jemma was in front of him.

He moved forward and she was already halfway to him and before he knew it, her arms were around his neck. Leo didn't bother to restrain himself when he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her, lifting her up in the process.

"God, I missed you so much," he said, burying his face in her hair and taking in her scent.

"I missed you too," she whispered, breath warm against his neck where she had her face. Her hands cupped his face tenderly. "You are really here..."

Her amber eyes were clear and bright, honey coloured hair tumbling loosely down her shoulders in soft curls and her smile was warm. She was exhausted: he could clearly say that by the fatigue etched on her face but...

She was beautiful in every possible way and he smiled, taking in her appearance.

"I am," he said, putting her on the ground. His hands cupped her face, fingertips gently tracing lines on her cheeks. "And so are you, love."

The endearment escaped his lips without his consent and yet he didn't feel the usual rush of embarrassment or the need to take it back.

Leo realised that he was tired of restraining himself... For once, he wanted to be truly honest and affectionate with her. He owed himself that much after suffering apart...

Jemma looked at him with the searching look that had puzzled him for years and blushed, pink dusting her cheeks. He smiled, feeling the soft warmth beneath his fingertips before removing his hands.

"You are probably freezing," she remarked, taking in his appearance. "Is it really snowing so hard?"

Leo shrugged off his coat and hung it with his scarf. He raked his fingers through his hair, shaking off the last snowflakes.

"A bit..." He remarked, looking at her and remembering why he was caked in snow. "Er-but... about that... I just wanted to keep up with your tradition." He opened the front door and picked up the snowman.

"I know that you usually build it outside before dinner but I really didn't want you out with the blizzard and so I made this little guy here..." He smiled slightly as Jemma's eyes widened. He walked towards the glass door in the living room that gave into the balcony and slid it open for the second that allowed him to put the snowman outside. The little guy was now looking at him with a crooked pebble smile.

"He shouldn't melt too fast here," he told her, turning around. Jemma was staring at him, mouth slightly open and eyes a flurry of emotions that he couldn't define.

He suddenly felt doubtful: maybe she didn't like it? What if she'd actually wanted to make it with him?

"I-I mean..." He stuttered slightly, looking at his shoes and scratching the back of his neck. "We can make another one tomorrow. I just didn't want you to have-"

"Leo."

He looked up with wide eyes. She hadn't called him with his name since the Academy. Jemma smiled softly and his heart twisted.

"It's perfect," she remarked, approaching him. Before he realised it, she was in front of him. She stepped up and brushed her lips against his.

Leo's eyes widened as she kissed him: he hadn't been expecting it. It was a quick peck, feather-like and she didn't give him time to react as she stepped back.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Her words were a gentle whisper and Leo was too dazed to say anything. The kiss and the endearment had sent his heart and mind in overdrive.

Jemma's smile didn't diminish.

"You probably want to take a shower," she said softly. "Go ahead while I get dinner done.."

He nodded numbly and walked to get his bag, feet moving on autopilot rather than his own will. He was going to leave the room when he realised what had just happened.

Jemma had given him the sign that he'd been waiting for years. She had taken that little step forward that could shift the balance in their relationship.

What the hell was he doing?

Leo turned back abruptly and noticed Jemma's little jump of surprise.

He had to show her...

She had to know that they were on the same page as always and that he wanted this as much as she did.

He approached her and leaned down to peck her lips.

It was a brief contact and he stepped back immediately just like she had and smiled at her.

When she smiled back, brightly as always, he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

Finally...

-:-

They were huddled on the couch together, the television playing some old Christmas film and empty mugs of hot chocolate on the small table in front of them. They had talked about their missions and about everything that had occurred in those ten days that they were apart.

Jemma was curled into him: hands on his chest and head just below his chin. Leo's arm was wrapped around her waist and he basked in the feeling of having her close to him.

"I didn't get you a present." she said, looking up after a few moments.

"Neither did I," he replied. He couldn't say that the snowman was a present... He looked down at her, hazel eyes peering at him through long lashes and he felt his chest tingle with a warm feeling. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her nose. "Though I was pretty lucky this year: I got to be with you."

"That was Coulson's present," she whispered, wrinkling her nose a bit. "He got me you."

"Oh, really..?" He turned to her, feeling more light hearted than he had in months. "If I had known, I would dressed up with wrapping paper and put a bow on my head."

He was feeling so ridiculously giddy. Happy in a way that he thought was impossible just yesterday. All he wanted was to see her smile and laugh...

