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When she entered the dining room, her uncle looked up from his newspaper, and her aunt wiped away some tears off her cheek.

"Good morning" Susan said, sitting down at the table, pouring herself some tea into a cup.

"Good morning, darling! Did you sleep well?" her aunt asked, obviously trying to put herself together.

"Quite well, thanks" was the short answer.

"What do you want to eat? Some toast?" the elder woman tried to keep up the conversation.

"No thanks, I am not hungry!" Susan informed.

"But you need to eat something, you look rather pale and exhausted!" her aunt worried.

"I feel good, thanks!" she assured.

Then her uncle handed her over an envelope, "You got a letter from professor Kirke's lawyer!" She took it, considered to read it later in private, but then opened the letter and after reading the lines, she looked rather surprised.

"What is it my dear?" her aunt asked.

"He handed all his property, his estate and his money, down to me!" she said unbelieving, she had never expected this, she had always thought Mrs. Macready or another relative was going to inherit it.

"That's very generous! I am sure you will look after it very well!" her uncle said pleased, "And if you want me to help you, you only have to ask!"

"At first maybe you could go to the lawyer with me. I have to sign some documents" asking herself what else she had to do to look after an estate.

"Oh Susan, that's wonderful! Professor Krike is very generous!" Mrs. Pevensie was very pleased. Susan was visiting her in hospital.

"Yes, Mum he was indeed! And Mrs. Macready has agreed to look after it until I know what I am going to do!" she explained to her mother, taking her hand softly, "And how are you?"

"It's getting better. I think I am able to leave hospital this weekend. But I can't go home, too many memories ..." her voice broke down and Susan gave her a short comforting hug, "We are going to stay with your aunt and your uncle, until we know what to do, if that's ok for you."

"Of course mum, as long as you want to!" Susan assured to her mother.

"So how are you, what are you doing the whole day?" Mrs. Pevensie changed the subject and Susan told her about her latest invitations and the time she had spent with Eric.

The next day Eric picked up Susan very early in the morning, he had invited her to spend two days with him at his father's stud in the south of England near the sea. Her uncle had agreed reluctantly. It was a beautiful warm day and their view over the landscape, while they were driving, was breath-taking.

When they arrived at midday, Susan was astonished by the beauty of the estate. On both sides of a long alley there were wide grazing lands with beautiful grazing horses, and at the end of it there was a gorgeous house out of grey and white stones with grand windows and a beautiful looking veranda. On the right side of the house were the stables, a big white house out of wood, where many horses were looking out of their boxes.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Eric laughed about her astonished face, then took her hand softly and led her into the house. He made a quick tour through the house with her, one room more magnificent than the other, introduced her to the personal, before showing her her chambers. It was beautifully arranged but the best thing about it was the view. It was breathtaking. When Susan looked outside the window, she looked over hills, with wide green grassland and she could even sea the dark blue sea.

"It's wonderful!" Susan didn't know what else to say, so she covered his lips with hers and gave him a passionate kiss. He responded and pulled her close.

After breaking away from each other, he asked her, "Do you want to go for a ride, maybe to the sea to go swimming?"

Her face lightened up in delight and she nodded, "That would be great!"

"I let you alone, so that you can get dressed and we meet in half an hour in the entrance hall.

An hour later she was sitting on a beautiful white mare, galloping next to Eric over the green countryside towards the beach. It had been a long time ago since her last ride and she enjoyed flying over the grass, with the wind in her hair. First Eric had been a bit worried, because he didn't know how well Susan was able to ride, but when he saw her on the horse, with a bride smile on her lips, she looked like she had done this before a million times.

When they reached the beach, the young couple dismounted and tied the horses to trees at the border of the woods. Eric slipped off his clothes, except for his swimming trunks. Susan's eyes locked Eric's bare chest and she blushed. Then, unassertive Susan took off her clothes as well, until she only wore her swimming suite.

