It was a lazy sort of Saturday, a rare day when neither Sarah nor Jareth were working. Unfortunately, neither was the heating system in the apartment building. This set up resulted in the two of them huddling together in Sarah's apartment, because she was the one here with the space heater and an ungodly amount of blankets. And Ludo. Who, depending on which one of our protagonists you asked, was either a blessing or a curse.

"Sarah. Sarah, the beast is harassing me. Make it stop."

The actress looked up from a folder titled "Theater Shit: Cinderella Edition" to see the dog sprawled across Jareth's lap. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but the dog was so gigantic that Jareth had a hard time reaching over him for the papers that he was looking at.

"He likes you," she said, and went back to reading.

Jareth cast her a desperate look, "But I'm grading."

"A trying task, I'm sure."

Ludo whuffed.

"Sarah."

"That's my name. Don't wear it out."

"Oh, come on. This is my main job we're talking about here!"

"You're putting stickers on crayon drawings of the solar system. That's hardly taxing."

"Trust me, I've considered assigning ten page papers on the subject of Nietzsche's views of Christianity, but I believe the parents would have protested."

"And the parents don't protest about your career on a pole?"

"What the parents know won't hurt them."

"And your coworkers?"

"They believe I've been spending passionate evenings with my girlfriend and that we're madly in love."

Sarah hummed to herself, "Valentine's Day must have been a convincing act."

"Oh, yes. They keep asking when you're going to propose."

"Me?"

"I showed up to school in bright pink nail polish one day. Of course they think you wear the pants in this relationship."

"Considering you're hogging most of my couch with that dress you have on, I'm not surprised."

"It's a nice dress and you're jealous. Besides, your dog is 'hogging' the rest of it, so you have no right to complain."

"That's Hoggle's dog."

"Potato, tomato, or however that saying goes."

Both of them shut up. Jareth went back to maneuvering around Ludo to stick apple stickers onto messy pictures and Sarah continued reading the tiny scrawl of stage directions. The clock ticked and the heater whirred, and it was quite a while before either of them saw any reason to break the silence.

"Jareth?"

"Precious?"

"Call me that again and I will punch you."

"Aye aye, sir."

"Damn straight. Anyways, I was wondering... What would happen if the school did find out that you're a... you know."

"A part time stripper and a drag queen?"

"Yeah."

"No need to be delicate. It's a fair question. There's two options. Either I'd get fired and beg to move in with you because teaching is what's paying my rent, or daddy dearest would smooth things over and I'd be let off with a warning."

Sarah perked up, "Daddy dearest?"

"Yes," said Jareth, carefully putting another sticker on a shitty drawing of the sun as a Jedi, "He's stupidly rich and currently lives here in the States with his sister, my aunt. They've a house just outside the city in the middle of nowhere. I don't live off of their money because being a stripper and a kindergarten teacher is bad enough, being a thirty-one year old living with his family is even worse."

"So you're the black sheep of the family?" Sarah smirked.

"I doubt I'll accomplish that as long as my mother's alive. I believe she's somewhere in Germany, although I can't be sure. She hasn't called for months."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I changed my phone number just for that. For good reason, too. She's overprotective, eccentric, and always has her head up her-"

And here the song "Boss Ass Bitch" started playing loudly out of Jareth's phone.

"Oh for fuck's sake, get Clifford off me, I have to get that!"

"Never," grinned Sarah, flipping a page.

After a bit of struggling, Jareth finally got Ludo off of him by throwing a pillow across the room and screaming "Fetch!" Unfortunately, by the time that he'd stumbled off of the couch, the phone stopped ringing. He muttered something under his breath and was about to settle back down when the tone started up again, even more vigorously than before. Grabbing his phone, he slid his thumb across the screen and jerked it up to his ear.

"What?" he growled.

Sarah glanced up just in time to see Jareth's expression shift from one of agitation to pure horror. She grinned and mouthed, "Ex?"

Jareth scowled at Sara, schooled his features into a morosely pleasant expression and said, "Hello, mother. Believe it or not, I was just talking about you. No. Really. Of course I talk about you, you're my favorite mother!"

Sarah had to bite her lip to keep from laughing

"I know, that's why the joke is funny," Jareth started pacing up and down the length of the room. Ludo whined and went over to sit at Sarah's feet. The woman absentmindedly started petting the animal, keeping all her attention on her neighbor.

"A family reunion? Oh, you're in the States! How unexpected!" he looked at Sarah and mouthed 'motherfucker.'

"No, that's your dad," the actress said out loud, delighted at the renewed panic on Jareth's face.

"What? That's nobody. I know it sounds like a woman, it's just the radio. No, it's not that nice Jenkins boy. You know I broke up with him a year ago, right? No, it's not a one night stand. No, I will not give her the phone. Mother... Mum... Yes, ma'am."

Looking pissed as all hell, he trudged over to Sarah and thrust the phone out to her, "My mother wants to speak to you. No matter what she says, only call her Tina and don't give her any blackmail material to use against me. Or you, for that matter."

Delicately, Sarah took the phone and put it to her ear like it was a loaded gun.

"Hello?"

"Hello, love," a woman's voice purred.

"Hello," Sarah said, slowly this time, and shot a glare at Jareth.