"Now that's something I'd like to see," Jemma laughed softly and he chuckled along.

The clock on the wall chimed, announcing that it was midnight.

Jemma moved away from him and looked up. Her face was all tenderness and warmth and Leo was sure that his face was mirroring her expression.

"Happy Christmas, Leo."

"Happy Christmas, Jemma."

They had been exchanging this greeting for ten years, sitting next to each in one of their families' houses or in their shared dorms or the apartment.

Leo was sure that this year he'd be alone when midnight came and that he'd be longing to hear the well known and loved voice by his side.

Judging by the look she was giving him, Jemma must have thought the same.

They looked at each other for a few moments and then moved as one, in sync now they knew what the other wanted to do.

It was what they had both wanted for years probably...

Leo felt a little rush when their mouths connected: the soft pressure of Jemma's lips and her warm breath were both familiar and new to him.

He felt her smile, the corners of her lips tugging up and he felt his heart flutter in his chest. He moved his hands around her, one resting on her hip, the other cupping her cheek and he tilted his head slightly to adjust the angle of their joint lips.

Jemma shifted forward, pressing her body to his and moved her hands up his neck, jaw and then up to his hair; her fingers raked through them, gripping slightly at his curls.

There was no stopping or doubt this time...

So when Leo tentatively ran his tongue against Jemma's lips, she brought him closer to her and allowed him to deepen the kiss, responding quite as cautiously. The little pleased sighs that escaped her throat made Leo retaliate with small sounds as his hands started moving up and down her body, tracing the soft curves.

They drew back after a while, breathless and tangled into each other but hopelessly grinning.

Leo leaned down until their foreheads touched.

"Christ," he breathed out, gaze fixed on her. "I've been wanting to do that-"

"-for ages?" Jemma finished his sentence, smiling teasingly and sliding her fingers just behind his ears.

He smiled, moving his hands up to cup her face and caressing her cheeks.

"Yeah..." He brushed his lips against hers again for a second, feeling his heart jump. "Years...-

He wanted to say more: there were words buried in his chest and that longed to come out. Words that have been hidden for a long time and that he had always shoved away, considering them not appropriate in their friendship. They were too intimate and deep for two friends...

Those words were suddenly stuck in his throat now. He blamed the sudden daze he was in with Jemma wrapped around him and the warmth of her lips still lingering on his mouth.

Jemma took the matter in her hands: like always, she just knew...

Her hands gripped around his neck and she brushed her nose against his in soft and tender motion that made his heart melt.

"We can talk tomorrow, yeah?" She whispered, looking at him with a gentle gaze. "There's no rush, Leo." She smiled and pecked his lips. "We've got two days for ourselves."

He smiled and nodded slowly before bringing her face closer again and allowing all the years' pent-up emotions to fuel the kisses he gave her.

Unsurprisingly, judging by her enthusiastic response, Jemma was thinking the same.

-:-

When Leo woke up, it took him a few moments to gather his thoughts and understand where he was. The events of the last few days caught up with him and he blinked.

The room was filled with grey light and it was quite cold. He shivered slightly and tried to tug his comforter up to cover himself when he realised that... he wasn't in his bed.

And the slow breathing next to him made him realise that he wasn't alone either.

Leo shifted slightly and turned his head and smiled at the sight of Jemma sleeping against him, head tucked in the crook of his neck, hair tickling his chin and arms and legs entangled with his.

The rush of affection that bloomed in his chest overcame the warm blush on his face at her proximity. She looked so peaceful when she slept...

Careful not to wake her up, Leo tried to move his arms and hands, wincing slightly at the sore feeling in his muscles for sleeping in such a cramped space.

He and Jemma might be slight enough to fill the couch together but it didn't mean that the position was thoroughly comfortable.

He sighed softly when he managed to disentangle his right arm and brought his hand up to gently stroke Jemma's hair, taking in the scent of lavender she always carried on her and looking at the features that he had long memorized.

They had shared rooms and closed spaces for years and there had been occasions when they had slept in the same bed or very close to each other.

Jemma had always been the early riser between the two -he tended to linger in bed until the very last minute he could get- so these moments with her fast asleep and him awake were rare.

He smiled softly and just spent a few moments staring at her, fingers skimming tenderly over her hair, then gliding down her shoulder and arm and then up again.

She was slight, small and delicate compared to him to the other people around them. That had always made him very protective of her: he had the lingering urge to defend and take care of her from anything and anyone.