Eric couldn't get his eyes away from her, she looked so amazing. Her hair had been tousled by the wind, her cheeks were red from embarrassment and the swimming suite showed much naked skin, which made him want to touch her. He wanted to pull her close, but she already headed towards the cold waves.

The water was cold, but as it was such a warm day, the cooling water in the nick of time.

Susan swam a while, then turned around and saw Eric approaching her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her closer. They treaded water together for a little while. Susan leaned into him and felt a thrill run through her as their bodies touched. She quickly broke away and swam to the coast.

Eric followed her, gave her a bath towel and they laid on the warm sand facing each other. Talking in low voices, they talked about the stud. Finally, their free hands came together, their long fingers interlacing. In the midst of things, they began to kiss. It started out gentle, chaste, then started to grow into something more. Eric rolled on top of her, their bodies pressed together. Susan pushed him away, moving him onto his back.

"What are we doing?" Susan asked her voice confused and breathy.

"Kissing," he answered, grinning mischievously.

"That's inappropriate!" her severe blue eyes looking straight into his brown eyes, which were filled with desire. She flushed and continued "I think we should ride home!"

With this she stood up and headed towards the horses.

"You look like an angel!" his brown eyes locked her face, then her body and her dress. She was gowned in a brilliant red that swept low across pale shoulders. Every curve was defined by the clinging fabric and corset, flaring out into full skirts. Her hair was mostly loose under a small silver diadem, falling to her waist, but for one thin section behind one ear.

Her lips were red like blood and her skin pale as ever. Susan smiled, her cheeks flushing.

They had had dinner in the garden, in the middle of hundreds of roses, the only light coming from two candles on the table. Slow music was playing in the background.

Now Eric stood up, walked over to her and held out his hand. "May I ask for this dance, my lady?"

Without a word she placed her hand on his and stood up.

Eric took her in his arms and they began to dance. His dark eyes locked on hers, he held her close, his hand splayed possessively against the small of her back. They moved gracefully together over the lawn. She leaned her head against his chest and sighed. "Thank you for the wonderful day!"

"It's not over yet!" Eric said, breaking away from her.

He dropped down on one knee. Susan's eyes widened. His eyes met hers and he smiled, his gaze filled with longing. "Susan, it's not only tonight that you look breath-taking, in my eyes you are always beautiful. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

Susan's heart stopped in her chest at his words. She didn't know what to answer. Sure, Eric was handsome, amiable, rich, a perfect gentleman and in fact the perfect husband, but did she really love him, did she really want to spend the rest of her life with him?

She looked down at him meeting his interrogative gaze. She hesitated and then despite her doubts she answered, "Yes, Eric. I will marry you!"

Rapture lit Eric's face and he rose to his feet, fluidly capturing Susan in his arms and lifting her off her feet. Then he lowered Susan back to the ground, took out a brilliant silver diamante ring and placed it on her finger. He leaned in and covered her mouth with his, giving her a passionate kiss.

This night Susan couldn't fell asleep for a long time and when she finally did she dreamed again of the handsome young man with wonderful dark hair, a muscular body and warm chocolate-brown eyes.

"I wish we had more time together." Caspian said in his wonderful Spanish accent, looking down at her astonishing blue eyes.

"It would never have worked anyway." Susan didn't know who she wanted to comfort with this lie, him or herself.

"Why not?" he asked disappointed.

"I am 1300 years older than you!" she pointed out.

With this she walked towards her siblings but suddenly she turned around, ran to his arms and kissed him passionately. Slowly the world melted away from around them.

It seemed like an eternity until they broke apart, breathing heavily. Chocolate-brown eyes met blue ones. But he didn't want to let her go and so he hugged her and held her tight.

When she finally stepped away from him, she had a smile on her face. This moment, she swore to herself, she would never forget.

But when Susan woke up late the next morning, she already had like she had done before forgotten the moment and the dream. Although she knew she had dreamed of her past, she didn't remember the situation, but she could feel a strange feeling in her stomach.

As it was already 11 o'clock she dressed herself quickly and went down to eat breakfast.