"Who are you and what to you want with my son?"

"Well, ma'am..." Sarah said, quickly scribbling out 'neighbor/gf?' out on the margin of her script. After a moment's thought, Jareth jabbed a finger at 'gf,' "I'm his girlfriend."

Silence. Then, "Give the phone back to my son."

Sarah held the phone out to Jareth, who recoiled from it before accepting his fate.

"Yes, mother?"

"JARETH DAVID LUCINDA KING, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ON A DATE?"

Jareth winced and moved the phone away from his ear, "I'm not. We're just sitting around, doing nothing much. Sarah. Her name's Sarah. What? Is she pregnant?!" he looked at Sarah, who shook her head, "Mother, we haven't even had sex yet!"

Pause.

"Just because we haven't had sex doesn't mean it's serious, we're taking it slow... No, I don't need to be reminded of that time. Or that time. Or that time. Or any other relationship ever! When's the wedding?!"

Jareth was starting to sound downright panicked.

"Mother! We just started dating! How long ago?"

Sarah raised up four fingers. Jareth desperately shook his head. Sarah nodded and jabbed her hand out again.

"Four months," he said unenthusiastically, "No, I'm not bringing her. She has... work! She has work! Give the phone t- No, mother. Mother. No. No! ...Fine."

The two exchanged the phone again.

"She wants you at the reunion," said Jareth, looking rather grim, "There's no way around it. Try to prolong the inevitable. Or don't. Remember. No blackmail material. Now go."

"Ma'am?" Sarah said politely.

"Hi! Sarah, isn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Oh, you're so formal, just call me mother!"

"I'm not sure I could, ma'am."

"I guess we'll have to take baby steps, then... Call me Tina."

"Hello, Tina."

"That's better. I'm sorry if I was rude before. You have to understand, a mother does all she can for her darling baby."

"With all due respect, he's thirty-one."

"And he'll always be my child. Anyways, I understand you've been dating for a while now?"

"Not really. Our four month anniversary is next week."

Jareth frantically shook his head.

"On Monday," Sarah said quickly, "Next week on Monday. It's such a shame that we're both working."

Jareth gave her an approving nod.

"Well, in Jareth's book, that's practically a life time. When's the baby due?"

"Baby?" Sarah laughed, "We're taking it slow. Both of us are really busy and your son's a little old fashioned. Holding doors open, pulling out ch-"

"Old fashioned? Ha! He's a stripper!"

"I know, that's how we met. He's good, too."

"Stripper?" Jareth whispered.

Sarah nodded. Jareth let out a breath, visibly relaxing and flopping down on a nearby chair.

"Damn, I was hoping that would send you running," Tina joked. Probably.

"I'm an actress. It takes more than that to drive me away."

"Then you'd brave a little family gathering for him?"

Sarah almost let out a laugh, "Damn, you're good."

Jareth tensed up again.

"I know. So are you really busy or is my son just a coward?"

"I'll have to check my schedule," she said, "When is it?"

"Next Saturday to Sunday."

"Two days?"

"Yes, and you'd get to stay at the mansion!"

"Mansion?"

"Oh, so you're not a gold digger?"

"No, I'm dating him for his charming personality."

Silence.

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not and I respect that."

"Thank you."

"So you're free?"

"Probably. Theater's closed for maintenance those says, so..."

"What, did someone say Macbeth on stage?"

"Yes."

"I did not expect an answer to that question. I might like you. Give the phone to Jareth."

Sarah slid the phone across the table to Jareth, "She said she might like me."

"I can't tell if that's good or bad," muttered Jareth, putting the phone to his ear, "Yes, mother? No. Maybe. Mother! Yes, we'll be there next weekend. No, I'm not going to let you rope me into proposing. Yes, I'm repeating everything so Sarah can hear me. Yes. I know. I love you, mum. Bye. Yes. I know. Please hang up now. Good bye. Yes. Bye."

Jareth sighed deeply and slammed the phone down on the table.

"My parents think we're dating now," he said glumly.

"But we only talked to your mom."

"Trust me when I say she speaks for both of them. My father's a lot nicer than she is, by the way. My aunt is a nightmare, though. I hope you're ready."

"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for your family."

"I'm so sorry. You're my only... friend... here. If they scare you away, I might just lose it."

"Girlfriend, Jareth," Sarah grinned, "I'm your girlfriend. And I'm doing this for free. Because we're dating."

"Not really-"

"No. Repeat after me. We're dating."

"We're dating."

"We're madly in love and we're dating."

"We're madly in love and we're dating."

"You love me passionately and I am the most important thing in the world to you."

"Yes."

"What?"

"I love you passionately and you mean the world to me," he said, putting a hand on her knee and looking her straight in the eyes.

Sarah clapped him on the back, feeling her heart do a somersault and her face redden a little bit, "That's the spirit!"

Author's Note:
Wow, I've been wanting to write about Jareth's family forever, but was saving it for the end of the fic. Fortunately (or unfortunately), plans changed and the end has run away to set up shop somewhere on the horizon. I've come to the scary realization that this fic can literally go on almost forever until I get bored of it and decide to end it. Damn.
On a different note, I'm becoming more and more fond of casually slipping Bowie references in here. Expect an entire chapter about a red mullet sometime soon.