That need often shifted into jealousy and he had to restrain himself, shunning away feelings that were not completely normal between best friends.

And now, as they were cuddled together, Leo honestly couldn't imagine loving anyone else.

Feeling overwhelmed by his emotions, he leaned down and brushed a soft, lingering kiss to Jemma's forehead and wrapped his arm around her waist.

She stirred slightly, small wrinkles appearing on her face as eyelids and mouth wavered a bit. One sleepy amber eye peered at him through lashes and loose tendrils of honey coloured hair and Leo smiled softly, moving a little against the couch's back.

"Good morning," he whispered.

Jemma's eyes popped open, almost startled and Leo's smile widened when he saw the blush creeping up her cheeks as she took in their proximity and position.

"Good morning," she mumbled softly and ducked her head against his chest. Her hands slowly came up to his shoulders, gripping softly. "I don't really remember how we fell asleep...or when." Her voice came out muffled and sleepy.

"Neither do I," Leo remarked, gently brushing her hair away from her face with his fingers. "Last thing I recall is us-" He faltered for a moment, blushing. His last memory was of them kissing very enthusiastically... Right...

"-being occupied," he finished, clearing his voice and ignoring the warmth coursing through him.

Jemma snorted and then looked up at him, eyebrow arched.

"That's a rather gentlemanly way to put it..." She stated, grinning at him, mirth dancing in her eyes.

He scoffed and she moved her hands up to his neck, tracing the outline of his jaw and Leo closed his eyes, savouring her touch.

They stayed in silence for a moment. Jemma shivered slightly and Leo wrapped his arms around her, lending her some of his body heat.

The quiet moment was abruptly interrupted by the loud grumble of his stomach. Leo blushed while Jemma giggled against his chest.

"Jemma..." He whined slightly, feeling the burning warmth on his face but she just laughed against him, hands curled softly around his neck. He felt his lips tug upwards at the happy sound that bubbled out of her: it had been a while since he'd heard her laugh so freely.

"Sorry, sorry..." She said after a few moments and looked up at him again, smiling. "I just forgot how demanding your stomach could be."

"You know that it has a mind of its own," he grumbled playfully. He craned his neck to look at the clock on the wall. "Besides, it's almost ten o'clock... I've usually eaten something by now..."

"Really?!" She twisted in his arms to look at the clock, eyes widening. "Oh... I don't even remember the last time we overslept this late. I should go and-"

She sat up and was almost halfway out of the couch when Leo grabbed her elbow.

"Woah..." He said, sitting up and stopping her. "Take it easy, Jemma: there's no rush. No one's expecting us anywhere. We're on leave, remember?"

She turned to look at him; with tousled hair, soft eyes and -he finally recognised it- his old blue jumper, she looked adorably pretty. His heart did a little twist in his chest.

Jemma smiled slightly, brushing a wayward strand of hair out of her face.

"I know that we're on leave," she said. "I just have to get used to it. I mean- I was on the Bus yesterday and you were-"

His hand slipped down to squeeze hers.

"We're both here now, Jemma," He brushed his thumb against her knuckles. "And we're both fine. And it's Christmas so you really should be worrying too much."

"I'm not worryi-" She started to say but stopped when he stood up. "Where are you going?"

"I'll make breakfast," he said, stretching slightly and allowing his sore muscles to get some relief. "You can sleep some more: you need it." She still looked tired like hell...

"I'll help you," Jemma stood up and straightened her jumper.

"Don't worry... I'll do it. You made dinner last night and, I'm pretty sure you also had to clean the whole house, yeah?" He didn't wait for a reply because he knew that she did everything on her own.

She looked like she was going to protest and he approached her, putting both hands on her shoulders.

"Jemma, you did everything before I got here," Leo said softly. "Let me do something, yeah?" He smiled bashfully, moving one hand to caress her face. "You know that I can't cook anything but breakfast so, let me do it."

She looked at him with a searching look and smiled softly. He grinned.

"If you've bought the ingredients, I can make pancakes," he suggested, moving away from her and turning around to walk into the kitchen. However, he was tugged back by a smaller and softer hand wrapped around his wrist.

Jemma stepped up, cupping his cheek with her free hand and brushed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. Leo blushed again and stared at her while she smiled.

"I was sort of hoping you'd make your blueberry pancakes," she said softly. "I'll just get ready and dressed and come to make tea."

Leo nodded, dumbly and Jemma walked to her room.