"How are you, darling? You look tired! Didn't you sleep well last night?" Eric worried.

They were on their last ride before they were going to return to London. Susan, who was again riding the beautiful white mare, turned to him and asked with a naughty voice, "So you think I am not looking good today?"

"No, you look always beautiful in my eyes, you know that! But you look pale! Do you regret your answer?" he asked unassertive.

"No, it's just … it's nothing! I feel fine!" she said, although her voice didn't sound that certain.

"Are you uncertain because I didn't ask you uncle for permission to marry you yet? You know I am going to ask him immediately when we arrive!" he tried to comfort her.

"That's no problem for me. I am going to marry you no matter what he says. In my opinion it's not his business!" she answered and spurred the mare, galloping away to put an end to the conversation.

During their way back to London Susan made up for the time she hadn't been able to sleep the night before. Once in a while Eric glanced contently at his beautiful wife-to-be. When they arrived in London, they separated, Eric wanted to ask her uncle for the permission and Susan went to her room to get changed. When she went back downstairs to the living room, Eric had already gone and her uncle was waiting for her.

"Hello my dear, did you have nice days in the countryside?" he asked.

"I had a great time!" Susan answered.

"I need to talk to you! Your friend Eric asked for my permission to marry you!" he told her and when Susan didn't comment on it he continued, "I guess that means he already asked you!"

"Yes, he did and I said yes, and I hope you did the same today!" she explained to him.

"I told him that I wanted to speak to you first!" he informed her, "Susan, do you really want to marry him? You are only 20 years old; you still have plenty of time to marry! I don't want you to jump the gun on such an important thing. I know you lost much of your family, but that doesn't mean you have to build up a new one immediately – you still have family, you have your mother, you aunt and me. We are not going to let you down or leave you!"

"So you doubt my feelings for him?" she asked coldly, her blue eyes as cold as ice.

"No, but please don't rush it! I think you are acting like that because you don't want to think about the latest events. You want to concentrate on other things! But Susan you need to close a matter before you start a new one. So I asked you and I want a true answer! Do you do this because of Peter, Edmund and Lucy? Do you do this because they aren't with you anymore?"

"I don't want to talk about them! And I don't need your permission to marry Eric! You aren't my father or my brother! You neither have the right to tell me what to do, nor the knowledge of what I feel!" she shouted in anger.

"As long as you live in my house, I have the responsibility for you and you do what I say, do we understand young lady. And I don't like how you are talking with me at the moment. I accepted your behaviour so far because I know it's a hard time for you but it's enough!" he appoint, his voice sounding authoritarian and assertive.

"I am not dependent on you or your house." Susan screamed, running out of the room.

She ran upstairs to her room, throw some clothes and her money into a baggage but then she hesitated. Where should she go? To Eric? No, she didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. The best thing was to go home, to Finchley at first. Then she would think of what to do next!

She had taken the underground and now she was standing in front of their house. Many memories came to her mind – Peter, Edmund, Lucy and herself playing in the garden, hurrying down the stairs to go to school.

She went up the stairs, opened the door with her key and walked in slowly. She took a deep breath and entered, the smell was so familiar to her. Susan didn't know why she had come here; she had known that the memories would hurt.

Shoes were lying higgledy-piggledy on the floor and she remembered herself always reminded the boys and Lucy to deposit them properly.

She crossed the kitchen and the dishtowel reminded her of Edmund complaining because he had to do the dishes. In the living room the chessboard, where Edmund used to defeat Peter, caught her eye.

When Susan went upstairs she thought of Lucy, who had always glided down the stair rail.

When she went upstairs she looked into every room, she didn't know what she had expected but they were all empty and all of them increased her pain a little bit more. In Peter's chambers she watched outside the window, facing the little garden where they used to play cricket.

As her gaze moved around the room, Susan suddenly caught sight of an envelope on the desk. She went over and took it, her fingers tracing the word written on it – Susan.

She sat down on Peter's bed and hesitated. Would reading this hurt her even more? But her curiosity won.

