Critical
Summary: Tobi doesn't know when to stop.
Disclaimer: I own my lamp and a tissue box. I sure as hell don't own Naruto.
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"...Because it felt like it, yeah?" A blonde groaned, his voice laced with an edge of finality, and, gods help the people sitting next to him, killing intent.
"Deidara-senpai! Deidara-senpai! The chicken crossed the road because it wanted to be an entrepreneur, see!? "
Said blonde was smashing his head against the table top, his bowl of shark fin soup (courtesy of Tobi) dangerously close to falling off the table top and crashing down into oblivion. Several Akatsuki members squirmed at the rising tension, edging away from the blonde's general direction, careful not to tease the suffering art enthusiast. He did have those freaking clay bombs after all.
It was an awkward and infuriating dinner, Itachi and Konan lined up on the right side of the table, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu on the other, Deidara and Tobi squashed in one end and the leader of Akatsuki sitting at the other end. To say the general atmosphere was foreboding was a ridiculous understatement.
Itachi, who was situated to the right of the blonde, blinked owlishly, not getting the joke; dimly noting that the shark-man looked different. He sent Kisame a spectacularly expectant look.
Said shark-man was sitting next to Tobi, he'd suffered greatly; being victim to several small explosions when Tobi would just teleport randomly to give out free hugs, the bombs missing their original target and, instead, hitting the shark-man.
In response, Kisame shrugged, the pitiable shark-man was still spooked about the soup to notice the scorch marks and the considerable damage to his hair. Oh, yes. He'd throw a hissy fit. And Kakuzu would be there to film it and use it as black mail.
The damn creep knew how to hit a low part, he knew it good.
"OKAY! Let's sing happy birthday for Hidan-kun!"
"Fuck off, swirly. It's not my birthday!"
"If it is Hidan's birthday," Deidara cut in, "why the hell are you sitting next to me?!"
"Hey, fuck you. He's your student, don't you dare hurl that retard at me, I've—"
"You pinhead, you wouldn't even last a day with this toddler, in fact, why don't you two go outside and play catch? Just to prove me wrong, Pretty please?"
"Deidara-sempai! Hidan-kun! Peace! Peace! We all know about your love-affairs but don't do it so frivolously in front of Tobi, because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi chimed in, also sending worried looks at Itachi and Kisame.
"That FU—"
"WHAT?"
"Aw, what the hell Hidan, that's just creepy," Kakuzu remarked, moving another seat away from Hidan, taking his shark fin soup with him, mind you. Tobi was an exceptional cook, and this soup wasn't costing him a cent.
A cough.
"Pardon?" asked an exasperated Leader.
"Tobi, what are you talking about?" inquired Konan, irritated.
"When Tobi asked a man across the street what sex was—"
"Too much information, yeah," Deidara interrupted, "Get to the point."
A snicker came from Hidan, "Wuss."
"Fuck you, yeah."
"MY HAIR!"
*click*
"I still don't get the joke," Itachi observed, his voice disturbingly even, "Does the chicken have an ulterior motive?"
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EDIT: 5/6/09
Forgot to mention that there wasn't a joke to get at all, Itachi's just being clueless.
I know the end was rushed, but I've got to get some sleep. :P
Unbeta-d
-Skedaddle-San