He realised that he could get very used to this... The touches, the kisses... Jemma.

Blinking, Leo turned around to the kitchen, trying to refocus.

'Breakfast,' he thought. 'Right...'

-:-

The snow kept falling heavily, covering their balcony with a thick white quilt. At some point, Jemma dared to go out and saved the little snowman he made, perching him on an empty plant pot. Leo watched with amusement as she pulled out her phone to take a picture of it before darting back into the living room.

At his raised brow, she shrugged and pressed herself against him on the couch.

"I just wanted to have a picture to remember it," she whispered against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him. The fond tone of her voice made him ignore the chill of her hands and just smile.

They spent the rest of the day at home, cuddled together on the couch, watching films, eating and drifting asleep together.

It seemed that their bodies were slowly trying to get back everything that they had been deprived of lately: sleep, food...and the comfort of being close to each other.

The little hugs and kisses that they exchanged in between were a very appreciated bonus.

Later in the afternoon, Jemma suggested to call their families and give their holiday greetings. It was odd enough that they weren't home with them and not hearing their voices at all would have felt even worse.

She called her parents first, happy to hear them though her eyes showed the hint of sadness for not seeing them at Christmas. Leo wrapped his hand around hers and she looked at him with a small smile, squeezing his fingers in response.

They were both pleasantly surprised when they learned that their families celebrated Christmas together despite their absence: Elaine and Jeremy Simmons were currently in Glasgow.

Alison's words summarized everything pretty nicely when Jemma turned the speaker of her phone so that they could both talk to everyone.

"We've been celebrating Christmas together for the last ten years. Honestly, we're like one big family now. No need to stop just because you two kids are working and doing God-knows-what in America."

Leo had to admit that his sister did have a point...

They talked on the phone for a while and it was nice to hear all the familiar voices again.

"Uncle Leo, Auntie Jemma," Alison's twins voices echoed in the living room and Leo smiled. "When are you coming to see us?"

Leo's smile faded slightly as he realised that he couldn't give them an answer. With their current line of work, going home for a visit was quite impossible...

"Soon," he said hoping to sound convincing. "As soon as we can."

Jemma looked at him and squeezed his knee, knowing that this vague answer was the best one he could give now

"You seem tired, darling," his mum said softly. "Don't overwork yourself. And the same goes for you, Jemma, dear."

"We've just been busy lately, Mum," he replied, glad that they were not on Skype so that she could see how exhausted they looked.

"Yes, Leo and I have been working on many things-" Jemma added.

"-but the workload should diminish now," He glanced at his partner and shrugged as he said this little lie. He honestly didn't know how much work would await them. Or what would await them.

"Is this new job you've taken demanding?" Jemma's dad asked. They never mentioned SHIELD to their families: they were all thinking that they worked in some lab for a Government Agency in America.

And they knew about the Team as a new job that they've been given...

"Well, a bit..." Jemma said slowly, trying to find the right words and wringing her hands a bit.

"Jemma and I have a new lab for ourselves and we're the only scientists in this new...office," Leo replied, helping her out. She shot him a grateful smile.

"Wait, wait, wait..." Alison said loudly. "What's going on?"

"What?" Leo and Jemma shared a glance.

"When did you start calling each other with your names again? I thought you had all those bloody strict rules."

Leo's eyes widened. Trust his sister to notice that. He turned to look at Jemma and saw her wide-eyed expression and blush on her face.

They hadn't really talked yet. About them.

They were...more now but they didn't really define how much more. And it was really too early to mention the shift in their relationship to their families: they'd never hear the end of it...

Jemma looked at the phone, biting her lip, and he knew that she was struggling to find an answer. However, he also knew that Jemma Simmons was brilliant in thousands of things but not in lying or improvising.

"It's the new office," Leo blurted out. "They have a more easy work policy: less strict rules" He wasn't blatantly lying: Coulson wouldn't care if he and Jemma called each other with their first names. Skye, on the other hand, would tease them forever...

"Hmm... Really?" Alison's tone was doubtful but she thankfully didn't ask anything else.

Leo let out a sigh and Jemma reached for his hand, twining their fingers together. He glanced at her and saw that searching look on her face again.

He smiled tentatively and she smiled back.

They ended the call, promising to to call soon and then stayed in silence for a bit. Leo looked of the window and saw that it had stopped snowing.

He glanced at Jemma again and saw how her eyes were fixed on a spot outside. He realised that she was lost in thought, probably thinking about innumerable things like he did.