She opened it, recognized Peter's hand-writing and began to read the lines.

Dear Susan,

Currently Professor Krike, his friend Polly Plummer, Eustace, Lily, Edmund, Lucy and I are trying to get back to Narnia! King Tirian has asked for our help! I don't know what has happened when you read this letter! I don't know when and if we are going to return from Narnia! And I don't even know if you remember Narnia!

Susan, I know the memory is hurting, but you have to memorize the good things we have experienced there! Do not forget the time we have spent there together! Do not forget us!

Please Susan, remember the Queen you have once been, the Queen you can be once more if you want to!

But most important – have FAITH! Please Susan, have faith in yourself, in Narnia and in Aslan and we will meet in eternity again!

Once a queen in Narnia, always a queen in Narnia!

Love Peter

Tears were running down her cheeks and she felt weak. Her fingers couldn't hold the letter anymore, so it fell down to the floor. She laid down on the bed, her knees up to her stomach, sobbing and shaking and closed her eyes. She just wanted to sleep! She wanted this to be over!

That night Susan dreamed again of the memories with her brothers and her sister, but this time she did not only see snatches of different situations and conversations, but their whole journeys to Narnia:

"Lucy says that she has discovered a magical country in the wardrobe upstairs." were the first words she heard herself saying.

"If she isn't crazy and she doesn't lie, we should, thinking logically, assume that she is telling the truth! She is you sister, isn't she? And you are her family – so you should act like one!" Professor Kirke explained to Peter and her.

Then she saw them exploring this wonderful winter land, talking to Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, who told them about Aslan, the true king of Narnia and the prophesy. The prophesy that said that two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve are meant to defeat the white witch and to restore Narnia to freedom and peace. She saw their shocked faces when they were told that they were those heroes and when they realised that their brother has betrayed to the witch, who wanted to kill all of them.

Thereafter Peter, Lucy and she were speaking to Father Christmas, who told them that they had brought hope to Narnia and all Narnians. He gave a bow and some arrows to Susan, explaining, "Trust in that bow, Susan, and he will never miss his target!"

In addition he gave her a horn, with whom she was able to call for help no matter where she was. He reproved them that the things he had given them weren't toys but implements.

She dreamed of their first meeting with Aslan with all his glory, fairness and goodness.

She saw herself practicing archery, Lucy throwing her and Edmund and Peter battling with their swords.

And once more she had to watch Aslan die, one of the most dreadful memories. But then she saw him standing in front of them, explaining that sacrifice can even defeat death!

With his help they had been able to defeat the white witch and to ascend the thrones to rule over Narnia.

She heard Aslan when he appointed her Queen Susan, the Gentle, when he told them "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia!"

Although it had been quite difficult to have so much responsibility, they had enjoyed the time in Narnia and it had been more difficult to return to England. They had been so happy when they found themselves in Narnia a second time, even though so much had changed since their last stay.

Susan saw them fighting on the side of Prince Caspian and the Narnians to defeat the Telmarines to give back the throne to the rightful king and restore freedom to all Narnians.

She saw them loosing so many soldiers and friends at the Telmarine castle. Thereafter Lucy and she had ridden out to call Aslan for help and again Aslan has helped them to win over the evil.

And then Aslan told them that they wouldn't come back to Narnia and that they had learned everything they could in this world. Although it had been difficult they had accepted his decision, because they had faith in him.

When Susan woke up early the next morning, she had remembered almost everything. Almost! The only thing she didn't know, she couldn't explain to herself, was how and because of what she had forgotten all this for so long. How could she forget such an important part of her life? She had accepted the fact that Narnia wasn't her world to live anymore, so what else had been so painful to deny Narnia's existence?

But there was one thing that gave her hope. Maybe her siblings weren't dead; maybe they just gave up their lives here to go to Narnia. Maybe she would be able to see them again. She needed to figure out a way how!

She needed answers and she knew where to go to find them!

Well what do you think? .. I would really like to hear your thoughts!! :)

hope you like it!! :) A review would be great! :)