He didn't doubt his feelings nor hers but he did wonder about the consequences. It wasn't just them: they had to consider the Team and SHIELD. And Section 17.

"Leo?" He turned and saw Jemma staring at him with a smile.

"Yeah?"

"Fancy a walk?" She tilted her head towards the window. "It stopped snowing and we could use some fresh air."

"Icy air, you mean," he commented, standing up. He smiled at her and held out his hand. "Come on.."

She took his hand and stood up, smiling.

Shortly after, they were strolling in the park near their apartment. It was empty and the only sounds they heard were their crunched footsteps in the snow.

Jemma was walking by his side, bundled in her coat, scarf and gloves and with one arm latched around his own. For the life of him, Leo couldn't understand how she loved winter when she was utterly freezing.

He drew her closer to him, entwining her gloved hand into his and pressing her side against his side. She could clearly use all the heat he could provide.

She noticed his actions and nuzzled against his shoulder.

"You're a human furnace," she whispered. "It's almost unfair how warm you can be."

"I'd say it's almost unnatural how cold you can be," he teased. "We're from the UK: you should be used to the cold."

"I'm used to the rain and a bit of snow," she scoffed, tugging him down a path that led to a little secluded bench. "And Sheffield is not Glasgow." She looked at him. "You know how different winters are there: you've seen them."

"Yeah..." He remarked, scraping the snow of the bench with his gloved hand so that they could sit down. He then took off the damp gloves and shoved them in one of his pockets, rubbing his hands together afterwards.

"When is the Team coming to pick us up?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"Day after tomorrow," Jemma replied. "Agent Coulson said that the Bus will be at the Sci-Ops airbase early in the morning."

"Well, we've still got the rest of the day and tomorrow for ourselves."

"Yeah..." She reached for his hands, the material of her gloves warm and soft under his fingers and gently rubbed his fingers.

She looked thoughtful despite the small smile on her face. He stilled her hands, squeezing her fingers.

"Jemma?" She looked at him, amber eyes clear and soft and he felt something twist in his chest.

She leaned towards him until her forehead touched his jaw, hands entwined between them and breathed softly.

"I honestly thought that we wouldn't be here together," she confessed. "I didn't know if you were alright and I was so worried about you, Leo..." Her hands' grip tightened around his. "When I read your email... I just broke down."

Leo swallowed dryly.

"I lost it too," he whispered in her hair. "Not knowing where you were or if you were fine was driving me mad." He recalled his meltdown and brushed a kiss to her temple. "When May told me that I could leave and that you'd be here, I couldn't believe it."

"Me neither..." She looked up at him. "I think Coulson probably knows that we're more than a bit... off if we're not together."

Leo thought of May, finding him after he had thrashed the room and nodded.

"We're in shambles apart and I think we're quite obvious about it," he said, earning a small giggle from her. He smiled and moved a hand up to brush the hair out of her face.

"We're not going to hide any more, are we?" He asked softly,caressing her cheek with his fingertips. "From each other?"

Jemma blushed pink but shook her head, moving her hands around his neck.

"No, Leo..." She whispered. "I...I don't want to lie to myself any more."

"Me neither." He moved forward to brush his lips against her face. "I just want to be with you..."

It came out soft and a bit tentative but Jemma heard him because she tightened the grip around his neck before looking at him with a beaming smile.

Leo felt his heart stutter in his chest as he blushed and all sorts of doubts filled his mind but he shoved them away.

He'd be honest.

He'd tell her everything: he'd reveal the feelings that he'd bottled up for years.

But Jemma knew him better than anyone else and knew what he was going to say...

She played with the hair on the back of his head, fingers caressing his throat.

"I want to be with you too..." She said, bringing him closer so that they were staring at each other.

"I love you."

The words came out easily -surprisingly- and reverberated in Leo's head for a moment. And then all the air whooshed out of him as he fully realised that he'd declared his love to Jemma Simmons.

And she had done the same at the same time. A wide smile appeared on his face.

Jemma beamed at him and he could still feel her smile when he moved down to kiss her.

When they parted, they stayed close, heads touching and smiles unwavering.

"Our mothers will start celebrating the moment they know," Jemma commented, laughing against his cheek. Leo grinned.

"Yeah...and Alison will have a field day," he added.

"Dad will tease us and Gran will pester me saying 'I told you!'"

"Alec will never stop teasing us..."

And yet their smiles didn't diminish. They sat there in silence for a while until a chilly gust of wind started to blow around and made them shiver.

Jemma huddled against Leo as they walked back to the apartment.

"I've been wanting to tell you for a long time," Leo confessed after a bit, taking her hand in his and shoving both in his pocket.

"When?" Jemma asked looking at him with a soft look. He felt his face warm up: when did he start seeing her as something more than a friend?

"The Academy... Maybe a little bit earlier: Ali's wedding probably.." He glanced at her. "I was too damn scared to tell you... I was terrified that-"

"-it would ruin us..." She finished. "I didn't say anything for the same reason."

Leo looked at her and smiled at the tender look on her face.

"Since when, Jemma?" He asked softly. She blushed slightly.

"Since Alison's wedding," she said. "But I also thought about you that way when... you know...we fought."

"When I kissed you..." That moment had definitely been a wake-up call for him. The mere thought of losing her made him throw all caution to the wind.

"When we kissed," she corrected him. "Actually, we snogged but-" She faltered blushing.

He nodded silently, thinking about that day and realising that his twenty year old self had been very keen in kissing Jemma.

He often wondered what would have happened to them if they hadn't stopped then; if their doubts hadn't halted their frantic kisses, would they have allowed lust, heat and hormones to take over? Would they have been together since then?

He looked at Jemma, pressed at his side and looking at him warmly and smiled.

They were together now: that was all that mattered.

And they had pressing matters to talk about too...

"What will we do with SHIELD?" He asked, turning to her. "And-"

"-Section 17?" She completed. Jemma bit her lip as she thought. "Honestly... Should we really tell them?"

Leo stopped on his tracks and stared at her.

Was Jemma Simmons really saying to lie to SHIELD?

She looked at him and rolled her eyes.

"Don't give me that look..." She said, tugging him forward so that they would keep walking. "You know that I'm horrible at lying... I'm just saying that- How many people assumed that we were together? At the Academy? Sci-ops? Even Skye. And we've always fended everything off. So... why should we go and tell SHIELD about...us now?"

Leo's eyes didn't leave Jemma while she talked. As he opened the gate and then the front door, he mulled over her words.

She did have a point...

He realised that he had been quiet for a while and looked up to find Jemma staring at him with a worried face. She had already taken off her winter garments while he was still with his coat and scarf. Quickly shedding off the extra clothing, Leo approached her.

"Sorry, I was thinking," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "You're right: we know where we stand for each other and...we don't have to tell anyone else."

"So, you agree to keep everything secret?" She peered at him through her lashes. "I mean- We've never been particularly outspoken about anything-"

"-besides science, you mean?"

"Yeah... We'll just behave as usual and that's that. SHIELD won't put us through a Section 17 trial and we'll be in a relationship..."

Leo felt his heart swell in his chest and smiled at her. Jemma held his gaze for a moment before ducking to hide her face in his chest.

"D-Don't look at me like that, Leo," she stammered and he grinned seeing the red colouring her neck and tip of her ears.

"Why not?" He teased softly, cupping her face and urging her look at him. His grin widened as he took in her blushing face.

"I'm not used to you looking at me like... that."

"You just admitted that we're in a relationship. Give a bloke a moment to get used to that, love."

Jemma looked at him with tender eyes and he felt a wave of warmth on his face too.

"So...I'll get that look every time we're alone?"

She smiled and he nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Along with the smile and endearment?" Her eyes were glowing.

"If you want it," he admitted. "That sort of slipped out before I knew it."

His blush darkened when she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him down for a quick kiss. He swallowed dryly at the warm look she shot him.

"Well then... I might be able to get used to that," she remarked and he pecked her lips. "I could really get used to it, sweetheart."

Leo smiled, leaning down to kiss her again.

He could easily get used to this too.

-:-

When they boarded the Bus, Leo was glad to see the whole Team.

Skye came and hugged them both tight, smiling broadly. Coulson greeted them with a smile. May and Ward gave them a nod that was almost like having them smile.

They were back to their life: no HUB or Victoria Hand to deal with.

Everything was back to normal.

And yet it wasn't.

He and Jemma didn't behave in any way that could be deemed suspicious or different from their usual selves. They walked into the lab to check their equipment and then went to their bunks to unpack.

They were the usual FitzSimmons for the Team...

No one had to know about the hugs and kisses they had shared in these days; or how they cuddled to sleep in the same bed or on the couch.

Honestly, it wasn't much of a secret.

It was just a natural turn of events: they were both meant to come to this point.

And be together.

---

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